Guy Ritchie leaving his pub in London (6/30)
Guy Ritchie must be the happiest drunk I've ever seen. Every time he gets drunk (
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here, and
here), he looks like a kid on Christmas morning, a kid with parents who care and buy him cool shit he actually wants like a Nintendo or kick-ass G.I. Joes and not dumb stuff like shirts with sailboats on them that all the other kids at school make fun of him over and call him a fag and the name sticks and he's called 'sailboat fag' well into high school I hate you mom and dad die die die. Whoa, sorry about that. My therapist says it's healthy to just let it go sometimes.
Guy Ritchie is drunk The rumors are true: owning your own pub kicks some serious ass. That's Guy Ritchie leaving his Punch Bowl pub in London Tuesday, presumably not after being thrown out because he was too drunk.
Guy Ritchie leaving The Punch Bowl pub in London (3/23)
No need to drown your miseries in booze, Guy. We all had Wake Forest reaching the Sweet 16.
Guy Ritchie leaving Scott's restaurant in London (3/17)
I'm concerned about Guy. This is only the
second time this month I've seen him completely wasted. I fear we may be losing him to his work. Dammit Guy, LIVE!
Guy Ritchie and Elle Macpherson leaving the Notting Hill Brassiere restaurant in London (3/16)
Guy Ritchie has a huge smile on his face because he had dinner last night with Elle Macpherson in London. Schwing! From the
Daily Mail:
Guy and Elle must have had a lot to talk about, as the pair stayed in each other's company until 12.30am - leaving separately to avoid being photographed together. And judging by the smirks on their faces, the night went rather well. (Source)
Wow, what an upgrade from Madonna. To put this in baseball terms -- as I try to do with nearly everything in my life --banging Elle Macpherson is like hitting a game-winning grand slam in the bottom of the ninth inning of the seventh game of the World Series. Banging Madonna is equivalent to getting raped with a bat.
Guy Ritchie leaving The Punch Bowl pub in London (3/3)
Man, it must be nice being Guy Ritchie right now. Getting drunk every night, waking up in the morning, feeling for Madonna next to you, pinching yourself when you realize she's not there, shooting your fist up in the air and yelling "YES!" You literally get to be the happiest man in the world every single morning.
Jesus Luz and Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York (2/28)
Guy Ritchie has a catchy nickname for
his ex-wife Madonna:
Stupid Whore Bitch "It." A source told
The Sun:
"Guy will say, ‘Oh, It’s in a bad mood today’. Even towards the end of their marriage, he would call her It. He told people, ‘We can’t make It angry’. There is absolutely no love lost between them." (Source)
"It" is a pretty good way to describe Madonna, but as long as Guy is using movie titles, he should have gone with
The Abyss,
The Thing, or
Outbreak. Of course since he's walking away from the marriage with a little over $50 million, I guess he could have also referred to her as
The Bank Job. But don't think Madonna's not coming up with her own nicknames. She affectionately refers to her new boyfriend Jesus Luz as
Grandma's Boy.
Madonna is a manipulative bitch
That press release on Monday -- the one that claimed Guy Ritchie was receiving $76 million+ in a divorce settlement -- that Madonna apparently had no idea about even though it was put out by her publicist? Turns out it was a carefully crafted PR move to make Guy look like a greedy asshole and Madonna was behind the whole thing. Shocked? Yes? Then you're a moron. A friend of Guy's told the Daily Mail:
"Guy couldn't stand by while this happened It was not just a case of misinformation being leaked out by Madonna's team to better her image. Madonna actually sanctioned her PR to make an official statement about the settlement which had been massively exaggerated. The intention had presumably been to make Guy look money-grabbing and to make Madonna look generous. But it backfired. Madonna is clearly used to controlling things, but it wasn't going to happen this time." (Source)
You know what'd be awesome? If the next time Guy Ritchie sees Madonna he tells her he wants to give her a hug to show that he holds no ill feelings but instead of actually hugging her he punched her in the jaw.
[WENN]
But they looked so happy together . . .
adonna and Guy Ritchie released a joint statement today saying the statement put out on Monday by Madonna's publicist Liz Rosenberg which claimed Guy Ritchie was receiving between 50 and 60 million pounds in a settlement was inaccurate:
"We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest. A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." (Source)
Holy shit, Madonna is such a transparent bitch. Liz Rosenberg issued the statement about the settlement. Liz Rosenberg works for Madonna. Who do you think told Liz to issue the statement? HINT: It was Madonna. Publicists aren't in the business of releasing statements about their clients that haven't been approved by the clients. That's how they become ex-publicists. Madonna, you're not gonna generate any sympathy for yourself. No one feels sorry that you lost almost $100 million to your ex-husband. The public is on Guy's side and that ain't gonna change unless he goes and joins Al Qaeda. Even then, I'd have to really think about it.
[WENN]
A-Rod abandoning his family for Christmas
In what might go down as the most awkward Christmas ever, Madonna is flying A-Rod to London to join Guy Ritchie and her for Christmas. Wait, did A-Rod forget he has kids and they probably want to see their dad on Christmas? Aw, fuck 'em. A source told The Sun:
"She wants the kids to be with their parents but wants time with A-Rod too. She knows he lives large and that he loves the fact she’s his equal for earning power. She wants to treat him. The kids are the biggest thing and she’ll plan for them but still have a bit of the Christmas she wanted." (Source)
y initial reaction to this story was, wow, Guy is gonna beat the shit out of that pussy A-Rod. But then I realized, if you're Guy Ritchie, aren't you throwing that guy a giant thank-you party? If not for his affair with Madonna, maybe Guy tries to work things out with her and ends up miserable for the next ten years. Enter A-Rod, enter freedom and a $76 million+ divorce settlement. If I was Guy Ritchie, I'd do everything short of blow A-Rod during his visit.
