Guy Ritchie leaving the Dorchester Hotel in London (9/11)
Guy Ritchie celebrated his 41st birthday last week in London. And got beyond fucked up. An entire bottle of Jack tends to do that. I know what you're wondering: What did he get from everyone? Don't worry, I wouldn't post a birthday story without listing the presents:
- bruised elbow . . . from falling
- bruised knee . . . from falling
- scraped shin . . . from falling
- pair of socks from his Aunt
- bloody palm . . . from falling
- savings bond from his grandma
- bruised tailbone . . . from falling
Guy Ritchie leaving the Kabbalah Centre in London (6/27)
Guy Ritchie is back with the succubus. Oh no. From the
Chicago Sun Times:
Meanwhile, as tipped here recently, Madonna and Guy Ritchie also could be getting back together. While some Madonna friends agree with a London pal -- ''they are just friendly again because of their kids'' -- another Madonna source disagrees. "They probably will never remarry, but they are definitely back together, and that includes romantically. ... Madonna has become bored with [recent boytoy] Jesus Luz."
What could possibly be drawing Guy back to Madonna? Her money? He's
already got it. Her looks? She never had any. He's not meeting new women? He
owns a pub. No, there can only be one logical reason why Guy would ever get back together with that demon spawn:
the health and well-being of their kids she threatened to throw a car at him.
Guy Ritchie leaving his pub in London (6/30)
Guy Ritchie must be the happiest drunk I've ever seen. Every time he gets drunk (
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here, and
here), he looks like a kid on Christmas morning, a kid with parents who care and buy him cool shit he actually wants like a Nintendo or kick-ass G.I. Joes and not dumb stuff like shirts with sailboats on them that all the other kids at school make fun of him over and call him a fag and the name sticks and he's called 'sailboat fag' well into high school I hate you mom and dad die die die. Whoa, sorry about that. My therapist says it's healthy to just let it go sometimes.
Guy Ritchie is drunk The rumors are true: owning your own pub kicks some serious ass. That's Guy Ritchie leaving his Punch Bowl pub in London Tuesday, presumably not after being thrown out because he was too drunk.
Guy Ritchie leaving The Punch Bowl pub in London (3/23)
No need to drown your miseries in booze, Guy. We all had Wake Forest reaching the Sweet 16.
Guy Ritchie leaving Scott's restaurant in London (3/17)
I'm concerned about Guy. This is only the
second time this month I've seen him completely wasted. I fear we may be losing him to his work. Dammit Guy, LIVE!
Guy Ritchie and Elle Macpherson leaving the Notting Hill Brassiere restaurant in London (3/16)
Guy Ritchie has a huge smile on his face because he had dinner last night with Elle Macpherson in London. Schwing! From the
Daily Mail:
Guy and Elle must have had a lot to talk about, as the pair stayed in each other's company until 12.30am - leaving separately to avoid being photographed together. And judging by the smirks on their faces, the night went rather well. (Source)
Wow, what an upgrade from Madonna. To put this in baseball terms -- as I try to do with nearly everything in my life --banging Elle Macpherson is like hitting a game-winning grand slam in the bottom of the ninth inning of the seventh game of the World Series. Banging Madonna is equivalent to getting raped with a bat.
Guy Ritchie leaving The Punch Bowl pub in London (3/3)
Man, it must be nice being Guy Ritchie right now. Getting drunk every night, waking up in the morning, feeling for Madonna next to you, pinching yourself when you realize she's not there, shooting your fist up in the air and yelling "YES!" You literally get to be the happiest man in the world every single morning.
Jesus Luz and Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Centre in New York (2/28)
Guy Ritchie has a catchy nickname for
his ex-wife Madonna:
Stupid Whore Bitch "It." A source told
The Sun:
"Guy will say, ‘Oh, It’s in a bad mood today’. Even towards the end of their marriage, he would call her It. He told people, ‘We can’t make It angry’. There is absolutely no love lost between them." (Source)
"It" is a pretty good way to describe Madonna, but as long as Guy is using movie titles, he should have gone with
The Abyss,
The Thing, or
Outbreak. Of course since he's walking away from the marriage with a little over $50 million, I guess he could have also referred to her as
The Bank Job. But don't think Madonna's not coming up with her own nicknames. She affectionately refers to her new boyfriend Jesus Luz as
Grandma's Boy.
Madonna is a manipulative bitch
That press release on Monday -- the one that claimed Guy Ritchie was receiving $76 million+ in a divorce settlement -- that Madonna apparently had no idea about even though it was put out by her publicist? Turns out it was a carefully crafted PR move to make Guy look like a greedy asshole and Madonna was behind the whole thing. Shocked? Yes? Then you're a moron. A friend of Guy's told the Daily Mail:
"Guy couldn't stand by while this happened It was not just a case of misinformation being leaked out by Madonna's team to better her image. Madonna actually sanctioned her PR to make an official statement about the settlement which had been massively exaggerated. The intention had presumably been to make Guy look money-grabbing and to make Madonna look generous. But it backfired. Madonna is clearly used to controlling things, but it wasn't going to happen this time." (Source)
You know what'd be awesome? If the next time Guy Ritchie sees Madonna he tells her he wants to give her a hug to show that he holds no ill feelings but instead of actually hugging her he punched her in the jaw.
[WENN]
