Gwyneth Paltrow and Alexa Chung leaving the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood
Gwyneth Paltrow and Alexa Chung were both spotted at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood on Wednesday night. So? What's the big deal? The big deal is that Alexa is one of the chicks that Chris Martin is rumored to be having an affair with. Awk. Ward. From Star
Alexa has been spending more time in L.A. since Goop and Chris moved there last year. Chris "reportedly has been sneaking out nights to see her and confide in her." They've been spending a lot of time at Alexa's Hollywood Hills home and "Chris loves having Alexa close by." And "they have lots of friends in common and just clicked."
Gwyneth Paltrow can come up with all the fancy euphemisms
she wants, but when it comes down to it, she's just an ordinary wife whose husband is cheating on her. She's no different than one of those crazy bitches you see on Cheaters
, except the punches she throws at Chris were taught to her by a venerable Tibetan warrior during a retreat she went on last year to the mountainous village of Chagyoi. "Oh my gosh, it was so amazing! Why haven't you gone yet???"*10 Gwyneth Paltrow and Alexa Chung pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow in Paris last April
It's been strongly-suggested for years that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had an open marriage, and the two have had their share of rumored affairs -- Gwyneth with Fontainebleau hotel owner Jeff Soffer, entertainment lawyer Kevin Yorn, and [INSERT NAME HERE]; and Chris with Alexa Chung, Kate Bosworth, and now according to the New York Post
, an assistant for Saturday Night Live
NBC staff have been buzzing about an affair Martin had after appearing as the musical guest on "Saturday Night Live" in 2011 with Coldplay. One source tells us the girl in question was an assistant on the show, while another NBC source explained, "He had an affair with a woman who was backstage and was part of an entourage. Everyone was talking about it because he was openly flirting with her at one of the show after-parties."
You can't blame a guy married to Gwyneth Paltrow for having an affair with a lowly assistant. Maybe he just wanted to go out to dinner with somebody who wouldn't spend 40 minutes annoying the waiter with questions about the water. "Is this from an aquifer or a spring? Is this sustainable? Is the pH over 7? Because I refuse to drink anything less. What month was this harvested? Is that pitcher BPA free? Can you send over the water sommelier please?"
*10 Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have consciously uncoupled
Well this has been a long time coming. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, are divorcing -- though they refer to it as a "conscious" uncoupling" in the announcement. Gee, I'll give you one guess who came up with that condescending euphemism. Hint: it was Gwyneth, that fucking asshole. She posted to her newsletter Goop
I AM A FUCKING ASSHOLE
It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.
Gwyneth & Chris
Gwyneth added: "It is a sad day, but lessening the air of melancholy is this 100% cotton t-shirt I'm lounging around in. Woven by mute amputee monks in the hills of Tibet. Just $795. I can't believe you don't own one."
*35 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow leaving a medical building in Venice
Let there be no doubt that Gwyneth Paltrow's kids are annoying as she is. Their mom is Gwyneth Paltrow after all. From Lea Michele's interview in the April issue of Glamour UK
Within minutes, the 27-year-old Glee star is showing off her impressive British accent (she learnt it from co-star Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter, Apple, "who speaks with a British accent to her friends and an American one to her mum -- it's the coolest thing I've ever seen").
Oh God, no. No no no. There's a miniature Gwyneth Paltrow walking the Earth. And she's only gonna get worse. Today, she's talking to her friends in a British accent. Tomorrow, she's wondering why more homeless people don't wear cashmere. I mean, don't they know how warm and comfortable it is? I don't understand them.
*20 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow new home in Malibu
Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris Martin just dropped $14 million on a clifftop home in Malibu. Yeah, but does it have a pool? Oh, right, I guess it does have a pretty nice pool. From Curbed
Architect John Lautner designed some heartachingly beautiful houses all over Southern California, but the Garwood Residence in Point Dume is not one of them; still, it's apparently met the exacting standards of Gwyneth Paltrow, who has just picked it up for $14 million. Developer Donald Sher, who bought the house in 1996 for something like $1.4 million, has had the Garwood up for sale since July 2012, first asking $15.9 million, and more recently $14.995 million.
Word is that Gwynnie will bring in Windsor Smith--who decorated the Mandeville Canyon house she bought in 2012--to overhaul Sher's "meh" interiors in the four-bedroom, three-bathroom house. The property also comes with an acre of land, a pool, a tennis court, a gym and yoga studio, an outdoor kitchen/dining area, and private access to Little Dume Beach, plus "protected backyard anchorage for your yacht."
Holy shit on a stick, how is this possible? I looked at Gwyneth's resume, and I have to say that it's pretty weak. Her movies are mostly artsy-fartsy bullshit when she's the lead, so where did Gwyneth get the money to do this? I'm starting to understand why actors sell their souls to Xenu to stay in the Hollywood loop -- when you can drop $14m for yet another mansion when your biggest non-comic book movie is Shallow Hal
, there's more at play than talent or picking good rolls. There's either a Ponzi scheme at work or Gwyneth gives great handjobs. Yeah, let's go with the latter on this one.
*20 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow filming a Hugo Boss ad in Downtown L.A.
If you hit an insane amount of traffic in Downtown L.A. yesterday, that was because Gwyneth fucking Paltrow was filming a new Hugo Boss ad. God dammit, Gwyneth. Quit pissing society off.*30 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow at East Hampton Library's Authors Night 2013
Gwyneth Paltrow tells the fashion website Refinery29 that she would probably forgive husband Chris Martin if he cheated on her. Oh yeah, I'm sure she would. Unless the mistress was poor or *gasp* Republican. Via the Daily Mail
"I think that if the idea of being committed to someone is important to you, you begin to value certain parts of your social life over another. No couple is the same, and as such, every couple takes on different challenges. I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can't give an honest answer as I haven't really experienced that. I think it would be hard for me to be one of those wives who finds out there's been something going on behind my back 20 years in. I'd imagine you'd begin to question your life. It would definitely make things harder, but I believe that if there's authenticity and honesty right off the bat, things will be okay."
So there it is, for all the mouth-breathers to see. The reason why Gwyneth campaigned to win the title of the World's Most Beautiful Woman
wasn't to enrich our pathetic, ham-and-egger lives -- it was to show Chris Martin that someone might consider banging her on the side, too. There are so many women (but mainly men) who are into Chris' shitty U2 ripoff band that he can hump and dump fans the same way Katherine Heigl humps and dumps chances in Hollywood. I see it so clearly now -- Gwyneth is more insecure than the Mexican border.*15 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow is a gym diva
Turns out that Gwyneth Paltrow is so fucking full of herself that she refuses to even be in the same room with water that may have touched another human being's body. Yeah, I can believe it. An insider tells Life & Style
about Gwyneth's diva behavior at the gym:
"Before she showers, Gwyneth makes someone go into the stall and wipe the entire shower dry! She refuses to touch what she calls 'somebody else's shower water.'"
And though her gym offers a variety of high-end bottled water, they don't carry her favorite brand, SmartWater. "When she's there, they have to send someone to the gas station to buy a couple bottles of SmartWater," the insider explains. "She made such a fuss about it not being stocked, but she doesn't come in often enough."
But it doesn't end there. "She also refuses to use toilet paper that anyone has touched and demands an unopened package." continues the insider. "It's nuts."
Remember a few days ago when Gwyneth nearly ruined a brand new school bus by trying to drive
her Vespa under it with one of her stupid kids in tow? She's been taking a beating in the media so why not take some attention off that situation by "leaking" stories of her boorish gym etiquette -- which of course everyone believes because it's Gwyneth fucking Paltrow we're talking about. GP is fine with being an ass, but being a dangerous parent hurts her business cred. Blogging shitty parenting advice is a hell of a lot less tolerable when the author of said advice has to have her child's remains scooped up off the pavement with a Swiffer Wet Jet -- although I wouldn't mind seeing Lee and Morty
's reaction finding little Apple's bloody homework and broken teeth in the slop bucket. *20 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:
Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, September 17
leaving the premiere of Thanks for Sharing
in L.A. (pics start here
Model Micaela Shaefer
doing an Oktoberfest-themed photoshoot at Berlin Dungeon in Germany (pics start here
leaving the "Another Magazine Party" at Loulou's in London (pics start here
leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here
leaving a studio in Studio City (pics start here
on the set of The Following
in New York (pics start here
and his fiance Cara Santana
leaving Cafe Gratitude in Hancock Park, Los Angeles (pics start here
arriving at a friend's house in London (pics start here
shopping in Rome (pics start here
taking her kids to school in London (pics start here
leaving Claridge's Hotel in Mayfair, London (pics start here
and his girlfriend Paige Butcher
out and about in L.A. (pics start here
*110 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:
Gwyneth Paltrow isn't supposed to be driving in California
Remember a few weeks ago when Gwyneth Paltrow put her daughter Apple's life in danger by cutting off
an 8000 pound school bus on her tiny Vespa? I'm sure there must be a question about not being a fucking idiot on the written test at the California DMV, but Gwyneth wouldn't know because she doesn't have her license. From the New York Post
"If you reside in California, you have 10 days to obtain a license," a state DMV official told "Inside Edition" after the TV show inquired about Paltrow's DMV record.
Paltrow, 40, and husband Chris Martin, 36, moved to Los Angeles with their children earlier this summer, and have yet to apply for new licenses. The couple was picking up their children from school on Monday, when Paltrow darted in front of a school bus on her Vespa, forcing the driver to slam on the breaks to avoid a potentially tragic accident. Making matters worse, her daughter Apple, 9, was riding with her.
A valid M1 or M2 class license is required to operate a motorized scooter in California.
So Lady Gwyneth isn't allowed on the roads of California, eh? Had the bus driver she cut off recently been armed with that little tidbit of information, something tells me that Lady Paltrow and her Faggio would have been launched 50 feet into the air -- or at least been grinded into the rear bumper of an Escalade owned by some other entitled cunt in front of that school for all the children to see and remember for the rest of their lives. I can only imagine the reaction of people seeing a picture of the chalk outline (skid mark conspicuously missing) of where her royal highness landed . . . well, the reaction would probably have been stale and emotionless, just like Gwyneth's acting. *15 Gwyneth Paltrow Vespa pictures total in the gallery: