Archive: Hulk Hogan

What all my nightmares look like put together

I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea (someone on a powerful new kind of acid perhaps?) but Brooke Hogan performed at Mansion nightclub in Miami over the weekend . . . in skimpy “big girls section at Wal-Mart” lingerie. And, yep, her dad was there. From UK tabloid The Sun:

The reality star - daughter of wrestling legend Hulk Hogan - made an appearance at Mansion nightclub in Miami over the weekend for the premiere of her new TV show Brooke Knows Best, performing with all-girl back-up band The Knockouts.

Wearing a burlesque-style outfit, Brooke didn’t leave much to the imagination as her dad looked on from the VIP area alongside new girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel. (Source)

You know what’s even creepier than Brooke’s dad being there? After the performance, Brooke tossed her garter belt into the crowd. From his seat in the VIP area, Hulk used a fishing net attached to the end of a 20-foot pole to catch it. And then he had her autograph it.

NOTE: Check out video of Brooke’s performance on PAGE 2 (CLICK HERE)

CLICK HERE to watch Brooke Hogans performance at Mansion on PAGE 2

The unbuttoned pants were the Hulk’s idea

Hulk Hogan showed up to his daughter Brooke’s Maxim photoshoot in April to “supervise.” For some odd reason, Brooke is featured in the July issue of the magazine. Fox News “Pop Tarts” says:

An insider told Pop Tarts that Hulk’s appearance was a surprise to those on the set, and that he came to supervise and ensure his baby girl didn’t flash too much flesh. But judging by the super-sexy outcome, we don’t know how pleased daddy will be. (Source)

The Hulk wanted to make sure Brooke didn’t flash too much flesh? Sorry but that’s what a normal dad would do. Hulk’s not a normal dad. He probably showed up to set with pop corn, binoculars, and a naughty schoolgirl outfit he “happened to find” on his way over. “But Hulk,” the photographer most likely said, “there’s an inscription on the tag that reads ‘Happy Birthday Brooke, Love Dad, 5-5-2008.’ ”

Brooke puts the “Ho” in Hogan

Even though pretty much everybody has forgotten about them, Brooke Hogan wisely talked to Us Weekly about those creepy photos taken in April of her dad applying lotion to her ass. She told the mag:

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!” (Source)

Brooke doesn’t get it. It’s not that the Hulkster’s applying lotion to her ass, it’s that he’s wayyyyyyy to into it. My God, look at that concentration, that focus! You’d think he was using tweezers to construct one of those model ships in a bottle.

[INFDaily.com]

Hulk Hogan is a moron

Hulk Hogan appeared on Larry King Live last night to talk about the street-racing accident that left his son Nick in jail and his friend John Graziano in a permanent vegetative state and, incredibly, he said this:

“This is in God’s hands. Things happen for a reason. This is to make Nick a better person. This is, in my belief, to make John a better person. It’s like I said before, this is God’s will where we’re at. This situation, I refuse to accept any negativity, any naysayers, and I firmly believe there’s a plan.”

This whole tragedy happened “to make John a better person”? How does a grapefruit-sized hole in someone’s forehead make them a better person . . . especially if it isn’t used for scat porn? The only thing that should have holes in their heads are whales, dolphins, and Barbara Streisand. If the Hulk really thinks disfiguring someone and turning them into a comatose vegetable is a good thing, I’ll be happy to supply him with a twelve pack and the keys to my car.

Blame the victim

TMZ got ahold of another jailhouse phone call from Nick Hogan, this time with his dad. Unlike Nick’s last phone call, there’s little crying and a lot of victim blaming. TMZ summarizes:

While crash victim John Graziano lies in a permanent vegetative state in a hospital with a hole in his head, Hulk Hogan says that God laid some “heavy s**t”on him because of things that he was “into.” Nick agrees, saying John was a “negative person.”

I agree with the Hulk. John Graziano ended up a vegetable, destined to spend the rest of his life in a hospital bed, because of something he was “into” — namely Nick’s car! Blaming John for that horrible auto accident is like me blaming my condom for Alessandra Ambrosio’s pregnancy. Because in the end, it wasn’t faulty rubber that caused both her and Nick’s car to end up wrapped around a pole . . . it was heavy drinking.

NOTE: You can listen to the tape HERE

[Splash News]

I guess it’s better than one of those beer helmets

Quick: Your son just plead guilty to felony reckless driving and his sentence is at the sole discretion of the judge. What do you wear to his court appearance? . . . I bet you didn’t say bandana. That’s because you’re not as cool as Hulk Hogan. TMZ asked a court public information officer why Hulk was allowed to wear a bandana to his son Nick’s jailtimeariffic court appearance last Friday:

“It would have caused a big scene to have him take it off. Technically he shouldn’t have been allowed to wear it. But normally bailiffs do those things when people are coming in, and there was just so much going on that it wasn’t noticed in time.” (Source)

Now that I think about it, it’s probably a good thing Hulk didn’t take off his bandana. The top of his head has got to be as worn and leathery as Seabiscuit’s saddle*. If i wanted to see that much skin where hair used to be I’d rent a Jenna Jameson film.

*a.k.a. Janice Dickinson’s legs.

Brooke Hogan and Jennifer McDaniel in L.A. (4/28)

Brooke Hogan came face to face with her dad’s look-a-like girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel yesterday in L.A. That’s Brooke on the right . . . or is that her on the left? Dude, I don’t even know. These bitches need to wear name tags or something. Look below, even the Hulkster’s confused . . . please tell me he’s confused . . . please tell me he’s not knowingly lotioning up his daughter’s ass . . . awww fuck, he is. And he’s wayyyyyy too in to it. I don’t know how big Hulkster’s spank bank is (mine goes back to 5th grade) but I guarantee you it’s full now.

NOTE: I’m sure if you could see Joe Simpson right now, he’d be furiously scribbling notes. “Note to self: install pool.”

[INFDaily.com]

Hulk Hogan and girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel in Miami Beach (4/2)

Oh man that water must feel sooooo good . . . especially for someone that’s been living on the sun for the past six months. He’s been living on the sun for the past six months, right?

UPDATE: The NAACP just gave Hulk and honorary lifetime membership

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Hulk Hogan and his new girlfriend leaving Foxtail restaurant in Hollywood (3/27)

Hulk Hogan and his new girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel hit L.A. yesterday. I know some of you may think it’s weird that he’s dating a woman who bears a striking resemblance to his daughter Brooke but, in Hulk’s defense, he does think his daughter is a total piece of ass. So it’s not really that weird at all.

The two at LAX yesterday:

[Pacific Coast News, BauerGriffinOnline]

Hulk Hogan divorce

Hulk Hogan’s wife Linda filed for divorce last Tuesday, seeking to end her 24-year marriage to the famous wrestler. Instead of learning the news from his wife, Hogan was surprised by a phone call from a reporter from the St. Petersburg Times. Hogan told the reporter:

“You caught me off guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going here.” (Source)

If you’re interested in hooking up with Linda, just log on to Match.com and search the following: “Likes: Arm Wrestling, Opening Stubborn Jars” or “Dislikes: Women’s Size S-XL, Mens S-L”