Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag at the Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas (10/19)

Heidi Montag made a rare appearance on Friday night, hosting the Crazy Horse III Gentlemen's Club's 3-Year Anniversary Party in Las Vegas. And, continuing the theme of everything in her life being an utter disappointment, she was clothed the entire time. Yep, she hosted a strip club party and didn't show off her big ol' fake titties. There's some parts of the South where you can get shot for that (Florida, but that was assumed). Heidi, please go away again. If you make another appearance, it better be in a sex tape where you're getting fucked by a clown or something crazy like that.

*34 Heidi Montag pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag looks like hell

Heidi Montag rose from the grave and celebrated her birthday Friday night at the Hard Rock's Vanity nightclub in Las Vegas. Wow, her face looks . . . wow. And since women who get a lot of plastic surgery are known to age gracefully over time (just like Joan Rivers), I bet she looks like a beautiful, elegant princess in 25 years. Let's meet back at this post in 2036 and see if I was right.

*30 Heidi Montag pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag bikini pics!

Here's some pics of Heidi Montag hosting the "Sexy Poolside Affair" at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on Saturday. Wow, we haven't seen her big ol' fake titties in a long time. I'm not exactly sure where she went, but judging by the picture above, she was away at finishing school. Remember Heidi, a true lady always keeps her pinky out when pouring champagne over herself. Especially with so many gentleman callers on hand.

*57 Heidi Montag bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Wednesday, April 6

Heidi Montag filming her new reality show in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Anna Torv filming Fringe in Vancouver (pics start here)

Mandy Moore volunteering at the San Diego Food Bank (pics start here)

Camilla Belle arriving at the Staples Center in L.A. (pics start here)

Jordana Brewster leaving Whole Foods in Brentwood (pics start here)

Emma Stone leaving a pilates studio in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Angelina Jolie arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Christina Ricci arriving at LAX airport (pics start here)

Courtney Thorne-Smith at the Brentwood Country Mart (pics start here)

James Van Der Beek and Krysten Ritter filming their new show Don't Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23 in New York (pics start here)

Kelly Ripa unveiling her new wax figure at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in New York (pics start here)

Taylor Swift shopping at Anthropologie in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Kim Kardashian leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Kristin Cavallari leaving Jack n' Jill's restaurant in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

*124 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Jennifer Aniston at the premiere of Just Go With It at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York (2/8)

Jennifer Aniston banned Heidi Montag from Tuesday's premiere of Just Go With It (Heidi has a small cameo in the film in which she's set on fire . . . hopefully). Heidi told Us Weekly (via The Superficial):

“I was so excited! This is the first movie I’ve ever been in and I can’t walk the red carpet because Jennifer Aniston decided I was ‘too polarizing.’ … I’ve been such a huge Jennifer Aniston fan my entire life and it’s just really upsetting that she would do this to me. … She should know how hard it is to make a career for yourself and to have someone like Jennifer Aniston go out of her way to make things hard for me is really disheartening.”

I'm not sure what's more surprising: the fact that Jennifer Aniston actually did something cool; or that Heidi Montag is appearing in a movie where the leading actor's last name isn't a variation of the word "Steel," "Cock," or "Shaft."

*22 Jennifer Aniston pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag is trying to assassinate the character of a dead man

Some friends of the late plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan -- who died in August after his car plunged off a cliff in Malibu -- are a little pissed with Heidi Montag for leaking some emails that suggest the doctor was trying to use her to become famous. Wait, don't you actually have to be famous for someone to use you to become famous? From the New York Post:

Radaronline.com published e-mails between Ryan and Montag after he performed 10 surgeries in one day on the reality star. In them, Ryan asked Montag if she wanted injectibles such as Botox and if she could wear T-shirts promoting his children's foundation.

Dawn DaLuise, a friend of Ryan's family, tells us, "It's desecrating him, it's denigrating a person who can't defend themselves. It's really abhorrent." DaLuise says Ryan would routinely ask his celebrity clients to visit the charity's ranch to publicize the foundation and offer them touch-up procedures in between surgeries. She said, "The difference between offering Botox and performing surgery is similar to a well-meaning dentist encouraging patients to floss and brush daily versus offering to do root canal on every tooth."

Nothing exudes class like kicking a person when they're down -- six feet below the surface. If Heidi isn't happy with the way that her plastic surgeries have come out, she doesn't need to badmouth the man she paid to perform them. She just needs to do what every insecure chick with fake blonde hair and silicone tits does when they're down and out in Hollywood: porn.

*11 Heidi Montag pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas (10/30)

I think Heidi Montag's frame could support bigger implants. And she does only live 100 or so miles from Mexico. You can get pretty much anything done down there with a suitcase full of American dollars. It's true. A few years ago I got one of the muscles taken out of my neck. I can turn my head around now like an owl. It's pretty cool.

*10 Heidi Montag pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in Malibu (9/20)

+ Shania Twain is still hot [PopEater]

+ The chubby one has a huge wang [The Superficial]
+ Does Vanessa mean Zac's beard or his "beard" [Celebuzz]
+ If Lindsay wants to earn a quick $50k . . . [IDLYITW]
+ Puffy's baby momma in a bikini [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Hilary Duff rocking the f*ck-me boots [Popoholic]
+ Boobies! (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Sofia Vergara is some quality Colombian ass [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Doutzen Kroes is rather beautiful [moejackson]

+ Model FAIL [Dlisted]
+ Ashton Kutcher is in deep shit [The Blemish]
+ Nicole Richie has breasts (NSFW) [CityRag]
+ Like a skinnier JWoww [Double Viking]

*11 Heidi Montag upskirt pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag bikini pics! (Costa Rica - 9/10)

Here's some more pictures of Heidi Montag in Costa Rica over the weekend (best pic here). With that new rack of hers, I don't know why this bitch thought she could stand up on a piece of fiberglass in the water. She can barely stay balanced on land. It'd be like if someone in a wheelchair decided to go long-jumping. I don't mean to be a dick, but you should probably learn how to walk first.

*20 Heidi Montag bikini pics total in the gallery:

Heidi Montag bikini pics! (Costa Rica - 9/11)

Here's some pictures of Heidi Montag in Costa Rica on Saturday (she's back in L.A. today). It looks like she had a really fun day at the beach -- especially when her top almost fell off (picture here). I guess that's what she gets for cheaping out and buying a DD bikini from Victoria's Secret. Heidi, silly, that size is for small-breasted women.

*32 Heidi Montag bikini pictures total in the gallery: