It's Not You, It's Me

Minka Kelly out and about in Beverly Hills in January

Remember last week how Minka Kelly are the recently-single Wilmer Valderrama started dating again? Wilmer already dumped her. Hit it and quit it. From Us Weekly:
"They stopped dating," an insider told Us this week. The pair, who first dated back in 2012, enjoyed a dinner date at Palms Thai restaurant in Hollywood on Wednesday, August 31.

Another source told Us that the exes started seeing each other about a month prior to their Hollywood get-together. An eyewitness told Us that the pair's August outing definitely "looked like a date."
Purely strategic move by Wilmer. He didn't want to start dating Minka again -- he only did it to set up his next relationship. Imagine what's gonna go through the head of the next woman he dates . . . "Crap, Minka Kelly barely lasted a week with this guy. I better step up my game." TL;DR: Anal.

*10 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Minka Wilmer Done 1
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Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston, in happier times 

Hiddleswift is no more. Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have broken up. A source tells US Weekly that it was Taylor who dumped Tom, not the other way around, which makes sense because Taylor has a private jet and you don't dump chicks with private jets:
"She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship," a source close to the couple tells Us. "Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn't listen to her concerns when she brought them up." Now that they've split, the source says, Hiddleston is "embarrassed that the relationship fizzled out."
For those keeping score at home, Taylor and Tom dated for roughly three months. In related news, the three month mark in a relationship is when it becomes almost impossible to hide the fact that you have a secret penis. Coincidence or conspiracy?

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: Taylor Swift dumps really really white guy so she can start dating another really really white guy

*10 Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston pictures total in the gallery:

  • Hiddleswift Break Up 1
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Lindsay Lohan and Egor Tarabasov at the Butterfly Ball in London (6/22)

After loudly and publicly accusing him of attempted murder a few nights ago, Lindsay Lohan and her rich Russian fiance Egor Tarabasov have split up. Dammit, looks like I'm gonna have to return that razor blade and small mirror I bought Lindsay as a wedding present. From the New York Post:
Sources close to La Lohan say she and her wealthy Russian beau Egor Tarabasov have tragically split following a dramatic few days of claims of abuse, pregnancy and cheating.
Settle down, New York Post. 9/11 was a tragedy. This is just the universe returning back to normal.
On Tuesday, Tarabasov was seen moving out of her London apartment, as a source close to Lohan told Page Six, "They are taking a break, she didn't want him trespassing in her apartment, but he went in and took all his possessions."

The source added that Tarabasov is from a conservative family who didn't approve of her recent revelations on social media, claiming he was cheating with a "hooker" and she might be pregnant.

A friend told us, "After moving to London and meeting Egor, Lindsay felt like she'd finally moved on from the chaos of her youth. She was really ready to settle down and start a family. Sadly, for her, she is losing much more than just a boyfriend."
Wow, this actually is tragic news. Poor thing. I don't know how she's gonna deal with this. The important thing to remember is that there may be some rough times ahead, but she'll emerge from it a stronger woman. Of course I'm talking about Linday Lohan's landlord, Mary. Rent may be a little late next month since Egor's not around anymore, but Lindsay's good for it. She promises!

*15 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Lindsay Lohan Egor Tarabasov Split 1
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Charlotte McKinney at the grand opening of the Encore Players Club at The Wynn in Las Vegas in January

Great news if your name is John Mayer or Leonardo DiCaprio. Charlotte McKinney is single. She just broke up with actor Stephen Dorff because their relationship views just didn't mesh. For example, Stephen wanted to stick his penis into other women and Charlotte didn't want him to do that. From the New York Post:
"He was fooling around with other women," said a source, who added, "Charlotte has been dating Stephen for a while, but he carried on ­texting other women and inviting them over to his house on the beach in Malibu."

The May-December pair, who are 20 years apart, had been dating since April of last year. Our source added that Dorff can be a party guy.

"July Fourth weekend . . . there were all these random people in his house. Charlotte has had enough of him," the insider said.
In Stephen's defense, he lives in Malibu. What is he supposed to do? Not invite other women back to his beach house? See how ridiculous that sounds? If he's not gonna cheat on his girlfriend with other hot chicks at his Malibu beach house, he might as well sell it and move to Riverside.

*20 Charlotte McKinney pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlotte McKinney Single 1
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Ariel Winter on the set of Dog Years in Nashville (6/24)

Ariel Winter confirmed on Instagram over the weekend that she and boyfriend Laurent  Claude Gaudette have split up. The two had been dating for almost two years, which is why if you know Laurent, you haven't seen him at all for the past two years. BOOBS. She cryptically posted:

Damn I feel bad for Laurent. Where do you go after dating Ariel Winter? Charlotte McKinney? Christina Hendricks? Kat Dennings? ISIS-controlled Syria? I'm leaning towards Syria. "I've had a good life, but honestly, it's all downhill from here so fuck it. BANZAI!!!"

*5 Ariel Winter pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ariel Winter On The Market 1
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Wilmer Valderrama and Demi Lovato in New York last October

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday. Had some technical difficulties, but things should be back to normal today. Now to catch up on some news. Like Wilmer Valderrama and his girlfriend Demi Lovato. They're engaged! Just kidding. They broke up. Demi posted on Instagram over the weekend:
After almost six loving and wonderful years together, we have decided to end our relationship. This was an incredibly difficult decision for both of us, but we have realized more that anything that we are better as best friends. We will always be supportive for one another. Thank you to everyone who has offered us kindness and support over the years.

-With only love, Wilmer & Demi.
Good for Wilmer. People forget that, back in the day, he was neck and neck with the likes of John Mayer, Leo DiCaprio, and Adam Levine in pulling the finest trim across Hollywood. And then he started dated Demi and just sorta faded away. The timing couldn't be more perfect for him. An entire generation of girls who grew up listening to him as the voice of Disney's Handy Manny are just now hitting their 18th birthday. "Hey ladies -- by chance, do any of you have a fantasy about fucking a cartoon repairman?" Like shooting fish in a barrel.

*15 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Demi Wilmer Split 1
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Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris in New York last May

Sorry for you Third Reich enthusiasts that were dreaming of a Taylor Swift-Calvin Harris Aryan dream baby. They split up last week. From E!:
E! News has confirmed through multiple sources that Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris (real name Adam Wiles) have broken up after dating for almost a year and a half. "This all happened last week," a source tells us.

"Taylor and Adam had no big blowout fight, but the romance just was not there anymore for them. Adam is the one that ended it. It was all done in a very mature fashion. Taylor is pretty upset but they are still in communication. Taylor was there for Adam with his accident and supportive."

The duo's breakup comes shortly after the music producer suffered from a car accident, causing him to cancel a few shows.
Now that's Taylor's single, what's next for her? . . . I hear Johnny Depp is available. Just think of the song possibilities for her next album if they start dating!:

1. Restraining Order on My Heart, and You
2. You Wouldn't Hit Me if You Didn't Love Me
3. Assault on My Heart and Face
4. True Love Equals Bruises
5. Dial 911 to Reach my Heart
6. Closed Hand, Open Heart

I smell another #1 album.

*20 Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris pictures total in the gallery:

  • Taylor Swift Calvin Harris Split Up 1
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Paris Hilton out and about in Beverly Hills (4/22)

Stock up on the Valtrex and bear spray, because you know who just dumped her boyfriend. From Life & Style:
Paris Hilton and her Austrian boyfriend, Thomas Gross, have called it quits after a year of dating.

"They are both friends and remain close but with their busy work schedules and the long distance it just got too difficult," sources close to the pair told Life & Style. "Paris is very close with her family and her sister Nicky Hilton is about to have a baby. She really wants to be there for her and be an aunt. It broke her heart being so far away from family."

"They remain close friends and care for each other but work and the distance just got in the way. She will be back in Ibiza for her DJ residency all summer and he has to be in Switzerland for his work, it's an impossible situation," the sources added.
Oh yes, of course. It breaks Paris' heart to be apart from her family, buttttttt she's gonna be in Ibiza DJing all summer. So clearly that's bullshit and these two broke up for some other reason. I'm gonna with Paris is really into Nazi kink and Thomas found it way too offensive so he dumped her. "No, god dammit, I will not dress up like Joseph Goebbels again!"

*15 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Single Now 1
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Nina Dobrev and Austin Stowell in St. Tropez last July

Oh joyous day, Nina Dobrev is single. E! says she and boyfriend Austin Stowell broke up after dating for just seven months:
"It started to get hard with both of their schedules," a source revealed to E! News. "They remain on good terms."

Multiple sources add that the split happened sometime around late January to early February. Perhaps that could explain the absence of any new couple shots in recent weeks. Fans first began to speculate that the twosome was no longer romantic when the Vampire Diaries star went to Super Bowl 50 without her main man.
I feel bad for this Austin fellow. I really do. It's all downhill from here. Don't get me wrong, there will be other women -- pretty ones, even -- but they won't be Nina Dobrev. It's like being a retired astronaut. Sure that new Porsche you got is pretty sweet, but your old ride went 17,000 mph.

*15 Nina Dobrev and Austin Stowell pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nina Dobrev Break Up 1
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Irina Shayk and Bradley Cooper's mom Gloria Campano in New York (9/14)

Famous attractive woman Irina Shayk is single again. She got dumped by boyfriend Bradley Cooper allegedly because she wasn't getting along with his mom, Gloriz. Ah, the ol' Leo DiCaprio Special. A source told The Sun:
"The pair had been getting on really well, but things went south over the Christmas period. They spent Christmas together in Los Angeles but arguments started, mainly centering around the fact Irina and Bradley's mum weren't getting on very well.

"That caused friction between Bradley and Irina as he is very close to his mum and the fact that Irina and her didn't get on put pressure on their relationship."
Wow, I can't believe Bradley picked Gloria over Irina -- Irina has way nicer tits. Bradley, you sly devil. Next Christmas somebody's mommy is getting him that shiny new bicycle he's had his eye on . . .

*20 Irina Shayk pictures total in the gallery:

  • Irina Shayk Dumped 1
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