Jay-Z


Jay-Z is a huge failure

Remember Tidal, the music service that Jay-Z launched last month to compete with Pandora and Spotify? He promised it would put an end to the big music services taking advantage of the tiny, struggling artists, and used such tiny, struggling artists as Madonna, Kanye West, Rihanna, Deadmau5, Usher, and Nicki Minaj to really drive home the message at the launch. Turns out it's a huge failure. Spectacularly so. From BGR:
Two weeks after Tidal briefly cracked the U.S. iPhone top 20 download chart, the app has crashed out of the top 700. Apparently American consumers have limited empathy towards Beyonce and Nicki.

As a matter of fact, something curious can be seen in Spotify's download performance right after Tidal media campaign started bashing its allegedly meager payouts. Spotify surged back into the iPad top 40 download chart on March 31st, right when Tidal's anti-Spotify invective hit its peak in American media. This had not happened since November 2014.
Hah! Take that, Jay-Z! With the failure of Tidal, now you'll have to rely on your 14 other immensely successful businesses to make your mortgage payment every month! Good luck getting to sleep at night!

*10 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Tidal Fail 1
  • Jay Z Tidal Fail 2
  • Jay Z Tidal Fail 3
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Jay-Z bought Ace of Spades

Jay-Z is now the proud new owner of Armand de Brignac -- aka the overrated, overpriced champagne in the gold bottles. All flash and no substance. You know Jay-Z couldn't pass that up. From the New York Post:
Jay-Z specifically bought the interest in Armand de Brignac held by Sovereign Brands, a New York-based wine and spirits company owned by the Berish family, after submitting an offer a Sovereign spokeswoman said "we simply couldn't refuse."

It was also an offer they wouldn't divulge. Industry metrics, however, indicate the brand in its entirety is worth between $25 million and $30 million.
In response to Jay-Z buying Armand de Brignac, Chris Brown says he's now considering purchasing B-Tec Industries, maker of the popular bruise concealing makeup Bitch Best Stop Disrespectin'. "I've bought so much of it over the years that, from a business perspective, it only makes sense to take a vested interest in the company."

*10 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 1
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 2
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 3
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 4
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 5
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 6
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 7
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 8
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 9
  • Jay Z Ace of Spades 10

Jay-Z and Beyonce leaving the Royal Monceau Hotel in Paris (9/12)

Beyonce and Jay-Z are getting just a little bit full of themselves. They had the entrance to the Royal Monceau Hotel in Paris tarped off so all the mouth breathers on the street couldn't catch a glimpse of them. Because, um, then people would know what they look like? Did they tarp off Google as well? Seriously, you're not that important.

*5 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Beyonce Jay Z Big Heads 1
  • Beyonce Jay Z Big Heads 2
  • Beyonce Jay Z Big Heads 3
  • Beyonce Jay Z Big Heads 4
  • Beyonce Jay Z Big Heads 5

Jay-Z and Beyonce out and about in Portofino, Italy (9/6)

Trying to silence divorce rumors because look how in love they are oh my gosh they're so in love, Beyonce and Jay-Z are currently strolling around Portofino because look how in love they are. That's the two of them on Saturday. Saturday is leg day, isn't it Jay? Dammit, Jay.

*30 Beyonce and Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Weak Legs 1
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 2
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 3
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 4
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 5
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 6
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  • Jay Z Weak Legs 15
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 1
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 2
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  • Jay Z Weak Legs 6
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  • Jay Z Weak Legs 9
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  • Jay Z Weak Legs 12
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 13
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 14
  • Jay Z Weak Legs 15

Casey Cohen in Long Beach, New York last year

Is Jay-Z having an affair with 1OAK VIP hostess and former Princesses of Long Island star Casey Cohen? How the hell am I supposed to know? In Touch Weekly seems to think they are. A source told the mag:
"Jay probably sees her twice a month. He visits her while she's working and then they slip away for an afterparty. She'll hang out with him all night, flirting with him and touching him."
From Beyonce to a reality star. From the queen of pop to a chick with no soul. It doesn't get much worse than that. That's like replacing George Washington with Hitler. What is Jay-Z's dick thinking?

*30 Casey Cohen bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 1
  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 2
  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 3
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  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 5
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  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 15
  • Jay Z Casey Cohen 1
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Solange Knowles at the Met Gala last week

No one knows why, and they haven't issued a statement or anything, but after last week's Met Gala, Beyonce's sister Solange attacked Jay-Z in an elevator -- and it was all caught on camera. The three of them were leaving the afterparty at the Standard Hotel and were in an elevator when the incident occurred. Jay-Z's bodyguard held Solange back, but she did manage to connect with a few kicks and punches. Credit to Jay-Z for not fighting back in what can best be described as Chris Brown's dream. Small elevator. Woman hits first. Nowhere to run. He's actually jerked off to that scenario thousands of times.

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: Solange Knowles finally has a hit



*5 Solange Knowles pictures total in the gallery:

  • Solange Knowles Jay Z Fight 1
  • Solange Knowles Jay Z Fight 2
  • Solange Knowles Jay Z Fight 3
  • Solange Knowles Jay Z Fight 4
  • Solange Knowles Jay Z Fight 5

Jay-Z and Beyonce leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (12/3)

Wow, black people following white people out of Barneys. What a pleasant change.

*30 Jay-Z and Beyonce pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Shopping at Barneys 1
  • Jay Z Shopping at Barneys 2
  • Jay Z Shopping at Barneys 3
  • Jay Z Shopping at Barneys 4
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Jay-Z leaving Gjelina restaurant in Venice Beach (7/28)

Whenever someone prefaces a comment with "this is going to sound arrogant" you know they're gonna say something really fucking arrogant. From the Wall Street Journal:
Jay-Z has responded to criticism from legendary actor and activist Harry Belafonte that the rapper has failed to use his celebrity in a social responsibly way. Last year, Belafonte reportedly said "I think one of the great abuses of this modern time is that we should have had such high-profile artists, powerful celebrities. But they have turned their back on social responsibility. That goes for Jay-Z and Beyonce, for example..."

During a recent interview with Rap Radar's Elliott Wilson, Jay-Z said,"I'm offended by that because first of all, and this is going to sound arrogant, but my presence is charity. Just who I am. Just like Obama's is. Obama provides hope. Whether he does anything, the hope that he provides for a nation, and outside of America is enough."
Wow, that's a pretty goddamn arrogant statement. In the Battle Royale to be named the Biggest Douchenozzle of the Known Universe, that statement puts Shawn Carter-Knowles ahead of Kanye West and Russell Brand by a smidgen of an asshole. It's a string of words that will no doubt grace the "Era-Ending Stupid Shit" chapter in the history books. Here are some other winning phrases to keep this particular doozy company:

"We're more popular than Jesus now..." - John Lennon in 1966 (beginning of the end of The Beatles)

"George Clooney has been cast as the new Batman..." - Joel Schumacher in 1997 (ending his career as a serious director)

"Let's renew The Simpsons..." - Unnamed empty suit at FOX in 2002 (the moment the network sold their soul to the devil)

"I do..." - Bruce Jenner to Kris Kardashian in 1991 (the end of life as he knew it)

Hopefully this is the beginning of the end for the king of overrated hack entertainers and as many of his friends as he can take down with him (except Beyonce because she's still pretty hot).

*5 Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jay Z Gjelina restaurant
  • Jay Z Theory Feynold S Two Pocket Shirt
  • Jay Z Venice Beach
  • Jay Z Controversial Comments
  • Jay Z Theory Feynold Shirt

Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Beyonce at the NBA All Star Game in L.A. in 2011

Count Beyonce among those tiring of Rihanna's antics. Aw yeah, baby. This has "sexy chick fight in a pool of JELL-O" written all over it. From the National Enquirer:
"Rihanna's always been edgy, but now she's completely out of control," an insider told The Enquirer. "Beyonce has considered herself on of Rihanna's mentors since (her husband) Jay-Z signed Rihanna to his label in 2004. And Rihanna has referred to Beyonce as a big sister. But Beyonce has worked hard to empower women with her music, and she feels Rihanna is undoing a lot of that work. She's at the point now where seeing Rihanna grabbing her crotch on stage makes her feel sick.

"Jay's very protective of Ri and doesn't want to rock the boat, but Bey felt she wouldn't be doing her hob if she didn't say something. Bey thinks Rihanna is making herself look trashy for no good reason." (Print Edition - 7/15)
Oh, brother. Who invited Mother Teresa to the party? Amazing, just amazing. Just to recap, Rihanna staying with the scumbag who wiped a Lamborghini dashboard with her face didn't seem to get a rise out of Beyonce, but let the kid grab her cooch and puff a lil' stinky and WHAM!, Mrs. Carter is all up in a bitch's business? What a phony. I think I know of a way to get these two back on the same page. Beyonce should start smoking weed every hour of every day and Rihanna should marry a guy who refuses to acknowledge their relationship for years and then fake a pregnancy with him. If the two can do that and Rihanna also pretends the Lion King hairpiece she bought from a Broadway overstock clearance sale is real hair like Beyonce does, then I'll consider their relationship saved.

*10 Rihanna, Beyonce, and Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Rihanna Beyonce Fighting
  • Jay Z Rihanna Kiss
  • Beyonce Hates Rihanna
  • Rihanna High Heels
  • Rihanna Embracing Jay Z
  • Jay Z Beyonce All Star Game
  • Beyonce Cleavage Tits
  • Beyonce Not Having Fun
  • Rihanna Red Hair
  • Rihanna Fight with Beyonce

Beyonce and Jay-Z leaving a theater in New York after seeing Iron Man 3 (6/2)

Jay-Z and Beyonce dropped $7,500 on gifts for Kim and Kanye's new baby North West. Which is like $10 to them. Assholes. From The Sun:
[Jay-z and Beyonce] bought a load of posh baby gear to commemorate the birth, including personalised Christian Dior baby booties. They also splashed out on a three-piece sterling silver Elsa Peretti Padova baby set with North's name engraved on each item. The fork, spoon and cup set is one of the most popular baby gifts sold by fancy jeweler Tiffany's.

A source said: "Kanye is one of Jay-Z's closest friends so he wanted to get the best gift. They've had a girl themselves, so they know the right type of present. They also brought their baby girl Blue Ivy to come over and meet North. She's old enough now to be really interested in babies. Any bad blood between the ladies has all been brushed under the carpet now Kim's a mum - Beyonce was even sharing weight-loss tips with her."
Psst! Hey look, Beyonce and her sourpuss husband are rich, bitch, pass it on! Isn't that what this story is about? Could Mrs. and Mr. Knowles have given the baby with the ridiculous name something tasteful and donated a shitload of money to charity in North Kardashian's name? Sure they could have, but that would have been too normal. Remember, we're talking about Jay-Z, a self-promotion machine who's released hundreds of songs congratulating the world because he's in it. And let's not forget Beyonce, the ol' ball and chain whose auto-tuned vocal gymnastics can almost hide the screeching noise she calls her singing voice. These gifts are just a big ol' "suck it, Kimye" from the second most gauche couple in the world. Who's first, you ask? I won't dignify that question with a response, now go to your room.

*20 Beyonce and Jay-Z pictures total in the gallery:

  • Beyonce Christian Dior Baby Booties Present
  • Beyonce and Jay Z Leaving Iron Man Movie
  • Jay Z Blame Society T Shirt
  • North West Christian Dior Baby Booties
  • Beyonce Elsa Peretti Padova Baby Set Present
  • Beyonce Killer Legs
  • North West Elsa Peretti Padova Baby Set Present
  • Beyonce Fashion Hat
  • Beyonce Tiffany Present for North West
  • Jay Z Tiffany Present for North West
  • Beyonce Kim Kardashian Present
  • High Res Pictures of Beyonce Jay Z
  • Jay Z Kim Kardashian Present
  • Recent Pictures of Beyonce Jay Z
  • Beyonce Leggy
  • Jay Z is a Dork
  • Beyonce Movie Date Night
  • Jay Z Backwards Hat
  • North West Gifts
  • What Presents Did North West Get

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