Joe Simpson


Joe Simpson outside Jimmy Kimmel Live! studios in Hollywood (3/6)

According to Flynet, Jessica Simpson's dad Joe was "accompanied by a younger male friend" yesterday to watch her taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live! in Hollywood. Wait a minute, I see what they're doing here. They're implying that those pesky gay rumors about Joe are true because he has a new "young male friend." Look, I know lots of straight white men -- a bunch of Navy SEALs, lumberjacks, construction workers, etc. -- that wear blue suede shoes that match the exact color of their hip vest jacket . . . no, but seriously, Joe could be wearing a dick in his ass and it wouldn't look any gayer than he does in these pics.

*10 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 1
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 2
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 3
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 4
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 5
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 6
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 7
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 8
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 9
  • Joe Simpson Gay Shoes 10

Eric Johnson and Joe Simpson out for a bike ride in Oahu (1/5)

+ Lindsay Lohan's mom says she was raped [The Superficial]

+ Way too much time on his hands [Guyism]
+ Snooki's classy new tattoo [Celebuzz]
+ Rosario Dawson's topless sunbathing (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Melanie Truxton's is the next great ring girl [Busted Coverage]

+ What a sexy bitch [Dlisted]
+ Sexy nerdy girls [Linkiest]
+ Selena Gomez just farted [Evil Beet]
+ Chicks with sexy eyes. Nice. [Caveman Circus]

BIKINI PICS OF THE DAY: Kim Kardashian's pregnant bikini photoshoot

*25 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 1
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 2
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 3
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 4
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 5
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 6
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 7
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 8
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 9
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 10
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 11
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 12
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 13
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 14
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 15
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 16
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 17
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 18
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 19
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 20
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 21
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 22
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 23
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 24
  • Joe Simpson Gay Bike Ride 25

Joe Simpson says he's not gay

Joe Simpson is finally denying the rumor that popped up about him last week that he prefers the company of men, if you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's what you want to do with a good gay rumor. Let it simmer for a week before you finally address it. Nothing suspicious there. From TMZ:
Rumors be damned ... a frustrated Joe Simpson is telling friends and colleagues the stories that he's switched teams are absurd. There have been several reports out recently that Joe has told his family he's gay and that's why his marriage fell apart. There are also reports about several guys he's rumored to be dating/hooking up with. Sources who speak with Joe tell TMZ ... Jessica Simpson's daddy says it ain't so ... that the stories are "ridiculous." The people we spoke with are split -- some believe him, and some think he's just not ready to come out publicly.
Hey, this is the era we live in, folks. Basically, no matter who you are or what your situation is, spin spin spin. For example: Paris Hilton is still current news, just like Britney Spears isn't on saltwater crocodile tranquilizers, and Team KKKardashian aren't reprehensible attention whores. It's a publicist's world. Papa Joe Simpson isn't gay since most straight men get caught balls deep in young male models. I mean, what middle-aged-man's man hasn't taken a sip out of a trouser snake at some point in his life? It's the 50-something-year-olds without bleached blonde hair and fabulous outfits who are the real queers. Now if you don't mind, I have some names I need to sew into a giant quilt.

*5 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Denial 1
  • Joe Simpson Denial 2
  • Joe Simpson Denial 3
  • Joe Simpson Denial 4
  • Joe Simpson Denial 5

Faaaaaaaaaabulous!

According to Radar, Joe Simpson not only has a 21-year-old boyfriend (Bryce Chandler Hill), but that 21-year-old boyfriend is using him just to get famous. I swear, you can't have a secret gay affair anymore without someone trying to take advantage of you. A source told the site:
"Joe Simpson being outed by the National Enquirer was no surprise to the gay community in Hollywood, Bryce has been bragging about hooking up with Joe for a while now," a source close to Hill revealed. "Bryce is close to TJ Espinoza, who in turn is good friends with both Jessica and Ashlee and worked for Britney Spears as a back-up dancer. TJ introduced Bryce to the Simpsons - and that's how he met Joe. Bryce claims he's been dating Joe for roughly a year and absolutely loves to boast about it because he loves being the center of attention. He's also been quick to tell anyone that will listen that he's using Joe to climb the showbiz ladder.

"Bryce is desperate to become famous, he's done lots of modeling shoots and wants to become an actor. When he met Joe, he knew what a good job he had done in managing Jessica and Ashlee's careers and wanted a piece of the pie himself. But the sad thing is, he mocks and laughs at Joe behind his back. He doesn't care for him in the same way Joe does about him. Bryce has been boasting about this for months, but no one believed him at first," the source divulged.
Hey gays, see why us straights can't trust you? Most of us don't have a problem with you fellas using your assholes as catcher's mitts, but we do have a problem with your inability to keep your fucking mouths shut. The man code counts for you, too. Can't a man lovingly look into another man's eyes while unloading his seed deep into his butthole without it becoming media fodder? Hey wait, I guess he can't. Sorry Joe, but I have a car payment to make.

*5 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Boyfriend 1
  • Joe Simpson Boyfriend 2
  • Joe Simpson Boyfriend 3
  • Joe Simpson Boyfriend 4
  • Joe Simpson Boyfriend 5

Joe Simpson out and about in L.A. (10/26)

Joe Simpson was spotted in L.A. last Friday, and I'm just not seeing how these gay rumors could possibly be true. The finely manicured, bleached blonde hair . . . the slender frame . . . the head to toe matching outfit . . . the fabulous designer sunglasses -- he looks as straight as an arrow. He might as well be beating the shit out of some trucker or banging a supermodel like Tyson Beckford right there on the sidewalk.

*10 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 1
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 2
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 3
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 4
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 5
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 6
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 7
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 8
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 9
  • Joe Simpson Gay Outfit 10

That's pretty gay, dude

Joe Simpson is famous for 1. Being the father of Ashlee and Jessica Simpson, and 2. Being the creepy father who always talks about Jessica Simpson's boobs. But suddenly it doesn't seem so creepy because a family insider told the National Enquirer that Joe is queerer than a three dollar bill. No wonder Jessica can hit that high note! Via Radar:
And not only has a family source told The National Enquirer that 54-year-old Joe came out of the closet, the source says the former youth pastor and Baptist minister has a 20-some­thing boy toy! The stunning confession was the  real reason wife Tina filed for divorce from Joe, her husband of 34 years, in late September, the Enquirer reports.

"Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet," an insider divulged. "He told them that he'd tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn't go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men. Joe said it wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to him."
You know, I've had my suspicions about Joe for quite some time. There's always been something about him that's just "off." I think the smoking gun for me was that time I ran into him at a club in Hollywood and he let me fuck him in the ass. I kid, I kid. It was in Santa Monica.

*5 Gay Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Gay 1
  • Joe Simpson Gay 2
  • Joe Simpson Gay 3
  • Joe Simpson Gay 4
  • Joe Simpson Gay 5

Jessica Simpson's parents are divorcing

The entire Simpson family officially sucks at marriage. Ashlee divorced Pete. Jessica divorced Nick. And now Tina and Joe are splitting up. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Jessica's parents -- Tina and Joe Simpson -- are said to be amicably finalizing their divorce. Intriguingly, Tina Simpson is said to be far richer than her estranged hubby. A number of years ago, she and Joe divided up their responsibilities of managing Jessica's career -- with Joe handling her showbiz projects and Tina overseeing the merchandising and endorsement possibilities. Given Jessica's singing and acting have been eclipsed by her endorsement and licensing deals -- which make hundreds of millions -- Tina has really raked in the big bucks.
Phew! This must be one hell of a release for Joe.The Simpsons are getting divorced, so Papa Joe can finally stop pretending to not be staring at Jessica's tits all the time. I Hope Tina doesn't think she's coming out the winner in this situation, because his hard-on clearly states that Joe's not in it for the money. Careers be damned, "She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!" It must have been horrible to explain why he can't maintain an erection unless he's motorboating his daughter. You know, I admit that last line was pretty dark, but in my defense I have it on good authority that Joe agrees with everything I wrote.

*10 Simpson Family pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 1
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 2
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 3
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 4
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 5
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 6
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 7
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 8
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 9
  • Tina Joe Simpson Divorcing 10

Joe Simpson is under arrest

Jessica Simpson's creepy old dad Joe was arrested for DUI last week in Sherman Oaks. There must have been a strike by cabbies or something. From TMZ:
We're told LAPD cops pulled Joe's car over around 10 PM ... and during the stop, officers got the feeling he was intoxicated and ultimately cuffed the famous pop and took him to the pokey. Joe was booked and spent the rest of the night behind bars. He was released without having to post bail at 9:41 the following day.

The case has not been sent over to prosecutors in the L.A. City Attorney's Office yet, but if criminal charges are filed, it's likely Joe will not get any jail time since it's his first offense.  He'll probably end up with a big fat fine -- something his daughter will have no problem paying.
Everyone who thought that the first time Joe Simpson would be arrested, it would be for DUI and not for a peephole he drilled in Jessica's bathroom, raise your hand . . . *looks around, sees no hands raised*

*10 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson DUI 1
  • Joe Simpson DUI 2
  • Joe Simpson DUI 3
  • Joe Simpson DUI 4
  • Joe Simpson DUI 5
  • Joe Simpson DUI 6
  • Joe Simpson DUI 7
  • Joe Simpson DUI 8
  • Joe Simpson DUI 9
  • Joe Simpson DUI 10


Jessica Simpson leaving her lawyer's office in Century City (5/25)

Damn, I hope Jessica Simpson gets me in the Christmas gift exchange this year. From Starpulse:
Jessica Simpson has splashed out on new cars for her parents. The generous pop star bought dad Joe a top-of-the-line Maybach, while mom Tina has been handed the keys to a Porsche 911. The total cost of the vehicles is reportedly $600,000.
As a former child star that's grown up in the entertainment industry, Jessica should know by now that giving her parents lavish gifts isn't going to make them any more affectionate towards her than they already are. The only thing that'll do that is love compassion another hit single.

*10 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 1
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 2
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 3
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 4
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 5
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 6
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 7
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 8
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 9
  • Jessica Simpson Car Gifts 10

Joe Simpson will inconvenience you

A bunch of vets are pissed off at Jessica Simpson's creepy dad Joe for cutting them out of a TV special featuring his daughter. He probably has nothing to worry about, though -- it's not like those dudes know how to use deadly sniper rifles or anything. From the New York Post:
The 4Troops, a singing group of combat veterans, were told their camouflage gear was not fancy enough to sing with Simpson on her PBS Christmas special filmed at the Roseland Ballroom on Thursday.

A source told Page Six, "Jessica's dad, Joe Simpson, effectively kicked them off the show because he didn't like what they were wearing. They were in camo pants and blazers, the same outfits they wore to sing for Gen. David Petraeus on the USS Intrepid. They were told they couldn't perform unless they were wearing tuxedos.

"They waited for six hours until midnight only to be told their number with Jessica had been cut from the show," the source said. "The irony was Jessica was on stage saying how much she supports and admires the troops, and the veterans were stuck in a room in the basement. Instead of enduring more humiliation, the veterans left."

A spokeswoman for 4Troops said, "Joe should be ashamed of himself." Jens said, "I am so disappointed and angry, I threw up when I got back to my room."
These vets should consider themselves lucky -- these days, the only thing worse than being associated with Jessica Simpson is being waterboarded. Besides, the real reason Joe didn't want the vets around his daughter is because he didn't like the competition. Of course, if Joe had really wanted to surround his daughter with military personnel that isn't considered threatening at all, he would have had her perform with the Armée de Terre.*

*look it up

5 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Joe Simpson Hates Veterans 1
  • Joe Simpson Hates Veterans 2
  • Joe Simpson Hates Veterans 3
  • Joe Simpson Hates Veterans 4
  • Joe Simpson Hates Veterans 5

Would You Rather?

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