Hookups


Heidi Klum leaving Whole Foods in Brentwood (2/28)

After dumping her bodyguard boyfriend, Heidi Klum is now getting it on with 27-year-old Vito Schnabel. What looked like a quick cobweb-clearing bone-jumping for the supermodel is turning into something serious, so says the New York Daily News:
"They were seated at a table with Serena Williams and couldn't stop kissing [at 1OAK in West Hollywood last week]," says our source. "They were still there when the lights came on at 2 a.m., and that's when Heidi grabbed Vito's hand and they walked toward the exit."

They two were first linked in February, when they were seen leaving Hollywood club Bootsy Bellows together. Until Oscars week, the beauty and the bohemian had tried keeping things on the down-low.

"They are really into each other -- this isn't a fling," said a friend of the couple. "Heidi wanted Vito to be in L.A. this week with her."
So can we assume that the damage caused by that river monster in Seal's pants is all healed up, or is Vito armed with a missile silo himself? I mean, it IS what Fraulein Klum looks for in a man, is it not? I mean no disrespect, but I'm just quoting Heidi from her appearance on Oprah a few years back -- in all of its elegance. I guess I'll offer my congratulations to the happy couple, and an extra special thanks to Heidi for not fucking the help anymore.

*31 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:

  • Heidi Klum Vito Schnabel 1
  • Heidi Klum Vito Schnabel 2
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  • Heidi Klum Vito Schnabel 1
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Kevin Dillon on the set of the Entourage movie in L.A. (2/24)

If your cynical outlook on life leads you to believe that the Entourage guys don't care about artistic merit and are instead making a movie just to get laid, you're exactly right. That's Kevin Dillon in action yesterday getting the number of one of the hot extras. "Hi, I'm Kevin Dillon. If I wasn't an actor, you'd be utterly disgusted with my face. Are you free tonight for dinner and blowjobs?"

*25 Entourage film pictures total in the gallery:

  • Entourage Hot Extras 1
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Selena Gomes leaving Cici's Pizza Buffet in Tarzana (2/4)

Selena Gomez is acting all sorts of crazy now that she's out of rehab. She made out with a boy over the weekend, and it wasn't Justin Bieber. Granted, it was a boy-bander, but at least it wasn't Bieber. From Hollywood Life:
Now we know why Selena Gomez hopped on a place to London on Feb. 15 -- she had a date with One Direction's Niall Horan to go on! The pair were snapped in some fan pics and looked pretty friendly, but it went way further than that -- a source says that they "made out!"

The source went on to tell us that "Sel & him made out a bit," but "it wasn't a big deal."
After the make out session, Selena and Niall traded baseball cards and had a soda way past her bedtime. Don't tell mom! No, but seriously, when is she gonna stop looking like she's 14?

*20 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Gomez Buffet 1
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Nina Dobrev in Miami last year

Is Miley Cyrus' ex-fiance now nailing the ridiculously-hot Nina Dobrev? Sure, why not. From People:
The Hunger Games star and Dobrev, star of the CW's The Vampire Diaries, "definitely looked like a couple" onlooker Danielle Blair tells PEOPLE of their night out together at the Corner Tavern in Atlanta's Edgewood neighborhood during Saturday's early hours.

"Nina was sitting on his lap and they were staring into each other's eyes while talking," adds Blair. "She spent the whole time only talking to him."

The pair remained close late into the night, hanging out near the bar until she left the tavern alone. Hemsworth stayed behind with his male friends until approximately 3 a.m.
Notice that last line? Nina left early, but Liam stayed behind with his friends until 3 a.m. That's just a pure domination thing. Liam's no stranger to this game. "So, Nina, do you want leave and get breakfast started early? And make no mistake, I only phrased that in the form of a question to be polite."

*30 Nina Dobrev pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nina Dobrev Liam Hemsworth 1
  • Nina Dobrev Liam Hemsworth 2
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Justin Bieber's new girlfriend Katherine Gazda

Justin Bieber has a new girl, and she's very . . . average. Actually, Justin and her kinda have the same body, which makes perfect sense for someone so in love with himself. He finally gets to fuck himself. From UK tabloid The Mirror:
Justin Bieber is dating a young American singer who has confessed to pals that she wants to have his children. The troubled star has been seeing Katherine Gazda as well as romancing bad girl Chantel Jeffries. Justin, 19, and Katherine, 18, were introduced at the end of last year by mutual friend Blake Kelly and the romance quickly blossomed. Sources said the young couple had even discussed the prospect of having children.

A friend said: "They hit it off straight away and are both really serious about one another. But their relationship has been very up and down because she can't stand the way he has been behaving recently. She is desperately trying to help him through all the scandal and regain his clean-cut image. Underneath all the bravado and controversy, Katherine believes he's a lovely kid with a real heart, she just thinks he is being led astray."
Katherine Gazda is fighting Chantel Jeffries for the seed from the most overrated foreigner since Milli Vanilli? Maybe the memory is starting to fail in my old age, but I don't remember a time when being a poser douche was ever cool. Everyone from Selena Gomez to those dirty South American whores are willing to beard themselves out for a kid who isn't fooling anyone with his over-the-top attempts at being tough. At this point, Justin Bieber is about as manly as a hysterectomy, which is what those bimbos should be forced to have if this story is really true. Damn it, yet another point conceded to Al Qaeda.

*10 Katherine Gazda pictures total in the gallery:

  • Katherine Gazda Pictures 1
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Orlando Bloom's new girlfriend Nora Arnezeder

Orlando Bloom has branched out from smoking hot Australian chicks and is now dating a smoking hot French chick. Good for him. He needed a change. From the Daily Mail:
Miranda Kerr's ex Orlando Bloom arrived at The Roger Room on his Ducati on Tuesday night for a date with a new girl. The 37-year-old actor was spotted hanging out at the Los Angeles speakeasy with Nora Arnezeder, a gorgeous 24-year-old French actress. The pair were spotted at the hip L.A. watering hole and hours later Orlando left alone only to come back shortly afterwards to pick up his date.

A source in the bar told Mail Online: "Orlando and Nora were in the bar for about two hours enjoying some drinks and talking. They sat at a corner table together and weren't joined by anyone else."
Hey, young Will Turner seems to have rebounded from the epic send-off he got from Miranda Kerr a little while back. Nora Arnezeder is all types of hot AND, since she's an actress in her mid-20s, she's ready, willing, and able to do whatever it takes to stay in the mainstream, even if it means sipping elven cream from Legolas' enchanted tap. I'm happy for Orlando, but you know who's even happier for him, right? Leonardo DiCaprio and that Aussie billionaire James Packer, for starters. They're both former friends of his and they're both gonna fuck Nora eventually (hopefully not at the same time). Orlando's basically a headhunter for them (pun intended). I mean, c'mon, if they can swoop in on Miranda Kerr, then they can certainly swoop in on this delicious little French pastry.

*25 Nora Arnezeder pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nora Arnezeder Orlando Bloom 1
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Miley Cyrus outside a recording studio in L.A. (1/14)

Despite her over-the-top attempts to make you think otherwise, Miley Cyrus -- who, by the way, looks like Lloyd Christmas now -- is really no different than a clingy teenager. A source tells OK! magazine how Miley had her skanky little heart broken by Kellan Lutz:
"Kellan is friends with [Miley's ex Liam Hemsworth] and doesn't want to insult him by getting serious with Miley. Miley came on way too strong for Kellan. All he wanted was to have a good time, and when they first hooked up she told him that was all she was after too. Kellan realised Miley was getting too close and has now backed off, leaving him feeling bad about them getting too close in the first place. He didn't expect her to get obsessed with him, because she acts so cool and independent. He feels bad. He never meant to hurt her."
Wait a cotton pickin' second, what does "hooking up" mean nowadays? Back in the olden times when I was a cute-as-a-button middle schooler, "hooking up" meant a little tonsil hockey followed by some light groping if your game was up to snuff. Since we're all big boys and girls, the phrase "hooking up" now means raw-dogging it in restroom bathrooms and limousine back seats -- exactly how it's written in the Bible. Until Kellan clarifies his statement, I'll assume he means that he has too much respect for his buddy Liam to fuck Miley more than a couple of times . . . unless he means that he only cornholed her Tennessee-style, which wouldn't cross the disrespect line at all in my book.

*11 Lloyd Christmas pictures total in the gallery:

  • Miley Cyrus Kellan Lutz 1
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Sean Penn and Charlize Theron leaving her house in separate cars (1/2)

So Sean Penn and Charlize Theron are definitely doing it. There was a rumor they were hooking up a few years ago after both of their relationships fell apart, and now Sean was just spotted leaving Charlize's house in the Hollywood Hills yesterday morning. This comes after the two celebrated the New Year at Sean's beach house on the North Shore of Oahu. Beach house. Hawaii. Hollywood Hills. I might as well be typing in Chinese because I can relate to exactly none of that. One time I thought I saw Charlize in L.A., but then it wasn't actually her. Fascinating story, amiright?

*10 Sean Penn and Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

  • Sean Penn Charlize Theron 1
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Ed Sheeran leaving BOA Steakhouse in June

49-year-old Courteney Cox may be getting a little Mrs. Robinson action with Taylor Swift's awkward-looking BFF, 22-year-old Ed Sheeran. Nice. At least he doesn't have to worry about getting her pregnant. From the National Enquirer:
The unlikely couple met at an industry event earlier this year, and "Courteney gushed to Ed about what a huge fan she was of his music," said the source. "Now that Courteney is single, she's not making any bones about putting the moves on Ed. She offered to let him live at her Malibu home, where he's been writing songs and chilling out. Courteney is seducing Ed by wining and dining him at the best restaurants in L.A., and she introduces him to friends as 'my little stud muffin.'"

Despite the coy posting, the source says the two are keeping the relationship quiet because Ed is concerned his teenybopper fans will be turned off by the May-December romance. "But he definitely finds Courteney's real-life Mrs. Robinson ways irresistible, " the source added "And Courteney says that being adored by a younger man makes her feel like a million bucks."
Since 2013 has been a year of odd hookups, this particular pairing doesn't bother me as much as it could have. Look, Courteney's career needs an injection of who gives a shit, and Ed needs to break into the American market if he expects to be a legitimate star, so why shouldn't two friends help each other out? It's a win/win for all parties involved. What I really love about this situation is that it was already played out on an episode of The Golden Girls 30-years-ago, so I'm pretty sure Courteney's gonna rehash every detail of this odd coupling to her menopausal  friends over witty banter and cheesecake.

*10 Ed Sheeran pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ed Sheeran Courteney Cox 1
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Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner leaving the Soho House Hotel (12/7)

Kendall Jenner and One Direction's Harry Styles are definitely hooking up. That's the two of them trying to sneak out the backdoor of the Soho House Hotel in New York on Saturday morning after spending the night together. Funny, just hours earlier Harry tried to sneak in the backdoor, but Kendall wouldn't let him. "But you're a Kardashian!"

*15 Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Harry Kendall Hookup 1
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: