Archive: Howard K. Stern

Potential baby daddy Larry Birkhead dropped some bombshells on Howard K. Stern during their court appearance in Florida yesterday. Birkhead claimed that while Anna was in the hospital attempting to kick her prescription drug habit, Stern “thwarted efforts to get her off” by sneaking a bag of pills into her. Oh yeah, she was four months pregnant at the time. Anna’s condition was so bad during the two-week stay that doctors put the former model on suicide watch after she started ripping her IVs out. Anna’s Mom Virgie Arthur also lashed out at Stern:

“Howard was there when he [grandson Daniel] died, and Howard was there when my daughter died, and he has my granddaughter now and it’s not even his child and I’m afraid for her life as well. Please help us!” (Source)

Is there anyone more hated in the country right now than Howard K. Stern? I could go on a spree killing at a battered wives’ shelter and come off looking better than this guy. What he needs is something catastrophic to happen in this country. Remember when Paula Poundstone was accused of molesting her own foster kids? No? That’s because the goddamn World Trade Centers were knocked down like the day after all that shit about her came out. Hmmm, that’s an awfully convenient “coincidence” …

*cough*paulapoundstoneisaterrorist*cough*

Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern–both claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn–were in a Florida courtroom this morning battling it out over how best to gain control of Anna’s riches Dannielynn. I don’t want to bore you with the details so I’ll just say it was your average courtroom scene with Birkhead’s lawyer, Deb Opri, accusing Stern of killing Anna Nicole … Actually maybe I will give you some details. The weirdest part of the proceedings occurred when the judge asked Stern to walk up to an easel and spell his daughter Dannielynn’s name. Although I haven’t seen the clip, I’m pretty sure it went like this:

Stern: “Excuse me judge? You can’t possibly be serious! I’m not gonna lower myself to your level and play these stupid games to gain custody. Like I don’t know how to spell my own daughter’s name! … *crickets chirping* … c’mon give me a hint, what’s it rhyme with?”

Fox News aired a very disturbing video last night of Anna Nicole Smith high out of her mind while 8 months pregnant. Have you ever seen a rhino that’s just waken up from being sedated and tagged by a park ranger? It’s usually a little groggy and has trouble staying on its feet. Anna basically looks like that–only if the rhino had clown makeup on and didn’t know what mushrooms were or what the word “footage” meant. So basically Anna was like a more retarded version of a really dumb rhino.

Anna Nicole Smith’s mother, Virgie Arthur, thinks Daniel Smith’s drug-related death was the result of foul play. Daniel died Sept. 10 while visiting his mom in a Nassau, Bahamas, hospital three days after Smith delivered his half-sister. Arthur hinted to CNN’s Nancy Grace that Anna’s new husband, Howard K. Stern, may have played a part in it:

“If Howard Stern marries (Smith) and she ends up dead, then who does (her) money go (to)?” Virgie Arthur mused to Grace. “There was only three people in that (hospital) room,” she added. “Danny was one of them. I just know Danny didn’t kill hisself. . . . Danny wouldn’t take drugs to begin with. . . . Somebody had to give it to him,” said Arthur, a former cop. “He had to get it from somewhere.”

Leave it to a woman who uses words like “hisself” to uncover Howard K. Stern’s master plot to steal millions of dollars. I look at the above picture of Virgie and think one thing: investigative juggernaut. Don’t let that tremendous fe-mullet sway your opinion. A woman so dedicated to the art of international sleuthing must sometimes take necessary safety precautions with her appearance.

Call me crazy but I think these kids may last:

Anna Nicole Smith exchanged vows with boyfriend Howard K. Stern on a boat near Nassau, but there was no formal marriage and the ceremony is “not legally binding,” her attorney Michael Scott said Friday.Scott said the exchange of vows happened aboard a catamaran Thursday � 18 days after Smith’s 20-year-old son, Daniel, died as he was visiting her in a Nassau hospital, where she had given birth to a baby girl. Stern says he is the father of the baby. The couple “exchanged vows before God” but did not obtain a marriage license, Scott told The Associated Press. “It was not a formal, legal arrangement,” Scott said.

I just don’t know where Anna finds the time. Giving birth to a baby girl last week, a fake wedding this week, her son’s funeral the next. She should seriously consider taking on an assistant.

Anna Nicole Smith’s “longtime lawyer and confidante,” Howard K. Stern, announced Tuesday on Larry King Live that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby:

They have since named their baby girl Dannielynn Hope, Stern told King via a video feed. “Right now we have to somehow get through what we’re going through, and I’ll tell you, our baby is the one ray of hope.” “It’s been very rough [regarding the recent death of Smith’s 20-year-old son Daniel],” Stern said. “She said that she didn’t want to trade out children, meaning she didn’t want one to be born and another to die.”

As for the two of them, Stern said: “We love each other and it’s been going on for a very long time and because of my relationship as her lawyer, we felt it was best to keep everything hidden. And we’ve done a pretty good job of that.” They’ll get married “at some point,” he said. “We will. Right now we have to somehow get through what we’re going through.”

Did I miss something during my alcohol-fueled stupor over the weekend? When did Larry King Live turn into the Maury Povich Show?

Larry: “Howard K. Stern……you..…ARE the father.”

Anna: “I tol’ you, I tol’ you fool! You payin’ me child support now bitch! I tol’ ya’ll he was my baby’s daddy!”

Howard: “Nah, man, nahhh…….bullshit”

Doesn’t Larry King normally, like, interview Presidents and World Leaders and shit? Now I’m not one to question the journalistic integrity of anyone, not after last week’s hard-hitting expose on Nicole Richie eating a sandwich, I’m just saying it’s kinda weird.