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Jewel ain't bad


Jewel bikini pics!

That's Jewel in the Bahamas a few weeks ago. She posted the pics to her Twitter late last week. I know what you're thinking: But what about her husband, rodeo star and former Dancing with the Stars semi-finalist Ty Murray? Did he feed a defenseless little puppy to a school of manhungry sharks? Actually, yes, yes he did (see here). How did you know?

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June 22, 2009
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Top 10 Bad Hollywood Boob Jobs


Top 10 Bad Hollywood Boob Jobs

by Dan the Celebman

Nothing makes shallow celebs happier than a stiff injection of saline solution. But just like with Kevin Costner's acting career, things sometimes go horribly wrong.

NOTE: Make sure you click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.

  • Thumbnail: 10. Audrina Patridge. The Hills has a lot to answer for. This MTV-produced bucket of rotting fish bait was thrust upon our small screens in 2006. Audrina has probably had breast implants, as they look perkier and significantly larger than they used to. However, we forgive her; any girl’s boobs would droop in the presence of Spencer Pratt.
  • Thumbnail: 9. Jewel. Jewel’s musical career has been declining in recent years. A boob job can usually help fix a performer’s esteem at least for the foreseeable future. Unless that boob job leaves you with some bizarre wrinkles that look like your granny’s forehead when she is frowning as you try to explain to her what bukkake is.
  • Thumbnail: 8. Jenna Jameson. Well it’s no surprise to find Jenna on this list. Jenna’s boobs were once a 32DD and currently come in at a more petite 32C. At one point, her boobs looked like they were made from Play-Doh; You could definitely see Tommy Lee’s handprint there. And a bit of his arm (what do you mean that’s not his arm... oh... Wow!).
  • Thumbnail: 7. Paula Abdul. I think it was just wrong of Simon Cowell to put Paula in a microwave. That’s what he did you know. Look at her. She looks like a prune with all the juice sucked out of her. If she got bitten by a vampire she would just explode like a piñata full of dust. Her boobs look like she uses them to weigh vegetables by hooking a balance on nipple rings. Yuck.
  • Thumbnail: 6. Vivica Fox. Vivica Fox had such a bad boob job that “Vivicas” is now a term used to describe breasts that have hardened breast implants. Really, check the Urban Dictionary. Vivica played a hardened killer in Kill Bill Vol 1. No doubt she put her newfound skills to use by pounding the butcher who shoved an old pair of sandals in her chest cavity.
  • Thumbnail: 5. Donatella Versace. The horror, the horror. She’s making my eyes bleed, please, put me out of my misery.
  • Thumbnail: 4. Pamela Anderson. The queen of the boob job. There was a point when Pammy’s breasts were so large that astronauts could seem them from outer space (or rather the dust that collected on top of them). Her boobs have been chopped up so much that her nipples are practically falling off. Pammy is so plastic that when she dies it will take 1,000 years for her body to decompose.
  • Thumbnail: 3. Victoria Beckham. It was hard not to put Victoria in first place, her boobs are not just bad, they’re actually hilarious. Apparently she had them spaced like that deliberately to remind her of home, specifically, the English Channel. At some points, the English Channel is only 21 miles wide, just a bit slimmer than Overtanned Spice’s cleavage. Seriously, are they boobs or neoplastic benign tumors growing out from her armpits from frying her skin too much?
  • Thumbnail: 2. Tori Spelling. Tori is an evil genius. Bad boob job? Of course, but have you seen her face? We’re all too busy staring at her mammary glands to actually realize that Tori looks like that guy you keep seeing down at the market who has nice legs and boobs, but you are sure he is a guy because of his huge hands and chin (and moustache). And you worry because you keep getting a bit of a chubby when you see him/her. But you also secretly like it. You want the man/woman/beast don’t you? And Tori knows that
  • Thumbnail: 1. Tara Reid. Way to go Tara, not easy to push Tori into 2nd place. Remember Tara in “American Pie”? She was cute, sexy, and incredibly hot. Fast forward 10 years and tell me if you had a choice between Tara Reid and a meat grinder, which you’d take home to introduce to your parents? Tara’s boob job is so nasty that she was once used by NASA to scare away a potential alien invasion. The extra-terrestrials took one look at those Hellish mounds and beat a hasty retreat. She is an all-American hero.
April 17, 2009
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Jewel is the big winner


WHEN PLASTIC SURGERY GOES WRONG

I know this is a little late, but the People's Choice Awards were last night in Los Angeles. Jewel was the big winner of the show, taking home the "OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT CHICK'S TITS!" and "DOES SHE OWN A FREAKING MIRROR!" awards. Congratulations from all of us here at Celebslam.

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January 08, 2009
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Jewel has no friends, four boobs

Jewel has horrible fake tits

Jewel at the CMA Awards (11/7)

I know this because if Jewel had friends she would have never worn this implant-flattering dress to last night's Country Music Awards. "Hey Jewel I know you love that dress but this turtle neck looks really flattering on you." Posh Spice is laughing at those things.

Jewel breast implants Jewel fake titties Jewel fake tits Jewel’s fake cans Jewel fake breasts Jewel fake boobs

Jewel has horrible fake boobs Jewel has horrible fake breasts Jewel has a snaggletooth What the hell Jewel?

November 08, 2007
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Lunch with Jewel

Ms. Jewel Goes to Washington

Jewel testifying before the House Income Security and Family Support subcommittee on Tuesday

More Jewel pictures after the jump...

June 20, 2007
Permalink | | Comments: 7