Recently in Joe Simpson Category

Joe Simpson and Tony Romo playing golf in Studio City (1/8)

It was widely believed that Papa Joe Simpson was behind Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's first break-up last year. The only reason the couple got back together (I mean besides Jessica's awesome rack) was because Joe promised to take a step back. Oh hey, you'll never guess who didn't take a step back. From Fox News:

Another inside source said that Jessica’s manager/father Joe Simpson’s meddling ways most likely took its toll on the relationship, which is the reason why they split the first time fourteen months ago. We’re told Joe promised he’d take a step back when the couple reunited but he was still too involved in his daughter’s private life.

"At one point Joe was even giving Tony football advice which doesn’t go down well," said an insider. "Tony was a football superstar before he got mixed up in Hollywood, this move will be probably be good at least for his career."

I can't believe Tony's using Joe as the scapegoat for the break-up. What an absolute betrayal. After all, it was Joe who introduced him to Jessica. It was Joe who told him the secret combination to unlocking Jessica's pants (kiss her on the neck, right below the ear). It was Joe who told Tony what champagne to get Jessica drunk on to get her to do "pretty much anything." Congratulations Cowboys fans, you have Benedict Arnold leading your team.

Jessica Simpson got fat

You just knew there had to be a Papa Joe Simpson angle somewhere in this Jessica Simpson getting fat story. Via MSNBC:

Before we pity the star for packing on unwanted pounds, let's remember how well weight gain-and-loss stories sell magazines.

"She's loving it," said a source close to Simpson, who suspects her weight gain is strategic. "It will probably get her back on covers right when she is a 'supporting' act on tour. I bet Joe (Simpson) has already sold the weight-loss story." (Source)

Dude, if this shit's true, Joe Simpson is an evil fucking genius. Everyone is talking about Jessica right now. My grandma even called me yesterday because she wanted to know when Jessica Simpson became a competitive eater. I wonder what Joe has in store to get Ashlee back in the news? I can see the headlines now: "Ashlee Simpson Disfigured In Horrible Car Accident Just Two Days Before Her Hot New Album Hits Stores Nationwide."

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson at San Diego International Airport (6/1)

Papa Joe Simpson is basically ruining his daughter Jessica's life. It's been widely reported that an overbearing Joe was behind Jessica and boyfriend Tony Romo's split. The couple has since gotten back together but with the understanding that Joe back off. Oops, someone forgot to tell Joe. A source told Us Weekly that Joe recently asked Tony to drop his agent so he could manage his NFL career and $67.5 million contract. Another source revealed to Us that Joe's pressuring the couple to get married so he can sell the exclusive pictures to the tabloids:

"'If you guys have a marriage, I can do the same [sell it] that I did with Ashlee,'" a source quotes Joe as saying.

When asked for comment by Us, Joe defended himself, telling Us, “It’s unfair to criticize me for what every manager does for his or her clients. And in this business, where people can quickly turn on you, who better than a parent to be working for his children?" (Source)

Joe later added "Psssssst, you want your own authentic Jessica Simpson baby? I can get eggs from her -- I've done it before. Girl is dumber than a bag of hammers. I'll tell her she needs to get to her tonsils removed again. When she's under, a slice her, a slice there, bam, we got eggs -- $250k -- half up front. If you buy two, I'll throw in a lock of Ashlee's hair."

Oh God he's creepy

onths before she's due, Joe Simpson is already trying to strike a deal to sell the first pictures of his daughter Ashlee's new baby. And he wants a million bucks. A source told the New York Post:

"Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover. The deal would include photos of Ashlee - taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money - an interview and photos of the baby when she has it."

Sadly, there is some interest - but not for anything close to $1 million. One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch "$60,000 maybe - but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee's lucky she got pregnant, frankly. Joe has an unrealistic expectation of what Ashlee can command." (Source)

Jesus. Is there anyone in Joe's family he won't pimp out for money? Ashlee's baby still has a tail and already he's trying to make a buck off of it. Ten bucks that the day after she gives birth an "Authentic Ashlee Simpson Placenta" is gonna turn up on eBay.

NOTE: Just two more classes and Papa Joe gets his degree from the "Joe Jackson School of Family Exploitation" -- pictures of the graduation ceremony just $14.99. Buy yours now!

[WENN]

"Jessica was asleep and I grabbed her like this."

If you follow the NFL you know there's been an uproar over some photos of Dallas Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo vacationing in Cabo San Lucas last week when many felt he should have been preparing for the Cowboys playoff game against the New York Giants (which the Cowboys lost on Sunday). An insider told the New York Daily News that it's all Jessica's dad's fault:

"Joe is well-known for his deals with the paparazzi, where the family gets a cut from the sales of the photographs. Nobody would have known that Tony was down in Mexico with Jessica if there hadn't been those pictures everywhere. So a lot of people suspect he tipped off the photographers, causing Tony this huge headache."

Simpson's rep countered on Monday:

"Joe would never sell out his daughter to the media and would never do anything to hurt his own family or for that matter, Tony. This is categorically false." (Source)

Jessica's rep is right. Joe wouldn't sell out his own daughter to the paparazzi to make a quick buck -- unless he got first choice of the pics to add to his "collection". Why do you think we've never seen a Jessica Simpson upskirt or nip slip? Because Joe's been hoarding 'em for years. You should see his bedroom ceiling. Nothing but bikini shots. It's pretty disturbing. Oh, and I've got a request for the Cowboys management. No more crying. If I wanted to see a Cowboy crying over another Cowboy last weekend I would have turned off the game and watched one of my copies of Brokeback Mountain!

QUESTION: What do you call Jessica Simpson minus the "talent," tits, gag reflex, and parents that care?

ANSWER: Paris Hilton.

Joe and Jessica Simpson

Papa Joe Simpson basically pimped his daughter Jessica out to Dallas Cowboys' QB Tony Romo. Romo was seen with Jessica at the Simpson compound over Thanksgiving and the two are rumored to be dating. A friend of Jessica's told the New York Post:

"Joe and Tony have been friendly for a while. Joe is a huge Dallas Cowboy fan, and Tony has always had a crush on her - he even said on his Web site like a year ago that it was his dream to date her. Jessica has been in Nashville and Dallas recording her new country album. When Tony found out, he called Joe and said, 'I know she's not dating anyone right now, can I take her out for a drink at least?' Jessica said it was OK for Joe to give Tony her number and they hit it off. They've been dating for a couple of weeks now, and Jessica is so happy. She's been texting everyone about how great he is." (Source)

Hooking your daughter up with an NFL QB is like the 4-minute mile of pimping. Huggy Bear must be so jealous that Joe shattered the barrier first. In all seriousness though, it must have been really tough for Joe to give away his sweet/precious daughter like that . . . now he's single! But don't worry about Joe, his dating options are limitless and he'll bounce back in no time at all--especially when you consider the fact that he comes from such a large extended family!

Pacific Coast News

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's dad, Joe, were involved in an altercation with security guards outside club Jet in Las Vegas after the VMAs on Sunday. The trouble started when a bouncer wouldn't let Wentz's entire entourage through a door to an SUV waiting for the group. After Wentz started screaming at him, the much-bigger guard shoved him, which knocked girlfriend Ashlee Simpson against a wall. The Daily News has the rest:

We watched as Wentz rushed to her aid. The Fall Out Boy bassist rained punches on the much-taller door sentries. Papa Joe also dove into the chaos. "When somebody messes with my baby, then it's over!" Joe told us later, drawing his finger across his throat.

Happily, the sound and fury didn't result in any serious injuries, and the Simpson-Wentz group managed to leave. Outside, Wentz stomped around and spat on the wall of the club. "[Bleep] this place!" he screeched, vowing never to set foot inside again. (Source)

When did Joe Simpson turn 21? Because that's the age I was when I last got into a drunken fight with a bouncer. The next thing we'll hear is that Joe has been trying on his Mother's panties and dancing in front of the mirror like a pretty little ballerina . . . like all 21-year-olds do . . . right? . . . help me out here . . . right?

Not surprisingly, Joe Simpson, the father/manager of Ashlee Simpson, doesn't approve of his youngest daughter's romance with Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz. Joe thinks Ashlee's acting way too wild. On her upcoming CD, Ashlee cusses on two tracks! Oh no! From the National Enquirer:

"Joe says he's going to put his foot down," said a source. "Ashlee may be of age, but Joe's determined to show he's still calling the shots. All of her former boyfriends were Joe-approved – but Pete is a wild card." (Source)

She lip-syncs her songs so the obvious question that follows is does she lip-sync her orgasms? - (Editor's Note: Obviously!) I can totally see her in bed screaming, "Yes! Yes!! YES!!!" and then Pete saying, "Um ... I haven't started yet." And as for her father telling her who she can date, if the guy's name doesn't start with "J" and end with "OE SIMPSON", her father won't approve. I think I read somewhere where he said that Ashlee was the better kisser of his two daughters ... who knew?!?

BTW, the marriage/pregnancy rumors about Pete and Ashley are not true. Yayyy!!!!!

It looks like staring at her tits all day long isn't the only perk to having a big-breasted daughter. For example, sometimes she buys you really expensive things. From the New York Daily News:

It's not even the third Sunday in June, but Jessica Simpson plonked down $300,000 for a black Ferrari to thank manager-dad Joe for producing her new flick, "Blonde Ambition." "Joe has wanted this Ferrari for a long time, but he wouldn't consider getting one since they are so expensive," a family insider tells In Touch Weekly. (Source)

Ah yes, a Ferrari, an obvious choice for today's modern on-the-go pervert. Second only to the classic 1977 Chevy Conversion Van. Remember kiddies, no windows means it's extra safe. Wow, I should really write that last line down. I keep a notebook full of PSAs I've written over the years in the remote chance of someday breaking into the industry. Here's a few of my recent ones targetted to the younger crowd. Let me know what you think:

• Daddy's loaded handgun: Dangerous or Dangerously Fun?
• Go ahead and play with that matchbook, Billy, what's the worst that could happen?
• Free candy from a stranger? Fuck yeah!
• Bleach: how do you really know it doesn't taste like soda?

Remember those rumors floating around a few weeks ago that Jessica Simpson and Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo were dating? Well not only were the two not dating each other (as I told you last week)—they’ve never even met. It looks like the rumors were started by—surprise, surprise--Papa Joe Simpson. According to sources:

Joe Simpson "lent her name out to Romo in exchange for game tickets." But Jessica's publicist, Cindi Berger, said talk of Joe selling out his daughter is "totally false" and that Romo, who's reportedly dating Carrie Underwood, simply mentioned once that he wanted to meet Jessica.

I’ve heard of doing crazy things for football tickets but pimping out your daughter is on a whole different level. Why couldn’t he just be like a normal Dad and pretend his kid has cancer and his last dying wish is 50-yard-line seats to a Cowboys’ game. And then maybe some one-on-one time with the cheerleaders after the game. I mean that’s what normal fathers do, right?