Gerard Butler dumps Jessica Simpson Talk about a fall from grace. Jessica Simpson's been used, abused, and dumped by so many dudes that I'm pretty sure if I play my cards right, even I could bang her. The latest dumper? Gerard Butler (the two only met
last month). From
Betty Confidential:
So what went on between Jessica and Gerard? It was all too much, too soon. After just a couple of dates Jessica got too serious and, an insider says, Gerard ran — not walked — to the nearest exit.
“Jessica has a habit of getting too needy too soon, and she scares men away,” the pal tells BettyConfidential. “She’s desperate to not be alone and every guy she's dated since Nick complains about the same thing — she’s too needy.”
“After just three dates with Gerard, she was acting like a high school girl who was so into her boyfriend, while Gerard was treating it like a fling and telling pals how hot and sexy she was,” the insider says. “Jessica knew what he was saying about her, but didn’t care.”
Hopefully Jessica will realize soon that her tits will only take her so far in a relationship. Sure for the first couple of weeks, her new boyfriend must enjoy staring at them and giving her the occasional
chili dog, but eventually that same guy will want to be with a girl whose head doesn't hurt every time she sees "words." The bottom line is that if Jessica really wants to settle down, she'll have to force herself to do something that no woman in a committed relationship has ever done:
shut up pay for dinner oral.
Jessica Simpson at Ashlee Simpson's birthday party at Wet Republic in Las Vegas (10/3)
Gerard Butler probably nailed
Jessica Simpson on Tuesday night. Cool. From the
New York Post:
Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler had a date at Soho House Tuesday night, with friends including her hair stylist pal, Ken Paves, as chaperones. "They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours," a spy told Page Six. "They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken."
Let's see here, A-list movie star at the top of his game, both looks and career-wise vs. Former B-list pop star divorcee with self-esteem issues whose best friend was
just kidnapped and eaten by a coyote two months after she
was dumped by her boyfriend a day before her birthday. This isn't even fair. It's almost too easy for Gerard. He needs to challenge himself, even out the odds the next time he sees Jessica. Smear feces all over himself, gain 200 pounds, constantly drop racial slurs, I don't know, something.
Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler on the set of The Bounty in Queens, New York (8/24)
Apparently we've all been wrong about Jennifer Aniston and her dating troubles these past few years. She hasn't been getting dumped -- she's purposely moving from boyfriend to boyfriend so she can stay in the spotlight. Hold your laughs until the end of the story. Thank you. From
Us Weekly:
Seems fitting that Jennifer Aniston has been spotted holding hands with Gerard Butler. Friends of the actress say she pursues only guys who can keep her as high profile as possible.
"Jennifer won't date a normal guy," a source tells the current issue of Us Weekly of the 40-year-old actress. "She goes after the hottest thing of the moment, what she knows will get her the most time in the spotlight."
Jennifer only dates "the hottest thing at the moment"? Odd, I don't remember her ever dating Paris Hilton's vagina.* It really isn't all that surprising that someone whose had a nose job, chin job, boob job, and dye job would only date someone based on their appearance. What is surprising is that there are still guys out there willing to date girls like Jen who are afflicted with such a devastating disability. Of course by "disability," I mean her age.
*Now with bouncer! And VIP list!
Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler in New York (7/6)
Brad Pitt is pissed that Jennifer Aniston is hooking up with Gerard Butler. Wait, what? He should be pissed that she keeps calling him just to hear his voice and then hanging up, not that she's moving on with her life. From
TransWorldNews:
Brad Pitt is allegedly not happy that ex-wife Jennifer Aniston has found love with Gerard Butler. Sources say although Pitt is giving his relationship with Angelina Jolie another shot, he is still “put out” by Aniston and Butler’s budding romance.
“Even though Brad’s giving his relationship with Angelina another chance, he’s clearly put out by Jen’s romance with Gerard,” says a source.
Aniston, 40, is said to be very happy with the romance. She and Butler, who are currently filming The Bounty together, are taking “things slowly.”
Why would Brad even care who Jen is dating? He's got a smoking hot chick at home who apparently likes what all guys like:
sports cars to bang without a condom. Besides, Brad has nothing to worry about -- if Jen's relationship with Gerard is anything like her last few, it won't last long. In a couple months I'll be writing about how devastated she is about the breakup and how she never thinks of Brad except when she listens to
his old voice messages or sleeps with the doll she made out if his hair and toe nail clippings.
Hayden Panettiere in Oahu, Hawaii (3/8)
Fresh off
her breakup from 31-year-old Milo Ventimiglia, 19-year-old Hayden Panettiere has been seen flirting with Gerard Butler and Anthony Kiedis, both 39. And it's all that whore Paris Hilton's fault. From
OK! magazine:
Paris Hilton has a new sidekick — a newly single Hayden Panettiere! Since splitting with Heroes co-star Milo Ventimiglia, 31, last month, Hayden, 19, has joined Paris at L.A. hot spots Apple Lounge and Guy’s, and marked her new BFF’s 28th birthday at chez Paris. With Paris as mentor, [Hayden's] coming on to every older man in her path — including Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Anthony Kiedis, 46, and actor Gerard Butler, 39.
"Hayden is really mature, so she goes for guys that are older," a source tells OK!. (Source)
If this this kind of stuff happened to ordinary people, I might actually be looking forward to getting older. As far as I can tell though, there are only two places where teenagers actually date people 10 to 20 years older than them: Hollywood and
High School. It stands to reason that if Hayden continues to date older and older guys, by the time she turns twenty-one she'll probably have the hots for Hugh Hefner. Of course the only problem with that scenario is that by then, she'll be too old for him.
Paris Hilton and Gerard Butler outside Bar Deluxe in Hollywood (12/12)
Paris Hilton's secretly dating 300 star Gerard Butler? Sure, why not. From the UK tabloid Daily Star:
Paris Hilton’s vow to stay single after splitting from Benji Madden last month is proving a hard promise to keep. We’re not surprised to hear she’s been getting cosy with acting Scotburger Gerard Butler, 39. So cosy, in fact, she calls him Braveheart. The pair went to elaborate lengths to avoid being pictured together at LA’s Bar Deluxe. However, we’ve heard Paris, 27, is also receiving courtly advances from a hunky billboard model. (Source)
C'mon, did anyone really think Paris would keep her vow to stay single? She'd have an easier time solving the Navier-Stokes Equation. Am I right math geeks or am I right!
Gerard Butler probably nailed Jennifer Aniston
Gerard Butler. You know him as the dude that played King Leonidas in 300. The two hit it off last week during an after-party at the Toronto International Film Festival. A witness told In Touch Weekly:
"They immediately made eye contact. They had instant chemistry. It didn't take Gerard and Jen long to gravitate to one another. When they came together, it was all hugs and smiles. She was playing with her hair and acting coy. At one point, Gerard had his hand on her thigh and was whispering in her ear. They looked so comfortable together."
Of course she had "instant chemistry" with the guy, he's single. It definitely would be appropriate if the two of them started dating since Gerard starred in 300 . . . which coincidentally happens to be how many dudes Jennifer's emailed from Match.com this year. She's got the ultra-premium deluxe membership. All tears, Kleenex boxes, and empty ice cream cartons digitally erased from your profile photos for free!
