Rashida Jones at the 2009 ESPY Awards at the NOKIA Center in L.A. (7/15)
Is John Mayer banging actress Rashida Jones? Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be? What a ridiculous question to ask. From
Hollyscoop:
John was spotted on a romantic date with actress Rashida Jones Friday night at the Chateau Marmont, Hollyscoop can confirm exclusively.
The couple was having dinner in a secluded area when John "took the guitar from someone who was performing and at the Chateau and performed an impromptu performance for Rashida."
His audience included Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The crowd "went wild when he performed his new song," an eyewitness tells Hollyscoop exclusively. Mayer got such a great response from fellow diners, he even performed his hit "Your Body is a Wonderland" for Rashida.
Damn, that's pretty smooth singing serenading a girl with your hit song to convince her to go back to your place. I bet it works better that my normal line: "Let's wait until 11:15 or so to go back to my place. My mom usually watches
Law & Order at 10."
NOTE: For those of you wondering, John's now banged 120 of
Maxim's Hot 100. I don't know how that's possibly but he just has.
John Mayer, Cougar Hunter John Mayer, Cougar Hunter . . . that has a nice ring to it. I could see NBC turning that into a series. Having already banged every famous member of Generation X, John Mayer is now trying to conquer the Baby Boomers. From the
National Enquirer:
Notorious ladies' man John Mayer was at Hollywood's Roger Room on Oct. 2 hanging at the underground bar with a pal and two much older women. Although a few young blondes tried to get the singer's attention, he only had eyes for his "mature" date.
It's obvious why John finds older women to be more appealing. They're more mature, more experienced, and in many cases, wear exactly what he likes on a woman: a mustache. Besides, banging hot young chicks every night probably gets old after a while. Sometimes a guy just wants to be a true romantic and make passionate love to a woman that's gone through menopause . . . so he doesn't have to pull out.
Katy Perry out and about in New York (9/14)
Both Russell Brand and John Mayer hooked up with Katy Perry last weekend. For those of you keeping track at home, this now means the only famous chick John Mayer hasn't stuck his penis into yet is Blanche from
The Golden Girls. From the
New York Post:
Katy Perry kissed Russell Brand -- and she liked it. The MTV Video Music Awards host was spotted making out with Perry at Lady Gaga's after-party at Avenue -- after joking onstage that he had the hots for her.
The voracious womanizer was seen admiring Perry's cleavage before kissing her as they sat on a banquette. An onlooker at the Meatpacking District hot spot told Page Six, "They were sitting very close together, flirting and whispering to each other with their faces very close. Then Russell leaned in for a long kiss. It didn't look like this was the first time. He was looking extremely pleased with himself."
It was busy weekend for Perry: On Friday, a spy also caught the "I Kissed a Girl" singer locking lips with John Mayer at Gold Bar.
Katy Perry's chest, fame, chest, money, and chest should allow her to nail any guy on the planet. So why would she make out with Russell Brand? If Katy really wanted to hook up with someone as hairy as Jesus, she should have gone out with the 1999 version of Julia Roberts' armpit (disgusting pic
HERE). Besides, making out with Russell is probably a lot like going down on a 70's porn star . . . there's lots of hair and the distinct taste of other men.
Jessica Simpson at the Ozlem Suer fashion show in Paris (9/4)
I don't know what took her so long but for the umpteenth god damn time, Jessica Simpson has gone crawling back to John Mayer. From
In Touch Weekly:
. . . an insider reveals that, in a state of desperation and loneliness, she’s been secretly hooking up with her ex John Mayer, who unceremoniously dumped her in 2007 after they dated for a year. “They’ve always had an amazing connection,” a business associate of Jessica’s tells In Touch. Ignoring her friends’ warnings that the notorious player will just use her and then break up with her again, Jessica has jumped headfirst into a relationship with the singer now that she and Tony, 29, split. “Jessica is kidding herself that her and John stand a chance,” says a source.
Celebslam presents: "A dramatic reenactment of Jessica Simpson and John Mayer's first meeting in two years"
John: "So, uh, you look, uh, different than the last time I saw you."
Jessica: "Oh thanks. I got my hair done the other day."
John: "That's not really what I -- Hey listen, do you want a sandwich or something? I can go make you one right now. I have a lot of food in the kitchen."
Jessica: "Nah."
John: "Some chili maybe?"
Jessica: "I'm not really hungry, but thanks for asking."
*awkward silence*
Jessica: "I like your place."
John: "Are you
sure you don't want a sandwich?"
Kristin Cavallari seen leaving the Neil George Salon in Beverly Hills (8/29)
Gossip maven Janet Charlton claims John Mayer and Kristin Cavallari are "friends with benefits" -- and we're not talking the 401(k) plan and paid vacation kind of benefits. I mean blowjobs. Lots and lots of sexy blowjobs. From
her site:
If you read Page Six you might remember a recent blind item they printed about secret trysts between a reality star and a well known singer. We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.
Dammit, I knew I should have learned the guitar instead of HTML when I was in high school. You know the old saying about web designers getting all the chicks? Turns out that dude from ITT Tech I met with on Career Day was fucking with me and that's not actually a saying at all.
John Mayer and Jessica Simpson in 2007 John Mayer just happened to be at the same restaurant as Jessica Simpson Saturday night (the
same night she got shitfaced). Gee, what a coincidence -- *makes blowjob motion with hand* -- A source told
OK! magazine:
"John was in the studio, which is near Katsuya, that night. And like he does most nights — like he did again on Sunday night — he went by Katsuya when he took a break from a 12-hour day in the studio.
"He said hello and he hung out a little bit but he left separately. He’s really good friends with Jess’ brother-in-law Pete Wentz; he sees Ashlee a lot… It’s not out of the ordinary that he sees them and goes over and hangs out for a while. They’ve always been friendly. They’re still friendly, but that’s it."
Honestly, there's probably nothing going on here. I can't even tell you how many times I've run into one of my ex-girlfriends on accident. "Oh, fancy running into you here . . . in your own bedroom closet." Awk-ward.
Jennifer Aniston at a screening of Management at the Sunshine Theatre in New York (
(5/5)
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are supposedly talking again. The two have already broken up twice before oh god who cares, just go away. From the
National Enquirer:
"(Mayer) wasn't calling her or texting her," a production insider from Aniston's new film The Baster divulged. "But, as she got lonelier and the shoot for her new movie wore on, she started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night. And sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine."
Luckily, Jen's BFF Courteney Cox Arquette, is around to straighten her Friends out.
"Courteney is the biggest objector to a John reunion," the source explained. "They never got along and Courteney is someone who has always told Jennifer she's just too good for John."
After everything he's
put her through, there can only be one reason why Jen keeps going back to John: his penis . . . makes an amazing latte. I mean seriously, either these two have some sort of spiritual connection that transcends body and mind, or this guy's tongue is longer and quicker than a Komodo dragon's. Regardless, Jen's infatuation with John is good news for one person: Brad Pitt. He won't have to worry anymore about Jen's 4 AM drunk dials waking the babies.
John Mayer leaving the Hotel Cafe in Hollywood (5/6)
We have a new entry into the "Lamest Celebrity Pickup Line" contest*: "Let me tuck you in." John Mayer unleashed that doozy recently on rising pop star Jessie James (this chick
here and
here). James told WFAN's Boomer & Craig (via the
New York Post):
"He had someone send for me [from] across the room. He had a bunch of girls with him and he said, 'We should [all] go back to my apartment.' " She said Mayer left first to avoid the paparazzi, and when they got to Mayer's apartment, "We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, 'I need some taxi money, I'm gonna go home now.' " Mayer asked James for her number and she gave it to him before leaving. She recalled, "He texted me throughout the entire night while I was at the hotel room," leaving messages like, "Let me tuck you in. I want to see you."
John's doing it wrong. When you're a famous singer with millions of dollars, you don't text a woman innuendos about sex. You just pay her to perform it. Seriously, if I had as much money as John Mayer (which is apparently enough to not care about
being a complete douchebag), I wouldn't know one woman whose name didn't start with "Pay me first" and end with "See you next week."
*Current front-runner: Spencer Pratt. Surprisingly, his "I want to make babies in your colon all night long" line actually worked on Heidi Montag a few years ago.
Jennifer Aniston on the set of The Baster in New York (4/23)
So I guess Jennifer Aniston is pissed at John Mayer for moving on so quickly after
they broke up, and with a much younger woman no less (he's rumored to be tapping a 23-year-old
piece-of-ass cocktail waitress). Because why should he be happy? That's totally not fair! An insider told the
National Enquirer:
"Jen is hurt and brooding that John rebounded so quickly. She went on a rant, telling friends that John should be with such a younger woman - because he's so immature and juvenile. Jen IS bitter. She's alone again and John is getting the last laugh."
Jen really shouldn't be too upset that John's dating a younger woman. Last time I checked, she's 40. According to my generation, that's, like, really really old. My god, she's over two decades removed from her peak hotness age of
16 errr 18. Of course any other woman he dates is going to be younger than her. If Jen really wants John to date a woman similar to her who's still single, there's really only one group of ladies he can hit on: The widowers at Shady Acres Retirement Home.*
*On a side note, the best way I've found into one of these woman's heart
and bank account: Bring a bowl of Oatmeal that can be eaten through a straw.
John Mayer and Scheana Marie Jancan That purty-looking lady on the right is Scheana Marie Jancan, John Mayer's new slumber party friend. For the record, Scheana is a 23-year-old, eager-to-please Hawaiian Tropic model . . . which seems like a nice upgrade over a 40-year-old actress who was constantly bugging you to "stick it in and give me your seed 'cause I want a baby NOW." From
Star:
Star has learned that John is hooking up with aspiring actress Scheana Marie Jancan. They met in early April at a Beverly Hills lounge. Scheana, who turns 24 in May, served the sexy singer drinks at The Grand Havana Room and John started chatting her up.
"Scheana was shocked and thrilled when John asked her out," a source tells Star. "She has always thought he was hot, and she said yes right away, writing down her cell phone number on a napkin. They flirted the whole time, and he told her she was cute."
The gorgeous brunette, who has modeled for Ed Hardy and Doritos and was a runner-up in a Hawaiian Tropic Pageant, has been hanging out with the singer at his rented home in Calabasas, Calif.
"There is always food and beer around," according to the source. "Scheana said she has loads of fun there; it’s like spring break!"
Well-played John Mayer, well-played. Going for the 23-year-old Hawaiian Tropic model wasn't a move I thought you still had in your playbook. Judging from
your previous relationship, I thought you were the kind of guy that would be attracted to the more washed-up types of women . . . like Kathy Griffin or Richard Simmons. Now that I know we will be competing for the same pool of models and beauty pageant contestants, I have only one thing to say to you Mr. Mayer: Good luck, you're going to need it.
