Britney Spears and her new boyfriend David Lucado leaving Von's in L.A. (4/4)
I guess this story shouldn't be much of a surprise. There's only so many quality guys to meet in the fried foods aisle at the supermarket. Via Contact Music:
Britney Spears fell for her new boyfriend when he taught her how to play golf. The 'Piece of Me' hitmaker - who split from her fiance Jason Trawick in January - is currently dating David 'Lucky' Lucado after being set up by her father Jamie Spears and the pair instantly clicked as he gave her a personal lesson in the putting sport.
David's friend Caroline Harrison told America's Star magazine: "They first met when Lucky gave her a golf lesson. They totally hit it off which I'm not surprised by, everyone loves him. He got her number and asked her on a date and the rest is history. He treats her like any other person and is really special. As corny as it sounds he really cares and is such a good person."
So what does this mean to me? Before I anoint the fry cook Jamie Spears as the next great American matchmaker, I'll just keep assuming that the Spears girls are what philosophizers call "an easy fuck." Come on, that's not all that insulting, is it? Look, the only thing keeping Britney from being named an honorary Kardashian is a lack of body hair . . . or a football team worth of black dudes in her dating history. By the reasoning of this story, one could say that Britney has been set up by DMV employees, temp agencies, and McDonald's drive thru attendants.
Britney Spears outside Only Hearts boutique in Santa Monica (10/6)
Not everyone's happy that Jamie and Lynn Spears are reconciling. Take their insane daughter for example. From the National Enquirer:
You’d think Britney Spears would be thrilled to see her divorced parents get back together-instead she’s furious! The troubled performer believes the reunion will destroy her chance to gain her freedom from court-ordered supervision.
"Britney feels completely betrayed," revealed a source. "Britney used to be able to confide in Lynne about all the problems she had with her father. Lynne gave Britney hope that she could get out of the conservatorship and be on her own again. She even promised to speak to Britney’s doctors and lawyers on her behalf. Now Britney realized Lynne was going behind her back and telling Jamie everything she said."
Britney believes that Lynne was working with her father all along to manipulate her into being more cooperative-and that she did so for financial reasons. Dad Jamie, 58, earns $16,000 a month for his role as Britney’s conservator. "If Jamie were no longer her conservator, the money would stop and Lynne and Jamie would both again become dependent on Britney’s generosity for money." (Print Edition - 12/13)
Wait a second, are we supposed to believe that the pushy parents of a highly successful child star would manipulate their own progeny for personal financial gain? The hell you say! If this hadn't happened to every single famous kid I can think of since the beginning of time -- mind you, Britney is still basically a kid, I never would have believed it. Hopefully future child stars will realize that the only way to keep their mom and dad's hands off of their money is to hide it in the one place they'd never look: a parenting book.
Eight years after they divorced, Britney Spears' parents Lynn and Jamie are getting back together. As soon as her morning meds wear off and she's able to express emotion, I bet Britney will have the biggest smile on her face. From People:
"They are back together and are doing well and happy," a source tells PEOPLE. "[They're] not remarried but back together."
The couple, who divorced in 2002, were looking friendly on Saturday at Los Angeles lounge Boudoir. Onlookers at the lounge spotted Lynne and Jamie cheering and dancing as DJ Mr. Best spun Britney's hits, like "Toxic" and "Gimme More."
"They were in a great mood together," says an onlooker. "They were laughing together - dancing and laughing [and] totally having fun."
Lynne Spears is 55 -- that means she can't have kids anymore, right? I hope not. Judging by how well the last two turned out (one's an unwed teen mother, the other's crazy), if Jamie gets liquored up on moonshine and knocks her up again, there's a very good chance she gives birth to a live grenade or poison cobra of some kind. We should remove her vagina just to be safe.
*5 Lynne Spears and Jamie Spears pictures total in the gallery:
Britney Spears taking a swim at Malibu Beach in her underwear in 2007
In 2008, after she went batshit crazy, a court placed Britney Spears under a conservatorship, giving her father Jamie complete control of her assets and decision making. It was bad news for the fast food industry, but good for Britney, as she turned her life around and started wearing a bra again (sometimes). Now Radar claims that a judge may end the conservatorship within the next few months and give Britney control of her life back:
The conservatorship held over the pop star will most likely end within three months, a source close to the situation revealed exclusively to RadarOnline.com.
"Britney has made tremendous progress in the past three to four months. She seems to be firmly in control again," the source said.
Spears met privately with Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Reva Goetz on Thursday morning in the judge's chambers.
"There will be a hearing for the conservatorship to end. This won't be done in secret," the source said. "There is nothing to hide, everyone just wants to be cautious that it's the right time, and all signs seem to indicate that it is."
This may just be the eternal optimist in me, but I don't see what could possibly go wrong with giving Britney control of her life again. Sure she has bipolar disorder, but mental illness isn't like AIDS or Kate Gosselin -- it eventually goes away. It's like a cold -- Britney just needs some chicken soup and a good night's rest. That always does the trick for me when the voices tell me to burn things.
*30 Britney Spears underwear pictures total in the
gallery:
The Bank of Britney is reluctantly open for business
In a shocking development, it turns out that Britney Spears doesn't like being forced by her father Jamie to tour and make millions of dollars -- millions of dollar he's in control of. A source close to the "Circus" tour told E!:
"It's a freak show right now. She's phoning every song in. It's pretty obvious she is not happy to be here."
We can verify ourselves—we saw Spearsy yawn through her concert at the Staples Center here in L.A., and we were more into the performance than she was! In fact, the only time Britters looked half alive while on tour was when that superfan snuck onto the stage and startled her!
And who's to blame here? Like with most H'wood starlets, it's the parents! Jamie Spears is using his darling daughter as his own personal bank. He's still in charge of B's moolah—everything she's already got, and every dime from every VIP seat she's making on this tour. "He might as well be saying ‘Dance, Cash Cow, dance!'" spits out the angry Spears amigo.
Britney probably wasn't the only person yawning during her performance at the Staples Center. These days, fans just aren't getting their money's worth unless she swears on stage, loses her hair extensions, or does her best impression of a choo choo train. If Britney's going to keep the few fans she has left excited about her tour, she needs to do something crazy and unexpected during the show. My suggestion: use proper grammar.
Kevin Federline's gambling habits apparently have spiraled so far out of control that Jamie Spears is laying down an ultimatum: Quit or else lose your seat on the gravy train. From Bill Zwecker at the Chicago Sun Times:
I've learned that Britney Spears and her strong-willed papa, Jamie Spears, have told Britney's ex-hubby Kevin Federline he better curb his out-of-control gambling habits, or else the Spearses will go back into court to cut K-Fed's megabucks allowance.
Federline reportedly has blown through a couple of million bucks over the past year. Currently, the former backup dancer pulls in approximately $60,000 monthly in alimony and child support, on top of the millions he won in cash and real estate as part of his divorce settlement from the pop star.
Jamie Spears is kidding himself if he thinks he can keep K-Fed away from the casinos. Casinos to K-Fed are like mirrors to Tyra Banks -- both get the shakes if they go 20 minutes without seeing one. Besides, if Jamie really wants to curb K-Fed's spending habits, he doesn't need to ban all contact with gambling halls -- he needs to ban all contact with cocoa butter, glitter, and champagne rooms.
A "permanent" restraining order was issued against Britney's ex-manager Sam Lutfi yesterday by an L.A. judge. Lutfi is barred from contacting Spears and coming within 100 feet of her home, work, car, or family until April 28, 2012. A temporary restraining order was issued against Lutfi earlier this year. From E!:
The Spears camp, headed up by dad Jamie, has been looking to keep Lutfi out of Britney's life for nearly 15 months, since her father was appointed coconservator of her affairs and Lutfi admitted to medicating Britney by crushing up pills in her food.
Lutfi had originally agreed to lay low but ultimately fired back in February with a defamation suit, accusing the Spears family of dragging his name through the mud.
Amazing that Sam had the balls to sue for defamation after admitting that he used to medicate Britney by crushing up pills in her food. That'd be like Jeffrey Dahmer suing me for calling him a monster. I think you give up the right to be defamed once you've sauteed someone's heart in herbs and butter.
Remember Britney Spears' original plan to get out of her father Jamie's control by going on a hunger strike? Obviously it didn't work. 35 minute hunger strikes usually don't. So then plan number two was to set up her dad (a recovering alcoholic) in some kind of incriminating situation and then bring the evidence to court to show that he shouldn't be in charge of her career decisions and money. Obviously it didn't work. Plans drawn in crayon usually don't. Britney's latest scheme is to get ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib to knock her up (yes, the same guy who might be getting deported to Afghanistan). Because Jamie would have to leave her alone if she was pregnant! Right? Right? From the National Enquirer:
"Britney is still trying to set up a secret rendezvous with Adnan sometime on her tour so she can get pregnant," the insider said.
While she continues to scheme over Adnan, the 27-year-old singer - who's launched a comeback with her worldwide "Circus" tour - has repeatedly told her father that she is done with Ghalib and Lutfi, insiders say. But she's secretly contacted both men in recent months, begging them to help free her from her father's conservatorship, say sources. The bizarre letter was the latest salvo in her war against her father - and security guards handed it over to Jamie after discovering it during a search of Britney's personal effects, said the source. Such searches are done regularly in an effort to keep Britney's life under control, say insiders.
"In the letter, Britney told Adnan that having a baby would end her father's ban keeping them apart," said the insider. "She said her father would be forced to allow Adnan in her life since he'd be the father of her child."
The "Toxic" singer directed Ghalib to meet her at different tour stops so they could try to conceive a child, even though her ex-husband Kevin Federline and their two sons are traveling with her, said the source. (Source)
It sounds like the only person on Earth who's trying more desperately to get pregnant than Jennifer Aniston is Britney. Sadly, all of this baby drama is probably hardest on Adnan. Especially since every day that Britney isn't knocked up is another day he isn't living the life of busty strippers, fast cars, and easy money.* I guess the only way for Britney and Adnan to be together is elope to Afghanistan. Of course, there might be ONE tiny flaw to that plan. See here.
*aka "Monday-Saturday" for K-Fed. Sundays are for the Lord.
JFX Online got their hands on a voicemail allegedly made by Britney Spears and left for her lawyer. The transcript:
"Hi my name’s Britney Spears. I called you earlier."
Wait a minute. "I called you earlier." Is that necessary? Is he really going to confuse her with his other crazy popstar client named Britney Spears? Continuing . . .
"I’m calling again because I just wanted to make sure that during the process of eliminating the conservatorship that my father has threatened me several times, you know, he’ll take my children away. I just want to be guaranteed that everything will be fine with the process of you guys taking care of everything that things will stay the same as far as my custodial time. That’s it, bye."
Is it really a threat to take Britney's kids away? Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me. Britney should totally let him do it. Let him take the kids away and she can start fresh. It's kinda like declaring parenting bankruptcy. Sure her uterus score will take a hit but that'll be cleared up and she can have kids again in seven years.
Britney Spears' dad not happy with her tour so far
Despite the fact that no one died and nothing burned down, Britney Spears' dad Jamie was not happy with Britney Spears' first concert in New Orleans last week. A "close Spears associate" told the Chicago Sun Times:
"I don't know what [Jamie Spears] was smokin', but he was very unhappy with Britney's [first] performance of her 'The Circus' tour in New Orleans . . . Britney was very unhappy [about her dad's remarks] and told him he was full of shit," added the source.
Reportedly, the singer's dad felt Britney's "timing was a bit off." (Source)
Can you really blame Jamie for not being impressed with Britney's show? When your daughter is performing in front of thousands of people dressed up like a sluttier version of a Barnum & Bailey ringmaster, you probably don't consider it one of your proudest parental moments.* The reason why Britney named her tour after a circus is becoming clear however: her father's a clown.
*Jamie's proudest? When a 4-year-old Britney learned to stand still long enough so he could balance his beer on her head. Mobile beer holder!
Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: