A topless Heidi Klum headlines the latest roundup of the sexiest social media pics of the week. What the fuck? Does this guy want to become the target of merciless internet taunting? Because that's how you become the target of merciless internet taunting.
*75 social media pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum in Tulum, Mexico (4/15)
Heidi Klum and her boyfriend Vito Schnabel are currently on vacation in Tulum, Mexico, and oh hey, there she is without a top. Gotta love Mexico. People here in the United States freak the fuck out if you walk around without clothes on. So what if it was at a school.
NOTE: To see the uncensored Heidi Klum topless pictures, click the picture above or any thumbnail with a yellow star on it and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.
*46 Heidi Klum topless pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum bikini pics! (Paradise Island, Bahamas - 3/31)
You'd think that, once she hit 40, Heidi Klum would just shrivel up into a pool of irrelevance, but no, there she is looking pretty damn hot over the weekend in the Bahamas. What an inspiration she must be to other women. Yes, ladies, you can still look hot when you're 40 . . . if you used to be a supermodel. Hooray!
*25 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum leaving Whole Foods in Brentwood (2/28)
After dumping her bodyguard boyfriend, Heidi Klum is now getting it on with 27-year-old Vito Schnabel. What looked like a quick cobweb-clearing bone-jumping for the supermodel is turning into something serious, so says the New York Daily News:
"They were seated at a table with Serena Williams and couldn't stop kissing [at 1OAK in West Hollywood last week]," says our source. "They were still there when the lights came on at 2 a.m., and that's when Heidi grabbed Vito's hand and they walked toward the exit."So can we assume that the damage caused by that river monster in Seal's pants is all healed up, or is Vito armed with a missile silo himself? I mean, it IS what Fraulein Klum looks for in a man, is it not? I mean no disrespect, but I'm just quoting Heidi from her appearance on Oprah a few years back -- in all of its elegance. I guess I'll offer my congratulations to the happy couple, and an extra special thanks to Heidi for not fucking the help anymore.
They two were first linked in February, when they were seen leaving Hollywood club Bootsy Bellows together. Until Oscars week, the beauty and the bohemian had tried keeping things on the down-low.
"They are really into each other -- this isn't a fling," said a friend of the couple. "Heidi wanted Vito to be in L.A. this week with her."
*31 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum and Martin Kirsten in Santa Monica last month
It was fun while it lasted, but it looks like Martin Kristen has to get a real job again. Heidi Klum just dumped his ass. From People:
After dating for a year and a half, the supermodel and her bodyguard boyfriend Martin Kirsten separated a few weeks ago, People confirms exclusively.I'm not gonna say that Martin wasn't famous enough for Heidi, but E! spells his last name "Kristen" while People spells it "Kirsten." I don't even know which one is correct. Thankfully, after today, that's no longer gonna be a problem. Martin, enjoy your parting gift of hot chicks wanting to fuck you because you used to fuck Heidi Klum. I could think of worse things in the world to happen to a guy.
"Martin was there for her during a challenging time in her life and it was something she will always be grateful for," says a friend close to Klum. "Life is about timing. He was incredibly supportive and they were there for each other, but they're moving on now. They still have a great friendship."
*25 Heidi Klum and Martin Kirsten pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum arriving to her 14th Annual Halloween party at Marquee in New York (10/31)
Heidi Klum is known for her epic Halloween costumes (see here, here, here, here, and here), and her ridiculously-authentic old woman outfit last night was no different. Utilizing the talents of Oscar-award winning makeup artist Bill Corso and Boardwalk Empire/Black Swan/Men in Black 3 pro Mike Marino, Heidi once again one-upped everyone at her annual Halloween party in New York, In fact, she was so convincing as a wrinkly old woman that Ashton Kutcher married her.
*35 Heidi Klum Halloween pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum leaving her hotel in New York (8/7)
Note to Blurred Lines singer Robin Thicke: If you want to bang Heidi Klum, she's all yours. From Life & Style:
After the handsome crooner performed his new hit, "Blurred Lines," on the July 31 episode of America's Got Talent, supermodel turned judge Heidi was left blushing!Yeah, I noticed it, too. After Robin finished his performance and the judges gave him the standing ovation, Heidi struggled to stand because her moistened girl parts got suction cupped to her seat. It was embarrassing watching her struggle to unlatch from that leather chair -- even with both hands, it was like trying to open an airplane door at 35,000 feet. Thank the Good Lord that Howie Mandel keeps a giant novelty spatula handy for such occasions. He broke Heidi loose, although the chair did have to be scrapped. See? Who said hacky prop comics are useless assholes? Well, I did, obviously.
"He's a sexy guy with a beautiful voice," Heidi tells the new issue Life & Style, on newsstands now. "He knows how to dance and he's very kind of sure of himself, which I like in a guy," the mom of four dished. He is such a humble guy ... He's not bad to look at!"
*20 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum topless in Porto Cervo, Sardinia in 2011
The internets caught on fire over the weekend when Heidi Klum posted a topless picture of herself hugging a tree to facebook (here). Whatever, ain't my first topless rodeo, Heidi told Extra earlier this week.
"I grew up, you know, running around topless. And I still do."What can I say about Heidi Klum that will shock any of you? The lady married a monster because she loves giant dongs and she's currently fucking the help, so the fact that mum Klum snaps pics of her daughter's goodies doesn't come as much of a surprise. The only thing that surprises me about this is that it took so long. Other stage moms in the Lohan and Kardashian ilk have been lowering the bar for years -- from being their daughter's drinking buddy to directing their porn careers -- so it's high time to shit or get off the pot.
The pic, which got 12,000 likes, was taken while she was vacationing with her family in Bora Bora. As for who took the picture, Klum revealed, "The photographer was my mom. I took the same photo of my mom. She was wearing a bathing suit."
*36 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum and Martin Kristen at Hudson River Park in New York (6/20)
The good news for Martin Kristen? Heidi Klum wants to marry him. The bad news? There will be no suckling off her teet after the inevitable divorce in a few years. From the National Enquirer:
Heidi Klum has agreed to marry her bodyguard boyfriend Martin Kirsten, sources say, but only if he signs an ironclad prenuptial agreement that gives him absolutely nothing! "Martin and Heidi had a huge fight after she said she probably wouldn't get married again," said a source close to her. "But Heidi doesn't want to lose Martin because she loves him, and so do her kids."I'm no lawyer, but I recommend that Martin go ahead and sign anything Heidi puts in front of him, no matter how "iron clad" it seems at the time. Why? Because no prenuptial agreement between a winner (e.g., Heidi) and a loser (e.g., Martin Kristen) has ever held up in divorce court -- EVER (now I know some of you will point out Fat Kim Kardashian and her idiot ex-husband, Kris, but technically you're wrong -- neanderthals aren't entitled to rights reserved for humans). Marty needs to get hitched and stay hitched for about three years, four if he's really greedy. But if Martin can hit the magical half-decade mark, he may not only get half of Heidi's shit, but might also be entitled to a very nice alimony for the rest of his life. God bless divorce law if your wife is a rich supermodel and God bless America.
Heidi, 40, and Martin, 45, have exchanged gold "promise" rings, but sources say Heidi won't walk down the aisle a third time unless Martin signs a strict agreement to keep him from touching a penny of her $70 million fortune. "That's all held in trust for her family," said the insider. (Print Edition - 7/22)
*15 Heidi Klum and Martin Kristen pictures total in the gallery:
Heidi Klum in Paradise Island, Bahamas (7/6)
Gonna be posting a lot of bikini pics the next few days as I catch up on the holiday weekend. Like of Heidi Klum and her terrible hair in the Bahamas over the weekend. Heidi, you're only a few years removed from full-fledged supermodel status. Leave that braiding crap to the 11-year-olds and fat housewives from Ohio. Knock that smirk off your face, Florida. I got a joke about the mentally handicapped coming up with your name written all over it.
*30 Heidi Klum bikini pictures total in the gallery: