Jessica Biel


Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel out and about in New York (2/19)

Justin Timberlake is *this* close to getting his man card revoked for being a pussy. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Unlike so many Hollywood romances that collapse with no effort to make them work, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake -- themselves frequently reported as having split -- are trying hard to hold it together. Though they have come very close to calling it quits, the duo have sought counseling -- unusual for an unmarried couple -- and currently are said to be happy and very much together.
Oh c'mon Justin, you don't need counseling -- you're not even married. You know what counseling is called for dating couples? It's called dump that bitch.  For Christ's sake, you're not even 30. Go out and spread your seed, kill some hookers . . . preferably in that order. Unless you're into that other sort of thing. Sick bastard.

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Top 10 Nude Scenes of 2009

Earlier this week, Mr. Skin released his annual list of the Top 10 celebrity nude scenes of 2009. So I went ahead and created a way-NSFW gallery of them. Because why wouldn't I? I don't want to spoil the surprise but, boobs. Lots of 'em. You're welcome. #10 above is Malin Akerman in Watchmen.

NOTE: To see all the uncensored pics of the Top 10 Nude Scenes of 2009, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

  • Thumbnail: 10. Malin Akerman “Watchmen”
  • Thumbnail: 9. Alanna Ubach “Hung”
  • Thumbnail: 8. Julianna Guill “Friday the 13th”
  • Thumbnail: 7. Alice Eve “Crossing Over”
  • Thumbnail: 6. Betsy Rue “My Bloody Valentine 3-D”
  • Thumbnail: 5. Rachel Blanchard “Spread”
  • Thumbnail: 4. Anna Paquin “True Blood”
  • Thumbnail: 3. Amber Heard “The Informers”
  • Thumbnail: 2. Jessica Biel “Powder Blue”
  • Thumbnail: 1. Eva Amurri “Californication”

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel in Vancouver (10/21)

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel aren't exactly broken up, as a report in September claimed. But they also aren't exactly dating either. Turns out Justin likes having sex with Jessica, but would also like to nail other chicks, too. Obviously. An insider told Fox News:
"Justin was very clear with Jessica that he didn't want to be in a serious relationship with her anymore where he wasn't able to date other people. Jessica took the news very hard, but once she calmed down and they started talking again, he convinced her to stay friends who hook up, without all the pressure of a relationship."

How did Timberlake succeed in persuading one of Hollywood's most beautiful women to agree to every man's (okay, almost every man's) dream scenario?

"At first she was very reluctant, but she missed him a lot and so she decided to give it a try even though it wasn't exactly how she wanted things to be," the source explains. "She's still in love with him, and they are still attracted to each other, so it would have been difficult for them to quit each other cold turkey."

The source says the new setup is a "win-win" for Timberlake.

"Justin gets the best of both worlds," says the source. "He doesn't have to lose Jess as a lover or a friend, but he's free to explore other [relationships]."
Does it get any better than having Jessica Biel as your booty call? Justin must have done something extraordinarily brave in another life to deserve the one he has now -- like march against racial injustice during the 60's, protest against apartheid in South Africa, or bang Kathy Griffin with the lights on. There is one slight flaw in Justin's plan to start sleeping with random chicks instead of his girlfriend: none will have a body like this.

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Lindsay Lohan leaving Blue & Cream boutique in New York (6/16)

Lindsay Lohan is denying that she hinted on her Twitter page on Monday that Justin Timberlake was cheating on Jessica Biel at AVENUE lounge in New York ("So dark -- where's jb cheater?"). A grainy pic was also posted of Justin allegedly making out with another woman. Lindsay claims the post and picture were the work of a stalker . . . yeah right. The only guy stalking this bitch is Jack Daniels. Lindsay told Life & Style:
"I would not discuss my personal life, let alone someone else's, on the internet! Clearly! Twitter needs to fix their shit. I didn't write 'jb cheater!' What does that even mean? It's annoying."

And what does Avenue have to say about all this? "Celebrities that twitter about other celebrities will no longer be welcome at Avenue," says an Avenue Lounge spokesperson.
A stalker? That's the best excuse she could come up with? Why not aliens? Or a secret government plot to tarnish her reputation? Both would have been more believable than a stalker. If I'm hacking Lindsay Lohan's Twitter, I'm not writing something cryptic like "So dark -- where's jb cheater?" You better believe I'd be writing something super offensive. "So a Jew, an Asian, and a Mexican walk into a bar . . ."

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Jessica Biel out and about in Westwood (3/12)

I think Jessica Biel is actually trying to sound as stupid as possible this month. First she complained that she doesn't get any prime movie roles because she's too hot, and now she's whining that Hollywood robbed her of all her college memories. I'm sure next week she'll bitch that she hates living in a huge mansion because she always gets lost in it. From IMDB:
Jessica Biel regrets dropping out of college to pursue an acting career, and would ditch her Hollywood dreams if she could start over. Biel, 27, enrolled for courses at Massachusetts' Tufts University but quit school within a year-and-a-half to film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a 2003 remake of the 1974 horror film.

And Biel still scolds herself for turning her back on her school books despite her success as a Hollywood actress - because she missed out on making memories with her peers.

She tells America's Allure magazine, "I wish I would have had that time that my girlfriends all had. I wish I would have lived in that crappy, nasty brownstone that they all lived in. If I had to do it again, I would have stuck around and finished it out."
You know what's even better than college memories? Ferraris. Seriously, I would trade every one of my college memories for a 2009 F430 -- a car Jessica could afford without batting an eyelash. She needs to do us average* people a favor and shut the fuck up.

*4% body fat is average, right?

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Jessica Biel is too hot for her own good

Poor Jessica Biel. Show business is hard for her because she's so hot. No, really, she actually said that. From Us Weekly:
Jessica Biel says her good looks are hurting her career.

"Yeah, it really is a problem," Biel tells the June issue of Allure magazine. "I have to be blunt."

The actress -- whose latest film, Powder Blue, (in which she plays a stripper) is going to straight to DVD -- isn't handed plum roles.

"I'm in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference -- but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No. I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me! But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"
Jessica's right. It has to be her good looks and not her overinflated sense of self-worth that's keeping her from getting prime acting gigs. It's this sort of revelation that really makes you appreciate the struggles of actresses such as Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox. Through hard work and perseverance, they were able to overcome the discrimination against attractive people that obviously runs rampant throughout Hollywood. Fortunately for Jessica, there's still a place where hot chicks with no talent can make a living: Porn Fox News.

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Jessica Biel at the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk For Women in New York (5/2)

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The Costume Institute Gala was sexy

Believe it or not, not everyone at the Costume Institute Gala last night dressed like a complete jackass. The list of winners (there's 147 pictures on PAGE 2. This post took me god damn forever to edit and upload so do me a favor and click on some of them):

Miranda Kerr
Bar Refaeli
Kate Bosworth
Blake Lively
Cindy Crawford
Marion Cotillard
Diane Kruger
Heidi Klum
Jessica Biel
Karolina Kurkova
Rachel Bilson
Victoria Beckham
Jessica Alba
Gisele
Selma Blair
Kate Beckinsale
Eva Longoria
Ivanka Trump
Melania Trump
Rosario Dawson

Good god. It reads like a hit list of chicks I routinely beat off to.

  • Thumbnail: Costume Gala Hotties 1
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Jessica Biel is a failure

Hope you weren't planning on seeing Jessica Biel's newest film -- officially called "Powder Blue" but will forever be known as "That movie where Jessica Biel shows her tits" -- in the theatre. It's going straight to DVD. Which is probably for the best. Can you imagine how creepy opening night would have been? You'd have 100 guys in sunglasses and loose sweatpants climbing over each other in an attempt to get a seat in the very back of the theatre. From the New York Post:
Jessica Biel -- one of the sexiest, most beautiful women in the world -- has had bad luck with her latest movies, and hasn't been seen on the big screen since "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" two years ago. Not even scenes of Biel dancing topless as a stripper in "Powder" -- co-starring Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, Forest Whitaker and Lisa Kudrow -- could get the somber drama a theatrical release. "Powder" is going straight to DVD in June.
Let's be honest. With most of her talent located primarily in her ass, is anyone really surprised that this is where Jessica's career has ended up? Besides, most of her fans aren't interested in seeing her star in a big-budget movie that has a wide theatrical release. They'd rather see her star in a low-budget "art film" that results in a hand release.

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics of Jessica Biel's boobs, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

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Jessica Biel's topless scene from Powder Blue

I just saved you ten bucks. Now you don't have to go see Powder Blue next month. Hero? A hero isn't someone who posts nude pics on the Internets; it's someone who runs into a burning building to save a woman, two children, and a cat named snuggles. I did that last week, so yes, I guess I am.

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics of Jessica Biel topless, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

  • Thumbnail: Jessica Biel Topless
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: