Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp is good people

As if being really handsome and charming wasn't good enough for Johnny Depp, now he has to go and be all humble and generous too. What a complete asshole. A source told the Daily Star:

"Johnny is staying at the five-star country manor house estate Coworth Park in Ascot. Instead of choosing from the four hotel restaurants, including one which is Michelin-starred, he decided to hang out at a nearby pub with the locals. Johnny chose to have dinner and drinks in the Thatched Tavern pub a mile-and-a-half up the road from his hotel. On the first night he left a £300 tip for pub staff, followed by £400 the night after."

It must be nice to be able to go out for a few drinks and tip the wait-staff $1000. I actually do something similar for my landlord, but instead of calling it a "tip," I call it "rent." And instead of saying "thank you" he says "who are those young Asian girls I always see leaving your house in the middle of the night?" In the end, this story has got to make you wonder one thing: is Johnny Depp just a genuinely nice person wiping his asshole with $50s or $100s?

*14 Johnny Depp pictures total in the gallery:

Johnny Depp buys $13.5 million home in Venice, Italy

When I fall in love with a city, I bring home a snowglobe or, if I get lucky, a venereal disease. Johnny Depp brings home a $13.5 million house. From the Daily Mail:

Johnny Depp has bought a 10 million euro palazzo in Venice after falling in love with the city last year. The actor, 47, spent several months in the Italian tourist hotspot while filming The Tourist with co-star Angelina Jolie last year. And it appears he was so taken with the City of Bridges, he won a bidding war for the 17th century Palazzo Dona Sangiantoffetti.

According to local newspaper La Nuova Venezia, the Hollywood star outbid an Arab prince for the empty building for 10 million euros.

The Palazzo is one of the only available buildings overlooking the Grand Canal and is situated in the Santa Croce area of Venice, not far from the Santa Maria Mater Domini Church. While it needs some restoring, it includes high decorated ceilings, a roof platform and ornate columns. The palazzo would be a holiday home for Depp, his French singer/actress partner Vanessa Paradis and their two children Lily-Rose, 11, and Jack, eight.

It must be nice to be able to afford a nice home in such a historic area. In related news, I just found out that I have to cut the "call waiting" feature on my cell phone because I can't afford the extra $3.95 a month. The sad thing is that if I'd known that dressing up like an alcoholic gay pirate with a bad British accent would lead to untold fame and fortune, I never would have changed out of my Halloween costume back in '98.

*20 Johnny Depp pictures total in the gallery:

Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp on the set of The Tourist at the Piazzale della Stazione in Venice, Italy (3/17)

Be afraid Johnny Depp's longtime girlfriend Vanessa Paradis, be very very afraid. Hmmmm, how best to break this to you . . . have you ever seen one of those nature shows on Discovery Channel about Africa? Basically, your boyfriend Johnny is the rotting dead corpse of a wildebeest and Angelina Jolie is a hungry slut lion. From the National Enquirer:

Angelina Jolie, now dazzling audiences worldwide as a sizzling superspy, got one heckuva surprise rise out of sex god Johnny Depp on the set of their new flick "The Tourist" -- stunning him with a sudden passionate kiss that was definitely NOT in the script!

Said my witness: "Angelina's flirtatious behavior with Johnny had the set buzzing. She tried hard to make him react to her charms, but he ignored every attention-getting ploy. During an emotional scene in which she's supposed to fall into his comforting arms after intense conversation, Angie made her move. Instead of putting her head on Johnny's chest, she improvised -- wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a romantic, lingering kiss. Johnny pushed Jolie away gently, but his shocked expression revealed she'd finally rattles his cage!" Quickly taking her aside, he asked why she'd changed the scene without consulting him. Smirking coyly, Jolie said the scene needed to be "spicier!" Depp kept cool, but told her firmly: "The scene was better the way it was written -- and that's the way we're going to do it!"

After the reshoot, Angie shot Johnny a sexy "Gotcha!" smile before sashaying off. Said my source: "Depp was immediately assured by producers that Angie's lip lock will never see the light of the day."

Viewing this from another angle, Brad Pitt has nothing to worry about. Angelina seducing a famous romantically-attached actor while working with him on the set of a film was just a one-time thing. I'm sure for the first time in her 35-years of life, she actually likes having sex with the same person day-after-day-after-day-after-day and isn't get bored whatsoever. The real question here is how Johnny was able to resist her advances? Either that guy's had so much poon thrown in his face that he's become immune to it or he's gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

*10 photos total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, March 16

Johnny Depp on the set of The Tourist in Venice (pics start here)

Kristin Cavallari arriving to Industry nightclub in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jennifer Tilly leaving Il Sole restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Victoria Beckham at LAX airport in Los Angeles (pics start here)

Tim Robbins riding his bike in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Audrina Patridge arriving to Industry nightclub in West Hollywood (pics start here)

George Clooney on the set of The Descendants in Oahu, Hawaii (pics start here)

Claudia Schiffer leaving her kid's school in London (pics start here)

Jessica Simpson at JFK airport in New York (pics start here)

Kim Cattrall leaving the Vaudeville Theatre in London (pics start here)

Michael C. Hall out and about in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Elle Macpherson leaving her kid's school in London (pics start here)

*127 pictures total in the gallery

Johnny Depp hearts rapists

Apparently feeling that not enough people hate him and he has too many fans, Johnny Depp came out in support of Roman Polanski in an interview with The Independent last week. "Johnny, shut the fuck up!" -- your agent. From the paper:

However, [Depp] wasn't shy in voicing his dismay about the arrest of film-maker Roman Polanski on a 30-year-old statutory rape charge. In 1999, Polanski directed him in The Ninth Gate.

"Why now?" Depp asked rhetorically. "Obviously, there is something going on somewhere. Somebody has made a deal with someone. Maybe there was a little money involved, but why now?" Polanski, Depp continued, "is not a predator. He's 75 or 76 years old. He has got two beautiful kids, he has got a wife that he has been with for a long, long time. He is not out on the street."

In the interview, Depp also voiced his support for 55-year-old Daniel Clive Lyttle of Bradenton, Florida. In 1977, Lyttle was sentenced to life in prison for raping a 15-year-old Manatee High School student as she walked home from a football game. Oh wait a minute, that's right, Johnny didn't actually say anything about Daniel. Because he doesn't direct films.

Johnny Depp gets statueized

On the left is Johnny Depp unveiling his new statue at the Kustendorf Film Festival yesterday in Drvengrad, Serbia. Or maybe he's on the right . . . I'm so confused! I bet literally millions of people walk up to that statue over the next year asking for an autograph. Hopefully they put up some sort of warning sign near it, explaining that it's not actually the real Johnny Depp.

Angelina wanted Slick Willie

Before stealing Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie wanted to steal Bill Clinton from Hillary. And she also wanted Johnny Depp. And I guess any other famous person in a long-term, committed relationship. From the New York Post:

[Ian Halperin, author of the tell-all "Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie"] claimed that before meeting Pitt, Jolie had set her sights on two other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." No rep for Jolie could be reached.

It sounds like if you want to bang Angelina Jolie, you only need three things: kindness money, generosity fame, and integrity a marriage certificate. If Angelina thought Bill Clinton would be able to leave THIS for her, she's completely delusional. There's only one way Bill's getting himself out of that relationship: 50 vicodin taken at once.

Johnny Depp is the Sexiest Man Alive

For the second time in six years (he also won in 2003), Johnny Depp has been named the "Sexiest Man Alive" by People magazine. Right here is the part of the story where I normally make myself seem way more important than I actually am by puffing out my chest and cracking a joke about my 6-pack and how People really should have picked me, but I'm not going to do that this time. Nope, not when there's still a half-naked supermodel in my bed needing breakfast. Olga or Oksana something, I think. Wait no, that was last week.