Joan Rivers

Rihanna leaving Racer's Edge Indoor Karting in Burbank (8/25)

Joan Rivers and Rihanna are fighting now or something. Hopefully not literally. I hear Rihanna has a real weak chin. From Contact Music:

Rihanna has taken aim at Joan Rivers after the outspoken comic mocked the pop star over her candid interview with Oprah Winfrey. The Umbrella hitmaker broke down in tears during a chat with Winfrey for her Own network earlier this month when she admitted she still loves her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown.

The comment irked Rivers, who took to Twitter.com to call the star out on her confession, writing, "Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her."

Rihanna quickly retaliated, replying, "Joan_Rivers wow u really do get slow when you're old huh?", before adding, "Slap on some diapers."

River then tried to make amends by inviting her on her show Fashion Police, writing, "Honey, Rihanna, everyone knows: If he hit you once, he'll hit you again. Read the statistics. Ps - Love to have you on Fashion Police!"

Oh boy, I think it's time for Joan to call it a career. The old lady had a decent line that was totally destroyed by Rihanna's "slap on some diapers" comeback. For you rank amateurs considering a career in comedy, never, EVER, try to justify a lukewarm one-liner with real sentiment because your target killed you. Joan's retort to the retort was so hack that I'm surprised she didn't ask Rihanna to pick a card first. So much for that "genius" label every comedian likes to pin on Joan -- clearly she's not. In the words of the great humanitarian and lover of women, DMX: "Mind yo business, trick-ass ho!"

*10 Rihanna pictures total in the gallery:

Joan Rivers out and about in L.A. (2/23)

Did You Know? When Joan Rivers was born, the United States Flag only had 15 stars. It's true. I read it on a Snapple cap.

*10 Joan Rivers pictures total in the gallery:

Joan Rivers arriving at the Ritz Hotel in London (11/2)

Joan Rivers is finally giving up plastic surgery. Next thing on her list to give up? Life. From The Globe:

At age 77, Joan Rivers has finally decided she’s done with plastic surgery! The caustic comic has famously spent a whopping $80,000 on a host of nip/tucks, including two full face-lifts, an eye lift, nose job, boob job, liposuction and endless collagen injections. But now she’s telling pals and her daughter Melissa, that “enough is enough” and she’s prepared to let nature take its course. “Joan says she wants to give her body a rest and is ready to age gracefully-even is she ends up having wrinkles and saggy skin,” dishes a source. “She’s still a big fan of plastic surgery and would recommend it to anyone, but she’s insisting she’s gone under the knife for the very last time.” (Print Edition - 12/13)

Good for Joan. At some point, you've just got to realize it's over and throw in the towel. Of course, in Hollywood, that usually happens to most women when they turn 35. But not Joan -- bitch has a longer shelf life than Spam. And it's all thanks to plastic surgery. By my count, Joan's actually been the recipient of more injections to her face than Jenna Jameson. *rimshot*

*5 Joan Rivers pictures total in the gallery:

Joan River has a nice place

Joan Rivers' duplex in New York. She just listed it for $25 million.

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!