Jim Carrey

Kristen Wiig filming Bridesmaids last year in L.A.

Note to Jim Carrey: Kristen Wiig does not want to have sex with you. Drop it. From the National Enquirer:

Jim [Carrey's] been madly infatuated with "Saturday Night Live" star Kristen Wiig ever since his last "SNL" stint, so he bombarded her with flowers, congratulatory notes about her "Bridesmaids" mega-smash and then showed up backstage to beg for a dinner date, reveals an "SNL" insider. "Kristen thinks Jim is a funny and talented guy, but she's made it clear she's in a longtime serious relationship with actor/writer Brian Petsos. So she finally told him, 'Stop asking me out - the answer is no!'"

Has Jim Carrey fallen on hard times or what? This guy used to be the biggest star in Hollywood and now he can't even score a date with someone like Kristen Wiig? You'd think a Saturday Night Live castmember and Jim Carrey would be the perfect match -- since neither has been funny since the early 90's.

*10 Kristen Wiig pictures total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey at a 4th of July party in Malibu

When he's not busy secretly being a Scientologist, Jim Carrey is mowing down all the ass in Hollywood. He had an 11-some a few months ago, and he was spotted hitting on multiple chicks in Malibu earlier this month. Dude better back off my territory or he's gonna get cut. From the National Enquirer:

Star funnyman Jim Carrey, still solo romantically after his bustup with Jenny McCarthy, roamed all over a Malibu private beach checking out and chatting up one bikini-clad babe after another. Did Jim get lucky? Said my SpyWitness: "Who knows? He wound up jotting down four phone numbers on a newspaper he was holding."

What's most surprising about this story is how desperate Jim's become  that women actually gave him their phone number  that Jim was actually carrying around a newspaper. Who the hell reads the newspaper anymore? Those things are almost as outdated as his wacky shtick. Jim might as well have been walking around with a buggy whip or something even older and more useless -- like Jennifer Aniston's uterus.

*30 Jim Carrey pictures total in the gallery: 

Jim Carrey leaving The Little Door restaurant in L.A. (5/11)

Jim Carrey just proves the old adage that no matter how much you look like a disturbed serial killer, as long as you're famous, women will still want to sleep with you. From the New York Post:

Jim Carrey seems to be getting over Jenny McCarthy rather rapidly -- he was spotted grappling with a blonde and a brunette at Pacha Sunday morning. A spy at the West 46th Street club told us, "He arrived at 3 a.m. with an entourage of at least 10 women. Once in the VIP area, he turned his attention to a pretty blonde who looked a lot like Jenny and a hot brunette. Things were getting so hot and heavy, someone shouted, 'Get a room.' Jim just burst out laughing." Carrey and crew left around 6 a.m.

Can you really blame Jim for wanting to have a good time with a bunch of hot young ladies? He's rich, famous, and as a Grandpa, he's probably running out of the little bit of lead he has left in his pencil. Besides, it must be nice going out with women who aren't so uptight about prescription medications -- which in his case, probably means prescriptions like Cialis and Viagra.

*5 pics total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey crossed over to the dark side

If random internet speculation is to be believed -- and really, why shouldn't it be? -- Jim Carrey is a Scientologist. From Hollywood, Interrupted:

CALL ME CRAZY: JIM CARREY OUTS SELF AS SCIENTOLOGIST! In one ill-advised Twitter thread (pics here and here), former funny-man Jim Carrey explains his cosmic drift into cult-induced irrelevance. (note: Carrey’s anti-pharmaceutical ranting and use of the tell-tale Scientology catch-phrase, “suppressive types.”

Sure it's possible Jim Carrey might be a Scientologist. But here's a more reasonable theory: HE'S FUCKING INSANE. I mean, just look at him. Tell me that's the face of somebody you'd leave your kids alone with for ten minutes. I wouldn't even leave my microwave alone with him.

*7 pics total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey is dating again

I think Jim Carrey is over Jenny McCarthy -- he was seen hanging out with a hot blonde Sunday at Bergamot Station in Santa Monica. Good for him. In related news, where does "looking like a deranged serial killer" rank on the list of first date no-no's? Seriously, he's freaking me out.

*25 pics total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey blasts Tiger Woods' wife

Apparently feeling that not enough women hate him, Jim Carrey came to Tiger Woods' defense this weekend on Twitter, basically calling his wife Elin a whore who had her head buried in the sand:

Tiger Woods owes nothing 2 anyone but himself. 2 please his father he gave up his childhood and his freedom in the world. That's enough!--->    
10:06 AM Apr 9th via web

No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)    
12:12 PM Apr 9th via web

And in response to @eyssogreen's comment: "Who r u to attack Tiger Wood's innocent wife Elin? YOU CREEP!!Jenny mightve been INTO SEX groups. Elin was home w. her babes"):

@eyssogreen That's a cop out Gail. No woman just stays at home with the kids anymore. Tiger was wrong and Elin was ignoring the obvious ;^)    
8:03 AM Apr 10th via web

Is it possible -- even probable -- that Jim's actually right? If you consider how many skanks Tiger was sleeping with, Elin had to have known something was going on. Sure, she might have been able to overlook the lipstick on Tiger's collar or the hickeys on his penis, but no woman can ignore the scent of another woman. Case in point: I can smell Rachel Uchitel from here.

*12 pics total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy in London last November

Don't feel too bad for Jenny McCarthy being dumped by Jim Carrey. She got a free mansion out of the deal. From Janet Charlton's Hollywood:

No more sharing swimsuits for Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey. It’s over. But as we told you last summer, he didn’t leave her in the lurch. Jim bought Jenny and her little boy Evan  a FIVE MILLION dollar house in Beverly Hills so they can always feel secure. That calculates to about a million dollars for each year they spent together. STAR magazine claims that Jim’s bouts of depression led to the split and certainly his moods have always been a challenge. At least he’s not a cheapskate.

If Jim was going to give Jenny so much, he might as well have gotten married in the first place. The whole reason for not putting a ring on a girl's finger is so that you can get the milk for free without having to buy the cow . . . even if that cow does have utters as nice as Jenny's (NSFW). Luckily for Jim though, he should be able to bounce back from this break-up and get over his depression in no time with something Jenny never let him have: a threesome medication.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy in Maui last year

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy announced their breakup yesterday on Twitter (Jim's here and Jenny's here). What are they, 17? Carrey's publicist told E!:

"Jim and Jenny have recently decided to end their five-year relationship. They are grateful for the many blessings they have shared and wish each other the very best."

Wow, this whole breakup was surprisingly civil considering all the racist things Jim said about Jenny's housekeeper Guadalupe. Don't be fooled by him -- behind that friendly facade is nothing but hate and rage for those less fortunate than him . . . actually I made that up. For all I know, Jim's a really nice guy and only hates Mexicans a little. I just hate when breakups are so damn boring. Thank God for Jesse James and cheap Nazi memorabilia on eBay or this year would have really sucked.

Jenny McCarthy is a klutz

I don't really have much to say about these pics of Jenny McCarthy falling down the stairs Saturday night at Katsuya in Hollywood. Except this: When did Jenny McCarthy turn into Jim Carrey's character from The Mask? It's uncanny.

Jenny McCarthy bikini pics! (Hawaii - 1/5)

I gotta hand it to Jim Carrey. If I was dating someone as hot as Jenny McCarthy, I'd probably tie her to the hood of my Corolla Mercedes and drive around town honking. "Tits everybody! Tits!" To walk down the beach with her and show such restraint . . . well played Jim, well played.