Jason Trawick

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick out and about in Las Vegas (12/16)

Britney Spears' upcoming wedding to Jason Trawick is going to be a very romantic affair . . . and by "romantic" I mean "fried." There's gonna be lots and lots of fried stuff. It'll basically be the wedding equivalent of a state fair. With more pig wrasslin', obviously. From the Daily Mail:

For her third time down the aisle, Britney Spears is hoping, understandably, for a low-key, traditional affair. The 30-year-old singer is alleged to be planning a traditional, Southern-style country wedding to fiancé Jason Trawick, 40.

According to US reports, Spears and Trawick will be shunning the typical Hollywood wedding in favour of a small family celebration, possible in her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana. A source claimed to InTouch Weekly: "She wants a traditional Southern-style wedding with comfort food, surrounded by her family, her two sons and all of her childhood friends."

Yes! 2011 was a bit of a slow year for Spears & Co., but I have a feeling that 2012 will remembered as the Return of the Kookiness. If a Spears "traditional Southern-style wedding" thinks what I think it means, then I'm sure the "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" signs will be left in storage. I cant wait to see what Britney considers comfort food -- my guess is bottles of Zoloft and jugs of moonshine (cash bar). Now with Brit being who she is, there will be a modern twist to this particular wedding -- there won't be a shotgun pointed at the groom.

*24 Britney Spears pictures total in the gallery:

Jason Trawick is a gold digger

Of course the big news over the weekend was that Britney Spears and Jason Trawick are engaged. Which makes this story from Star about Jason pressuring her into getting married because he wants to raid her checking account all the more romantic:

"Britney has been feeling pressure to marry Jason, and she's telling her family that she doesn't want to do it." a Spears family insider tells Star. "Her life is just starting to be normal again. She thinks things are just fine as they are."

"Jason is a gold digger. It's obvious that's why he's pushing her to tie the knot. If he really loved Britney, he'd give her the space and time she needs, rather than be picking out rings and showing her wedding sites!"

Wow, it's like something straight out of a fairy tale.

Despite the 30-year-old's reluctance, Jason, 40, is likely to pop the question any day. "It's definitely going to happen soon, but I hope Britney thinks long and hard before she gives in and accepts."

The only thing Britney "thinks long and hard about" in her life is the menu at the Taco Bell drive-thru.

"Everyone around Britney is acting like the wedding would be her happy ending, the thing to make her happy and stable. But pushing her into a loveless marriage could end up being another huge mistake." (Print Edition - 12/19)

I'm sorry but I'm with Jason on this one. Of course he needs to marry moneybags. Do you know what happens when Britney isn't banging the help? She starts banging the help, that's what. Jason, you better get a bun in that oven before Britney realizes she's not pregnant. Now you can be a gentleman and give her room to breathe, but I don't need to tell you what happens if Britney changes her mind about your proposal -- you'll be on the outside of Britney's mansion gates looking in, watching her new love, Jose the former pool boy, drive the BMW, eat the lobster tail, and throw the cheesecake poppers into her mouth that you -- YOU -- should have been throwing. The closest you'll ever come to the Spears money train again is when you try to get Jamie Lynn to follow you on twitter. Trust me dude, schedule the wedding for tomorrow.

*30 Jason Trawick and Britney Spears pictures total in the gallery:

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline both attend son's Little League game

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline sorta hung out over the weekend. The two were both at their son Sean's Little League game in Calabasas -- Britney's on the left in the stands and Kevin's coaching on the right . . . yes he's wearing sandals with socks. Making things even more awkward was that Britney's current boyfriend Jason Trawick and Kevin's current girlfriend Victoria Prince were both there. Making things even more more awkward was that this was a total coincidence. Britney hangs out at this field every Sunday because she likes the nachos with chili on top -- she didn't even know her son was playing. "Can't wait to get summa that cheesy goodness in my tum-tum!"

*25 Kevin Federline and Britney Spears pictures total in the gallery:

Britney Spears says she was never abused 

Remember earlier today when I said the phone call in which Britney Spears claims her boyfriend Jason Trawick beat her up sounded "absolutely nothing like her." This may shock you but Britney says it's absolutely not her. Britney's rep told TMZ:

"Suffice it to say, Jason Trawick has never laid a hand on Britney. This is just another example of the irresponsible nature of the tabloid media relying on shoddy sources and false information for the sole purpose of selling magazines, without regard to the truth and without regard to who they hurt in the process.

"The statements attributed to Jason Alexander are completely fabrication as Britney has not had any form of communication with Mr. Alexander in years. These irresponsible statements are defamatory and Britney Spears' legal team will be taking legal action against all of the appropriate parties."

Britney's gonna sue this Jason Alexander dude for millions. I bet he loses his swanky Manhattan loft after all is said and done. Wait a minute, what's that? He actually hasn't become a titan of industry since the quickie marriage and annulment to Britney six years ago? I am shocked -- shocked -- I tell you. OK, so I guess he'll lose his '88 Pontiac Firebird. Damn, he just got a new muffler, too. Thing purred like a kitten.

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick leaving a gym in Beverly Hills (10/30)

Britney Spears has been dating her agent Jason Trawick for the past two-and-a-half years. It's weird, their relationship has always seemed one more of convenience rather than based on any true feelings the two have for each other. Despite that, Britney's life has been relatively drama free since the two began dating . . . until today. Star is claiming that Jason beat Britney up earlier this year:

In our Dec. 13 issue, on sale today, Britney's former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.

"Britney is in an abusive relationship," the entertainer's first husband says in a detailed interview with Star. "She told me her life had turned into a nightmare."

Childhood friends Britney and Alexander stayed in touch after their 55-hour marriage was annulled in 2004. But their casual texts, phone calls and emails took a dark turn when she recently confided that Trawick "hit her so hard it gave her a black eye," Alexander says.

And the abuse wasn't a solitary incident, Alexander tells Star in our issue. Nor was it the only jaw-dropping secret the megastar told her ex! She also revealed that she had been pregnant with Trawick’s child earlier this year, Alexander says.

Radar also has audio of Britney and Jason Alexander's conversation:



Wait, that's it? We're going to destroy Jason's reputation based on a recorded phone call that may or may not even be Britney (it sounds absolutely nothing like her). And even if it is her, we're going to believe the claims of a crazy chick who used to talk in a British accent and flash her vagina more than a peace sign? I'm not buying it. A more likely story is that Britney tripped while chasing a squirrel she thought was candy or built her couch fort too high and fell off the top. Dammit Britney, I always tell her, you're not an engineer. Pottery Barn cushions can't support that kind of lateral load.

True love

For those of you keeping score at home, this is the 17th "Britney Spears is getting married!" rumor of the year. Now that gay marriage is legal in California, can we make Britney Spears marriage illegal, you know, to even things out? From the Chicago Sun Times:

We've heard it all before, but a regular BZ Hollywood source -- whose past accuracy has been excellent -- is convinced Britney Spears soon may be heading back down the aisle. According to my spy, Britney and her beau Jason Trawick -- joined by Trawick's parents -- were chatting about Chelsea Clinton's nuptials over a recent dinner at L.A.'s Grafton on Sunset Hotel.

But that wasn't all.

"They were particularly interested in the tight security and the way the Clintons had stonewalled for Chelsea's wedding -- and it sounded like they were talking about it all in connection with a Britney and Jason wedding," said the source.

Other L.A. sources have been gossiping about alleged ring shopping sightings of Spears and Trawick in recent days.

What is this Jason guy waiting for? Britney's uterus is like a lottery ticket waiting to be punched. Perhaps the reason why Jason hasn't already knocked-up, married, and then leached off of Britney is because he has something Kevin Federline never had: self-respect. A more likely explanation for why Britney isn't visibly pregnant with a wedding planned for tomorrow is that she's just not the type of person she used to be: naive a resident of Louisiana.

*20 photos total in the gallery:

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick at a gas station in Brentwood (6/26)

Oh yeah, that's smart. Let Britney handle a device that's sole purpose is to shoot out a highly flammable liquid. As long as we're making questionable decisions here, why not just give her a bottle of scotch and a loaded handgun, or let her go see Knight and Day?

*30 pics total in the gallery:

Crazy Britney is back!

Britney Spears is messing around with her medication because she wants to get pregnant. Uh oh. On the bright side, she did go to medical school so it’s not like she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong. From In Touch Weekly:

"[Britney Spears] is talking about having another baby," says an insider. Britney has always wanted a daughter, but the insider says it's really about saving her relationship with Jason Trawick, even though it seems like she can barely stand to be around him without picking a fight these days. "He has stood by her through so much craziness and tantrums and still loves her," says the insider. "She secretly hopes a baby will make everything right again."

Unfortunately, Britney's solution may be part of the problem. According to a friend, in order to get pregnant, the 28-year-old has stopped taking the powerful medications she uses to control her moods and switched to less-potent drugs: "She'd like to be pregnant within six months." That might explain some of her recent behavior. "She's just not being herself. She has been blowing up at Jason for no reason at all," says the insider, adding that she seems to be slipping back into habits that led to her last breakdown, like "doing her crazy voices and hiding in her room for hours."

Getting knocked up should be easy for Britney, she's a Spears. If you just whisper the word "inseminate" around those chicks they get pregnant. Frankly, if Britney wants another baby, she doesn't need to go off her meds, she just needs to find someone that's brimming with seamen -- like a Triton Class Nuclear Submarine. If she wants to know when one is scheduled to be in port, just ask Paris Hilton -- she carries a laminated schedule in her purse. Very convenient.

*5 pics total in the gallery:

Britney Spears is getting two-timed

I don't know why Britney's boyfriend Jason would cheat on her. Why, it's every man's dream to date a 28-year-old with two kids and mental health problems! From Star:

Womanizer Jason has been carrying on a long-term affair with a stunning brunette behind the singer's back! The other woman is actress and author Jessica Steindorff who met Jason in 2007, just before she briefly took a job as his personal assistant at top Los Angeles talent agency William Morris.

"Jason has been cheating on Britney with Jessica from the beginning of their relationship," a close friend of Jessica's reveals to Star. "He has deceived Britney with his lies for too long, and somebody needs to tell her the truth, even if it hurts."

Although Jason's three-year affair with Jessica — who declined to comment when we contacted her — cooled off when he started seeing Britney in May 2009, that didn't last long. Soon they began rendezvousing for sex dates at his Bel Air home or her Hollywood apartment.

Even as Jason and Britney became a very public pair, he tried to convince Jessica it was all a sham. “He was always telling Jessica that he had broken up with Britney so it was OK that they were sleeping together," the friend tells Star.

Wait a minute, is this article trying to imply that a Hollywood agent is a lying, conniving, backstabbing cheat? The hell you say. After all the bad experiences she's had with men, Britney should know by now that a leopard never changes his spots . . . or in terms that she can understand: Chester Cheetah never changes his deliciously cheesy spots.

*24 pics total in the gallery:

Britney Spears leaving The Abbey Food and Bar in West Hollywood (5/10)

Deciding he wanted to focus full time on being her boyfriend (and let's face it, there's only so much of her money you can siphon to a secret offshore account in The Caymans), Jason Trawick is no longer Britney Spears' agent. From People:

The two "have decided to end their professional relationship and focus on their personal relationship," a Spears rep tells PEOPLE. "Since wrapping her recent world tour, Spears has been busy in the studio working on her next album."

The singer and Trawick began dating last summer and have dodged engagement rumors for months. "They are very happy," a source said of the couple. "Things are really good with them."

Yeah, I bet things are really good with them right now. He just quit. Wait until he starts spending more time with her, then lets see what his rep tells People. "Jason has decided to end his relationship with Britney because bitch is fucking nuts. Seriously, how many days in a row can a person eat Cheetos and Häagen-Dazs for breakfast and lunch without throwing up? In Britney's case, 137 and counting."

*22 pics total in the gallery: