Jon Gosselin made a sex tape You knew it was only a matter of time. Jon Gosselin made a sex tape. Oh yeah, and apparently he's a cokehead. He should move to Hollywood. He'll fit right in. From the
National Enquirer:
Jon's bodyguard Thomas Meinelt . . .
Wow, it only took four words for me to start shaking my head in disbelief. Jon, you're not the President or Whitney Houston. You don't need a bodyguard.
has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC's lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he's watched Jon's secret sex tape!
"Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he's seen the tape!" said Stephanie Santoro, Jon's former flame and family nanny. "Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!"
So it's John having sex with another woman? OK,
whew. I assumed the tape was shot a few years ago and featured Kate nailing a whimpering Jon in the ass with a huge black strap-on. You think I'm kidding? Just watch
this clip of Kate verbally undressing Jon. You're high if you think he wasn't left in tears after every time they had sex.
What a giant douche This story can be summed up in one sentence: Jon Gosselin needs to be drug-tested. From
TMZ:
Jon Gosselin sincerely believes his time and energy is
worth somewhere around $12,000-per hour -- because that's how much he's
demanding to appear on a Florida radio show. TMZ spoke with the host of
Tampa's MJ Morning Show who told us he contacted Gosselin's rep in the
hopes of booking the reality star to guest co-host the show for one
morning.
The radio show offered two first class round trip plane tickets, limo
service and a "first class" hotel room -- but that wasn't enough to
seal the deal. Gosselin's rep requested an "appearance fee ... in the
10-12K range."
Team Gosselin justified the amount by saying, "[Jon's] name and
appearance on your show will instantly draw press ... and will be a
high point for the show." The rep also describes Gosselin as "quite
funny, sharp witted and interesting." The radio host tells us he "fell
out of his chair" when he read the demand.
Before we're too quick to judge, there's probably a perfectly
reasonable explanation for why Jon was asking for so much money per
hour:
his time is valuable he wanted to provide for his children Ed Hardy shirts are expensive. Of course if Jon really is as "sharp
witted" as his rep claims, he'd have asked for payment in something he needs more than money these days: condoms.
Jon Gosselin with his kids Alexis and Aaden at their home in Reading, PA (10/20)
I present Exhibit A in Kate Gosselin's custody fight against her husband Jon. The only way Jon could put his kids in more danger is if he somehow found a way to squeeze Roman Polanski onto that ATV.
Jon Gosselin having lunch at the Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills (10/3)
Last week, Jon and Kate Gosselin owned a joint bank account with approximately $201,000 in it. Today, Jon and Kate Gosselin own a joint bank account with approximately $1,000 in it. Oh hey, I bet you'll never guess who the jackass is that wiped out the account. HINT: he has the complexion of a high school freshman. From
Radar:
Marty Singer has been named one of Los Angeles’ top lawyers year after year and now he’s just issued a stern warning to both Jon Gosselin and his lawyer Mark Heller.
Singer tells RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview: “If the money is not immediately returned, we will be looking into potential claims against Mr. Heller if he had any involvement with the violation of the court order.
"It is very disappointing that Jon Gosselin has escalated this to such an ugly place that her lawyers have to do everything they can to protect her and her children from his outrageous actions."
Kate hired Lavely & Singer after discovering Jon secretly pulled out $200,000 from their bank account, leaving her with only $1,000. That action violated a court order and Singer sent Jon's lawyer a letter via email but never heard back. Meanwhile, Jon and his lawyer appeared on Larry King Live and Jon told the national TV audience he wanted to put the brakes on his divorce and establish a better relationship with Kate.
Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe Jon meant to only take out $20 but accidentally added some extra zeroes. And then it's not like you can just put the money back into the ATM so you might as well blow it on hookers and meth and crotchless panties and bobblehead dolls and maybe a pack of Starburst (tropical flavor). Boy, if I had a nickel.
Jon Gosselin leaving Crustacean restaurant in Beverly Hills (9/30)
After
being axed from his
TLC reality show, Jon Gosselin is fighting back the only way he can. He's taking his ball and going home. From
CBS:
On "The Early Show" Thursday, Lara Spencer, host of "The Insider," said Jon is apparently attempting to, in effect, shut-down production on the show by denying permission to videotape his children.
"'The Insider' can exclusively reveal that Jon Gosselin, though his attorney, Mark J. Heller, is demanding production of the show be halted," Spencer says. "In two letters to TLC lawyers, dated September 29, 2009, Gosselin demands the network cease and desist production and leave his property. To quote one of the letters, Jon's attorney writes, "Effective immediately, no production crews are to enter Jon's family home for any reason. In the event that anyone enters the marital property, Jon Gosselin will notify the local authorities to effectuate police action against any trespassers.' "
Spencer adds that Gosselin and his lawyer tell "The Insider' exclusively that Jon and Kate both own the property where the show is being shot. Jon has joint custody of the kids and is able to make decisions about their welfare. He deemed it was not in the best interest of the children's welfare to continue with production of the show."
I think I've come up with a solution that will satisfy all parties involved. Trade Jon to another reality show on another network. I think he's a perfect fit for Animal Planet's new show
Men Running For Their Lives From Hungry Tigers.
Jon Gosselin out and about in New York (9/28)
Guess which
now-unemployed douche bag wants to stop divorce proceedings and make up with his wife? Aw fuck, I guess the picture kind of gave it away. If you didn't guess Jon Gosselin, congratulations, you're an idiot. From
In Touch Weekly:
"He woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t like the reflection," Jon’s attorney, Mark Jay Heller, tells In Touch. "He realized he’d made some bad choices."
Jon and Kate were due to be officially divorced by the end of November — but now he claims he’s had a serious change of heart. "I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated [on June 22]," Jon tells In Touch exclusively. "I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon."
After the interview with
In Touch was over, Jon found a nearby bathroom, sat down, and peed.
Jon Gosselin at his home in Reading, PA (8/13)
Jon Gosselin has been dropped from
Jon & Kate Plus 8. TLC made the announcement earlier this morning. From
People:
In a stunning announcement, TLC said Tuesday morning that as of Nov. 2 Jon Gosselin would no longer appear on the popular reality series Jon & Kate Plus 8 — and the program would undergo a name change, to simply Kate Plus 8.
“Given Jon’s recent antics, there was no way the show could continue to portray him as a doting Dad, not while all this other crap was going on,” a source close to Jon Gosselin tells PEOPLE.
I know this is sad news for you John fans, but don't worry, you can still catch him starring in the
Jon & Kate spin-off,
Jon & Douchy Ed Hardy Shirts Plus 87, every night in front of his closet mirror.
And let us never speak of these monsters again.
UPDATE: Roman Polanski just said John's daughter Cara is "kinda cute." She's 8. What a prick.
Jon Gosselin at Wet Republic in Las Vegas (8/29)
Jon Gosselin's hosting gig at MGM Grand's Wet Republic pool on Saturday went rather well. And by "rather well," I mean he was mercilessly heckled. From
Radar Online:
Most of the 2000 party-goers were girls in barely-there bikinis but the few guys who braved the crowd had themselves a field day at Jon's expense.
They heckled the Jon & Kate Plus 8 star about his bald spot, asking him about the cost of hair plugs; his weight; his pecs, or lack of; even his clothes -- and he wasn't even wearing Ed Hardy!
What a bunch of pricks those hecklers are. They're probably just jealous that they don't get 8 cards on Father's Day.
Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus 2 Horny Dogs Above are Jon and Kate Gosselin's two dogs, Shoka and Nahla, humping yesterday at the family home in Reading, Pennsylvania. Shoka and Nahla are brother and sister. Of course they are. They're Gosselins. There's nothing normal about this family whatsoever -- they're freaks. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if it came out that either Jon or Kate was a crazy serial killer. Did you know that of five TLC cameraman that worked on the first season of
Jon & Kate Plus 8, only four are still working today . . . *plays creepy
Twilight Zone theme song* . . . I mean, I guess he could have quit, but still,
he might be buried under the house.
