Joan Rivers at a photocall in London for her new play "A Work in Progress" (9/2)
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[WENN]
Tell me you didn't make the same mistake I did reading this article:
DOWN ONE DOGJoan Rivers is in mourning. Her precious Yorkshire terrier, Veronica, died last week at age 12. "We miss her. She was the only one who would snarl and bite at strangers," said Rivers, who still has an oversized Boston terrier, Lulu, and a Pekinese, Max. She plans to replace Veronica after the holidays. "This is a three-dog apartment," she explained. Rivers' most famous pet was a Yorkie named Spike she often mentioned in her stand-up routines. Daughter Melissa complained Joan loved Spike more than her. But Spike expired the day before 9/11, "so no one knew he died," Joan said.
Seriously, what's the first thing that went through your mind when you saw the first two words to a story titled "DOWN ONE DOG" were 'Joan' and 'Rivers'. Exactly--you thought the bitch finally died. I'm a little bummed out Joan's dog was actually the one that died as I had already prepared a touching retrospective on her life and times (my favorite story was when Joan loaned her face to the Brooklyn Dodgers because they ran out of catcher's mitts--true story). Good times.
Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers is just plain mean spirited:
Joan Rivers' mouth never stops. At her show at the Cutting Room the other night, she took on Angelina Jolie ("She can catch fish in her big lower lip"), Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's baby ("She's obviously Asian and wears a wig") and Michael Jackson ("I would've forced my grandson to let Michael pet him to get the $36 million that all the other kids got"). There was an audible gasp when she speculated on Anderson Cooper's sex life, with a handful of patrons groaning, "Awwww!"
Joan Rivers making fun of celebrities' appearances is like Tom Cruise making fun of a llama wearing a top hat. Sure the llama may be a little crazy, but at least his religion doesn't involve spaceships, volcanoes, and nuclear bombs. Sure Angelina Jolie may have a novelty-sized lower lip, but at least her face doesn't look like an orange that was left out in the sun for two weeks. And was then stepped on by a crazy llama wearing a top hat. What an eerie coincidence. Hold me.
[WENN]
