Jamie Jungers

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Tiger Woods did what?

If you're a huge star and you've always wanted to beat up a hooker or marry a boy in Thailand -- I'm looking at you Tom Hanks -- now is definitely the time to do it. This Tiger story seems to be getting worse by the day and it's pretty much the only thing the media is reporting on right now. Just look at the latest story from Us Weekly. Tiger had "raucous sex" with one of his whores while his father Earl lay dying in a hospice. I mean, wow, what do you even say about that? Literally nothing surprises me about this guy anymore. Tiger built a time machine so he could travel back to 1935 and fuck Amelia Earhart? OK, cool. Tell her I said hi.


Jamie Jungers

Turns out two of Tiger Woods' whores -- whore #5 Jamie Jungers and whore #7 Holly Sampson -- were actually real life whores. Michelle Braun, owner of the now defunct Global Travel Network escort agency ("The only travel agency where you also come"), claims that Holly and Jamie were former employees. From E! Online:
It was Jungers who introduced Braun to Tiger, Braun says.

"He had a pretty big appetite for girls," Braun concluded. And, supposedly, Tiger had a type. "He would request the college-cutie, girls-next-door look."

The last time she communicated with him was in mid-2008, Braun said. Most of her celebrity clients, including Woods, were always "smart enough" to pay in cash, she said. The golfer, in particular, "liked to communicate by text message."

Woods spent three weekends in Vegas with her girls over the years, Braun said, dropping $30,000 to $40,000 per trip.
Look, I can sit here and demonize Tiger Woods all day. It's almost too easy at this point. I'm going to take a different approach -- I'm going to focus on the good things he's done over the years. For example, the average round of golf on the PGA Tour is 4-5 hours. Showing great restraint, Tiger almost never went into a porta-potty and fucked a fan during those 4-5 hours. And one time my girlfriend saw Tiger at the airport. He didn't fuck her. Pisses me off the liberal media won't talk about the more gentlemanly aspect of Tiger's life.

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Kalika Moquin at Holly Madison's 30th birthday celebration at Jet nightclub in Las Vegas (12/4)

The count is now up to seven (!) whores for Tiger Woods. We already know about Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, and Kalika Moquin (pictured above). Well four more of his mistresses came out of hiding over the weekend. First up, 31-year-old "Manhattan clubgoer" Cori Rist (pic here):
Rist and Woods allegedly met at the Manhattan club Butter last year and have been hooking up ever since.

"One thing led to another, and pretty soon Tiger was flying her to hook up with him on tour," the source said. "Tiger would typically get a large suite at a hotel. Someone would book Cori an adjacent room, so she wouldn't be seen coming into his room."
Next up, 26-year-old lingerie model Jamie Jungers (pic here):
Her relationship with Woods, 33, began when she was at a party at the exclusive Bellagio Hotel in Vegas. He sent across a messenger to ask her to join him and his entourage at his VIP table.

Flattered by Woods’ attentions, she ended up going back to his $5,000-a-night suite at the MGM Grand Mansion hotel, where, she later told friends, they had passionate sex.

And while Woods was betraying Elin - who was living in their main home in ­Florida 2,000 miles away - Jamie herself was ­cheating on her fiancé, ­businessman Derek Schmidt.
Whore #6 is 33-year-old definitely-NOT-a-lingerie-model Mindy Lawton (pic here):
"Sometimes I looked like a rag doll after we'd made love," she said. "He really did like it quite rough. He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex. He also liked me to talk dirty to him, but hair-pulling was what really turned him on."

Mindy said she fell in love with Woods but soon found out he only wanted one thing from her.

She said: "I realise now all he wanted me for was sex. The only time he would call was when he wanted it. Tiger just used me as his sex toy. I thought I meant something to him, but all he cared about was lust. He is a selfish, heartless man."
And finally, 36-year-old porn star Holly Sampson (pic here), star of such classics as Diary of a Horny Housewife and Suck It Dry 6:
Other reports linked Woods to 36-year-old blond porn star Holly Sampson. Britain's Daily Mail reported that the Los Angeles hottie - star of such recent adult films as "OMG, Stop Tickling Me" and "Flying Solo 2" - is "not denying she bedded Tiger."

"She has no comment on the matter," Sampson's Denver-based lawyer Andrew Contiguglia told The News.
OK, let's make this easy. If you've never spent the night with Tiger Woods, raise your hand . . . well, looks like he pretty much fucked everyone. Everyone but me. It's because I'm fat, isn't it Tiger! I hate you so much! *runs away crying*

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Would You Rather?

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