Jessica Biel


Jessica Biel in Puglia, Italy (10/20)

Jessica Biel has been married for just a few days and she already looks like shit (wtf happened to her hair?). Oh yeah guys, by all means, get married. Especially if you love getting blowjobs all the time and then suddenly not getting them anymore, except on your birthday. Trust me gays, you're not missing out.

*11 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Married Look 1
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 2
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 3
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 4
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 5
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 6
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 7
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 8
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 9
  • Jessica Biel Married Look 10

Jessica Biel leaving the Fendi boutique in Paris (10/8)

E! says Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's wedding this weekend (oh, did I mention they're getting married this weekend in Italy) could cost upwards of $6.5 million, according to these figures they pulled completely out of their ass:
"If they've booked out a whole hotel--and chances are, they have--they're probably footing the bill for all of their guests," Bridal Bar founder Harmony Walton explains. "And if those guests are there for 5 to 7 days, that could be a million alone, depending on the hotel."

It's also common for stars to close down any properties adjacent to a wedding venue to shut out paparazzi; that's maybe another million, if the location is chic enough.

It's also common for stars to spend "as much on a rehearsal dinner as they do on a wedding," Walton notes. And we're probably not talking about just one dinner and then a wedding. After all, guests who travel for a destination wedding should be given stuff to do, right?

"Events leading up to a destination wedding tend to be experiential," Walton tells me. "Maybe they're renting vintage cars for 75 of their closest friends so they can do a car rally up the coast of Italy. If they're getting helicopter tours for their guests to take tours of the neighboring islands, that's going to cost."
Wow, I'm kinda shocked at the attention these two are getting. I was gonna trash this wedding something ugly, but now I'm rethinking it. Look, it's only Biel and girly-voice Timberlake -- I wouldn't exactly call it a royal union. If anything it should actually be a pretty safe wedding because the happy couple have been pretty boring lately. Maybe I'll dropship Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes to the reception. I can't call this a Hollywood wedding unless there's hair and cocaine flying all over the place. Congrats!

*20 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 1
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 2
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 3
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 4
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 5
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 6
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 7
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  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 19
  • Timberlake Biel Marriage 20

Jessica Biel leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood (10/1)

I know Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are planning on getting married, but I hope for Justin's sake, the wedding isn't within the next few days.

"You may now kiss the bride . . . or you know, air kiss her."

*10 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Herpes 1
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 2
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 3
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 4
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 5
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 6
  • Jessica Biel Herpes 7
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  • Jessica Biel Herpes 10

Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale

Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale at a photocall for Total Recall in Berlin, Germany (8/13)

*15 Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale pictures total in the gallery:

  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 1
  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 2
  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 3
  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 4
  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 5
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  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 13
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  • Beckinsale Biel Blue Shoes 15

Jessica Biel in Powder Blue

Good news about Jessica Biel: She's open to more nudity (like when she stripped down for the 2009 film Powder Blue). This is a positive development. From The Sun:
After having appeared nude in one film, the straight-to-DVD Powder Blue, Jessica Biel wouldn't rule it out again. Jessica adds: "I did Powder Blue because I thought it was a powerful story. It's too bad that that film was never released in the theatres and all you see is what was put up on YouTube.

"The film was so much more interesting than seeing me strip off. If it's a good film and a good role and it makes sense for the character, I wouldn't mind doing nudity. You just want to be doing something where the nudity doesn't detract from the story and overshadows the rest of your work in the film."
I will worship whatever God makes this happen, this I promise. Jesus, Yahweh, Xenu, Porcelain, whoever. Jessica doesn't mind showing her assets to the masses, yet you bastards in Tinseltown haven't drop everything yet to make it happen again -- this is astonishing. Unless the reason has something to do with the end of the world in 2012, I find it disgraceful. Please let this be real. Now that the thought of Jessica Biel doing naked jumping jacks on film is in my head, I couldn't possibly go back to work. Hollywood powerbrokers, the people have spoken. We demand to see Jessica in all of her naked glory in the comfort of our local theaters. Don't do it just for us, do it for you; do it for your children; do it for your children's children. Hell, do it for America.

NOTE TO SELF: Destroy anyone and anything that stands in the way of me finding a copy of Powder Blue.

*11 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 1
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 2
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 3
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 4
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 5
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 6
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  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 8
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 9
  • Jessica Biel Powder Blue Pics 10

Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel at the premiere of Total Recall at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood (8/1)

*32 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 1
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 2
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 3
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 4
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 5
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 6
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 7
  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 8
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  • Jessica Biel Total Recall Premiere 30

Paparazzi photos from Wednesday, July 25

Jessica Biel outside the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Blake Lively on the set of Gossip Girl in New York (pics start here)

Selena Gomez leaving Panera Bread in Sherman Oaks (pics start here)

Olivia Munn at a screening of The Babymakers in L.A. (pics start here)

Nicole Scherzinger leaving Pink Taco in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Reality star Kyle Richards (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) leaving her boutique in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Sharon Stone leaving a private party in Georgetown, Washington D.C. (pics start here)

Demi Lovato leaving her hotel in Miami (pics start here)

Jessica Alba out and about in New York (pics start here)

Sophia Bush leaving a dry cleaners in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jason Statham and his girlfriend Rosie Huntington-Whiteley out and about in London (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani arriving at a studio in New York (pics start here)

Jordana Brewster leaving the Byron & Tracey Salon in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Nelly Furtado at the Self magazine "Rocks the Summer" party in New York (pics start here)

*118 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 1
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 2
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 3
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 4
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 5
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 6
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  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 18
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 19
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  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 21
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  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 25
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 26
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 27
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 28
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  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 31
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 32
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 33
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 34
  • Jessica Biel Green Pants Wedgie 35

Kate Beckinsale at the MTV Movie Awards at Universal Studios (6/3)

I could probably beat off to a story about Kate Beckinsale reading the newspaper, so you can imagine my delight in hearing her talk about her fight scene with Jessica Biel in the upcoming Total Recall remake. Aw yeah, baby. She tells the new issue of Women's Health:
"It's not like a naked, porno mud-wrestling-in-bar sort of fight - it's a real fight. Though I did find that fighting a woman was very different from when I've fought men. There was a lot of [saying] 'I didn't hurt you, did I? Ooh, I'm sorry about that. No, it was MY fault!"
"and then we made out" . . . "and then we made out" . . . "and then we made out" . . . SAY IT KATE! SAY IT, GOD DAMMIT!

*10 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 1
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 2
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 3
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 4
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 5
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 6
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 7
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 8
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 9
  • Kate Beckinsale Sexy Fight 10

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel in Paris (4/10)

Settle down, Justin Timberlake. You already got the girl. Save your money for the divorce lawyers. From the National Enquirer:
[Justin Timberlake] recently presented [Jessica Biel] with a stunning diamond necklace-and-bracelet set worth more than many American family homes. "She's ecstatic. She looks incredible in the set," says an insider, who notes that JT had been planning to give her the jewelry for months, even using a shopping trip in May, to jeweler Eli Halili's store in New York City's SoHo, to gauge her tastes. (There, he dropped $7,000 on an antique 24k-gold rind and two necklaces). Even her engagement ring can't compare to his new sparkly gift, which is "easily worth a quarter of a mil," the insider says. (Print Edition - 6/15)
What the hell is this Justin Timberlake asshole doing, raising the bar like that? Jessica Biel is one of the hottest chicks on the planet -- who's already forgiven his cheating ways -- so what's up with giving her $250k in diamonds? JT must be planning on doing a hell of a lot of cheating right off the bat, because that makes about as much sense as David Spade's career (seriously, why?). She forgave him, so it's all good. It's like trying to triple stamp a double stamp -- you can't just triple stamp a double stamp and get away with it.

*16 Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel Jewels 1
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 2
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 3
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 4
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 5
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 6
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 7
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  • Jessica Biel Jewels 13
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 14
  • Jessica Biel Jewels 15

Jessica Biel is a weirdo

If Jessica Biel had been born a man (catty bitches, please hold your snarky comments about how she was born a man), I am now convinced that she would have been a serial killer From W magazine (via Yahoo!):
Despite the tomboy behavior, Justin Timberlake's fiancee says she still indulged her girly side by playing with dolls. "But it was always, 'Let's play sex with Barbies!' My Barbies were usually naked. Once, I took their heads off, cut their hair, drew on their short, spiky hair with some markers, then stuck the heads on Christmas lights. Every year, we'd string our tree with those Barbie heads. It looked demonic."
Jessica Biel just moved up a few spots on the Celebslam yanky cranky list. She's already one of the world's hottest chicks, and now she acknowledges that she's absolutely nuts? I'll put a ring on her finger and mean it if she can cook. I totally understand why girlie-voice Timberlake always ends up running back to Jessica. Of course Jewfro can find any girl to wear a strap-on and show him who's the boss, but Jessica drives it home with the reckless abandon of a true sociopath.

*5 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jessica Biel W Magazine 1
  • Jessica Biel W Magazine 2
  • Jessica Biel W Magazine 3
  • Jessica Biel W Magazine 4
  • Jessica Biel W Magazine 5

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: