Jersey Shore

Snooki and JWoww in Seaside Heights (6/2)

$2.55 million buys one hell of an abortion. I'm just saying, Snooki. It's not too late. From Radar:

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and Paul "Pauly D" DelVecchio are each taking home $150,000 per episode, with a season running about 12 episodes, which totals $1.8 million dollars, but they also get a reported $400,000 signing bonus at the beginning of the season, $200,000 bonus at the end of the season and for any additional reunion episodes they get the $150,000 for that too. That totals a whopping $2.55 million dollars a season for Snooki, The Situation  and Pauly D!

The rest of the cast doesn’t make quite as much as the top three, but they’re certainly not hurting either. Jennie "JWoww" Farley brings in about $100,000 per episode and Vinny Guadagnino makes $90,000 an episode. Lovebirds Ronnie Magro and Sammi Sweetheart each bring in about $80,000 per episode.

Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, please excuse my French, but what the fuck happened to this country? I refuse to believe that these assholes are making that type of scratch. No, I will not have my day ruined. Snooki, JWoww, and the other stooges are pulling six figures per show for letting us watch them vomit on our society and spread herpes like a hot rumor. Now I totally understand why President Obama didn't close the detention camp at Guantanamo Bay. Mr. President, all's forgiven if you send them down there to watch Masterpiece Theatre for the next eight years. Or reruns of Jersey Shore, if you want to be a dick about it.

*20 Jersey Shore pictures total in the gallery:

The Situation at Newark Liberty International Airport (4/4)

The Situation is officially out of rehab. After spending a few weeks at the Cirque Lodge in Utah to deal with substance abuse issues, he was spotted at the airport in Newark, New Jersey yesterday. The guy above tweeted a pic of him last night. It was actually the first time any castmember of Jersey Shore and a black person have been in the same place at the same time.

*5 The Situation pictures total in the gallery:

Snooki sorta comes out of the closet

Snooki dropped a BOMBSHELL on the Huffington Post yesterday when she revealed that she's bisexual . . . I'm kidding of course. No one cares about this poster child for why abortion should actually be encouraged.

HuffPo: Snooki, things got hot and heavy with Deena [another one of the "Jersey Shore" roommates] last season. Do you consider yourself bisexual?

Snooki: "I would consider myself bi. I've done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like... penis. But I've experimented."

Snooki then went on to say how she hopes the E.U. member states solve their debt crisis sooner rather than later because the whole mess has a real chance of snowballing from a continental crisis into a global catastrophe, picking up steam through each default or downgrade. Oh no, that's right. She didn't.

*5 Snooki pictures total in the gallery:

The Situation in all his greasy glory

The headline obviously goes without saying (he is on Jersey Shore, after all), but still -- The Situation is an idiot of astonishing proportions. From In Touch Weekly:

"He has nothing left," a former pal says. So what went wrong for the reality star, who sources say earned nearly $100,000 per episode last season, plus millions in endorsements?

"He won't stop spending money," an insider explains. In addition to his fleet of high-end cars and designer jewelry, Mike hired an entourage to follow him 24/7. "He's so cocky; he thinks he can spend like an A-lister."

But the 29-year-old’s popularity is plummeting — and the Jersey Shore well is drying up fast. "No one is paying him for appearances anymore," the former pal says. And unlike co-stars Paul "DJ Pauly D" DelVecchio and Snooki, Mike's spin-off show isn't taking off. As the former pal sums up, "Forget his Ferrari, he'll be back in a crappy car before he knows it!"

Damn, The Situation lost $10 million? I want to feel bad for this guy, but I don't. Not because he's a bad guy, but let's be honest: he's a cartoon character. He exists in our reality only because someone decided to put him there, much like an episode of Pokemon. Sure, we all enjoy Pokemon every now and then, but no one would be better or worse off if it had never been drawn on paper, much like The Situation. Maybe this is karma finally catching up to the Jersey Shore cast and sending them back home to whatever nail saloon or Best Buy customer service desk they were discovered in. Fist pump!

*20 The Situation pictures total in the gallery:

Vinnie Guadagnino leaving CVS in Hollywood (9/23)

MY CAPTION: Vinnie from Jersey Shore spotted leaving CVS last week after spending an unusual amount of time in the "Itching, Scratching, and Burning" aisle.

YOUR CAPTION: Leave it in the comments . . .

*6 Vinnie Guadagnino pictures total in the gallery:

Deena Nicole Cortese is one classy bro

Much like last month (see here), Jersey Shore's Deena Nicole Cortese was spotted walking around Seaside Heights today in her Ronald Reagan shorts (because the last time she fit into them, Ronald Reagan was President). And much like last month, a little piece of me just died.

*15 Deena Nicole Cortese pictures total in the gallery:

JWoww on her way to a tanning salon in Seaside Heights, New Jersey (6/28)

+ Mila Kunis has some hauntingly sexy eyes [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Kate Upton in her bare necessities [Popoholic]
+ Halle Berry is fighting with her ex again [Just Jared]
+ Rosie Huntington-Whiteley upskirt (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ You know Shia LaBeouf wants to bang Selena Gomez [PopCrunch]

+ Jailbait Kardashian and her sister out and about [Celebuzz]
+ Deena needs to go on a damn diet [moejackson]
+ Elisabetta Canalis is down in the dumps after getting dumped [Cele|bitchy]
+ Jay-Z is a dork [CityRag]

LIST OF THE DAY: 12 Incredibly Creepy Dolls

*15 JWoww pictures total in the gallery:

Deena Nicole Cortese shopping in Florence (6/9)

If you're like me, you can't get enough of Jersey Shore's Deena and her flabby ass. So here's some pics of her in Florence last week. Aw yeah baby. So hot. I just hope she doesn't fuck her body up by joining a gym. *fingers crossed*

*36 Deena Nicole Cortese pictures total in the gallery:

The Jersey Shore girls leaving a laundromat in Florence, Italy (5/25)

I don't know what's been more devastating to the city of Florence, Italy: the Black Death pandemic of 1348 or the Jersey Shore invasion of 2011. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Officials in Florence, Italy, are upset about the hoopla following the "Jersey Shore" cast as they party on raucously around the ancient Tuscan city.

"As you can imagine, the city fathers of Firenze [the Italian name of Florence] are not pleased. . . . This is not contributing to the centuries of culture that we have become known for," snipped a city official.

Da Vinci. Michelangelo. Galileo. Is anyone surprised that the contributions made by these men and the "centuries of culture" they brought to their country has been flushed down the toilet by these greaseballs in less than a month? These walking petri dishes have done more damage to the Italian reputation of quality than Fiat and Steve Buscemi combined.

*21 Jersey Shore pictures total in the gallery:

Deena Nicole Cortese outside the Jersey Shore house in Florence, Italy (5/23)

Flynet says Jersey Shore's Deena exposed "a little too much of her bottom" Monday while filming in Italy on Monday. So, what's the big deal? Deena's been working hard, eating lasagna and fettuccine alfredo literally every day to get an ass that hot. When you got it, flaunt it. I just hope Snooki doesn't wear a shirt showing off her belly. I'd be so turned on, my head might literally explode.

*20 Deena Nicole Cortese pictures total in the gallery: