Holly Madison

Holly Madison is modest now or something

Holly Madison says she was worried about wearing a bikini after giving birth even though she has no shame and did 3+ staged bikini photoshoots when she was pregnant (like the one above). From the New York Daily News:

A mere six weeks after giving birth to daughter Rainbow Aurora with boyfriend Pasquale Rotella, Holly Madison is back to her pre-baby bikini body. The reality star, 33, showed off her svelte figure in a sexy poolside shoot for Life & Style magazine, revealing that she had lost 30 pounds of the 40 she put on during pregnancy.

"I was surprised by how much weight I gained," Madison told the magazine. "I was a little worried about wearing a bikini, but I feel surprisingly good!"

Oh brother, when will Hugh's ex-night nurses spare us from their false modesty? Let me remind you kids that the only reason Holly Madison is famous is because she was 1/3 of Hef's girlfriend, along with Kendra Wilkinson and the other one, I forget her name. Who's Hugh Hefner? He's an ancient demon who eats souls and prints shitty nudie magazines. Holly Madison has no modesty -- what she has is the knowledge that she set the women's movement back a few decades. Wait a minute, that's a good thing. Thanks, Holly!

*15 Holly Madison bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison in Laguna Beach last September

Holly Madison tells baby blog The Bump that everyone should forget about that past life where she used to show her vagina for money and date an 83-year-old man  -- she's totally classy now . . . um, besides the tacky staged bikini photoshoots she's done while pregnant (above and here).

"Truthfully, being pregnant is changing me as a person. Each day is part of this amazing journey that has completely shifted the focus of my life and made me reevaluate my personal and professional goals. I want my daughter to be proud of me and look up to me. I think early on in my pregnancy I realized that to be the mom I want to be, I had to change my life, and that's what I'm doing.

"I want to work on projects that I feel passionate about and do things that are fun and challenging. I would love to do a live musical. I'm not interested in doing the same thing over and over or the fame and exposure that comes with it. When people keep doing that, they just end up doing the same dumb stuff again and again."

How can the thing growing inside Holly Madison feel anything but shame? Her career has been a resume full of rejected projects meant for Carmen Electra. Look, Google Images overflows with evidence of Holly's failures as a celebrity and human being, so some drastic changes need to be made to hide her shame:

Option 1. Pray for the internet-killing zombie apocalypse to get here (finally)

Option 2. Change name to Denise Richards because no one has a lower number of Google searches than she does these days

Option 3. Lay low for about a month then go back to being Hollin Sue Cullen from Astoria, Oregon; she'll be in obscurity faster than you can say "Bridget Marquardt."

*20 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison bikini pics! (Las Vegas - 10/24)

Much like she did last month, the very-pregnant Holly Madison did another staged bikini photoshoot for cash and prizes. How awesome is this for Holly's unborn child? When he's older, he can do a Google image search for pregnant fetish porn and find pictures of himself when he wasn't even born! I bet he'll show all of his friends!

*15 Holly Madison bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison leaving Whole Foods in Las Vegas (10/10)

I bet you think since getting knocked up, Holly Madison has stopped participating in cheesy staged photoshoots were she holds two pumpkins up to her chest like a big 'ol pair of titties. You'd be dead wrong, my friends. Let's not forget we're talking about Holly Madison here. The classiest bone she had in her body was Hugh Hefner's old withered cock.

*10 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison in Laguna Beach (9/5)

Because she can't even spell "dignity" let alone have it, here's some staged bikini pics of Holly Madison taken last week. And yes, she's pregnant. This is disturbing, to say the least. Holly should be shopping for snuggle blankets, not figuring out at what angle her ass looks best. Frankly, I expect more out of a woman who used to let an 86-year-old man get naked and have a seizure on top of her (he calls it sex).

*20 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison out and about in L.A. (9/1)

After announcing that she was pregnant last week, Holly Madison is officially starting to show. That's her in L.A. over the weekend. What a cute little pink Disneyland shirt. If you forget the fact that everyone on earth has seen her vagina and she used to fuck an 85 year old in exchange for food and lodging Holly's the picture of a wholesome mother-to-be. She should run for President or something.

*20 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison showing her fondness for balls

A few months ago Holly Madison said she wasn't necessarily trying to have a baby, but she also wasn't necessarily not trying to have a baby. In other words, her boyfriend Pasquale wasn't pulling out. Oh hey, whadduya know, she's pregnant. From Us Weekly:

[Holly Madison] tells the new Us Weekly, out now, that she is expecting her first child with her boyfriend of nine months, party promoter Pasquale Rotella, 38.

"I've always wanted to be a mom," Madison, 33, tells Us. "But I thought it would take longer!"

So far, the thrilled mom-to-be, who is now 12 weeks along, is feeling good in her pregnancy.

"I've been lucky! No morning sickness, but I do get a little nauseous," the star of Las Vegas burlesque revue, Peepshow, says. "It happens before my show, so I keep ginger ale backstage."

Things you don't want to hear your mom say when you're a fetus: "I do get a little nauseous ... It happens before my burlesque show." Hey Holly, crazy idea, but maybe take a sabbatical from shaking your titties for the next few months while you have something living growing inside of you?

*10 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison out and about in West Hollywood (6/13)

Holly Madison tells People that she's not trying to have a baby with boyfriend Pasquale Rotella, but she's also not not trying to have a baby. In other words, Pasquale is totally raw-dogging it.

Holly Madison is trying to start a family, the former star of Holly's World and The Girls Next Door tells People exclusively. She's even decided not to renew her contract with Las Vegas's Peepshow in anticipation that she will soon be bearing child.

"I'm not pregnant right now," the former Playboy model, 32, said, "but if that happened tomorrow I'd be fine with it."

Asked if she is trying to have a baby now, she said, "I'm not trying to prevent it, if that's what you're asking. I've wanted kids and that's something I'm definitely doing as soon as possible. It is something that the time in my life is right for."

Wow, I'm surprised Holly's letting it be known that she's not accepting anything but vaginal cream pies anymore -- you don't usually hear such intimate relationship details from reality stars. I'm kidding, of course. Let's not forget that the reason why she's sort of a celebrity is because she not only spread her pisser in Playboy, but was also 1/3 girlfriend to its 100-year-old pervy founder, Hugh "Nurse, My Colostomy Bag is Full" Hefner. "Subtlety," "dignity," and "class" really aren't words used to describe Holly (but "ass," "mouth," and "ass to mouth" are). This Pasquale Rotella guy better start brushing up on banking laws in the Cayman Islands because something tells me that, once Holly shits out a kid, he's gonna need to hide half his assets.

*25 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, October 11

Holly Madison leaving Sunset Plaza in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Sarah Hyland and Ty Burrell filming Modern Family at UCLA in Westwood (pics start here)

Sofia Vergara shopping at CVS in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Nicole Richie shopping in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Cameron Diaz out and about in the West Village of New York (pics start here)

Cindy Crawford at the opening of the OMEGA boutique in Moscow (pics start here)

Mandy Moore shopping in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Ted Danson and his wife Mary Steenburgen out and about in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Antje Traue on the set of Man of Steel in Vancouver (pics start here)

Calista Flockhart out and about in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Claire Danes eating lunch at La Scala in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jason Segel out and about in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett leaving Chelsea Lately studios in Culver City (pics start here)

Pippa Middleton out and about in London (pics start here)

*118 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison has the most valuable boobs in the world

In news straight out of the Publicity Stunts 101 class she took at the local community college, Holly Madison has insured her breasts for $1 million with Lloyd's of London. She told People:

"I've heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?, because if anything happened to my boobs, I'd be out for a few months and I'd probably be out a million dollars. I thought I'd cover my assets. I think it's kind of funny. I think they're getting the credit they deserve. They're my primary money makers right now."

I mean . . . wow. Holly didn't just slap the women's rights movement in the face, she slapped it and then raped it in its asshole. Dammit I love her.

*20 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery: