Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum at the Versus Versace launch at the Lexington Avenue Armory in New York (5/15)

+ Seems like a fun way to die [BroBible]

+ Fat chick jumping over fire pit goes wrong [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Emma Watson looking all sultry [Popoholic]
+ Katharina Damm goes topless surfing (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Amanda Seyfried is really good at advertising [Guyism]

+ That is some amazing mother-daughter bonding [Cele|bitchy]
+ Um, I don't think they have Kirstie Alley's size [Evil Beet]
+ Now those are some boobs [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
+ Fatty! [I'm Not Obsessed]

BIKINI PICS OF THE DAY: Shay Maria dancing in a bikini

*10 Heidi Klum no bra pictures total in the gallery:

Kate Beckinsale at the "PUNK: Chaos to Couture" Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York (5/6)

A ton of celebs attended the annual Met Gala last night in New York, but none looked as good as Kate Beckinsale. If being hot was equivalent to being a hero of the Crimean War, Kate would be Major-General Sir Howard Craufurd Elphinstone. Am I right or am I right!

Kate Beckinsale (19 pics here)
Emmy Rossum (12 pics here)
Stacy Keibler (12 pics here)
Kate Upton (7 pics here)
Miranda Kerr (14 pics here)
Emilia Clarke (7 pics here)
Nina Dobrev (9 pics here)
Heidi Klum (11 pics here)
Jennifer Lawrence (8 pics here)
Jessica Alba (11 pics here)

*113 Met Gala pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum at the beach in Malibu (4/13)

Heidi Klum says in the new issue of OK! that fuck all this PC bullshit -- you should be looking your best at all times when you're a woman, because if God didn't want men oogling women, he wouldn't have given them tits. Okay, she doesn't use those words exactly, but you could tell that's what she meant.

''My schedule is always really hectic so I try to incorporate exercise into my everyday routine as much as possible. Whether we're jumping on the trampoline in the backyard or taking our dogs Freddie and Max for a hike, my kids definitely keep me in shape ... Having been in the fashion industry for many years it is important for me to stay in shape, plus with my busy schedule it helps me to stay energized throughout the day. And like any woman, I want to feel attractive and confident so I can wear hot dresses and heels and always be date night ready.''

I totally agree with Heidi. Women all over the world would be wise to listen and follow her lead on this. No matter what, always always always look your best. Whether you're birthing babies, tidying up the house, or -- heaven forbid -- voting in an election, make sure you look your Sunday best, or I'll just get bored and move on. Don't believe me, ladies? It wasn't too long ago that Heidi slipped just a little and wasn't being her perfectly hot self, and what happened? Seal left her, that's what happened. Case closed. Now that we're on the subject, sashay your stiletto heels into the kitchen and do what you're good at. That sandwich aint't gonna make itself.

*30 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum at the Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood (2/24)

Heidi Klum killed it last night at the annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party. Holy shit, she looks amazing. I would share a needle and then have unprotected sex with her right now.

*30 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:

A few days late, here's a roundup of all the hottest twitpics from December. Like Heidi Klum in Detroit, above. Wow, sorry about my assumptions, Detroit. You look totally awesome!

*82 pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum and Martin Kristen at her son Henry's flag football game in L.A. (9/29)

Looks like Heidi Klum's post-divorce fling with her bodyguard is turning into more than just a fling. From the Chicago Sun Times:

From all accounts, it appears the growing relationship between Heidi Klum and her bodyguard/boyfriend Martin Kristen is getting more and more serious. That apparently bugs her estranged husband Seal, who already has made a number of angry comments about them. It seems that the music superstar is especially unhappy at how his children with Klum are getting as close to Kristen as they are to him.

Sure, Heidi bangs the help, but why does this surprise Seal? He WAS the help -- that's why Heidi let Seal try to ruin her body by shooting his kids through her kooka. She has a thing for boffing her man whores. Sorry buddy, but Kiss from a Rose is 20-years-old. You've been Heidi's coat check girl for at least the last decade. Show some class and accept your demotion into the D-list with dignity, bitch.

*25 Heidi Klum and Martin Kristen pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum at the Project Runway 2013 Spring Collection show during Fashion Week in New York (9/7)

Heidi Klum wants to sue over some topless pics of her that were published in a French magazine earlier this month. Wait, she gets topless all the time. I know her boobs better than I know the hot high school chick's across the street. Thanks a lot crappy binoculars! From TMZ:

Heidi Klum is really upset over brand new topless photos that have been published in a French magazine claiming her privacy was violated a la Kate Middleton and now she's seriously considering filing a lawsuit. The photos have surfaced on several websites showing Heidi on vacation in the south of France with her bodyguard boyfriend sans bikini top. There's just one problem it's unclear which French magazine published the original pics.

Sources close to Heidi tell TMZ ... the supermodel's camp is on the hunt for the source publication ... claiming her right to privacy was violated because she was on a private and secluded beach at the time the pics were taken.

This has to be a publicity stunt (Project Runway must be tanking). Heidi feels violated because her titties got published? Those things are public domain now. It's like me filing assault charges every time a supermodel breaks into my mansion and gives me a blumpkin. Look, Kate Middleton is royalty now -- she has the right to expect some decency. Heidi on the other hand is a commoner. She lets the help use her for rutting. And trust me, there's nothing more morally degrading than having sex with the help, no matter how big his cock is. Isn't that right, Mrs. Johnson? What? I used to clean pools.

*10 Heidi Klum pics total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum and Martin Kirsten jogging in New York (8/11)

Heidi Klum is dating her bodyguard Martin Kristen (just like Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner except Heidi still has intact nasal cavities) and her ex Seal is none too happy about it. He told TMZ:

"Look boys, that's what happens when two people separate. They move on and that generally means [they have] other people in their lives. I necessarily don't expect to Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun, but as always, my main priority is the emotional well being of our children.

"To be quite honest, if there is going to be somebody else in their lives, I'd much rather it was a familiar face. I guess the only thing I would have preferred is that. . . I guess I didn't expect any better from him, I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were."

Instead of going all "OH NO HE DI'INT!" on him, Heidi took the high road and told Us Weekly:

"I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us. Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children."

So what If Heidi is laying down for her employees? Is there a law that defines what a bonus should be? No? Then stop judging, you busybodies. Not everyone gets to work for Heidi Klum, so sex as payment for services rendered is perfectly acceptable, even if you're getting Seal's sloppy seconds. Sorry, I'm a romantic at heart. That reminds me, I need a new hot secretary. And a good lawyer to represent me against my old one. Slut.

*15 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, August 11 and Sunday, August 12

Heidi Klum jogging in New York (pics start here)

Natalie Portman leaving an office building in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Emily Blunt leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Jennifer Lawrence shopping in Sherman Oaks (pics start here)

Katy Perry outside a movie theater in Hollywood (pics start here)

Eva Longoria arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Jessica Alba and family out and about in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Cheryl Cole leaving Scott's restaurant in London (pics start here)

Elle Machpherson and her boyfriend Roger Jenkins shopping at the Malibu Country Mart (pics start here)

Lea Michele filming Glee in Washington Square Park in New York (pics start here)

Pia Toscano leaving Pink Taco in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Demi Lovato arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

John Mayer at a beach party in Malibu (pics start here)

*122 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Here's the latest roundup of all the latest hottest twitpics of the month, these from July. That's Heidi Klum in the unbelievable picture above. The only way this picture could be more unbelievable is if she was riding a unicorn or voting Republican.

*86 pictures total in the gallery: