Beyonce on Ile Sainte-Marguerite (9/16)
Here's the newest feature we're rolling out on Celebslam: Rich people doing rich people things. Basically it's a bunch of rich people doing rich people things. Like Beyonce, Jay-Z, and friends docking their yacht and visiting Ile Sainte-Marguerite earlier this week. Oh splendid. My absolute favorite island off Cannes.
READER TIP: Don't forget to try the bouillabaisse at Escale when you visit Sainte Marguerite. Pair it with a '04 Dom Perignon. To die for!
*15 Beyonce pictures total in the gallery:
Beyonce off the Amalfi Coast in Italy (9/10)
Here's Beyonce taking a tender to her yacht off the Amalfi Coast in Italy last week. Nothing. I understood nothing about that last sentence. Actually, check that: week. I at least know that a week is a unit of time. So aside from that word, I understood nothing.
*30 Beyonce pictures total in the gallery:
Jay-Z is a huge failure
Remember Tidal, the music service that Jay-Z launched last month to compete with Pandora and Spotify? He promised it would put an end to the big music services taking advantage of the tiny, struggling artists, and used such tiny, struggling artists as Madonna, Kanye West, Rihanna, Deadmau5, Usher, and Nicki Minaj to really drive home the message at the launch. Turns out it's a huge failure. Spectacularly so. From BGR:
Two weeks after Tidal briefly cracked the U.S. iPhone top 20 download chart, the app has crashed out of the top 700. Apparently American consumers have limited empathy towards Beyonce and Nicki.Hah! Take that, Jay-Z! With the failure of Tidal, now you'll have to rely on your 14 other immensely successful businesses to make your mortgage payment every month! Good luck getting to sleep at night!
As a matter of fact, something curious can be seen in Spotify's download performance right after Tidal media campaign started bashing its allegedly meager payouts. Spotify surged back into the iPad top 40 download chart on March 31st, right when Tidal's anti-Spotify invective hit its peak in American media. This had not happened since November 2014.
*10 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:
Jay-Z bought Ace of Spades
Jay-Z is now the proud new owner of Armand de Brignac -- aka the overrated, overpriced champagne in the gold bottles. All flash and no substance. You know Jay-Z couldn't pass that up. From the New York Post:
Jay-Z specifically bought the interest in Armand de Brignac held by Sovereign Brands, a New York-based wine and spirits company owned by the Berish family, after submitting an offer a Sovereign spokeswoman said "we simply couldn't refuse."In response to Jay-Z buying Armand de Brignac, Chris Brown says he's now considering purchasing B-Tec Industries, maker of the popular bruise concealing makeup Bitch Best Stop Disrespectin'. "I've bought so much of it over the years that, from a business perspective, it only makes sense to take a vested interest in the company."
It was also an offer they wouldn't divulge. Industry metrics, however, indicate the brand in its entirety is worth between $25 million and $30 million.
*10 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:
Jay-Z and Beyonce leaving the Royal Monceau Hotel in Paris (9/12)
Beyonce and Jay-Z are getting just a little bit full of themselves. They had the entrance to the Royal Monceau Hotel in Paris tarped off so all the mouth breathers on the street couldn't catch a glimpse of them. Because, um, then people would know what they look like? Did they tarp off Google as well? Seriously, you're not that important.
*5 pictures total in the gallery:
Jay-Z and Beyonce out and about in Portofino, Italy (9/6)
Trying to silence divorce rumors because look how in love they are oh my gosh they're so in love, Beyonce and Jay-Z are currently strolling around Portofino because look how in love they are. That's the two of them on Saturday. Saturday is leg day, isn't it Jay? Dammit, Jay.
*30 Beyonce and Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:
Casey Cohen in Long Beach, New York last year
Is Jay-Z having an affair with 1OAK VIP hostess and former Princesses of Long Island star Casey Cohen? How the hell am I supposed to know? In Touch Weekly seems to think they are. A source told the mag:
"Jay probably sees her twice a month. He visits her while she's working and then they slip away for an afterparty. She'll hang out with him all night, flirting with him and touching him."From Beyonce to a reality star. From the queen of pop to a chick with no soul. It doesn't get much worse than that. That's like replacing George Washington with Hitler. What is Jay-Z's dick thinking?
*30 Casey Cohen bikini pictures total in the gallery:
Solange Knowles at the Met Gala last week
No one knows why, and they haven't issued a statement or anything, but after last week's Met Gala, Beyonce's sister Solange attacked Jay-Z in an elevator -- and it was all caught on camera. The three of them were leaving the afterparty at the Standard Hotel and were in an elevator when the incident occurred. Jay-Z's bodyguard held Solange back, but she did manage to connect with a few kicks and punches. Credit to Jay-Z for not fighting back in what can best be described as Chris Brown's dream. Small elevator. Woman hits first. Nowhere to run. He's actually jerked off to that scenario thousands of times.
ALTERNATE HEADLINE: Solange Knowles finally has a hit
*5 Solange Knowles pictures total in the gallery:
Jay-Z leaving Gjelina restaurant in Venice Beach (7/28)
Whenever someone prefaces a comment with "this is going to sound arrogant" you know they're gonna say something really fucking arrogant. From the Wall Street Journal:
Jay-Z has responded to criticism from legendary actor and activist Harry Belafonte that the rapper has failed to use his celebrity in a social responsibly way. Last year, Belafonte reportedly said "I think one of the great abuses of this modern time is that we should have had such high-profile artists, powerful celebrities. But they have turned their back on social responsibility. That goes for Jay-Z and Beyonce, for example..."Wow, that's a pretty goddamn arrogant statement. In the Battle Royale to be named the Biggest Douchenozzle of the Known Universe, that statement puts Shawn Carter-Knowles ahead of Kanye West and Russell Brand by a smidgen of an asshole. It's a string of words that will no doubt grace the "Era-Ending Stupid Shit" chapter in the history books. Here are some other winning phrases to keep this particular doozy company:
During a recent interview with Rap Radar's Elliott Wilson, Jay-Z said,"I'm offended by that because first of all, and this is going to sound arrogant, but my presence is charity. Just who I am. Just like Obama's is. Obama provides hope. Whether he does anything, the hope that he provides for a nation, and outside of America is enough."
"We're more popular than Jesus now..." - John Lennon in 1966 (beginning of the end of The Beatles)
"George Clooney has been cast as the new Batman..." - Joel Schumacher in 1997 (ending his career as a serious director)
"Let's renew The Simpsons..." - Unnamed empty suit at FOX in 2002 (the moment the network sold their soul to the devil)
"I do..." - Bruce Jenner to Kris Kardashian in 1991 (the end of life as he knew it)
Hopefully this is the beginning of the end for the king of overrated hack entertainers and as many of his friends as he can take down with him (except Beyonce because she's still pretty hot).
*5 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery: