Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt at Gelson’s Market in Pacific Palisades (8/27)
Great news everybody. After seeing these ridiculous pics of Heidi and Spencer shopping yesterday, my hatred level for the couple has broken through the previous resistance level of 10 and is now at a 12. Top Wall Street analysts believe hatred levels could “easily” reach 20 by year’s end.
Excellent technique
In an attempt to boost the morale of the music industry, Heidi Montag released another single. US Weekly reports:
To coincide with tonight’s season 4 premiere of The Hills, Heidi Montag has released a new single.
“‘Overdosin’” is about “when you fall in love with someone… and [you’re] just overdosing off of their love,” she said on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM morning show.
I tried to listen to the whole thing, but I kept vomiting all over myself and ran out of Q-Tips to clean the blood out of my ears. It just got to be too much work, and I’ve never been much of a multi-tasker. I did enjoy the title “Overdosin’” since the only way Heidi’s going to sell records is if she puts her words into action.
Video is after the break for the strong willed.
Heidi and Spencer are going to Iraq
Heidi and Spencer are planning a trip to Iraq to perform for U.S. troops. Heidi says she’s inspired by her late stepbrother Eric, a veteran of combat mission in Iraq and Afghanistan (Eric died earlier this year in an accident at the hotel he worked at in Steamboat Springs, Colorado). She told Extra:
“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”
While Montag and Pratt are eagerly planning their trip — they may be getting a little help with travel arrangements from friend Meghan McCain (Ed. Note: pics of Meghan and Heidi below), the daughter of presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain.
“She’s very sweet,” Pratt told Extra. “I think Meghan McCain is helping organize Heidi and our Iraq trip. Her dad definitely has some pull with the military. I think she’s going to put that together for us.” (Source)
I wonder if Heidi and Spencer are gonna do one of their patented posed photo shoots — Iraq style! There’s the two of them, surrounded by Iraqi schoolchildren, making out. There’s Spencer holding an M16! There’s Heidi posing next to a roadside bo…
Heidi and Spencer at a firing range in L.A. (7/9)
And if we’re lucky, Heidi and Spencer will also die in a roadside ambush.
NOTE: For fifty more shots of Heidi and Spencer packin’ heat, check out Pacific Coast News Online.
Don’t let the Jesus shirt fool you
I think we finally have proof that Heidi and Spencer are the spawn of Satan. They actually enjoy the DMV. From Fox News:
Speaking of romances, “The Hills” couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt visited the Santa Monica DMV on Tuesday afternoon and made the most of their waiting time by making out. Classy. (Source)
Good God, as if going to the DMV wasn’t nauseating enough. It wouldn’t be surprising if watching these two make out was one of the new tests California drivers are required to take before they’re issued their licenses. There’s the standard eye exam, written exam, and now the new stomach strength exam. If you can watch these two suck face without puking, you’re deemed fit enough to operate heavy machinery. Of course, you’ll also be deemed fit for eye bleach.
[Pacific Coast News]
Heidi Montag’s struggle is just like that of Christ himself
Heidi Montag sat down for a little interview with USA Today over the weekend and, surprisingly, the sinner revealed she’s like way into God (”I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God.”) — so into God that she wants to record a Christian album in the future (I will take a cheese grater to my ears before I ever listen to that piece of crap). When asked about the rumored existence of a sex tape featuring her Hills costar Lauren Conrad, Heidi said:
“I don’t even want to talk about that. There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.” (Source)
I hear you Heidi. Being nailed to a cross, magazines and websites gossiping about how you started a sex tape rumor, why it’s practically the same thing. A thousand years from now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mel Gibson’s great great great great great great great great great grandson made a movie about your life and times. Passion of the Skank has a nice ring to it.
Heidi Montag has a new single
If you hadn’t heard by now, Heidi Montag has a new single “Fashion.” (I’ve already started stockpiling canned goods and toilet paper in preparation for the coming apocalypse and I suggest you do the same. Don’t forget the toilet paper — people always forget the toilet paper.) Us Weekly interviewed Heidi’s producer “RedOne” who strangely claims she doesn’t blow:
Tell Us about “Fashion.”
It sounds amazing. The song is all about fashion and all about her - shopping, clothes, her whole aura. She’s really taken it to the next level…. We are working on more [songs], and it’s crazy, shocking stuff that will surprise everybody.Can Heidi sing?
Definitely. She’s really good, and I love her personality and the way it comes through in a song. She makes you believe it. She’s great in the studio.Where do you see her career going?
I definitely think she’s a star. She has a star quality — a powerful personality with no limits. She can do anything and make it sound credible. She’s a born star. (Source)
Science teaches us that the only real difference between animals and humans (besides our affinity for porn) is our ability to learn from our previous mistakes. Apparently Heidi didn’t inherit that chromosome from our species — see the laughably bad “music video” she shot in February. I guess she’s just following her dreams and living by the old biblical* adage “if at first you don’t succeed try try again . . . until you’re forced to sell your ass for rent money on Sunset Blvd.”
*Leviticus 3:2
I go to Sears for all my portraits, too
Earlier this month, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt dropped $10,000 on guns at the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City. The couple picked up two Benelli semiautomatic M4 tactical shotguns, two Wilson close quarter combat .45-caliber pistols, one Scout semiautomatic rifle, and a partridge in a pear tree . . . for target practice. A friend told In Touch:
“They wanted the exact guns that the U.S. Delta Force uses. Spencer wants to be prepared for anything.”
Prepared for anything? You mean like a war? Because he’s prepared for a fucking war. Let that be a warning to the cast of Real World: Hollywood. Les Deux and Katsuya is Hills territory. If you’re seen in those places wearing Real World colors, you will be shot.
[WENN]
We’re too late, the children must be burned
According to In Touch Weekly, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have made $3 million+ in the past two years. *scratches head* . . . wait, what?:
Since coupling up on The Hills two years ago, the pair have raked in about $3 million from their TV salaries, club appearances, photo shoots and business deals. “We are trying to entertain in every aspect of our lives,” Heidi says. For Heidi, 21, that means also pursuing a music and acting career. “I plan to win an Oscar,” she says. “I’m very ambitious.” Although the couple haven’t made any money off her singing yet, Spencer, 24, who is also Heidi’s manager, is very optimistic about their financial future. “My hustle is just too crazy,” he says. “I’m trying to take over the world!”
$3 million dollars?! Oscar?! 894237p[qh89[q-0erg89 MUST p[924tgg[0b STOP 23th2t8089-24890 BANGING 0[24hn0tgb–0pb=8 HEAD nu0p[890[tg8 INTO 2490q2e-\2349 KEYBOARD. No, but seriously, I wish the best for these two.*
*best = euphemism for fiery death
Heidi Montag bikini pics! (Mexico - 5/24)
Ah crap, Heidi Montag can see her implants’ shadow. Looks like we’re in for six more weeks of spring.
UPDATE: Found a bunch more pics (12 more pics on PAGE 2 — CLICK HERE)
CLICK HERE to jump to 12 more Heidi Montag bikini pics on PAGE 2
INVITEN QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HERMOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
