Jon Gosselin is a total douche Back to the unemployment line for Jon Gosselin. The world's biggest douche lasted about two weeks at his new job. From
Rumor Fix:
Can you picture Jon Gosselin in a business suit, making a sales call to your office? Neither could he. RumorFix has learned exclusively that Jon Gosselin has quit his new 9 to 5 gig with a eco-friendly company. The 33-year-old reality star was doing sales for Global Green Property Services, which helps businesses become more environmentally friendly.
A source close to Kate Gosselin's ex-husband tells RumorFix exclusively, "It involved too much travel for him. [Jon] needed to be near his eight kids, that's why it didn't work out," the insider says.
Of course this job didn't work out for Jon -- it involved
actual work. The only thing this guy is good at is jerking off into a cup. Frankly, if Jon's going to work at a 9-5 job, he's going to have to work somewhere where he can use his past experience -- like a customer service call center. Because if he could listen to
his harpy ex-wife scream at him all day, he's qualified to handle phones calls from irate customers.
*8 Jon Gosselin pictures total in the gallery:
Jon Gosselin is writing a parenting book What is this, a joke? Jon Gosselin is more qualified to perform brain surgery than he is to give parenting tips. This book's title better start with "How Not To . . ." From
PopEater:
Jon Gosselin and leadership coach Dr. Sylvia Lafair are writing a book together about the lessons the reality dad has learned as the father of a large -- and famous -- family.
"Jon is still deciding what exactly the book will be about, but knows he wants to focus on his parenting skills," a friend of the father of eight tells me. "There is no deal yet or timeline, but the [interest] in Jon from publishers is huge right now, so he's going to strike while the iron is hot."
The former TLC reality star thinks this is his chance to show the world what a stand-up father he is and how other moms and dads in similar situations (because having 8 kids is so common!) can learn parenting tips from him.
Actually, Jon is the perfect person to write a book on how to be a great parent. Step 1: Jerk off into a plastic cup. Step 2: Let your wife turn into stretch-marked wildebeest. Step 3: Sell your soul and privacy to a cable network. Step 4: Profit. Step 5: Become a self-absorbed douchebag who thinks your wife's over-active uterus entitles you to fame. Step 6: Get a divorce, Step 7: Write a book because you no longer live with your 8 meal tickets. Yep, sign me up for a copy of this book's first print run.
*15 Jon Gosselin pictures total in the gallery:
Nice zits Jon It was revealed
earlier this month that Jon Gosselin got a
new tattoo to celebrate his "rebirth" and new 23-year-old girlfriend. Oh hey, I bet you'll never guess who misspelled their girlfriend's name on their new tattoo. Not in a million years. From
Life & Style:
Jon Gosselin tried to prove his love for new girlfriend Ellen Ross by getting her name tattooed in Korean on his back. The only problem: Her name is spelled wrong!
Hyung-eun Min of the Korean Culture Service tells Life & Style John’s spelling of Ellen’s name is actually the Korean spelling of the male name Aaron or Aron. Luckily, Jon’s kids’ names, which he also had inked on his back, are spelled correctly. And while there’s no room to add more children’s names to his tattoo, there’s plenty of space on the scroll below his girlfriend’s name. Looks like “Aaron” might not be the last girlfriend to grace Jon’s back!
Getting a misspelled tattoo seems to be the trend in Hollywood these days (
we haven't forgotten, Hayden) . . . which is probably the reason why Jon did it. He couldn't be any more of a follower if he became a member of The People's Temple, or even worse, a fan of the
Twilight series. Hell, Jon Gosselin's so unoriginal, he even fathered kids that look the same. Go away douche.
*15 pictures total in the gallery:
Jon Gosselin at the "Take No Prisoners" party at the E3 Expo in L.A. (6/16)
You'll never guess who just got a huge dragon tattoo on his back (
pic here) to celebrate his rebirth and new 23-year-old girlfriend! Wait, I guess the picture and headline kinda gives it away. God I suck at this. From
Radar:
Jon Gosselin wants to start over, so he's got a new manager, a life coach and oh yeah, a new GIGANTIC tattoo of a dragon on his back! RadarOnline.com has exclusively obtained the first photos of the former reality TV star's new body art, including pictures of the work in progress. The 33-year-old ex-husband of Kate Gosselin says he has been doing some soul searching and got the tattoo to signify changes he is making to his life.
"I have planned this tattoo for years now,” Jon told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview. “I wanted something that resembled a rebirth or a change in me. The dragon is all encompassing. It has all parts of the zodiac."
Us Weekly adds:
The dragon also features a name written in Korean. His manager tells Us that the name is in honor of Ellen Ross, his new 23-year-old girlfriend.
This guy is the biggest trend-following douche in Hollywood. First it was
Ed Hardy tees and now it's tattoos. The only way Jon could get any less original is if he changed his name to Carlos Mencia. Besides, a tattoo of her name is the second worst thing you can put on
your body to honor your girlfriend. The first? A wedding ring. *
rimshot*
*17 pictures total in the gallery:
Jon Gosselin at his home in Reading, Pennsylvania (4/24)
Jon Gosselin literally has nothing going for him . . . except more and more fat to his midsection. So why are "attractive 20-somethings" still making out with him? He can't be drugging them -- you can't make out with an unconscious chick. Well not in public at least. From the
National Enquirer:
Jon Gosselin isn't too happy about having his photo taken these days! The bloated bachelor dad of eight was getting cozy with an attractive 20-something blonde at the Fairview Inn in Leesport, Pa., in late April when a fan tried to snap a pic. Jon shrieked: "No photos! I'll sure you! This is private property!" (Print Edition - 5/17)
What a complete douchebag. The guy pimps out his [devil] wife and kids so he can be on television, and then when someone wants to take his picture, he threatens to sue? Jon should be grateful anyone even knows who he is. I mean seriously, it doesn't take much talent to artificially inseminate your wife. Step 1. Find porn. Step 2. Beat off into a Dixie cup and hand it to your wife. Step 3. There is no Step 3. Bam, I just saved your ass $25k in doctor's fees.
*10 pics total in the gallery:
Jon Gosselin made a sex tape You knew it was only a matter of time. Jon Gosselin made a sex tape. Oh yeah, and apparently he's a cokehead. He should move to Hollywood. He'll fit right in. From the
National Enquirer:
Jon's bodyguard Thomas Meinelt . . .
Wow, it only took four words for me to start shaking my head in disbelief. Jon, you're not the President or Whitney Houston. You don't need a bodyguard.
has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC's lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he's watched Jon's secret sex tape!
"Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he's seen the tape!" said Stephanie Santoro, Jon's former flame and family nanny. "Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!"
So it's John having sex with another woman? OK,
whew. I assumed the tape was shot a few years ago and featured Kate nailing a whimpering Jon in the ass with a huge black strap-on. You think I'm kidding? Just watch
this clip of Kate verbally undressing Jon. You're high if you think he wasn't left in tears after every time they had sex.
What a giant douche This story can be summed up in one sentence: Jon Gosselin needs to be drug-tested. From
TMZ:
Jon Gosselin sincerely believes his time and energy is
worth somewhere around $12,000-per hour -- because that's how much he's
demanding to appear on a Florida radio show. TMZ spoke with the host of
Tampa's MJ Morning Show who told us he contacted Gosselin's rep in the
hopes of booking the reality star to guest co-host the show for one
morning.
The radio show offered two first class round trip plane tickets, limo
service and a "first class" hotel room -- but that wasn't enough to
seal the deal. Gosselin's rep requested an "appearance fee ... in the
10-12K range."
Team Gosselin justified the amount by saying, "[Jon's] name and
appearance on your show will instantly draw press ... and will be a
high point for the show." The rep also describes Gosselin as "quite
funny, sharp witted and interesting." The radio host tells us he "fell
out of his chair" when he read the demand.
Before we're too quick to judge, there's probably a perfectly
reasonable explanation for why Jon was asking for so much money per
hour:
his time is valuable he wanted to provide for his children Ed Hardy shirts are expensive. Of course if Jon really is as "sharp
witted" as his rep claims, he'd have asked for payment in something he needs more than money these days: condoms.
Jon Gosselin with his kids Alexis and Aaden at their home in Reading, PA (10/20)
I present Exhibit A in Kate Gosselin's custody fight against her husband Jon. The only way Jon could put his kids in more danger is if he somehow found a way to squeeze Roman Polanski onto that ATV.
Jon Gosselin having lunch at the Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills (10/3)
Last week, Jon and Kate Gosselin owned a joint bank account with approximately $201,000 in it. Today, Jon and Kate Gosselin own a joint bank account with approximately $1,000 in it. Oh hey, I bet you'll never guess who the jackass is that wiped out the account. HINT: he has the complexion of a high school freshman. From
Radar:
Marty Singer has been named one of Los Angeles’ top lawyers year after year and now he’s just issued a stern warning to both Jon Gosselin and his lawyer Mark Heller.
Singer tells RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview: “If the money is not immediately returned, we will be looking into potential claims against Mr. Heller if he had any involvement with the violation of the court order.
"It is very disappointing that Jon Gosselin has escalated this to such an ugly place that her lawyers have to do everything they can to protect her and her children from his outrageous actions."
Kate hired Lavely & Singer after discovering Jon secretly pulled out $200,000 from their bank account, leaving her with only $1,000. That action violated a court order and Singer sent Jon's lawyer a letter via email but never heard back. Meanwhile, Jon and his lawyer appeared on Larry King Live and Jon told the national TV audience he wanted to put the brakes on his divorce and establish a better relationship with Kate.
Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe Jon meant to only take out $20 but accidentally added some extra zeroes. And then it's not like you can just put the money back into the ATM so you might as well blow it on hookers and meth and crotchless panties and bobblehead dolls and maybe a pack of Starburst (tropical flavor). Boy, if I had a nickel.
Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: