Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis (2/5)

Jessica Simpson tweeted some pics from the Super Bowl on Sunday, including this one of her and a friend. And her enormous, comic-book-character-like breasts. Actually, that's not true. If you sketched a chick in a comic book with boobs that big, you'd probably get called a pervert and added to some kind of sex offender database.

*5 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson is a bit top heavy

Jessica Simpson and her ENORMOUS breasts were spotted at a gas station in L.A. on Saturday. And then she accidentally tripped and fell on her back and couldn't get up. She's a lot like a turtle now.

*32 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson arriving on a flight at LAX airport (1/16)

+ Amber Heard is stunningly hot [The Superficial]

+ Demi Moore is rapidly losing weight [Celebuzz]
+ Ashley Tisdale in short shorts [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Catalina Otalvaro is back in a bikini [Linkiest]
+ Irina Shayk looking bootylicious [Popoholic]

+ Ana Ivanovic shows why she is the sexiest woman in tennis [Guyism]
+ Miranda Kerr is absolutely stunning [Hollywood Tuna]
+ something something something Mila Kunis [Brobible]
+ Lea Michele ain't looking too bad [moejackson]

+ Can't wait for the new season of this [Just Jared]
+ Kim Kardashian faked it [The Blemish]
+ Kelsey Grammer needs to put his dick away [Dlisted]
+ George Clooney let Stacy Keibler speak! [Cele|bitchy]

*10 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson shopping in L.A. last month

Oh shock, another interview about Jessica Simpson and food. I can feel myself gaining weight just reading this. She told Access Hollywood:

"I'm a big fan of Kraft Mac N' Cheese. That keeps me happy. That keeps me sodium happy. I, like, wake up swollen because I put Lowry's seasoning salt all over it ... I'm craving a lot of things I had when I was a kid, like, this morning I buttered a Pop Tart. I haven't done that in years."

OK, besides being pregnant with an offensive lineman, what exactly is different about Jessica than what I've been saying for years? If she wasn't knocked up, she'd be chewing the varnish off of her armoire right now. You know, her Dukes of Hazard days are way behind her behind, she's pretty much crossed the point of no return. I'm wondering if Jessica thinks she's gonna give birth to an 85 lb. baby or the placenta will be made entirely of lasagna, because she's in Kirstie Alley territory now.  Remember her? She was smoking hot, too. Then Kirstie got really fat and sloppy but never really lost it. Keep it up if you want to look like that pig. Of course I say that with all due respect. Naturally.

*15 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson is massive

Jessica Simpson attended NBC Universal's Winter Tour party in L.A. on Friday night, and holy shit, she is huge. If anything less than an elephant comes out of her in a few months, I'm going to be fucking pissed off.

*12 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Alba in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (1/2)

Over the New Year, Jessica Alba showed off her post-baby bikini body in Cabo San Lucas. One person paying attention was enormous celebrity Jessica Simpson, who tweeted:



In addition to looking like Jessica Alba after giving birth, Jessica Simpson's other goals for 2012 include beating Usain Bolt in a footrace, catching Big Foot on video, completing the New York Times crossword puzzle, and being elected President. All have about an equal chance of actually happening.

*31 Jessica Alba pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, December 24 and Sunday, December 25

Jessica Simpson shopping in Calabasas (pics start here)

Isla Fisher out for a walk in Runyon Canyon Park in Hollywood (pics start here)

Ashlee Simpson at a gas station in Hollywood (pics start here)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley leaving Joan's On Third restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Rosario Dawson leaves Da Silvano restaurant in New York (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale leaving ArcLight Cinemas in Sherman Oaks (pics start here)

Zooey Deschanel out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Actress Deborah Ann Woll (True Blood) arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Zoe Saldana leaving Good Earth in Studio City (pics start here)

Ryan Phillippe and his new girlfriend leaving Hugo's restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Eva Mendes arriving at the Kinara Skin Care Clinic & Spa in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Heidi Klum leaving Lemonade in Brentwood (pics start here)

Jessica Alba shopping in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Naveen Andrews (Lost) shopping in Santa Monica (pics start here)

*125 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson leaving Dylan's Candy Shop in New York (12/1)

Jessica Simpson's fiance Eric Johnson is now openly antagonizing her about her weight, even comparing her to Kirste Alley. Hey hey hey, let's not bring Kirstie into this. Eric needs to treat her like Jessica treats exercise. From the National Enquirer:

Baby daddy Eric Johnson, 32, is so concerned he taped a picture of Kirstie at her fattest to their refrigerator to inspire his wife-to-be to watch her weight, revealed a source: "Eric has even called her 'Kirstie 2.0,' but that didn't go over too well. Being pregnant, Jessica's emotions are on a roller coaster, and what she finds funny one minute can make her cry the next ... Eric thinks [Jessica's new deal with Weight Watchers] is a great idea. He believes that if you can lose weight and get paid to do it, it's a win-win situation." (Print Edition - 12/12)

Eric Johnson is an idiot. No, seriously. Eric needs to ease up on the reigns a little bit. Who is he to anything to the breadwinner in the family? Doesn't he know that unemployment runs out after 99 weeks? On the 100th week, the jokes stop and the strap-on comes off of the mantle -- the big one, signed by Tony Romo and Terrell Owens. We'll see who's funny when Jessica rearranges his sphincter angles.

*16 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson leaving their hotel in New York (11/29)

Mentioned last month that Jessica Simpson was on the verge of signing a $4 million deal with Weight Watchers. According to the New York Post, the deal is complete, for $3 million:

Pregnant Jessica Simpson has just inked an estimated $3 million deal with Weight Watchers, Page Six can reveal. Sources tell us the blond star has been fielding offers from a number of weight-loss programs.

One source said, "The deal is in place, and after having her baby, she'll start with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight."

Wait a minute, the baby weight? So Jessica's been pregnant since 2008? I didn't even know that was possible. God dammit, I knew I should have paid more attention in my high school biology class.

*10 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

NOM NOM NOM

In an interview with Rachael Ray next week (quotes via Us Weekly), Jessica Simpson seems a little too comfortable with the fact that she's getting fat and crazy:

"This week it's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toasted. And then, I'll put some salt on my hand like I'm taking a tequila shot and then take a bite of the sandwich."

The 31-year-old Fashion Star mentor also admitted her emotions are a bit more heightened than usual. "That's the one thing about pregnancy -- I'll cry at the drop of a hat," she said. "Even a great souffle would make me cry."

You really can't blame Jessica for constantly talking about food (see here). If you're a reporter, what the hell else are you going to talk to her about? If I ever interviewed Michael Jordan, you better be sure I'd ask him about basketball. Likewise, with Jessica, I bet 60% of our interview would be about peanut butter and things she likes to put it on. "I love me some PB & Soda! I spread it near the drinkin' hole!"

*11 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery: