Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld leaving the Malibu Country Mart in Malibu (3/4)

Remind me the next time I'm summering at my fabulous estate in The Hamptons to not go up to Jerry Seinfeld for a picture. Oh that's right, I don't actually own a fabulous estate in The Hamptons. FML. From the New York Post:

Witnesses say that a grumpy Jerry Seinfeld was waiting for a table outside LT Burger in Sag Harbor the other day, when “three cute little girls approached.” One of the girls asked the TV giant if she could snap a picture of him posing with her sisters. “At first he pretended not to hear her,” said a spy. “When [the girl] asked again, he said, ‘No,’ and turned away.” Apparently the girls then walked away, dejected.

This isn't like Jerry Seinfeld at all. In the past when young girls wanted to hang out with him, he was fine with it. As a matter of fact, he usually dated them for a while. The bottom line is that Jerry needs to get over himself. No one likes a has-been actor who thinks his shit doesn't stink -- just ask (*insert any actor from Entourage*)  

*13 Jerry Seinfeld pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica and Jerry Seinfeld at the Tribeca Film Festival last year

Apparently not satisfied with destroying her own marriage, Madonna is now attempting to break up Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld's as well. I swear, I will never understand why Madonna has a reputation of being an overbearing bitch. I think it may be because she's an overbearing bitch. A friend of the couple's told the National Enquirer:

"Jerry's wife Jessica is suddenly spending a lot of her time with Madonna and her new toyboy Jesus Luz, and Jerry is freaked out! He doesn't like Jessica staying out until all hours of the night and meeting people he doesn't know. He's afraid Madonna is corrupting her.

"Jerry hates going out, and up until now, Jessica was mostly a homebody too, spending their evenings coming up with new recipes. But Madonna thinks Jessica needs to have some fun in her life. She's taken her under her wing, and it's making control-freak Jerry nuts. He thinks she could be a bad influence on Jessica, but others are telling Jerry he should let his wife have a little fun."

Jerry has nothing to worry about -- I'm sure Madonna's a wonderful influence on his wife. So what if Jessica comes home one day spouting religious nonsense and bench pressing a Ford Taurus. That's what the joy of marriage is all about. Like the good book says, "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, through mind numbing cults and steroid induced rages." Amen.

Yes they're both Seinfeld's. And the baseball field.

According to the New York Post, A-Rod and Madonna had a romantic rendezvous last weekend at Jerry Seinfeld's charming little mansion in East Hampton:

Madonna has resumed her "affair of the heart" with Alex Rodriguez. Madge spent last weekend with the Yankee slugger - and Joe Torre target - at the East Hampton home of Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, sources said. (Source)

Aw gross, you know A-Rod and Madonna totally did it, probably in Seinfeld's home gym. Good luck trying to wash the skank off that lat pulldown machine. And that ten pound dumbbell. You don't even want to know where that thing's been. The way I see it, Jerry really only has one option to sanitize his house and it involves a huge insurance policy and ten or so gallons of gasoline.