Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag bikini pictures! (Costa Rica- 8/19)



via The Superficial

*25 Heidi Montag bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag wants smaller implants

Just when she was starting to get on my good side, Heidi Montag has to get this crazy idea in her head that she wants smaller tits. You selfish bitch. From Life & Style:

“I’m desperate to go back to normal,” [Heidi] confides to Life & Style. “I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.”

Just a D or a DD? But then she'll be just like all the other small-breasted freaks out there. How will anyone take her seriously?

Besides being unable to hug her four dogs or wear anything but custom-made clothing, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” she says. “It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.” 

And while Heidi tells Life & Style she is currently shopping for a surgeon in South America, she worries that she'll be trapped in this cartoonish body forever after the untimely passing of her confidant Dr. Ryan. “I feel trapped in my own body,” Heidi tells Life & Style.

Well no wonder she wants to go to South America for this surgery. No reputable U.S. doctor would ever reduce the size of a woman's breasts. That's just crazy. But with a suitcase full of American dollars, you can get anything you want in South America. My friend actually got an iPad installed in his stomach. It is the coolest damn thing you've ever seen. We watched a movie on it yesterday.

*15 Heidi Montag photos total in the gallery:

Karissa Shannon in Las Vegas (8/21)

Late last Friday, it was learned that Spencer Pratt was threatening to release a sex tape featuring himself and his "estranged" wife, Heidi Montag 2.0. Since I hate Heidi and Spencer almost as much as lima beans, I really tried to stay away from the story as long as possible -- and I did, for a whole 3 days. But then Heidi had to go and force my hand by getting it on with another chick (the chick in question being Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend, Karissa Shannon, pictured above). You scheming son-of-a-bitch! From TMZ:

Spencer Pratt has unearthed a girl-on-girl tape featuring Heidi Montag and Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon .... sources tell TMZ. We're told not too long ago Spencer was at the Malibu house he once shared with Heidi ... moving out some of his stuff.  Sources tell us Spencer came upon a camera with XXX video of Heidi and Karissa -- and the light bulb went off.

Sources say it was then that Spencer decided he could make a fortune selling his "library" to Vivid Entertainment -- much of it featuring naked, fornicating Speidi. We could not reach Heidi and her reps were mum.

As for Karissa Shannon -- she tells us such a tape does indeed exist, but she's not convinced Spencer really has it. Karissa says if the tape ever sees the light of day, she'll sue the pants off him.

Wow, a lesbian sex tape featuring an ex Playboy Playmate and Heidi Montag's EEE tits? Heidi and Spencer are going to be rich! Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they made $8.1 million on this tape -- or roughly the same amount of money Jennifer Aniston's new movie The Switch debuted at this weekend. Ha Ha Ha, you suck Aniston! Just quit already.

*15 Karissa Shannon pictures total in the gallery:

Molly Sims and the body formerly known as Heidi Montag

I don't know why in the hell Molly Sims would comment on Heidi Montag, but she did, so let's run with it. From Health magazine (via the New York Post):

Molly Sims feels sorry for surgically enhanced Heidi Montag. "I think Heidi Montag is a really sick girl, something is off. You don't get F-size boobs. And I'm not judging her. I feel sorry for her," Sims tells Health magazine.

Molly's just jealous. Deep down inside, she probably just wishes she had platinum blonde hair, FFF boobs, and a waist so small she could use a charm bracelet for a belt. Of course, there's probably one thing Heidi has that Molly's glad she doesn't have: a marriage certificate with Spencer Pratt's name on it. Even though she looks like a living Barbie Doll, that piece of paper is more of a turn off to guys than if she had a penis.

*11 photos total in the gallery:

Snooki wants to beat that ass

Please let this fight happen . . . with grenades . . . in close quarters. From TMZ:

"I will punch her in the face because I don't like her," Snooki said when asked if Heidi should join her show. "She had too many surgeries. She looks like an alien and guidettes don't look like aliens, just saying."

Snooki was then asked if Heidi had said anything in the past to prompt such a reaction. She explained, "I don't know [if she said anything about me]. I don't research Heidi because she's nothing to me."

Well isn't this ironic. Snooki calling someone out about altering their appearance is like Paris Hilton criticizing the Mariana Trench for being too "gaping." The only people who wear more make-up than that midget Jersey freak are circus clowns and Mel Gibson's girlfriend the day after she JUST .... WOULDN'T ... LISTEN.

I think I speak for everyone here in saying that Snooki needs to just shut up . . . and by "shut up" I mean "catch Ebola."

*38 photos total in the gallery:

God she's a monster

TMZ broke the news last Friday that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt split up and now Heidi's rep is confirming the news to Us Weekly:

Is Heidi and Spencer Pratt's split for real? Affirmative, says Heidi's rep, who confirms the separation to UsMagazine.com, explaining that nothing legal has been filed.

"Heidi is going through a difficult time and hopes people respect her privacy," the rep tells Us.

An insider insists that the couple, who wed in April of last year, parted ways early last week, with Heidi initiating the break.

Adds the pal: "there are no plans for divorce...they are going through some issues. It's a hiccup."

This is clearly a publicity stunt from these two fame sluts. Actually, I'm a little surprised they went down this route. You know what would generate even more publicity than a fake break-up? Setting yourself on fire. Seriously, how awesome would that be? With all the chemicals in her body, Heidi would light up like a roman candle. It'd be just like a fireworks show on the 4th of July, but with more people smiling and cheering.

*5 pics total in the gallery:

One, two, three beachballs

Remember those pictures last month of Heidi Montag on the set of the romantic comedy Just Go With It? "Heidi Montag got a film role? WTF?" -- you thought to yourself. Turns out the only reason she was hired was because she's the biggest freak the producers could find (the "Catwoman of Hollywood" had a prior commitment). From the New York Times:

Last November Ms. Montag, who starred in “The Hills” on MTV, underwent 10 cosmetic procedures including liposuction, buttock and breast augmentation and Botox. Her reward? A torrent of media attention kicked off by a flattering January cover story in People magazine, including before and after photos.

Critics made fun of her, and her own mother was shocked. “She was looking at me almost like I was a zoo animal,” Ms. Montag told People of her first visit home.

But she said in an interview that she is convinced she made the right move. She wants to be a movie actress, and some parts have begun to come in. She recently starred in a video directed by Ron Howard, and she said she was hired for a cameo in an Adam Sandler movie.

Both parts poke fun at women who’ve had too much plastic surgery.

Poke fun at her all you want now, but Heidi will definitely have the last laugh. Because in 40 years -- when she's drinking her dinner out of a straw and communicating through a computer like Stephen Hawking because she can't move her mouth or make facial expressions -- she's the one who will be sitting her grandchildren on her knee and telling them about that time she had a bit part in an Adam Sandler movie and made $1500. You can't buy memories like that folks.

*43 pics total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag and her new F-cups

The first thing on my mind when I saw Heidi Montag's ridiculous new body in Vegas on Sunday was, "If her plastic surgeon doesn't lose his license over this, the system has failed." But the second thing was, "I wonder how much money she got to host this event?" As it turns out: $10k. From Rob Shuter at PopEater:

Montag has kept her new body under wraps -- literally -- for months since getting 10 plastic surgery procedures done in one day back in November of 2009. So what better way to reveal her new, enhanced figure than with a staged poolside photo op?

"It was worth every penny. No other celeb in the world could get this much attention posing in a bikini," one insider told me. My source went even further, saying, "The sponsors would rather have Heidi than Angelina!"

I'm assuming Rob's source is talking about Angelina Grinke, famous professional bowler and pride of Abilene, Texas (207 career average!). Because the only people who'd rather hang out with Heidi Montag than Angelina Jolie all have the last name "Montag" -- and in Grandpa Montag's case, it's only because he loves staring at huge tits.

*49 pics total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag at the grand opening of the Liquid Pool Lounge at Aria in Las Vegas (4/10)

Did she dye her hair? Something just seems different about her . . .

*57 pics total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt split up

Though she's denying the rumors, OK! magazine's reporting that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have split up. From their website:

It seems that there’s trouble in the fairytale romance of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt: OK! has learned that the reality starlet has walked out on her husband after fewer than 18 months of marriage.

Things have been rocky between the pair recently, and Heidi even fired Spencer briefly as her manager two weeks ago.

Another source close to the couple confirmed: “She’s moving out of her house and away from Spencer.”

I don't think it's a coincidence that this news came out just a week after The Hills was canceled. Obviously these two are drumming up some fake publicity in the hopes of getting their own reality shows -- Heidi a dating show: "Date my Double-Ds"; and Spencer a show where he tests the effects of explosives on his defenseless body: "The Most Awesome Show Ever."