Jennifer Lopez's father confirmed in an interview with Escándalo TV what everyone already knew -- that his daughter is having twins. David Lopez said:
"The thing is in my family, my sister also had twins, so it's a hereditary thing."
I hope that ass isn't hereditary or those kids can forget about a natural birth . . . and social acceptance . . . and ever wearing anything under a size 10 . . . and bucket seats . . . and coach class on an airplane. Lopez's father continues:
"In Puerto Rico it's custom to buy an azabache [black stone] bracelet for babies to protect them from the evil eye, it's part of our culture." (Source)
"The evil eye"? What an asshole. His name is Marc.
PICS: Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez at the "Movies Rock" event in Hollywood (12/07)
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez at the "Movies Rock" event in Hollywood (12/2)
Don't expect to see a lot of Jennifer Lopez these next few months. The singer is planning on going underground during her pregnancy because she's "freaked out" over gaining weight. A source told International Press:
"[Jennifer] is huge and freaking out. Her face has become really puffy from retaining a lot of water. She plans to do a Victoria Beckham now and hibernate for the last few months. You won't be seeing much of her in public from now on." (Source)
How does someone who's ass needs two tickets on a commercial airplane flight "freak out" over gaining a little weight? If she really wanted to lose an extra 65 pounds, she'd get rid of that creepy husband of hers. Dude looks like a 45 year old in a 12 year old's body. Or as Michael Jackson calls him: "my soul mate".
During the final concert of her joint tour with husband Mark Anthony last night, Jennifer Lopez finally confirmed her pregnancy. In front of 10,000 fans at Miami's American Airlines Arena, Lopez announced:
"We didn't want to say anything before because we didn't want to take away from the tour, but we're expecting. I hope you don't mind," Lopez said coyly, looking at Anthony. "No, I don't mind at all," the 39-year-old El Cantante star said, planting a smooch on his wife's belly. (Source)
y God she's gonna be huge. Do they make pants out of tarps? Someone please tell me they make pants out of tarps. *does the Sign of the Cross and whispers silent prayer*
Jennifer Lopez outside the Ed Sullivan Theatre (10/9)
Jennifer Lopez's career isn't exactly taking off lately. Not only has Kim Kardashian stolen her title as "that one famous chick with the big ass" but her new album tanked (just 101,000 worldwide album sales in the first week; she normally sees numbers in the 300,000-400,000 range), her new movie El Cantante tanked ($15 million budget; $7.5 million worldwide gross to date), and word is her next film Bordertown is going straight to video. The New York Post says:
Bordertown - where J. Lo plays a reporter probing the murders of female factory workers in Mexico - will hit video stores in January, reports Moviefone. Co-starring Antonio Banderas, the flick was booed at the Berlin International Film Festival. A rep for Bordertown insisted plans for the film are still in limbo. (Source)
I'm not sure debuting a film about Mexican factory workers in Berlin was the best marketing strategy. Those guys are about as tolerant as I am of uppity strippers who act all high and mighty when you squeeze their tits to see if they're real. And it doesn't matter if that particular incident occurred at the local Wal-Mart. Stripping's a 24 hour/day job --God's work really--you always have to be on alert. Before I get too sidetracked though, is anyone surprised J-Lo's career is dying? For Christ's sake she married a guy that looks like Master Splinter. How can anyone possibly take her seriously now? I look at her and I wanna crack a TMNT joke. On the bright side, all is not lost for Lopez. With a baby on the way, she does have a lot to look forward to: sagging tits, stretch marks, and--in around three years--child support.
I hope for J-Lo's sake her kid doesn't inherit that ass or she'll have to deliver it via c-section! From today's New York Post:
Jenny from the Block wants to share the good news she's expecting - right here in her hometown. Bronx native Jennifer Lopez, 38, plans to "announce that she and (husband) Marc Anthony are expecting their first child on Saturday night at her Madison Square Garden concert," said an insider. A spy at her concert in Connecticut Wednesday night told us, "a fan blew the side of her top all the way up for a moment, and a definitive baby bump was there. She was very quick to push down her top. Then she talked about how this year is full of firsts for her . . . and every so often her dress would fly up and you would see her belly." (Source)
I learned from The History Channel that thousands of years ago--with an ass like that--J.Lo certainly would have been the most popular person in all of ancient Greece . . . if she had been a man. Which brings up an interesting (if not disturbing) question: If your girlfriend/wife/kid you baby-sat for had an ass like J.Lo's, would they EVER get pregnant? Of course not!
UPDATE: Yes that was an anal joke--now quit sending me emails . . . I mean you Grandma. That's just gross.
Here's Jennifer Lopez's leaked photoshoot for the November issue of Arena magazine. And I use the term "photoshoot" very loosely. These are so damn airbrushed they're closer to being art. I feel like each pic should be signed by the head of the Arena graphics department and hanging in a gallery
POSSIBLE FACT: The guy who was airbrushing her ass had a mental breakdown due to exhaustion
Some rich Russian dude is paying Jennifer Lopez $3 million to sing at his wife's 30th birthday party tomorrow. Russian banker Andrei Melnichenko is no stranger to shelling out millions to singers, having previously paid Christina Aguilera to perform at his wedding a few years ago. According to an insider:
"J-Lo was booked because both Andrei and Aleksandra are fans of her. She is flying in specially from LA. All week there have been lorry loads of stuff coming in. The marquee has been done out like a really plush nightclub. There are going to be acrobats and a huge firework display by the lakes." (Source)
Big deal. On my seventh birthday my parent's flew in the incomparable Sparky the Clown. And by flew in, I mean paid his bus fare. And by incomparable, I mean he touched me. Which sort of explains why I like to pay my "dates" extra to wear way too much lipstick, and my fascination with the band KISS.
Is Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's marriage in trouble? According to insiders close to the couple, the two have hit a "rough patch" recently. Fights over New Year's and Super Bowl weekend was just the start. The two really got into it at an album listening party a few months ago. According to one of the insider:
Lopez stood up and talked about her upcoming album and said, "This is my dream and Marc and I worked so hard on this album . . . Marc, would you like to say something?" - to which Anthony coldly said, "No," and looked away. One of the issues is that Lopez is said to be putting off pregnancy - he has four kids with two other women - and Anthony is very interested in Scientology. (Source)
It was bad enough that this dude married J Lo, but to piss off that high-maintenance powderkeg is just plain foolish. When my friend Jack [Daniels] made me fall into the Lion's exhibit at the zoo, you didn't see me taunting the lions ... No--quite the opposite actually. I took on that pride of lions and when the dust finally cleared you know who know had a fancy lion rug for his apartment. OK, I guess that's a bad example. Not everyone is blessed with my combination of strength, wit, and taekwondo skills ... Oops, I got a little sidetracked there. The point I'm trying to make is Marc Anthony is really funny looking--like an angry little rat. Tee he
