Archive: Isaac Cohen

Britney Spears ex-boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, gave UK’s News of the World an exclusive interview about his relationship with Britney Spears. Cohen was paid a rumored $10,000 to dish the dirt about Britney and the time they spent together. Cohen reveals:

“[Britney] loves sex and is incredibly adventurous. She was totally happy when we were locked in each other’s arms. But once the sex stopped Britney was like a little girl lost, unable to cope. It was clear she was not over her marriage. The first time she invited me to her home I saw her wedding dress hung on the wall in a glass box. As we made love that night it was like Kevin was in bed beside us. She had not even begun to move on with her life.”

Cohen also reveals that Britney is very self-conscious about her body:

“As far as I was concerned she was gorgeous, but she had such low self esteem she sometimes would not listen. She would say, ‘Am I fat? Am I fat?’ then spend hours dancing around the house trying to burn off calories. She was always jumping around. Other times, she got so low she didn’t care what she looked like. She could not care less some days if she went out of the house without brushing her hair or checking to see if her outfit matched.” (Source)

Britney’s behavior doesn’t seem that weird or different to me. In fact, it all seems like perfectly normal behavior for a horny teenage girl discovering the opposite sex for the first time. Let’s just hope she doesn’t neglect her studies while she’s off chasing boys–because knowledge is power. A stripper told me that once.

It’s deja vu all over again. Isaac Cohen and Britney Spears are officially no longer dating. Cohen called Britney on Sunday while she was in New York to give her the news. When asked about the rumor, Isaac’s agent Brandi Lord confirmed to OK! Magazine that the Cohen and Spears “are no longer an item.” The two originally began dating in mid-December after being introduced to each other by Britney’s choreographer. According to Isaac’s friend:

“He’s been looking to get out of the relationship for a while. It was a bit much for him. There was a lot of drama - it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular.” Source

Later in the article, Isaac added, “Oh thank God it’s over. I’d rather run naked through a Turkish prison with a huge red bow pinned to my ass than go down on that chick again. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go dip my penis in bleach and set fire to my bedsheets.”

Maybe Britney Spears and Isaac Cohen aren’t broken up after all. A few weeks ago Britney told paparazzi agency X17 that Isaac and she were “no longer together.” But just a few days ago, Cohen at the posh lingerie store La Bra buying some very personal gifts for the mother of two. According to MSNBC:

He walked out with a black silk La Perla tuxedo shirt that set him back $358 - as well as seven pairs of panties, reports a source, who add, “I guess it was one for each day of the week.”

Has this guy been on a deserted island for the past few months? Maybe he should refresh his memory by clicking here, here, and here. Panties for Britney Spears ranks right behind running shoes for Stephen Hawking as pretty much the worst gifts ever. He should have been practical and bought her something like a vacuum and maybe some cleaning supplies. Women love that kind of shit!

According to Britney Spears, her and new boyfriend Isaac Cohen are “no longer together.” Paparazzi agency X17 reveals:

Last night around 8 pm, Britney went to a Coffee Bean in Santa Monica with two friends. As she headed back to her car, Britney told us that she and Isaac are “not together, by the way.”

Christ I’ve had bowel movements that lasted longer than this relationship. Seeing that this involves Britney Spears, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. She could start dating the stop sign outside of my house my and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. That damn stop sign is such a whore.

Splash News

If you can get over her bulging stomach, inability to wear underwear, two kids from a previous marriage, tendency to say “y’all” way too much, callous parenting techniques, bad complexion, lack of a high school education, worn out vagina, dumpy ass, annoying ex-husband, and stretch marks, it must be awesome dating Britney Spears! Look at all this free shit her new boyfriend Isaac Cohen scored. Last week this dude was selling his sperm so he could pay rent and now designers are tripping over each other to give him stuff. I still don’t think I could bring myself to have sex with her. Maybe if I kissed her I could score some free socks or something.

Ahhh, finally back from Mexico. I’d tell you about it but the first rule of Mexico is you do not talk about Mexico. The second is don’t drink the water but that first rule sounds way cooler. Today might be a little slow while I recover from the approximately seven hours I spent in the airport yesterday. Lemme tell you something, you haven’t lived until you’ve spent seven hours in a tiny Mexican airport.

Anyways, looks like the biggest story of the past week is that Britney has a new boyfriend, Isaac Cohen. And, surprise, surprise, they’re already making ridiculous news. After a heavy night of partying over the weekend, paparazzi agency X17 took some pictures of Issac with what appeared to be Britney’s puke all over his hand. Rival agency Flynet fired back and claimed that Cohen told them it was actually a jar of peanut butter that he had in his pocket that had broken.

Isaac gave us the empty jar as evidence (and a new one as a gift! Thanks!) and asked us to set the record straight. We are happy to help clear Britney’s name from this shameless attempt to profit from these slanderous and untruthful allegations! By the way I tried the peanut butter and it is yummy!

You see everyone? It was designer chunky peanut butter all along! Don’t we feel foolish. If I had a dollar for every time I went clubbing with a jar a peanut butter in my pocket, I’d nearly have a dollar.

This relationship is gonna be awesome!