Gwyneth Paltrow at the grand opening of the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach (11/14)
Now I'm no expert on fashion (though I do have many Sears Catalogs stuffed under my mattress *wink*), but to pull off a dress like that, don't you need breasts? And why are her arms so damn limp? It's almost like she's trying to be unsexy. Gwyneth, you're at the grand opening gala of a fancy hotel, not in a lineup.
[Splash News, BauerGriffinOnline, WENN]
Gwyneth Paltrow at the premiere of Two Lovers in Paris (11/4)
adonna is pissed that friend Gwyneth Paltrow is talking to the media about her divorce. Late last month Paltrow shockingly told the AFP news agency that she was "supporting [Madonna] in all the ways that I can." Wow, what a bitch. From Mike Walker of the National Enquirer:
Madonna just gave BFF Gwyneth Paltrow a verbal bitch-slappin' for publicly babbling to the press that she's been "helping Madonna through her divorce." In a murderous mood, Muscular Madge furiously ordered Gwyneth The Good: "If you want to help me and be supportive of me, then keep your mouth SHUT! Say nothing about me or my divorce." Insiders say gob-smacked Gwynnie, stunned and hurt by what she feels is her pal's overreaction, is now keeping her lips zipped! (Source)
This story is proof positive that Madonna's on the juice. She's showing the three classic symptoms of users: 1. Her muscles have become unusually large, 2. She explodes randomly in "Roid-Rage," and 3. Her testicles have begun to shrink. Of course, the fact that she's sleeping with A-Rod (an accused steroid user) doesn't help her case . . . or prove she's female.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna in London (4/14)
adonna's friend/spotter Gwyneth Paltrow spent months "begging" her not to divorce Guy Ritchie. FAIL. A source told the Daily Mail:
"Gwyneth begged Madonna all summer not to be an idiot and let this marriage fall apart. Gwyneth is in love with [Madonna's son David Banda] and sees him several times a week while she's in London, and she has as much at stake as anyone in seeing his parents stay together. She just doesn't think it's possible that Madonna and Guy would hurt their children by splitting up, and says she has actively advised both of them to put their problems and their egos aside for the sake of the children. But Madonna can be very hard-headed and treats Gwyneth like a younger sister. If Madonna goes through with a divorce it's going to break Gwyneth's heart and affect their friendship permanently." (Source)
It's gonna be funny looking back on this story when Gwyneth Paltrow gets a divorce next year. And don't think that shit's not coming. I could hold my breath underwater longer than I could happily stay married to Gwyneth Paltrow.
America is dumb
Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr.'s new film Iron Man earned an amazing $104.2 million over the weekend. You heard that right, a superhero movie starring Gwyneth "fake British accent" Paltrow made $100 million+ in its first weekend. Us Weekly says:
Combined with international sales, Iron Man earned $201 million — the highest of Downey Jr's. career. It was the best weekend opening for a non-sequel since Spider-Man — which made $114.8 million on the same weekend in 2002 — and the 10th best opening of all time. (Source)
$104 million? That's almost enough money to cover Robert's coke habit. Two more sequels and this movie franchise might actually break even. We should be proud of him though -- it's no small feat to be a recovering coke addict that picks himself up from the gutter and ends up making meaningful contributions to our society . . . just ask the current president. Don't laugh democrats, Barack Obama was a bedwetter until 26.
Gwyneth Paltrow at the premiere of Iron Man in London (4/24)
Gwyneth Paltrow skipped out on a $100k+ dinner thrown in her honor last week in London. After the premiere of Paltrow's latest film Iron Man, 30 of her close friends and family -- including her husband Chris Martin's parents -- were invited to the exclusive Cocoon restaurant. Just minutes before she was supposed to arrive, Paltrow called a Paramount executive at the party and told him she was going to a different restaurant instead. A source told England's Daily Mail:
"A lot of thought and money had gone into the party. Gwyneth had specifically asked for chilled bottles of Perrier Jouet champagne and some vodka cocktails to get the party going. Everything was in place and had been arranged around her. Apparently someone at Paramount got a call saying Gwyneth and Chris were going for dinner and wouldn't be coming. The senior execs were not at all happy. To make matters even worse, the other star of the movie, Robert Downey Jnr, was with her – so there were no stars at the party at all. There were a lot of embarrassed faces. No one could believe that all of Chris's family had made the trip to London, only for their son and daughter-in-law not to turn up."Gwyneth was due to arrive at 10.30pm and had demanded a special entrance so that she and Chris would not be photographed together. They have a pact never to be photographed together and everyone had to go to ridiculous lengths to ensure no one could get a picture, including a ban on cameras inside the venue." (Source)
I know Coldplay sucks and all but, damn Gwyneth, isn't that's a little harsh? If she's so ashamed of Chris why did she marry him? Oh well, I guess it's not too late. I hear one of the dudes from Pearl Jam is single -- Gwyneth should start dating him. I know she's technically still married but what's her husband gonna do? Cry and whine him to death?
[WENN]
Getty
Estée Lauder spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow introduces the new fragrance "Pleasures Delight" at Macy's in Chicago
More Gwyneth Paltrow pics after the jump...
Gwyneth Paltrow is bashing the United States yet again--yeah, that same United States that helped her earn millions of dollars. Now the bitch doesn't like what we talk about at the dinner table:
"I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner," she told "NS," the weekend magazine supplement of daily Portuguese newspaper Diario de Noticias on Saturday."I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans," the 34-year-old added.
Fuck you Gwyneth Paltrow. How's that for dinner talk?
Of course people in England talk about work and money. Who does she think she's kidding? She makes $20 million a year. Hey Gwyneth, take a step outside of the isolated bubble that you call your life. And is it supposed to be a bad thing that the United States is too capitalistic? What, you'd rather our society be closer to the worker's paradise of North Korea. Yeah, those two cups of rice that they call a daily meal is obviously working out pretty well.
Note: normally I'd be worried about offending a country with those comments, but not in the case of North Korea because THEY HAVE NO ELECTRICITY.
In a desperate effort to gain some semblance of street cred, Gwyneth Paltrow has come out and said that she, too, has road rage!
Gwyneth Paltrow seems like the epitome of sophisticated living, but not if you take in account her driving habits. Paltrow, says she's kicked her smoking habit, but she can't let go of blasting bad drivers. "I curse when I drive," the "Shakespeare in Love" star tells the September issue of Harper's Bazaar. "I'm like a horribly aggressive New York driver. I'm always yelling '[Bleep] you!' at truck drivers and honking my horn!"
I believe that Gwyneth Paltrow yells "Fuck You" at truck drivers about as much as I believe that the Kirsten Dunst has never had a penis... in other words not at all. I mean does Gwyneth Paltrow even know how to drive a car? Something tells me she'd get in a car and just start pushing random buttons on the radio that would somehow result in a fiery explosion.
[WENN]
