Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the Prado Museum in Madrid, Spain (7/24)
I really don't see what the big deal is about Madonna's boyfriend getting an allowance. He washes the dishes, takes out the trash, and mows the lawn. How else is he supposed to get compensated? From
In Touch Weekly:
Madonna’s boy toy, Jesus Luz, knows it pays to stick close to the Material Girl. According to a friend, Jesus, 23, put his modeling career on hold in order to accompany Madonna around the world — and that move is definitely paying off. “Jesus basically lived paycheck to paycheck before he met Madonna, and he, like most people, had bills,” a friend explains. But now, his money worries are a thing of the past. “Madonna gives him about $10,000 a month to cover his expenses, including his cell phone, insurance and credit card payments,” adds the pal. The 51-year-old star is also rumored to have decided to buy Jesus a $2.7 million apartment in New York.
It makes sense that Madonna would give her boyfriend an allowance -- he's at that age where he needs to start learning about money and responsibility. And for Jesus, what a deal! $10,000/month definitely beats what he used to make on his old paper route ($4/hour). Of course the question you have to ask yourself loyal Celebslam reader is, "What would it take for YOU to sleep with Madonna?" For starters, I'd suggest a liter of whiskey, a body condom, and a blindfold.
Jesus Luz and Madonna at the Met Costume Institute Gala in New York (5/4)
I don't know how much Madonna is paying her boyfriend to say this shit but it's not enough. He needs a raise, like, yesterday. From the
Daily Mail:
Jesus Luz has spoken for the first time about his on/off lover Madonna, saying she is 'beautiful' and has 'no visible faults'. In an interview with Brazilian television, the model heaped praise on the singer, but insisted they are just friends.
He said: "Madonna is beautiful, a person full of positive energy, with no visible faults. I found her marvelous. Her personality also impressed me. She is a person I admire a lot, a friend in my life, who I remain in contact with. But apart from that I cannot say more."
Madonna "beautiful"? I'm no doctor, but it sounds as if Jesus has caught a case of AnnaNicoleSmithitis. It's a fairly common disease typically found in the Southern California region. Symptoms include: dating someone more than twice your age, confusing a wealthy person's bank account with their appearance, and convincing one's self that they still have a soul. Fortunately for those that have become infected, there is one known remedy: their partner's funeral service.
Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the KabbalahCentre in New York (2/28)
Madonna was spotted with
ex-boyfriend Jesus Luz earlier this week in New York, fueling speculation that the two are a couple again. That or Madonna adopted him. He is ten, right? From
The Sun:
[Madonna and Luz] tucked into some Italian nosh at Morandi before leaving separately, only to link up once more in the back of Madge's waiting car. Earlier in the evening, they were seen leaving the Kabbalah center, once again avoiding being pictured together.
The pair have yet to confirm whether or not they are still an item, but the Brazilian model is certainly a dab hand at perking up his reported missus following her recent adoption woe.
How does a woman who's infatuated with Kabbalah (an offshoot of the Jewish religion) become so obsessed with a guy named Jesus? You'd think she'd be more interested in dudes named Moses, Mordachai, or Doctor. The sad thing is that Madonna's recent dating and adoption woes could have been avoided if she'd just done a little better job at planning . . . or as I like to call it, "The Woody Allen Method."
Jesus Luz leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York (3/7)
Madonna is not gonna be happy after she hears this. Her boyfriend, 22-year-old Brazilian model
Jesus Luz, was seen canoodling with -- *gasp* -- a woman who is only ten years older than him! From
The Sun:
Brazilian Jesus, 22, was seen tenderly clasping lingerie model Luciana Costa as they swayed to the music in his home city of Rio. Jesus, wearing a jaunty hat, held 31-year-old Luciana close and whispered in her ear — and onlookers claimed they started kissing. Madonna, 50, was nowhere in sight when Jesus arrived at the bash on Saturday night.
One reveller said: "Jesus was the hit of the party and all the girls went wild for him when he arrived. But Luciana was more interested than most and soon got hold of him for a dance."
Another added: "They danced together very close lots of times. He whispered things in her ear, grabbed her hand, put his hand around her waist. He’d had a little to drink and it seemed clear he was after something." (Source)
No big deal. Madonna was gonna dump Jesus anyway. He's getting too old for her. With the way she's running around the country, Madonna needs to find a few 18 or 19-year-olds to suck the youthful souls out of. Mmmmmm, delicious youthful souls.
Jesus Luz and Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York (2/28)
Madonna reportedly threw a fit the other night at The Ritz bar in New York when the DJ had the nerve to play a Britney Spears song. From the
New York Post:
Lady Madge stopped by Hell's Kitchen gay bar The Ritz on Monday to attend her trainer Tracy Anderson's birthday party when the DJ threw on a Spears track. "She flipped out, stormed upstairs, and spent the rest of the night aggressively making out with Jesus [Luz, her new boy toy]," says a spy. Madge and Luz later slipped out the back door and into an idling SUV. (Source)
Wow, she didn't just make out with Jesus, she "aggressively" made out with him. I don't know exactly what that means but it sounds like something I wouldn't want Madonna to do to me or my worst enemy. Or even Osama bin Laden. I'll just throw that out there.
Jesus Luz and Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York (2/28)
Guy Ritchie has a catchy nickname for
his ex-wife Madonna:
Stupid Whore Bitch "It." A source told
The Sun:
"Guy will say, ‘Oh, It’s in a bad mood today’. Even towards the end of their marriage, he would call her It. He told people, ‘We can’t make It angry’. There is absolutely no love lost between them." (Source)
"It" is a pretty good way to describe Madonna, but as long as Guy is using movie titles, he should have gone with
The Abyss,
The Thing, or
Outbreak. Of course since he's walking away from the marriage with a little over $50 million, I guess he could have also referred to her as
The Bank Job. But don't think Madonna's not coming up with her own nicknames. She affectionately refers to her new boyfriend Jesus Luz as
Grandma's Boy.
Sean Penn and his shiny new OscarSo you know how Madonna's new boyfriend
looks like he should be getting ready for Junior Prom in a few months? I guess I'm not the only one that has noticed. From UK tabloid
The Sun:
Best Actor winner Sean Penn sniped at ex-wife Madonna when they met at an after-show party. Madonna, 50, praised 48-year-old Penn’s winning performance in Milk. But Penn gestured at the singer’s new love, model Jesus Luz, 22, and said: "Thanks. Another kid already?" (Source)
Oh Snap! Madonna got told. Getting called out like that must have made her feel so humiliated and -- who am I kidding? This is Madonna we're talking about here. You could crap on her chest on the fifty-yard-line in the middle of the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl and this chick would still feel no shame. If Sean had really wanted to get under Madonna's skin, he would have made her feel the one way that absolutely drives her crazy: ignored.
Jesus Luz at Sao Paulo Fashion Week in Brazil (1/18)
I don't know how parents are supposed to act right after a divorce but I'm pretty sure 9 out of 10 child therapists recommend NOT hanging out with your new 22-year-old boyfriend around your kids. From
Us Weekly:
“[Madonna] loves showing her ex that she can still get the youngest, hottest thing out there,” a source close to the 50-year-old singer told Us Weekly.
Madge flaunted her boy toy at NYC eatery Macelleria on Feb. 1 for brunch with her kids, Lourdes and David. Are more family meals in the cards? The source told Us that Luz “would love to move to New York … but if he’s smart, he will let M make that suggestion.” (Source)
"OK kids, time for everybody to go to bed. Jesus, I'll meet you upstairs in a few minutes" . . . "Mommy, why is new daddy trying to climb down the fire escape?"
Madonna leaving Bar Secreto in Sao Paulo, Brazil (12/22)
Madonna's been getting awfully cozy with a young Brazilian model during the South American legs of her Sticky & Sweet tour. A week ago, the singer shot a layout for
W magazine in Rio de Janeiro with "smoking hot" model Jesus Luz (
New York Post's words, not mine . . . I'm not gay or anything but he seems more "hunky" to me). Madonna was so impressed with the model that she invited him on tour. According to the Brazilian website
Glamurama:
"Everyone knows they are ficando - which is a Portuguese
expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but
without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship
afterwards." (Source)
Am I missing something here? I know Madonna's rich and all but for god's sake, look at her. Look at that hand. Imagine that veiny thing grabbing for your penis. I guarantee you I would black out.
[WENN]
