Jenny McCarthy

Jenny McCarthy, unsurprisingly, with her mouth open

If you're like me, you're dying to know why Melissa McCarthy skipped her cousin Jenny McCarthy's wedding to Donnie Wahlberg. OK, not really. But they are feuding, so at least that's interesting. A source told the National Enquirer:
"Jenny feel she helped Melissa get a leg up in the business. But now that Melissa's career is skyrocketing, Jenny feels she doesn't have time for her."

Melissa worked as a production assistant on her cousin's short-lived variety show in 1997 and made an appearance on the show. But Jenny also reportedly told her that she'd need to lose weight is she wanted to advance in Hollywood. "That really hurt Melissa, and now she's having the last laugh," said the source. "She's proving you don't need to be a size 2 with fake boobs to make it!"
Can you really blame Jenny for suggesting to Melissa all of those years ago that the best way to make it in Hollywood is to have huge tits? That strategy's worked to perfection for stars like Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, and Jonah Hill. Then again, maybe these two are just fighting because they're jealous of each other -- Melissa's jealous of Jenny's looks, and Jenny's jealous of Melissa's employment.   

*20 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Cousin Fight 1
  • Jenny McCarthy Cousin Fight 2
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Paparazzi photos from Saturday, July 12, and Sunday, July 13

Jenny McCarthy hosting the "Ultimate Pool Party" at Azure in Las Vegas (pics start here)

Nicole Scherzinger leaving BBC Radio 1 Studios in London (pics start here)

Wendy Williams hosting the "World's Largest Bachelorette Party" at TAO Beach in Las Vegas (pics start here)

Reese Witherspoon out and about in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Chelsea Handler jogging in Dublin, Ireland (pics start here)

Reality star Amy Childs out and about in Brentwood, Essex (pics start here)

Taylor Swift out and about in New York (pics start here)

Jessica Chastain and her boyfriend Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo vacationing in Ischia, Italy (pics start here)

Dolph Lundgren and his girlfriend leaving The Ivy in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

America Ferrera and her husband Ryan Piers Williams at a screening og X/Y at Outfest Los Angeles (pics start here)

Freida Pinto leaving L'Albergo della Regina Isabella hotel in Ischia, Italy (pics start here)

Katherine Heigl at the 2014 NBCUniversal Press Tour held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel (pics start here)

*115 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Mouthy Swimsuit 1
  • Jenny McCarthy Mouthy Swimsuit 2
  • Jenny McCarthy Mouthy Swimsuit 3
  • Jenny McCarthy Mouthy Swimsuit 4
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  • Jenny McCarthy Mouthy Swimsuit 1
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Jenny McCarthy at Us Weekly's Most Stylish New Yorkers party at Harlow in New York (9/10)

Jenny McCarthy may be 40 now and unable to express basic human emotion because of all the botox, but I'll be damned if her saggy boobs don't still mesmerize the shit out of me. You could break into my apartment right now, steal my wallet, kick my dog, and cook yourself breakfast, and I wouldn't even notice.

NOTE: I don't think it's a coincidence that one of the sponsors of this party last night was Nordstrom Rack

*20 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Big Boobs
  • Jenny McCarthy Huge Breasts
  • Jenny McCarthy Large Tits
  • Jenny McCarthy Fake Cleavage
  • Jenny McCarthy Natural Titties
  • Jenny McCarthy Natural Boobs
  • Jenny McCarthy Big Breasts
  • Jenny McCarthy Huge Tits
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  • Jenny McCarthy Huge Big Titties

Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg at a Dancing with the Stars charity event at the Hotel Baker in St. Charles, Illinois (8/24)

It's been rumored for a few weeks, but now it's official. Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg are doing it. The two attended a charity event on Saturday together in the Chicago suburb of St. Charles. When asked to comment on the new relationship, Jenny gave shockingly dangerous medical advice with no scientific reasoning whatsoever because she actually thinks she's a doctor because she fucked one once. Seriously Donnie, get out now while you're still known as the less-famous Wahlberg brother and not the guy who dates that crazy bitch.

*15 Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Pics
  • Donnie Wahlberg Dating Jenny McCarthy
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Dating
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Having Sex
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Boyfriend Girlfriend
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Pictures
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Are Official
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Photos
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Photos
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Are Official
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Pictures
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Boyfriend Girlfriend
  • Jenny McCarthy Donnie Wahlberg Having Sex
  • Donnie Wahlberg Jenny McCarthy Dating
  • Jenny McCarthy Dating Donnie Wahlberg

Jenny McCarthy at a Halloween party at Gallery nightclub in Las Vegas last year

Note to Bradley Cooper: You could totally bang Jenny McCarthy if you wanted to. From In Touch Weekly:
"I went from one guy to the next. I had them lined up!" the former Playboy centerfold tells In Touch of her love life. "Now I'm enjoying being single. I've been waiting my whole life for my own talk show, so now I have to make sure I have enough time with my son, too. Love is low on the totem pole!"

And although she admits she's "not putting anything specific out there" in terms of the type of guy she goes for, Jenny concedes that all rules would be suspended for a certain Hollywood A-lister. "If someone wanted to set me up with Bradley Cooper, I would say, 'Fuck all the bullshit I just said!'" she tells In Touch with a laugh.
I wish I could be nicer to celebrities, but every time I think I'm out, their stupid-ass comments pull me back in. Case in point: Jenny McCarthy. Jenny wants a shot at Bradley Cooper, a guy who could be plowing a fine little piece of filet mignon -- Jennifer Lawrence -- if he wanted to. Unfortunately for Ms. Mac, she's resembling beef jerky that's been in the Exxon Shop a few weeks too long these days -- not that it makes a difference to Brad. Rumor has it that Brad is big time into the vegetarian scene -- he just cant get enough V8 poured down his throat and chest. Hey, who can blame him? I can totally see why vegetarianism is perfect for him . . . no vegan.

*25 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Bradley Cooper 1
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Jenny McCarthy filming an interview with Extra at The Grove in Hollywood (2/12)

Say goodbye to normal-looking Jenny McCarthy, and say hello to freaky-looking Jenny McCarthy Thanks Botox! From In Touch Weekly:
"I am Team Botox," Jenny admits in an exclusive interview in the new issue of In Touch. "I do it here and there. I use very little, so my face still moves," she says of the procedure.

And although Jenny says she's open to getting plastic surgery done in the future, she plans on waiting. "You don't really need old-fashioned surgery any more with all the lasers and Botox."
"I use very little, so my face still moves..." - Jenny McCarthy, Goddamn Liar

Just a little, huh? Coulda fooled me. I remember Jenny from way back before Al Gore invented the internets, and I can tell you that she was smoking hot. Today? Meh. Jenny should lay off the snake venom because, for someone who uses very little of the stuff, she's looking an awful lot like one of the puppets from Crank Yankers -- it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Jeff Dunham has had his hand up her ass working her head since 2010.

*20 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Botox 1
  • Jenny McCarthy Botox 2
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Jenny McCarthy leaving Live! With Kelly studios in New York (6/5)

Even though they've only been dating for three months, Jenny McCarthy is already moving to Chicago to be closer to boyfriend, Bears' star Brian Urlacher. I guess you can do that when you don't have a career. From the New York Post:
The Playboy cover girl was spotted clearing out her Los Angeles house yesterday in preparation for the move with her young son, Evan. Whispers were that McCarthy was moving in with Urlacher, but her rep told Page Six: "Jenny is not moving in with Brian, but she is relocating with her son to the Chicago area for the foreseeable future."

We hear McCarthy will eschew the city's downtown to set up house "not far from where she grew up, and has lots of friends and family nearby." The "Love in the Wild" star will commute to LA and New York for work. McCarthy, who's currently gracing her sixth Playboy cover, and Urlacher have been dating quietly since April.
Look, pals, I know what you're thinking, but rest assured that Celebslam didn't accidentally reload a page from 1995 or owes money and/or sexual favors to our friends at (the yanky-cranky is free to them) -- this really is a legitimate Jenny McCarthy story. After 20+ seasons playing the Playboy version of The Hunger Games (think arrows made of cock), Jenny finally found a fella that fills her properly. That Brian Urlacher must be quite the confident stud for invading such a well-used end zone. Oh well, a touchdown is a touchdown I suppose.

*20 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Chicago Move 1
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Jenny McCarthy in the new Playboy

Jenny McCarthy tells People that her pictorial in the new issue of Playboy (on newsstands Friday, if those still exist) isn't like all those other whores. She keeps it classy.
"I'm really proud of it. The pictures are really gorgeous and classy. They could be out of W magazine. They're really elegant. It's probably a lot more sophisticated than a lot of the stuff you'd see of people with their clothes on. The one thing I like about Playboy is they don't have the anorexic look. The women are voluptuous. So I didn't really want to diet. I just wanted to tone up."
I wouldn't call any photoshoot where you show your naked body "sophisticated." Unless you count those pictures of me in front of the fireplace I mailed Kate Beckinsale. Sure the bear skin rug I'm laying on is classy, but it's the scepter I'm holding that really drives home the sophistication. *wink*

*8 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Playboy Cover 1
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  • Jenny McCarthy Playboy Cover 3
  • Jenny McCarthy Playboy Cover 4
  • Jenny McCarthy Playboy Cover 5

Jenny McCarthy at the 2012 NBC Upfront Presentation in New York (5/14)

Uh huh, Jenny McCarthy. Sure you pulled your hamstring while "sleeping." And I got these marks on my throat from fighting off a mugger trying to rob an old lady, and not when I tried to autoerotically asphyxiate myself while jacking off. Via Contact Music:
Jenny Mccarthy was left red-faced on the set of her new dating show Love In The Wild after pulling her hamstring while she was sleeping. The actress/model was hosting the new TV series when she injured herself so badly she had to limp around the set on crutches, while contestants were risking severe injury in death-defying competitions.

She explains, "These kids were doing such dangerous adventures; I couldn't believe what we were asking them to do. Huge athletes couldn't have done half of the stuff we made these kids do and I was the one that wound up on crutches. I pulled my hamstring, so for, like, two episodes, I had to be like carried around on crutches and I pulled my hamstring while I was sleeping, so I felt like a real wuss... I was the injured one while these poor kids, diving off cliffs, managed to make it."
Really? Jenny pulled her hamstring while sleeping? Come on honey, there's no need to be modest. Anyone over 35 has probably seen your bent-over ass in the paper edition of Playboy (way back before the days of the internets), so there's no need to be bashful about your extracurricular activities. What was probably happening when you hurt yourself was that you were in the "Peruvian Lotus" position, but you've gotten just a little too old to perform the act. Wait, you don't know what that is? I guess you wouldn't -- because I just coined the phrase -- so allow me to explain. Imagine Jenny McCarthy flat on her back, with her feet pinned behind her head. While getting drilled, there's a cave-in and the military gets called in to rescue the trapped miners -- hence a "Peruvian Lotus." Quite a dangerous maneuver for a woman of her age, but sometimes old broads need to learn lessons the hard way. Yeah, I know that's one hell of a stretch for a cheap joke, but that's how I roll, bitches.

*15 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Spaz 1
  • Jenny McCarthy Spaz 2
  • Jenny McCarthy Spaz 3
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Jenny McCarthy at the grand opening of Pascal Mouawad's Glamhouse on Melrose Avenue in Beverly Hills (2/16)

What's up with the Chicago Bears and hooking up with B-listers. First Jay Cutler knocked up Kristin Cavallari, and now Jenny McCarthy is in love with Brian Urlacher. From the Chicago Sun Times:
South Side native Jenny McCarthy is said to be more than just "giddy" about her new romance with Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher. A longtime pal of the actress and TV personality (going back to her days at Mother McAuley High School) tells me that McCarthy "has really fallen for the guy. He's such a man's man, the most macho guy Jenny's dated or been involved with for a long, long time."

According to the source, McCarthy loves how Urlacher is the strong, silent type -- the way he "quietly takes care of her when they're together. That may sound old-fashioned, especially since Jenny is very much her own person and a very contemporary, independent woman in many ways. But she loves the attention and the way he treats her. It's very comforting."
I know it's a slow start to the attention whore season, but we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel on this one. Jenny McCarthy is not a celebrity. Well, not anymore. She used to be back when there was no internet and you had to actually buy a Playboy to see bleached blonde tacos (aka "The Dark Ages"). Besides that, her career is a question mark. Does banging Jim Carrey count? Maybe in the Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber days, but not now. The real story is that apparently Brian Urlacher totally digs cougars, which is strange because bears and cougars are natural enemies. He can have his pick of the Chicago litter, but he chose the 1993 Playmate of the Year. Brian, enjoy your cameos on The Real Housewives of whatever city Jenny ends up in.

*13 Jenny McCarthy pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jenny McCarthy Brian Urlacher 1
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: