John Mayer

Katy Perry and John Mayer leaving Vincenti Ristorante in Brentwood (2/14)

No wonder John Mayer's relationship with Jennifer Aniston didn't work out. Via Contact Music:

John Mayer loves how independent Katy Perry is. The 35-year-old singer is head-over-heels in love with the 'Firework' singer and loves that she has her own career and friends to focus on.

A source said: "He loves that she's so independent and doesn't cling to him like a lovesick barnacle. Katy, of course, loves a bad boy but she's going to let a man stomp all over her. She's really quite sassy with John and he loves it. He needs someone to take him down a notch. John has changed. There's a kind of humility about him these days and that's due to Katy. He's said she's got the him, hook, line and sinker and he wants to spend the rest of his life making her happy."

Yeah, John doesn't have time for needy bitches because he's the needy bitch now. True Story: John had just finished shooting the pilot episode of his new reality show What the Fuck Ever Happened to John Mayer? -- and then he met Katy Perry the next day, she caught him up on his bills, and the show was scrapped. He's 99% famous for being a man-whore. What, you don't believe me? OK, go ahead and name his last album without using Google or Wikipedia. Nothing, right? Face.

*15 Katy Perry and John Mayer pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry and John Mayer leaving Osteria Mozza in Hollywood (1/4)

Life & Style says Katy Perry was "cozying up" to a musician earlier this week at Pink Taco in West Hollywood, and that musician was Muse drummer Dominic Howard, not John Mayer. Ouch, sucks for him. An eyewitness said:

"They were all over each other. I was shocked to see her acting so affectionate with another rock star because I thought she was dating John Mayer."

A partygoer tells Life & Style that Dominic "wasted no time zeroing in" on the "Firework" singer as soon as she sat down in a private booth alongside Muse singer Matt Bellamy and his fiance, Kate Hudson.

"Katy had her arms around Dominic, and they were facing each other, bodies touching," the eyewitness tells Life & Style. "He had his eyes on her all night. Katy loved all the attention."

Wow, Katy sure has gone through a lot of dudes, or better said, a lot of dudes have gone through Katy. I know we're living in the era of empowered women and sensitive men, but Katy is creeping into that Taylor Swift-level of skankery more typical of a Las Vegas working girl. Ladies, I don't care how many #1 hits you've had, people will always think you're a slut if you hook up with a ton of dudes. So think about that while you're busy ironing your boyfriend's shirt and making less than he does for the same job. Sucker!

*15 Katy Perry and John Mayer pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, November 13

John Mayer arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Brenda Song leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Helena Christensen leaving E. Baldi restaurant in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Rose McGowan leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Kyra Sedgwick arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Alyson Hannigan running errands in L.A. (pics start here)

Bethenny Frankel out and about in New York (pics start here)

Catherine Zeta-Jones arriving at Children's Hospital for Wales for a charity event (pics start here)

Maria Menounos out and about at The Grove in Hollywood (pics start here)

Minka Kelly leaving Earth Bar in West Hollywood (pics start here)

TV presenter Fearne Cotton arriving at BBC Radio One studios in London (pics start here)

Lucy Liu a the 2012 "Women for Women" gala at Lincoln Center in New York (pics start here)

*102 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

John Mayer and Katy Perry leaving Pearl restaurant in New York (10/14)

Radar reported last week that John Mayer and Katy Perry had broken up for what seemed like the fifth time in just a few months. A source said:

"John liked Katy, so he wanted to keep her in his life, but it just wasn't p to Katy's standards. She needs the guy to be on board 100 percent and she was sick of John disappearing for five days at a time, then booty calling her, then straightening up and treating her well, only to go back to his old behavior a few days later. Finally she was like 'lose my number.'"

Obviously this source is wrong because that's Katy and John leaving Pearl restaurant last night in New York. Amazing that Katy still puts up with John, what with his [allegedly] huge dong, rock star looks, and ridiculous wealth. And amazing that John still puts up with Katy, what with her huge tits, nice ass, and ridiculous wealth. It's incredible that two such hard luck cases not only met, but are also falling in love. It's serendipity, and it really brings a tingle to my heart.

*20 John Mayer and Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry at the MTV Video Music Awards at the Staples Center in L.A. (9/6)

The last time Katy Perry got serious with John Mayer, he dumped her, so if you've ever wanted to have hot rebound sex with her, the next few weeks would be ideal because she's probably gonna get dumped again. From The Sun:

Katy Perry won't need to hide a spare key under a doormat for John Mayer. The Part Of Me singer has given her new bloke his very own key to her LA pad. John usually stays in hotels when he's over from New York - even though he owns a place nearby. But as their relationship continues to get more and more serious, Katy thinks she is doing the right thing.

A source said: "John thinks it is easier to stay in hotels rather than his own LA pad. But Katy insists he should stay with her. She thinks it makes sense."

Katy's family and friends are happy that she's moving on from ex-hubby Russell Brand but they are begging her to slow down.

It's done -- John Mayer is officially off the douchebag list. Can I call Johnny a snake charmer even if he's using his own snake to do the charming? I can only imagine how magical a moment it must have been when John bent Katy over a chair and ripped out what should have been her tampon, but it turned out to be a set of keys to the mansion, her social security number, and what's left of her memories of Russell Brand. It's the kind of stuff dreams are made of.

*21 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry and John Mayer are back together

Looks like Katy Perry's drunk-texting worked. She was spotted on a date with John Mayer last night at Little Dom's restaurant in Los Feliz. Good for Katy. It just shows that, if you really want something in life -- and have tits the size of basketballs -- you can get it. It's a truly heartwarming tale that all young girls should take note of. I wouldn't be surprised if Disney makes a movie out of this.

*15 John Mayer and Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry leaving the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood (8/11)

For some strange reason (perhaps his raspy vocals or heartfelt lyrics?), Katy Perry can't quit John Mayer. She's been drunk-texting him nonstop ever since she was dumped. Boy, if I had a nickel for every horny Katy Perry-lookalike that drunk-texted me . . . From the New York Daily News:

A source close to the recently divorced pop star says Perry isn't over her breakup with the crooner, and has been "texting John late at night asking him to take her back."

The insider says, "She's been really depressed and needs attention," adding that, "she really liked him and thought it was going to be something serious."

Perry was first linked to Mayer in June. "She has been calling and drunk-texting him even after her friends have told her not to," says the source, adding that Perry's been hanging around other men "to make him jealous."

Wow, that didn't take long, did it? Katy went from being a talented artist and the picture of self-confidence to just another John Mayer conquest on her hands and knees, groveling for the cock. Not that I blame Katy -- talent and that "girl power" horseshit can get you ladies to the stars, but it only takes between 8 and 10 inches to put you back in your place. And where is that place? In the kitchen, making sure my dinner is warm when I get home. And don't even think about putting shoes and socks on. Or not being pregnant.

*5 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry at Raging Waters in San Dimas, CA (8/12)

Well that was quick. I guess you could say John Mayer had his fill, pun intended. From Us Weekly:

After a couple months of casual dating, John Mayer and Katy Perry have split, multiple sources confirm to Us Weekly.

"She's really upset about it," one insider tells Us. "She is making it seem like it wasn't serious with John, but she is hurt."

Katy shouldn't feel bad that her twat wasn't magical enough to trap Lord Mayer -- the man has seen them all and none have left an impression. Maybe you shouldn't aim so high -- have you ever considered a regular dude? Perhaps the kind that happens to own a celebrity-celebrating website? I'll go ahead and put my cards on the table, Katy. Unlike Mr. Mayer, I'm totally domesticated. Consider me your personal Yorkshire Terrier with rock-hard abs. I swear loyalty and obedience as long as you let me tap dat ass, yo. And I promise that as long as you're my Adolf Hitler, I'll be your Eva Braun. I'm romantical like that.

*20 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry arriving for a flight at Miami International Airport (7/28)

After being spotted on a date last week, John Mayer and Katy Perry were "inseparable" this past weekend, first attending a party on Saturday night, and then attending a pool party on Sunday. Wow, he must really love awesome tits. A source told Life & Style:

"Katy and John never left each other's side and were flirting and affectionate the entire time. Katy loved it!"

"I'd say Katy's more serious with John than she was with [her ex, Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd ]," says a source, who spotted the couple at a pool party this past weekend. "Everyone knew they were coming together as a couple ... Maybe he's a changed man, but Katy likes bad boys. I can't imagine John's changed that much."

You know what, friends? That John Mayer is an OK guy in my book. Is his music cringeworthy? Come on, you know the answer to that, but the guy's blowjob resume looks like what George Clooney's would if he was into chicks. John is on a roll like no one has ever seen. If they're famous and hot, this guy has them on his contact list. For heaven's sake, John gets into more A-list vagina than the tampon dispenser at the Academy Awards afterparty porta-john. This man is a marvel who should be celebrated. All hail John Mayer, King of Men.

*20 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

John Mayer and Katy Perry leaving the Chateau Marmont (8/1)

The rumors about John Mayer dating Katy Perry are true. The two were spotted leaving the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood last night (above) after having dinner together earlier in the evening at Pace restaurant in Laurel Canyon. I guess this was easy to see coming. If you're famous, single, and attractive, John Mayer will eventually be inside of you. There's no use fighting it. You'd have an easier time fighting the IRS.

*5 John Mayer and Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery: