George Clooney

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico in December

I'm praying that this somehow leads to a fight between Stacy Keibler and Elisabeta Canalis. I'll even bring the Jell-O. From the Chicago Sun Times:

George Clooney’s current squeeze Stacy Keibler — no great fan of the Oscar winner’s Italian villa, decorated by his ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis — supposedly was influential in getting Clooney to buy a new hacienda down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

So what? Stacy Keibler is no different than any woman, it's just that her sugar daddy happens to be old man Clooney. I believe the bigger story is that Daddy Warbucks has that much money to burn. He's made dozens of shit movies, but he does have a few monster hits in his credit roll: ER, the Oceans franchise, The Facts of Life, and the shittiest of the Batman movies. God bless you, George. You still have Hollywood completely suckered.

*10 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills (1/15)

I know this may seem shocking to you, but it seems as if Stacy Keibler is leveraging her relationship with George Clooney into procuring some higher profile acting roles. I know, right? I did not see that one coming. From the New York Post:

Dating George Clooney does have its perks. Clooney's girlfriend, former professional wrestler Stacy Keibler, has signed on with high-powered agency William Morris Endeavor.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, as her boyfriend won the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama, Keibler appears to be pursuing more acting roles in the future. Keibler has had a recurring part on the show "Chuck," and also guest-starred as the "hot bartender" on the popular sitcom "How I Met Your Mother." Keibler has also had a role on USA Network's "Psych," and in the movie "The Comebacks."

Let this be a lesson for all of you gals in film school, taking acting classes, and waiting tables at Pizza Hut: if you really want to get ahead in Hollywood, just let a famous fossil hump on you. It's the return of the casting couch, except that now the broads are all in. What? You really didn't think that Keibler is into grandpa, did you? Come on, vaginas are tools, just like your hands and mouth. When you're taking your shame shower, just repeat this to yourself over and over: "use your tools to ply your craft." That phrase -- and a fifth of Jack -- won't wash away your pain, but it will let you get some sleep.

*31 Stacy Keibler and George Clooney pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler leaving Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood (12/7)

It's one thing to be dating one of the hottest pieces of ass in Hollywood, but do you really have to make her like you this much? Screw you George Clooney. From In Touch Weekly:

[George Clooney] is spoiling [Stacy Keibler] like crazy this Christmas. As a pal reveals to In Touch, he already bought his 32-year-old girlfriend a $15,000 Cartier Love bracelet with diamonds and a vintage Hermes handbag.

"He's going all-out," his friend says. "He's spending around $100,000 on her gifts! George is even buying her a Porsche!"

$100,000 in gifts, Clooney? Really? I guess the recession hasn't hit you as hard as the rest of us mouth-breathers. That's great, you and the rest of the 1% have a wonderful Christmas during this depression while I have to give my lady a bootleg "Kobe Briant" Lakers' jersey and a charm bracelet cast in the finest tin China has to offer. But you know what we won't be exchanging this holiday season? Movies starring George Clooney. Not that I'm all jealous of your good looks and success, but let's keep it real for a minute. Your movies suck. And don't think you're special because Stacy Keibler tugs on your old balls once in a while. Stacy is dating "Movie Star George Clooney" not "Movie Theater Usher George Clooney."

*13 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

Stacy Keibler and George Clooney at the 15th Annual Hollywood Film Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills (10/24)

Stacy Keibler is gonna get her ass dumped if she keeps this up. And then she'll have nothing to turn to but her wealth and tremendous good looks. Hah! Loser! From the Chicago Sun Times:

Though George Clooney is quoted in the new Rolling Stone as not minding new girlfriend Stacy Keibler's frequent tweets indicating how happy she is in her relationship with the ageless Hollywood hunk, I'm hearing Clooney is actually not too keen on those Twitter messages.

George isn't "too keen" on Stacy's tweets, not because he's planning to break up with her, but because he probably doesn't know what the hell a tweet is. At his age, new technological advances like Twitter, Facebook, and cordless telephones are probably scary to him. It's safe to assume that he prefers the way messages were sent back in the good ol' days: by Pony Express.

*38 Stacy Keibler and George Clooney pictures total in the gallery:

Stacy Keibler and George Clooney at a gala screening of The Descendants at The BFI London Film Festival in England (10/20)

Note to Stacy Keibler: enjoy your time with George Clooney now because, surprise surprise, there is no chance of anything more serious developing. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Once again George Clooney has found an attractive woman to include in his life, but no one close to the Oscar winner thinks Stacy Keibler has a better chance of changing Clooney’s mind about marriage than did anyone else he’s dated in recent years.

"She’ll be around for awhile, and then he’ll move on but stay friends with her — like he always does," said a close Clooney observer, who was with him in New York earlier this week for the premiere of The Descendants.

So again George is going to get close with a hot chick and have mind-blowing sex with her, but not close enough to developing any sort of meaningful spiritual connection. What a terrible, unfulfilling life to live. Um, you want to switch?

*30 Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney is one lucky bastard

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler are officially . . . official. The two were arm in arm last night at the premiere of The Descendants at the New York Film Festival (the two were seen leaving a party in Toronto last month, but there was no press/red carpet at the event). When asked to comment on his new film -- in which he plays an ancestral land owner in Hawaii who struggles to reconnect with his daughters after his wife slips into a coma following a boating accident -- Clooney replied, "Neener Neener Neener, I'm having sex with Stacy Keibler tonight and you're not! Loser!"

Hmmm, seems a little unprofessional to me.

*25 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

Stacy Keibler leaving CVS pharmacy in Beverly Hills (10/4)

George Clooney gave Stacy Keibler something he's never given another woman . . . and no, I'm not talking about an orgasm. I mean a key to his place. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Stacy started off by playing hard to get and blew off George's first requests for a date before relenting. Within weeks of hooking up, George presented her with a key to his Studio City, Calif., home - something he never offered any other girl. But Stacy often passed up spend-the-night invites because she says she prefers sleeping on her own and having her own space. Her arm's length attitude has completely blown George away and turned him into a lovelorn puppy dog trailing after her!"

If I had a nickel for every story printed about George Clooney being smitten with his newest floozy, I'd be as rich as he is. These articles are always put out by the chick's publicist to try and make it look like she isn't just another one of his latest semen receptacles. Stacy, if you really want us to believe it's different this time, get George to do something he never does: propose a decent movie.

*8 Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, September 17 and Sunday, September 18

George Clooney filming a Mercedes commercial in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Sarah Jones on the set of Alcatraz in Vancouver (pics start here)

Sofia Vergara at the "Women in Film" Pre-Emmy party held at BOA Steakhouse in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Actress Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter) jogging in the Hollywood Hills Selma Blair leaving Bodhi Tree bookstore in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Selma Blair leaving Bodhi Tree bookstore in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux out and about in the West Village of New York (pics start here)

Anna Kendrick arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Ali Larter leaving Fred Segal in West Hollywood (pics start here)

John Mayer arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Anna Paquin leaving Fred Segal in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Rebecca Hall at the premiere of The Awakening at the 36th Annual Toronto International Film Festival (pics start here)

Zoe Saldana arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Actress Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars) leaving the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood (pics start here)

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez going through security at LAX airport (pics start here)

Julie Bowen at the "Women in Film" Pre-Emmy party held at BOA Steakhouse in West Hollywood (pics start here)

*140 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler leaving a party at the Thompson Hotel in Toronto (9/11)

For the past month or so it's been rumored that George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have been dating, and on Sunday night the two were spotted in public together for the first time. Which is a little gay of George, if you ask me. You better believe if I was dating Stacy Keibler, I'd be on top of her for at least the first six months of the relationship. Like one of those fish that attach themselves to sharks . . . wait a minute, do those fish ever jack off onto the shark?

*11 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis leaving a dance studio in Hollywood after rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars (9/2)

I'm beginning to think George Clooney broke up with Elisabetta Canalis, not because he was fed up with her, but because he wanted to give a huge middle finger to all the horny guys in America. I mean, crap, look how skinny this bitch is. Clooney dumping her was basically his figurative way of whipping out his dick to show everyone how big it is. I'm afraid if I ever see him in public, I'll be forced to punch him in the face.

*25 Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery: