Jonah Hill

Jonah Hill leaving Starbucks in Bel-Air (5/15)

Hey, remember when Jonah Hills was skinny? Yeah, I don't either. It's like trying to remember the Civil War.

"We knew we'd get you back, you little punk! Mwahahahaha!" - Calories to Jonah Hill, 2013

*15 Fat Jonah Hill pics total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill catching a cab in New York (9/22)

Hey remember when Jonah Hill lost a ton of weight but then got fat again? Jonah must not because he's still wearing his skinny pants. And just barely, I might add. That is just dangerous. There's so much pressure on his button, if that thing ever snapped off, it could kill a man. "Was that a gunshot?"

*15 Jonah Hill pics total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill out and about in New York (8/10)

This is one of the more random Hollywood fights that I can remember, but apparently Michelle Trachtenberg is fighting with Jonah Hill because he was a dick to her years ago. The two got into it last week at Charlotte Ronson's birthday party in New York. From the New York Daily News:

Around 1 a.m., Hill approached a gaggle of girls that included [Michelle Trachtenberg] on the roof-deck of the Bowery Hotel to say goodbye to one lady in particular. Trachtenberg "told him they had met at Saturday Night Live a while back, but [at the time] Jonah would only talk to Blake Lively. She accused him of being rude to her, and said she had told her mom about it," recalls the guest.

But the "21 Jump Street" star wasn't biting: The source says Hill looked directly at Trachtenberg and responded, "I don't know you." The 26-year-old brunette then "awkwardly ended the conversation" and headed toward the steps with a male companion.

"I don't know you, therefore the great Jonah Feldstein cannot be cordial in the slightest way." That's what fatboy is saying, right? Geez, what a douchebag. Not a smart move for a guy who sells himself as being an Average Joe who got lucky. Well, tubby, you did get lucky. You happened to be in the right place at the right time when Judd Apatow was looking to cast a morbidly obese weirdo in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and you've been able to underwhelm your way through movie after movie ever since. Remember the old saying, manboobs: "Be nice to the people you meet on the way up, because when the ladder breaks under the enormous stress your disgustingly fat body puts on it, everybody will laugh when you hit the ground and splatter like a bag of shit thrown from an airplane."

*10 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Nice socks with sandals, dork

Flynet says that's Jonah Hill arriving at a gym in West Hollywood on Monday morning "ready to work out," but I'm pretty sure they're just kidding. Clearly "gym" is some kind of acronym for a 24-hour restaurant that serves nothing but gravy, yams (fried), and macaroni & cheese. And it looks like he hadn't missed a "workout" in weeks.

*5 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Friday, May 18

Jonah Hill out and about in New York (pics start here)

Eva Herzigova on the set of a photoshoot at the Martinez Hotel in Cannes, France (pics start here)

Chloe Moretz out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Vanessa Hudgens and her boyfriend Austin Butler leaving a pilates class in Studio City (pics start here)

Kelly Carlson out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Julianna Margulies at the 2012 El Museo Del Barrio Gala at Cipriani in New York (pics start here)

Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox running errands in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Laird Hamilton and his daughter out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Kathy Hilton shopping in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Irina Shayk at the launch party for Xti shoes Winter Collection at the Hospes Hotel in Madrid (pics start here)

Eva Mendes leaving Starbucks in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Ashlee Simpson shopping in L.A. (pics start here)

Kim Kardashian leaving her hotel in London (pics start here)

Hayley Atwell at a photocall for Ten Things I Hate About Life during the Cannes Film Festival (pics start here)

*124 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill and George Clooney arriving back at their hotel in London (2/12)

I'm not gonna say I saw this coming (I totally did), but after losing a shitload of weight last year, Jonah Hill appears to be packing it all back on. Weird. You'd think having to fight off so much hot pussy day after day after day would be a workout in itself. I'm kidding of course. Jonah Hill might be the only actor in history nominated for an Oscar who's also a virgin. And not by choice.

*10 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill leaving Scott's restaurant in London (8/14)

No matter how fat Jonah Hill got (and he was HUGE), his girlfriend Jordan Klein stood by his side. So, thanks for that. Here's a parting gift. From Life & Style:

Jonah Hill recently shed 40 pounds, and now he's lost...his girlfriend. Life & Style can exclusively reveal that the 27-year-old funnyman has ended his long-term relationship with Jordan Klein.

"They decided to break up, although everyone thought these two would be heading toward marriage," an insider reveals to Life & Style.

The pair, who met while attending high school at Crossroads in Santa Monica, have dated since 2008. Just this past July, they were spotted in a hot-and-heavy PDA session in LA.

I hate to be a dick to this Jordan chick, but it makes complete sense that Jonah dumped her ass. Seriously, why would you want to date a chick who used to like fat guys? Ew. Have some self-respect, woman.

*9 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill throws like a girl

To promote his new film Moneyball (how does he keep getting work?), Jonah Hill threw out the first pitch yesterday at the Oakland A's game. And then, after he left the field, he sat down and took a nice long piss.

NOTE: Video on PAGE 2 that somehow makes him look like an even bigger pussy

*10 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill leaving the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood (7/9)

+ Taylor Momsen busts out the nipple tape [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Teen Mom Farrah is in a bikini, and so are her implants [The Superficial]
+ Katy Perry is a sexy mermaid [Celebuzz]
+ Kim Kardashian's ass in a bikini [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Cintia Dicker looks great half-naked [Popoholic]

+ Kim Kardashian looking old-school sexy [Caught on Set]
+ Anne Hathaway is classy hot [Guyism]
+ Extremely awkward news moment [EgoTv]
+ Jake Gyllenhaal is shirtless [Socialite Life]

+ LeAnn Rimes was a pig back in the day [Dlisted]
+ Twice the bikini fun [Double Viking]
+ Kate Upton: Sexiest. Softball Player. Ever. [Busted Coverage]
+ Hey there, Selena Gomez's boobies [Evil Beet]

*10 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery:

Jonah Hill at the Irish premiere of Get Him To The Greek in Dublin (6/22)

You may not believe this but Jonah Hill has been having a tough time with the ladies lately -- especially Brazilian supermodels. Oh I know, right? I bet they're just playing hard to get with him. From the New York Post:

Funnyman Jonah Hill struck out with the ladies at Southside the other night. The "Get Him to the Greek" star hit the SoHo hot spot with a pack of hipster guy friends and sat in the corner drinking cans of Genny Cream Ale. Hill, who has a long-term girlfriend, tried to chat with a few Colombian and Brazilian models who had no idea who he was and turned him down.

If Jonah wants to hook up with models, he needs to make sure they've seen his movies first. That dude at a club trying to spit game with hot chicks who don't recognize him is like Audrina Patridge at a restaurant trying to calculate what 20% of her bill is so she can leave a tip -- neither one of them has a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding. Jonah needs to accept the fact that without his film career, "big-boned" guys like him only get laid when they use whores chloroform.

*5 Jonah Hill pictures total in the gallery: