Fergie is understanding With Josh Duhamel
allegedly cheating on her last month, Fergie must be already filing divorce papers, right? Wrong. This is Hollywood. Strippers happen. From
Janet Charlton's Hollywood:
What IS Fergie thinking? Her husband Josh Duhamel has denied the National Enquirer story that he cheated on Fergie with a stripper in Atlanta. The stripper, who works at the appropriately named “Tattletales Lounge,” sold her one night stand tale to the tabloid and took a lie detector test. Here’s our take on the news: We think the story is absolutely true (we KNOW what lengths The Enquirer goes to in order to satisfy their lawyers to be able to print a story like this.) That said, we expected a denial from Josh, but don’t think Fergie will get terribly upset by the news anyway. She’s experienced in therock n roll lifestyle and she’s realistic. It’s just a bump in the road for their marriage.
There's a reason why Fergie is so understanding about her husband cheating on her -- she owns a mirror. Can you really blame Josh for wanting to hook up with some random skank? For once he wanted to have sex with a woman that pees sitting down . . . and
uses a toilet. Let's just hope these two can move on from this whole ordeal and get back to their normal lives -- where Fergie is a top and Josh is a bottom.
Nicole Forrester, the stripper Josh Duhamel allegedly banged It's about damn time Josh Duhamel cheated on Fergie. What the hell took him so long? FYI: I had "Sometime in December 2004" in my office pool. What a waste of 50 bucks that was. From
Radar:
According to The Enquirer, Duhamel, 36, met stripper Nicole Forrester in early October at an all-nude club in Atlanta called Tattletales Lounge [Ed Note. How appropriate], where she performs under the name “Delilah.” Duhamel denies the report emphatically.
Duhamel was in Georgia filming the romantic comedy Life As We Know It, when he and a pal stopped by the club, according to the Enquirer's front-page story. Forrester says Josh first identified himself as “JD”, and said he was in town to make a porn movie. “I told him, ‘You are gorgeous’ and he said, ‘’You’re hot, too.’”
Forrester says after drinking Grey Goose vodka together, Duhamel had Nicole perform a nude dance for him and a male friend. She says before he left, they exchanged phone numbers, and on October 9th, he called her and invited her to his $820-a night room at the St. Regis hotel.
Forester goes on to describe their encounter, which led to sex, she says. The Enquirer article says that Forester passed a rigorous polygraph and that she was paid for telling her story.
Can you really blame Josh for cheating on Fergie? Sometimes a guy wants to have sex with the lights on. Hopefully Josh has learned a valuable lesson from this whole experience:
that the bond between a husband and wife is sacred that he should always remember to pay strippers their hush money . . . and by "pay strippers their hush money," I mean "bury them in a shallow grave in the desert."
Wow, Josh really looks like he's in love Fergie and Josh Duhamel have finally settled into the normal routine of a married couple: fighting and more fighting. A source told the
National Enquirer:
"Publicly they're painting a picture of sheer bliss, but behind the scenes, cracks in their young marriage are beginning to show. [Josh] is a traditional guy, and he wants a family, however Fergie doesn't seem capable of slowing down long enough to really consider children. She's the toast of the music world with Black Eyed Peas and has an incredibly hectic schedule touring, recording and performing.
"[Fergie] is doing a ton of publicity and even designing her own line of shoes. There aren't enough hours in the day for everything she wants to do. Plus, she's a major partier."
A recent incident at Hollywood's trendy Cinespace brought the couple's issues into the forefront, a source told The ENQUIRER.
"Fergie looked so drunk that night that she was basically throwing up as her security team escorted her out through the kitchen," the source said. "She'd been pounding back vodka and tequila. Josh was nowhere to be seen that night. You'd never think she was a newly married woman! Josh is still madly in love with her, and she loves him. But Josh wants Fergie to grow up."
If Josh is waiting for Fergie to come around on the whole children issue, he better learn patience. Because if there's one thing I learned in High School Biology (and that one drunken night in college that I should probably speak to a therapist about), it's that you can't make a baby if both people
have a penis. If Josh really wants a kid, he should just do what everyone else in Hollywood does:
adopt from Africa get a surrogate date Britney Spears.
Fergie and the Black Eyes Peas performing at the TMF Awards in Rotterdam (7/4)
Really, why
wouldn't you buy someone a stripper pole as a wedding present? From the
New York Post:
Josh Duhamel and Fergie (of the Black Eyed Peas) got a stripper pole as one of their wedding gifts, but according to Duhamel, "I've played on the pole more than she has." The actor tells Women's Health, "If you know my wife, she's a perfectionist and won't get on it until she's good, so she wants to take a class first. So the pole is really just decorative at this point."
Has there ever been a more appropriate quote from a guy married to a tranny than, "I've played on the pole more than she has"? Of course the real reason Fergie doesn't use the stripper pole has nothing to do with lack of practice and everything to do with lack of bladder control (
see here). Considering her history, spinning on a pole would probably make her urinary tract explode faster than a Pinto in a fender bender.
Fergie and Josh Duhamel are married
You may have heard this already but Fergie and Josh Duhamel got married over the weekend in Malibu. The two have been dating since 2004 and engaged since 2007. My wedding gift to Fergie is my pledge that -- for one month -- I won't mention these pics from 2005 where she pissed her pants on stage . . . check out the pics below (the second one is probably the nastiest though number three made me puke in my mouth a little too) . . . beginning NOW.
Josh Duhamel is drunk
Their wedding just two days away, Fergie and her fiancé Josh Duhamel had a joint Bachelor-Bachelorette party last night at Dakota Bar in Santa Monica. They both got pretty shitfaced --
Fergie even had to be helped out of the bar. BTW, if you're a guy and you're nodding your head in approval at the idea of a joint Bachelor-Bachelorette party, go ahead and punch yourself in the nuts right now. Bachelor parties are supposed to be all about the fellas, copious amounts of alcohol, and debates over whether you can smuggle the dead stripper's body out of the hotel in the mini fridge. Turns out the answer is no. Ha! I told you Frank!
Anneliese Van Der Pol at the Central Park Zoo (11/2007)
aybe. Kind reader "Amy" emailed me:
hey heres a HUGE tip! fergie's fiancee josh duhamel is having a "thing" with anneliese van der pol shes not that famous she was the red head on thats so raven. anyways they met back last year when they were both in new york on live with regis and kelly. a friend of mine works there and he said they were very very friendly with each other and even exchanged numbers when they found out they lived close to each other in la, anneliese was heard saying that josh was "very cute" then it was said that anneliese was spotted on the set of of josh's new film "when in rome" when it was filming in santa clarita, ca
So it's official: if you're good at assumptions and reading between the lines, Josh Duhamel is definitely maybe cheating on Fergie with this Anneliese Van Der Pol chick. Or maybe he's not. You can take that rock-solid gossip to the bank folks!
NOTE: If Josh is banging Anneliese, I have a newfound respect for him. He's so straight, he doesn't care that most of the chicks he's banging are ugly -- he only cares that they have a functioning vagina. A true man's man if you will.
When asked by a reporter if she wants kids, Fergie replied, "Neigh"
Fergie's longtime boyfriend, Las Vegas star Josh Duhamel, revealed in a recent interview with OK! magazine that he wants kids with the pop star . . . which would be cool and all if Fergie was 1/10 as attractive as the media would have you believe. But she's not so, alas, we're left to make fun of the situation. Duhamel told OK!:
"I've got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me — so I got to get on the horse!" (Source)
Weird, I was gonna use that same line about the horse . . .
This story is wrong on so many levels. From the New York Post:
Josh Duhamel is one lucky dog (Editor's Note: WTF?!?). The hunk not only has the No. 1 movie in the nation, "Transformers," he's just installed a stripper pole at home so live-in girlfriend Fergie can entertain him with a little bump and grind. "Fergie is taking lessons, but she won't get on it until she knows what she's doing, 'cause she doesn't want to look stupid," Duhamel tells next month's Glamour. He adds there's "no way" he could have scored with the Black Eyed Peas stunner when he was younger: "She would have been too hot for me in high school. I would have been intimidated by her." (Source)
She "doesn't want to look stupid?" She should have thought of that before she pissed her pants on stage last year (pics below). And as far as being pretty good at "bumping and grinding" on a stripper pole, she should be an expert considering she probably polishes her own pole each night. Now, I'm not saying this chick is manly, it's just that her five o'clock shadow sometimes makes me jealous.
Fergie says she "stalked" current boyfriend Josh Duhamel after she read about him having "explicit dreams" about her in a magazine interview. Fergie admitted:
"I read in a magazine that he had a naughty dream about me." (Source)
I have naughty dreams about Fergie, too, but mine are more "that's against the law and I could do 15-20 years" kind of naughty. Fergie continues:
"All my friends told me: 'Take one for the team!'"
What the hell? Do this bitch even know what "Take one for the team" means? It's like she's just saying random things she heard someone say somewhere. She needs to just shut up and focus on sports and lifting weights or whatever the hell trannies do in their free time.
BTW, here's the definition of "take one for the team" from Urban Dictionary:
The act of taking the obese chick in a bunch of hot chicks, so the the other guys can get laid. Unfortunately, there are very few men who will take one for the team, and with good reason. If you find one, let me know. (Source)
Now get back to work
