Archive: Jennifer Aniston

John Mayer was cheating

John Mayer cheated on Jennifer Aniston
John Mayer cheated on Jennifer Aniston

It looks like what broke up Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer was his wandering penis. Mayer cheated on Aniston with a cocktail waitress, promoter’s assistant, and groupie. Not at the same time. From the Chicago Sun Times:

“It was Jen who decided to move on,” says Aniston’s friend. “She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. … Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.”

Apparently, Aniston gave Mayer a “three strikes and you’re out” ultimatum — after learning about his “quickie” flings with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour.

That was two strikes. Another dalliance, with a groupie, was the final straw for Aniston. (Source)

So Jen let John cheat two times, but the third was the final straw? Wow, she is so fucked. Because now every dude in Hollywood knows that if you’re dating Jennifer Aniston, you can cheat twice before she gets really pissed off. I wonder what her views are on threesomes? Like, does Jen allow two threesomes with other women even thought that’s technically four total vaginas? She really needs to clear that up to avoid confusion in the future.

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Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer break up
“It’s not you Jen, it’s me . . . I don’t like you.”

Surprise, surprise, Jennifer Aniston got dumped yet again. Aniston and her boyfriend John Mayer had been on a “break” for the past month or so (I haven’t been able to find any pics of the two together for about that long) before they made the split official earlier this week. Ironically, Aniston just completed production on her latest film He’s Just Not That Into You. A source close to John told UK rag the Daily Mirror:

“There’s been a bit of tension for some time. They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked. John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn’t ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn’t want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together. She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.”

“Initially, Jennifer was furious when he told her of his decision but now she’s simply sad - not to mention a little heartbroken. They have spoken on the phone since the split and are trying to remain on good terms. But unless John has a dramatic change of heart, it’s unlikely they’ll rekindle their romance.” (Source)

On the bright side for Jen, she’s gone through so much ice cream dealing with these public breakups of her’s that if she eats just 40 more pints of Ben & Jerry’s, she gets a flavor made in her honor: Suicidal Cinnamon.

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

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Quickies

It’s Jennifer Aniston’s ass!
Jennifer Aniston dropping her dogs off at her assistant’s house (8/12)

+ Jessica Simpson looking pretty sexy in Elle [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Olympic Beach Volleyball asses [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Paz Vega’s Thong is Back! [Egotastic!]
+ Adriana Lima nip slip? Sure! (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Robert Downey Jr. has a killer new mustache [Bastardly]

+ Fashion rules celebrities love to break [I’m Not Obsessed]
+ Dane Cook MySpace-whines about his new movie poster [Dlisted]
+ Keri Russell is a tit nipply [Popoholic]
+ China pulled a fast one on the world [A Socialite’s Life]

+ Hottest Victoria’s Secret model ever? [Double Viking]
+ Tori Spelling still has the ugliest chest in Hollywood [F-Listed]
+ Michael Phelps Medal Count: 3 Golds, 3 Coeds [Busted Coverage]
+ Some crazy TV psychic claims Heath Ledger visited him [Allie Is Wired]

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[Flynet]

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Jennifer Aniston > California Law

Jennifer Aniston breaks California cell phone law
Jennifer Aniston driving in Beverly Hills (7/31)

Those of you who live in California know it’s now illegal to drive and talk on your cell phone. Not that Jennifer Aniston is worried. She told me that all the cops in L.A. are fat and ugly and don’t have the balls to pull her over. And their wives are dirty whores. I don’t know how she knows that but that’s what she told me so it must be true.

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[Flynet]

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Lunch with Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston no bra
Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (7/30)

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[Flynet]

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Top 10 Best Boobs in Hollywood

Courtesy of In Touch Weekly (Click the pic for the larger version)

10. Beyoncé Knowles

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“I’m happy with curves. I’m a real woman,” says Beyoncé, who somehow remains humble about the allure of her ample bosom, though it has been honored in various slo-mo videos that fans have posted online. In fact, the 26-year-old doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. “I have insecurities,” she admits. “Every day I look in the mirror and find something wrong. My legs could be more muscular, my waist just a little smaller and my boobs could be a little bigger. But I’d never have surgery.” “I don’t have a problem wearing sexy clothes,” she says.

9. Megan Fox

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When photos popped up on the Internet of Megan Fox emerging from the water practically topless — save for some see-through pasties — on the set of Jennifer’s Body, they caused a sensation. The Angelina Jolie look-alike, 22, may be a buxom stunner, but she still claims to be shy, saying she thinks of herself as “very masculine. I don’t feel sexy like that, especially not when you’re getting ready to film and there’s a crew of 1,000 men just waiting for you to lean over the hood of a car.” Megan admits that she once took the stage at a strip club. “I didn’t do nudity, but I made hundreds for just one song.”

8. Jennifer Aniston

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John Mayer could definitely dedicate his hit song “Your Body is a Wonderland” to his new girlfriend, Jennifer Aniston. While the star of the upcoming film He’s Just Not That Into You isn’t at all shy about baring her body in teeny-tiny bikinis, she does get a bit miffed at allegations that she’s had plastic surgery. “It’s still mine. All of it. Short of letting everybody have a feel, I don’t know what else to do,” says the 39-year-old, adding, “I really am pretty happy with what God gave me. Greek women are always round with big boobs.”

7. Audrina Patridge

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Long before Audrina Patridge found fame as one of Lauren Conrad’s best friends on The Hills, she was an aspiring model. She even posed for provocative topless pictures right after she graduated high school. “I intended for them to be artistic,” says the 23-year-old. She’s quick to add she’s “not ashamed” of the shots, and she has no reason to be since they proved she has perfect breasts. So, are there more sexy shoots in her future? “Audrina is a beautiful girl,” Playboy rep Lauren Melone tells In Touch, “and if she really is interested in posing for Playboy, our editors would love to talk to her directly.” “Leave my boobs alone,” Audrina once shot back at someone who’d asked if she had plastic surgery.

6. Katherine Heigl

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Katherine Heigl isn’t one of the women in Hollywood who had to get implants to get attention. “It’s disconcerting that there are so many women with fake breasts now that that’s the standard. Real boobs don’t look like that,” says the naturally blessed 29-year-old. “When I was 13, I was flat as a board. I actually prayed for big boobs. I developed at about 14, and they kept going. Obviously, prayer works!” Still, Katherine knows that male fans tend to not be so picky. “Most guys think whether they’re real or fake doesn’t really matter, as long as they’re big,” she says. “A good bra with some underwire definitely helps a lot,” says Katherine.

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John Mayer is in love

Jennifer Aniston has hard nipples
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer in Miami (5/11)

Before tabloids broke the news about him banging Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer was nice enough to call his ex Minka Kelly and apologize. A friend of Minka’s told the New York Post:

“Minka received a call from John prior to the story breaking about his relationship with Jennifer. He apologized to Minka, ‘Sorry, but I’m really in love.’ ” She found that interesting as, “during his relationship with her, John mentioned, ‘I don’t really get this Jennifer Aniston thing.’ ” (Source)

I’m not buying it. Aniston leaked this story. She’s desperate for attention. Mark my words, next week we’ll be reading about how Jen gives great BJs and bakes a killer chocolate chip cookie. John doesn’t even like her — he’s only with her because he’s up to “J” on his alphabetical list of “Famous Chicks to Bang.”

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

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Jennifer Aniston is obvious

Jennifer Aniston is cold
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer in Miami (5/11)

What’s the opposite of playing hard to get? Because that’s what Jennifer Aniston was doing this weekend with John Mayer in Miami. I don’t know what she’s saying in that pic but I’m sure it’s something along the lines of “the weather sure is great look at my nipples.” Could she be more obvious? She needs to take it a little slower or this relationship’s gonna end like her past twelve — first week: sex, second week: anal, third week: “It’s not you it’s me.”

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

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John Mayer is Mr. Douchebag Badass

John Mayer is already two timing Jennifer Aniston
John Mayer leaving New York’s Bungalow 8 earlier this morning

You know how John Mayer is supposed to be dating Jennifer Aniston? Oops, someone forgot to tell him. The New York Post says:

A source in New York saw Mayer, a notorious horndog, out at 1Oak Friday night with Adam Levine, and Mayer “was all over some blond girl.” Mayer later asked the DJ to play some R. Kelly songs so “we can dance with our girls.” (Source)

I don’t understand. Besides Jennifer Aniston’s low self esteem, age, Jay Leno chin, and man-kryptonite in her vag,* she’s a total catch for any Hollywood star!

*a.k.a. a ticking biological clock

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[Splash News]

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Acting is easy

Jennifer Aniston Miami bikini pics
Jennifer Aniston in Miami (5/3)

These are like the billionth bikini pics I’ve seen of Jennifer Aniston since March (see here, here, and here). She’s been in Miami filming a movie the entire time. Don’t let that Inside the Actor’s Studio show fool you. Acting if fucking easy. You want hard, try blogging for a week. Not only did I have to work until nearly 1 p.m. on Friday, but I had a nasty paper cut on my thumb that made using the space bar on my keyboard very uncomfortable.

NOTE: 16 more pics on PAGE 2 if that’s your thing

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