Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere in all her cellulite glory

Hayden Panettiere tells Stella magazine that a magazine's claim that she had cellulite when she was 16 sent her into a years-long spiral of body shame that she's only recently began to emerge from (with new tits). Chicks, man. They're fucking nuts.

"I remember being 16 years old, bending over in a shop, and having somebody snap a photo of me from behind and publish it in a magazine, saying that I had cellulite,'" Hayden, 23, tells Stella Magazine.

"It upset me so much I didn't wear shorts again for five years. I even developed insecurities about areas of my body that I never even thought to be self-conscious about."

Hell yeah, Hayden's got an order of cottage cheese to go with her thunder thighs . . . What's that, you say? She's still being deep-dicked by that Ukrainian monster? Well then, allow me to tell Miss Panettiere and her representatives that the fine writers of Celebslam.com have never -- nor shall we ever -- sink to such immature name-calling and mudslinging. On behalf of the entire interwebs, allow me to express my sincerest apologies to you and your scary-as-fuck Heavyweight Champion of the World boyfriend, who I will not mention by name because I don't want to be on his or any other Russian's radar for ANY reason at all. Please don't kill me.

*40 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere arriving back at her hotel in London (6/4)

*28 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, June 4

Hayden Panettiere attending a screening of Nashville at the Hotel Bayerischer in Germany (pics start here)

Melissa Riso at a photo shoot at The London West Hollywood (pics start here)

Miranda Kerr arriving to a taping of Fox & Friends in New York (pics start here)

Rihanna out and about in Paris (pics start here)

Colin Farrell leaving a yoga class in Los Angeles (pics start here)

Emma Watson attending the This Is the End premiere in Los Angeles (pics start here)

Vanessa Hudgens leaving a pilates class in Studio City (pics start here)

Nicole Scherzinger arriving on a flight in Glasgow (pics start here)

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie leaving dinner at Silencio Club in Paris (pics start here)

Kate Middleton arriving at Westminster Abbey in London (pics start here)

Lori Loughlin getting her nails done in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Adam Lambert pumping gas in Hollywood (pics start here)

*135 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere bikini pics! (Miami - 5/12)

OK, enough about Angelina Jolie's mastectomy, here's a much more uplifting story about breasts -- Hayden Panettiere's big ol' fake ones, specifically. On Sunday, they enjoyed a day at the beach in Miami with rumored fiance Wladimir Klitschko. Klitschko's not in the picture above because he's back in the ocean FIGHTING A SHARK WITH HIS BARE HANDS. I mean, right? That's what that freak likes to do in his spare time, right?

*32 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere showing off her breast implants in Miami (3/31)

Remember the rumor from back in 2010 that Hayden Panettiere allegedly got a boob job, going from an A cup to a C cup? Well, judging by these pics of her yesterday in Miami, I don't think we have to say "allegedly" anymore. Look, I appreciate the effort by Hayden, but maybe not the best idea asking Tori Spelling for the name of her plastic surgeon.

*46 Hayden Panettiere boob job pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko at the Miami Heat game in Miami (3/24)

Us Weekly says Hayden Panettiere might be engaged to her on-again/off-again boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko. And they're only wrong like half the time. So maybe she is. Or maybe she isn't You can take that to the bank!

"Very few people know, and she isn't wearing her ring publicly yet," says a friend of the duo, who first parted ways in May 2011 after two years of dating.

Since getting back together, the actress, 23, and the athlete, 37, have refused to confirm their relationship. Privately, however, the 5-foot-2 knockout and the 6-foot-6 heavyweight champ are eager to legalize their match. Says the source, "Looks like a summer wedding!"

I hope this is true, because it's absolutely fascinating. Wladimir is 6'6" of pure muscle. Hayden is 5'2" and a little squishy. The people who breed chihuahuas with great danes even think they're a weird couple. Their honeymoon is gonna resemble some kind of Joseph Mengele science experiment.

*25 Hayden and Wladimir pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere in Miami (2/19)

Hayden Panettiere is supposedly back with her ex, former heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko, but the New York Post says she's seeing her other ex, New York Jets' receiver Scotty McKnight. No, really, there's an NFL player with the first name "Scotty." Look it up.

Could Hayden Panettiere and Scotty McKnight be reconciling after their recent split? Sources said the "Nashville" star and the former New York Jet are "talking again, and spending a bit of time together again. He hopes they'll get back together." They split amicably in December after a year and a half as a couple. Panettiere has since been linked with her ex, heavyweight champ Wladimir Klitschko, whom she dated for nearly two years. Her rep didn't get back to us.

Is Scotty McKnight the bravest man in the world, or did he drop Risk Assessment 101 in college? Look, Wladimir Klitchko isn't just a boxer, or a heavyweight boxer, or a championship heavyweight boxer. Wladimir is the RUSSIAN undisputed heavyweight champion of the world. Your typical Russian goon can kill a man and make it look like a suicide, but Wladimir . . . well, let's put it this way: even though it's not possible to kill yourself by punching your own head off, the coroner's report will absolutely list suicide as the cause of death because NO ONE outside of Rocky Balboa wants to fuck with a 6'6" Frankenstein-looking Russian. You get me, Scotty? Hayden ain't worth a closed casket funeral, dummy. Now if you don't mind, I've said too much. I'm going into hiding until this thing blows over -- I suggest you do the same.

*10 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere leaving the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood (1/11)

Hayden Panettiere hooked up with her old boyfriend, 6'6" Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko, again over the holidays and now her friends are starting to throw out the "L" word . . . and I'm not talking about "long." Seriously, what's Wladimir packing down there? A foot? From Life & Style:

Hayden Panettiere's giving her relationship with Wladimir Klitschko another shot! Life & Style can reveal that the Nashville star, 23, is back together with her ex-boyfriend, 36.

"Hayden's so happy," a pal gushes to Life & Style. "They're definitely in love again and tighter than ever ... They have been traveling together. He's even planning to visit her while she films in Nashville."

Damn it, how can I be mean to these two? There're in love, so who am I to judge Hayden and the Frankenstein Monster? It's not as if their relationship is any more or less weird than what George Clooney and Stacy Keibler share, or Woody Allen and Soon Yi Previn, or even Kim Kardashian and the urinals at the Source Awards. It's all about enduring love, people. What is love, you ask? Well, as far as Hayen and Wlad are concerned, love is surviving the pinksocking without needing stitches. Yes, I'm a romantic at heart.

*5 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko in Miami in 2009

If it looks like Hayden Panettiere has been walking sorta bowlegged lately, that's because she's back with her ex, massive boxer Wladimir Klitschko. From Celebuzz:

The 23-year-old blonde beauty  - who just split from NFL star Scotty McKnight - recently traveled all the way around the world to Dubai with Klitschko.

"She was shopping at Mall of The Emirates, and Wlad was with her," said eyewitness Zina M., who asked to keep her last name anonymous. "Hayden even leaned in to peck him. She more like nuzzled him, because you can't really kiss in public in Dubai. They're definitely more than friends. Wlad was sitting down listening to his iPod and she was shoe shopping. No one recognized Hayden, but there are so many Russians in Dubai, so they all recognized him!"

Hey now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why Hayden is back with Wladimir. She's obviously a huge fan of Ukrainian literature, particularly the works of Taras Shevchenko. As a matter of fact . . . oh, who am I trying to fool? Hayden's back with him because she couldn't replace the Russian Frankenstein's monster custard gun, which looks a lot like a baby elephant's trunk holding a football. Once a girl's been mashed by a world class athlete and his organ grinder, even my impressive package looks second rate. I'm putting little Hayden in the damaged goods section of Celebslam, kids.

*25 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere in the January issue of Esquire

+ Taylor Swift is, like, so cool [BroBible]

+ LeAnn Rimes nipple slip (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Your lesbian sex fantasy of the day [Popoholic]
+ Sarah Harding upskirt (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ The human Barbie has a new friend [Source Fed]

+ Claire Danes does not bullshit [Cele|bitchy]
+ Cameron Diaz without makeup [Evil Beet]
+ Selma Blair is a naughty school girl [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
+ Sean Penn sad face :( [I'm Not Obsessed]

BIKINI PICS OF THE DAY: Nicole Myer is one heck of a bikini model

*15 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery: