It's Not You, It's Me


Rita Ora at The X Factor auditions in London (7/19)

Great news, everybody -- and by "everybody" I mean "John Mayer and Leonardo DiCaprio" -- Rita Ora is single. From E!:
It's over for Rita Ora and Ricky Hilfiger. The 24-year-old British "Black Widow" singer and co-judge of the U.K. show The X Factor and the 25-year-old hip-hop artist and son of famed designer Tommy Hilfiger have called it quits. A source told E! News it was a "mutual" decision.

The two have not commented. They were last spotted together in June, out and about in London, where she was raised.
Rita needs to realize that she's a hot piece of ass and start dating some princes or Russian billionaires. She went from dating Rob Kardashian to a douchebag who acts like he didn't grow up in Tribeca and attend boarding school in New Hampshire. Who's next, Jared form Subway? "Rita, let's role play -- ask me what time recess is."

*30 Rita Ora pictures total in the gallery:

  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 1
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 2
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 3
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 4
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 5
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 6
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 7
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 8
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 9
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 10
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 11
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 12
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 13
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 14
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 15
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 16
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 17
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 18
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 19
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 20
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 21
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 22
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 23
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 24
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 25
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 26
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 27
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 28
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 29
  • Rita Ora Single Boobs 30

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner out and about in Brentwood (4/24)

After years of rumors, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are finally divorcing. Gosh, who could have seen this coming? They looked so happy together back in April (above) -- couldn't keep their hands off each other. In a joint statement to People, the two said:
"After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce. We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time. This will be our only comment on this private, family matter. Thank you for understanding."
Two words: Emily. Ratajkowski. Emily was Ben Affleck's girlfriend in Gone Girl. It's really hard to film nude scenes with Emily Ratajkowski and then go home to Jennifer Garner and your three kids. Not a problem now. Emily, keep your cell phone handy.

*16 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 1
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 2
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 3
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 4
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 5
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 6
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 7
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 8
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 9
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 10
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 11
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 12
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 13
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 14
  • Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner Divorce 15

Olivia Culpo arriving for dinner at Gracias Madre in West Hollywood (6/19)

Nick Jonas just dumped Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo. Nick Jonas was having sex with a former Miss Universe, and then decided he didn't want to have sex with a former Miss Universe anymore. What in the fuck? What planet am I on? On Sunday Olivia wrote on Instagram:
Your heart just breaks, that's all. Heartbreak is hard but you find more and more things to be grateful for every day. One of those things is all of you. Thank you all. Yes I'm going to be okay and I love u guys so so much every day is a blessing
Of course this begs the question: If the hottest chick in the Universe isn't good enough for you, then who is? This is like selling your Bugatti Veyron because it wasn't fast enough. Now you have to take the bus. In Nick's case, now he has to fuck 9's.

*15 Olivia Culpo pictures total in the gallery:

  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 1
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 2
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 3
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 4
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 5
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 6
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 7
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 8
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 9
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 10
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 11
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 12
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 13
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 14
  • Olivia Culpo Dumped 15

Britney Spears and Charlie Ebersol at the 2015 Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas (5/18)

Britney Spears is single again. She just dumped her boyfriend of eight months, TV producer Charlie Ebersol. But I have a feeling this won't be the last time we hear from ol' Connor Ebersol. Chris is gonna be just fine, thank you very much -- just fine. Us Weekly has more on Britney and Cooper's breakup::
The pair, who started dating in October 2014, last attended a public event together at the 2015 Billboard Music Awards in mid-May.

"I just felt that he was in it for the wrong reasons," a source tells Us.

Spears, 33, deleted all photos of her ex from her Instagram account, though many of her Twitter pics remain.
Oh shit, you know Britney's serious if she learned the technical skills needed to delete Instagram pics from her account. I just hope she doesn't learn too much. "Wait a minute . . . I can order food off that there computer box?"

*25 Britney Spears and Charlie Ebersol pictures total in the gallery:

  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 1
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 2
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 3
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 4
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 5
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 6
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 7
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 8
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 9
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 10
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 11
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 12
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 13
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 14
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 15
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 16
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 17
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 18
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 19
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 20
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 21
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 22
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 23
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 24
  • Britney Spears Charlie Ebersol Split 25

Sean Penn and Charlize Theron at the premiere of Mad Max: Fury Road at the TLC Chinese Theater in Hollywood (5/7)

Charlize Theron is single. After dating since early last year, the actress broke up with fiance Sean Penn earlier this month. Apparently Sean's high ranking position within the Communist Party of China was taking up just too much of his time. Constant meetings.  From Us Weekly:
One insider tells Us that the high-profile pair, who got together in December 2013, decided that their romance was over following their most recent jaunt to the Cannes Film Festival in the south of France. The source tells Us that Theron, 39, was the one to break things off with the fellow Oscar winner.
Complicating matters is that Sean adopted Charlize's son Jackson earlier this year. This has sitcom written all over it. Or, considering that Sean Penn is a god damn lunatic, domestic dispute. Definitely one of those two.

*20 Charlize Theron and Sean Penn pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 1
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 2
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 3
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 4
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 5
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 6
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 7
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 8
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 9
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 10
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 11
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 12
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 13
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 14
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 15
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 16
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 17
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 18
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 19
  • Charlize Theron Sean Penn Breakup 20

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn at the 16th Annual Tiger Jam at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas last year

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are no more. Tiger announced the split with an awkward, impersonal, five-sentence statement on his website yesterday. In other words, it was exactly what you'd expect from Tiger:
"Lindsey and I have mutually decided to stop dating I have great admiration, respect and love for Lindsey and I'll always cherish our time together. She has been amazing with Sam and Charlie and my entire family. Unfortunately, we lead very hectic lives and are both competing in demanding sports. It's difficult to spend time together."
In related news, applications for the position of Waffle House waitress have surged. Mmm, mmm, Tiger loves him some Waffle House waitress.

*15 Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 1
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 2
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 3
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 4
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 5
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 6
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 7
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 8
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 9
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 10
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 11
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 12
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 13
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 14
  • Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Split 15

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone break up

Looks like the rumors about Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone breaking up are true. The New York Post says the two are "on a break," but not actually breaking up. Even though that's never worked in the history of relationships. No couple has ever fucked other people for a while and then gotten back together and lived happily every after. An insider told the paper:
"They had been fighting a lot and they hadn't seen each other," said an insider. "They have both been working, but they weren't getting along."

The pair have been hard at work on their own careers in recent months. Stone, 26, starred in the Broadway musical "Cabaret," while Garfield, 31, is currently filming "Silence in Taiwan."

"He's very in his character," another source told the site about his Jesuit priest role. "He's lost weight, and he's in a dark place mentally for his performance and he's not boyfriend material right now."
Well pardon me, Humphrey Bogart. I didn't know the guy who played Spider-Man was so serious about his craft. That excuse is bullshit, obviously. If getting into character could destroy your relationship, then Christian Bale would be on his 15th wife. I guess "very in his character" is an easier excuse than "Andrew finally realized -- like the rest of America did years ago -- that Emma is really fucking annoying." Seriously, why is she famous?

*10 Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone pictures total in the gallery:

  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 1
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 2
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 3
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 4
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 5
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 6
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 7
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 8
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 9
  • Emma Stone Andrew Garfield Split 10

Irina Shayk in her work uniform

Now we know why soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo and uber-hottie Irina Shayk broke up. His penis. Or more specifically, its propensity to end up in chicks not named Irina Shayk. From the New York Post:
We're told Shayk, whose rep confirmed the split to Page Six last week, was told by numerous sources that Real Madrid star Ronaldo had affairs during their five-year, long-distance relationship, which led to her calling it off around New Year's Eve.

These affairs reportedly include a 2012 fling with Rita Pereira, a Portuguese TV presenter who has also appeared in Playboy.

Reports had spread that Shayk and Ronaldo, both 29, split after five years because she didn't attend the 60th birthday for his mother, Dolores, in January. But Shayk's camp quickly denied that.
Sure Irina Shayk is hot, but you know what's even hotter? Five chicks at the same time. And in Ronaldo's defense, sometimes it can be hard to pull that off if you have a girlfriend. Sometimes. *adjusts top hat*

*30 Irina Shayk pictures total in the gallery:

  • Irina Shayk Single 1
  • Irina Shayk Single 2
  • Irina Shayk Single 3
  • Irina Shayk Single 4
  • Irina Shayk Single 5
  • Irina Shayk Single 6
  • Irina Shayk Single 7
  • Irina Shayk Single 8
  • Irina Shayk Single 9
  • Irina Shayk Single 10
  • Irina Shayk Single 11
  • Irina Shayk Single 12
  • Irina Shayk Single 13
  • Irina Shayk Single 14
  • Irina Shayk Single 15
  • Irina Shayk Single 1
  • Irina Shayk Single 2
  • Irina Shayk Single 3
  • Irina Shayk Single 4
  • Irina Shayk Single 5
  • Irina Shayk Single 6
  • Irina Shayk Single 7
  • Irina Shayk Single 8
  • Irina Shayk Single 9
  • Irina Shayk Single 10
  • Irina Shayk Single 11
  • Irina Shayk Single 12
  • Irina Shayk Single 13
  • Irina Shayk Single 14
  • Irina Shayk Single 15

Audrina Patridge in Cancun in May

Audrina Patridge. Remember her? She was the slow one on The Hills, which, considering the competition is quite an accomplishment. It's like being the drunkest one at the Lohan family reunion ("Seriously, Lindsay, listen to me, no seriously, seriously, you're totttttttally gonna win an Oscar"), or the most violent one at Chris Brown's group therapy session ("Bitches be disrespectin' me"). Well she's single now. Earlier this week she broke up with her boyfriend of five years, BMX rider Corey Bohan. Hey, I used to do that, too! When I was 9. She tweeted:
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Oops, wrong one.
"You can't start the next chapter in your life , if you keep re-reading the last one" #future #dreams #followyourheart
How funny is that the deep quote Audrina Patridge of all people used to announce her break up is one about reading. That's like me tweeting quotes about nuclear fission. No thanks, I'll just stick to the dick jokes.

UPDATE: Just checked the Vegas books and you can get 2 to 1 odds that Audrina will choke on a crayon within the next six months. 3 to 1 that she'll get eaten by a dinosaur. Easy money, baby.

*25 Audrina Patridge pictures total in the gallery:

  • Audrina Patridge Split 1
  • Audrina Patridge Split 2
  • Audrina Patridge Split 3
  • Audrina Patridge Split 4
  • Audrina Patridge Split 5
  • Audrina Patridge Split 6
  • Audrina Patridge Split 7
  • Audrina Patridge Split 8
  • Audrina Patridge Split 9
  • Audrina Patridge Split 10
  • Audrina Patridge Split 11
  • Audrina Patridge Split 12
  • Audrina Patridge Split 13
  • Audrina Patridge Split 14
  • Audrina Patridge Split 15
  • Audrina Patridge Split 1
  • Audrina Patridge Split 2
  • Audrina Patridge Split 3
  • Audrina Patridge Split 4
  • Audrina Patridge Split 5
  • Audrina Patridge Split 6
  • Audrina Patridge Split 7
  • Audrina Patridge Split 8
  • Audrina Patridge Split 9
  • Audrina Patridge Split 10

Eliza Dushku And Rick Fox in Cabo San Lucas in 2012

Good news Eliza Dushku stalkers: she's single. Bad news: that doesn't change the terms of the restraining order. Eliza revealed to the Boston Globe earlier this week that she and boyfriend Rick Fox have split up after five years together:
[Eliza Dushku] has split with longtime boyfriend Rick Fox and moved back to Boston to, eventually, go to school. "Rick's an LA guy and I'm a Boston girl," she said. (Fox is a retired NBA player and former Celtic.) The 33-year-old actress told us she's bought a condo not far from the Watertown home where she grew up, and is excited because it has a basement. "Nobody in LA has a basement," she said. "They all have the obligatory storage spaces in the Valley."

Dushku is not abandoning the movie and TV business, but after 22 years in LA, she missed Boston. "I'd rather be a little physically cold here than emotionally cold in LA," she said. "I missed my town and I missed my family."
Eliza would rather be physically cold than emotionally cold? Damn, that is harsh. Why didn't she just say she broke up with Rick because he has a small penis. And maybe call his dog ugly while she's at it. And his famous BBQ wings that he makes every holiday? They suck. Remind me not to ever break up with Eliza Dushku.

*30 Eliza Dushku Rick Fox pictures total in the gallery:

  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 1
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 2
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 3
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 4
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 5
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 6
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 7
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 8
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 9
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 10
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 11
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 12
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 13
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 14
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 15
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 1
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 2
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 3
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 4
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 5
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 6
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 7
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 8
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 9
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 10
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 11
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 12
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 13
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 14
  • Eliza Dushki Break Up 15

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: