George Clooney

George Clooney's fiance Amal Alamuddin in New York (3/19)

Multiple sources have confirmed to Us Weekly and People that George Clooney and his girlfriend Amal Alamuddin are engaged. Alamuddin, a 36-year-old British attorney, and Clooney were first spotted together last October, which means he's been banging her for almost seven months now. He's supposed to dump her and get a new one, not propose. A source told People:
"George and Amal are trying to keep things very low-key but they also aren't really trying to hide this, it doesn't seem. I think it's like they want the people they love to know that this is real, that they plan on being together forever."

The engagement happened "not that long ago, I think," the source adds, and the couple don't appear to have wedding plans in the works - yet.
Oh man, this is terrible. George must be under tremendous stress right now. The important thing for him to remember is to just breathe and know that everything will work out. Of course I'm talking about him planning where to go on his honeymoon. The dick has already vacationed everywhere in the god damn world, so nothing would be new to him. I'm so glad I'm not in his position right now. #onepercentproblems

*10 Amal Alamuddin pictures total in the gallery:

  • George Clooney Engaged to Amal Alamuddin 1
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Stacy Keibler's new husband sounds a bit insecure

Stacy Keibler's new husband is making her cut off all contact with George Clooney. Oh this marriage sounds like it's off to a great start. From the National Enquirer:
Just days after Stacy Keibler tied the knot with richer-than-hell digital advertising mogul Jared Pobre, old flame George Clooney ex-texted her best wishes, saying: "I always knew you would make someone a beautiful wife, and you have. I wish you and Jared a beautiful life together."

Just friendly congrats, but when Stacy innocently blurted what George had texted - saying it was "sweet" - Jared got jumpy!

Reports a close pal: "He did not share her feelings, and he's forbidden her to respond. Jared's a self-assured, confident guy, but it's not easy to follow in the footsteps of someone like George Clooney. While he acknowledges George was a major part of his newly pregnant bride's past, he's adamant he will NOT be any part of her future!"
Look, we've had our fun at George's expense over the years, but I think it's safe to say that Jared has nothing to worry about regarding the old coot wanting another crack at his own sloppy seconds. Jared's time would be better spent keeping an eye on the Master of Shit Stunts himself, Steve-O. No one would have ever linked Steve to George, but that didn't stop Elisabetta Canalis from humiliating herself, her family, and the Shaolin Temple by grinding some Jackass cock after her own split from the star-maker. It just goes to show that Clooney wants his ladies to be as morally bankrupt as they are hot. Go figure.

*25 Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

  • Stacy Keibler Insecure Husband 1
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George Clooney leaving Il Pontaccio in Milan, Italy (2/9)

In town for the Italian premiere of Monuments Men, George Clooney, Matt Damon, John Goodman, and Jean Dujardin all dined at Il Pontaccio in Milan last night. The drinks were flowing, though George, with his glazed-over face, clearly looked like he took the worst of it. Oh no, I hope he doesn't miss the premiere because he's hung over. It would literally ruin half of his day. Seriously, fuck this guy and his carefree existence. Jealous.

*10 George Clooney pictures total in the gallery:

  • George Clooney Drunk Milan 1
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George Clooney at the Los Angeles Britannia Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel (11/10)

George Clooney pretty much calls Ashton Kutcher an idiot in this month's Esquire for using Twitter. I bet George is just angry that Ashton is always walking across his lawn, trampling his rose bushes. "Damn kids!"
As might be expected, he does not like Twitter. More to the point, he does not approve of Twitter, especially for a certain segment of the population. "If you're famous, I don't--for the life of me--I don't understand why any famous person would ever be on Twitter. Why on God's green earth would you be on Twitter? Because first of all, the worst thing you can do is make yourself more available, right? Because you're going to be available to everybody. But also Twitter. So one drunken night, you come home and you've had two too many drinks and you're watching TV and somebody pisses you off, and you go 'Ehhhhh' and fight back.

"And you go to sleep, and you wake up in the morning and your career is over. Or you're an asshole. Or all the things you might think in the quiet of your drunken evening are suddenly blasted around the entire world before you wake up. I mean, when you see, like, Ashton Kutcher coming out going, you know, 'Everybody leave Joe Paterno alone,' or whatever he said, you just go, 'Fifteen minutes longer and a thought process and probably you wouldn't have done that.'"
Wow, who did Ashton piss off that old man Clooney had to spank him? Look, the geezer is right about Ashton's obsession with Twitter, but as we all know, being a celebrity means you're a coward. Celebrities never put other celebrities on blast like this, so I'm guessing this is a fake quote that came from someone angry with Ashton for duping them (e.g. Hollywood studios, Demi Moore, Mila Kunis, America). Doesn't matter, I like what I'm seeing and I hope all of Hollywood keeps shitting on Ashton, though next time try to work the words "face" and "punchable" into your comments.

*30 George Clooney pictures total in the gallery:

  • George Clooney Ashton Kutcher 1
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George Clooney's fuck buddy Monika Jackisic

Earlier this year, before his split with Stacy Keibler, it was rumored that George Clooney hooked up with his ex, Croatian model Monika Jakisic, while the two were in London. According to Us Weekly, the two haven't stopped talking since and even had a slumber party at George's L.A. mansion on Sept. 25. I love slumber parties! Ohhhh, I wonder if they told ghost stories?!?
"They spent hours talking, and have an incredible connection," says the insider. The sexual tension had been building for a while. Back in May, the London-based stunner, 33 -- known as the "Croatian Sensation" -- and the Gravity actor unabashedly flirted at London nightclub Loulou's.

Though he was still dating Stacy Keibler at the time (they split in July after two years of dating), "they danced and held hands," adds the source. "He's been calling and texting her ever since."
Meh. Even though I completely understand that Monika is supposed to be some sort of model, she's kind of a letdown when you stand her up next to Clooney's ex, Stacy Keibler. Is Monika hot? Yeah, I guess. Monika is hot when stacked up against makeup section cashiers at Macy's, but she's not A-list hot. Her value to the old coot must come from her prostate-milking lesbo fingers and a willingness to please that Stacy "Viagra on Stilts" Keibler never needed to display. Oh, and "Croatian Sensation"? If Monkia Jakisic is considered a sensation in that part of the world, then it's no wonder the former Yugoslavia is only known for exporting shitty cars, AK-47s, and ruthless mobsters.

*15 Monika Jakisic pictures total in the gallery:

  • George Clooney Old Flame 1
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Stacy Keibler and George Clooney in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico last March

Stacy Keibler has finally commented on her split with George Clooney, and unfortunately, she's taking the high road. For example, not one word about him having a small penis. C'mon Stacy, don't be all uptight! From Extra:
When asked if she and George would remain friends, Keibler said, "Of course... there's nothing really dramatic that happened, so it's all good."

Keibler said she's keeping busy, which is helping to keep her mind off things. "I'm someone that's always lived the present moment. I always look at the positive on everything... I'm so excited for all these projects coming up, and I'm super busy."
Stacy will be nothing but nice in describing her breakup with old man Clooney -- not only because of the contract he had her sign when they first hooked up, but because she has to for her own good. You see, Stacy is still trying to establish herself in Hollywood so there's no way in hell that she's ever going to take shots at the ex. George might be the most overrated actor of all time, but he's still on the A-list, so letting company secrets out on his life only hurts Stacy. Since she's already 33-years-old, Stacy has another two years to make it happen or go back to wrestling . . . and at that time look for the tell-all to be published by WWE Books: Stacy Keibler, Colostomy Bag Maiden.

*25 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

  • Stacy Keibler Clooney Comments 1
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Stacy Keibler at amfAR's 20th Cinema Against AIDS Gala at the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc in Antibes, France (5/23)

So George Clooney probably dumped Stacy Keibler (don't kid yourself, he dumped her). The two haven't been spotted together since March and were halfway around the globe from each other on the Fourth of July. A source told People:
Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. "They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago."

The source also says Clooney, 52, and Keibler, 33, will remain on good terms: "They talk every day. They were friends before they started dating and they'll be friends after. It was a friendly [breakup]."
Oh yeah, of course they'll remain friends. Especially when George is linked to every model from South Beach to Sao Paulo. They're great friends, so why would Stacy care? Heck, I bet instead of hating him with a passion known only to a woman scorned, Stacy invites George and his next girlfriend over to her house in Fantasyland for an afternoon full of lollipops and unicorn riding. Such great friends!

*15 Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

  • Stacy Keibler Sideboob
  • Stacy Keibler Gala Dress
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  • Stacy Keibler Dumped By George Clooney
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  • Did George Clooney and Stacy Keibler Break Up
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  • Stacy Keibler Splits Up With Clooney
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Monika Jakisic in all her glory

Is George Clooney cheating on his girlfriend Stacy Keibler with ex flame Monika Jakisic? Sure, why not. From In Touch Weekly:
This weekend, George Clooney cozied up to a woman who is not his girlfriend, Stacy Keibler. In Touch can exclusively reveal that the actor was spotted holding hands with his ex-fling -- Croatian model Monika Jakisic -- at Loulou's members-only club on May 25 in Mayfair, London.

"They seemed to be having a great old time together," an eyewitness said. "He didn't seem to care who saw them. He was being openly affectionate. Lots of people were going up and saying hi to George -- he didn't leave Monika's side. The place was packed but he didn't seem to care who saw them inside the club. They were laughing and looked very comfortable together and were there 'til very late."
I'm completely lost on this whole George Clooney phenomenon. Sooner or later we need to discuss exactly why this old timer is such a big deal. George Clooney isn't even the most talented Clooney, yet he's juggling top talent as if HE'S Leonardo DiCaprio. Pops should be a B-lister nailing slutty reality stars, tops. What, you don't agree? What movie did he have to carry on his talent alone that didn't stink? I don't like spreading rumors, but I heard that if George stars in another bomb, Homeland Security is gonna finance his next vacation to Guantanamo. Somebody please clue me in, for the love of everything holy.

*20 Monika Jakisic pictures total in the gallery:

  • Monika Jakisic George Clooney Affair 1
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George Clooney and Stacy Keibler leaving Grill Royal in Berlin, Germany (3/16)

Despite a number of breakup rumors over the past few weeks (one even claimed that he bought her an apartment and a bunch of jewelry as a parting gift), George Clooney and Stacy Keibler are still dating. The two were seen leaving a restaurant in Berlin over the weekend after dining with Clooney's The Monuments Men co-star Matt Damon. To recap: George Clooney was having sex with the ridiculously hot Stacy Keibler (who looks like this in a sports bra and yoga pants); people then thought he wasn't anymore; but it turns out, it's actually fun having sex with Stacy, so George is still doing it. My god, this man is a fucking genius. Hollywood stars really are smarter than the rest of us!

*30 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

  • Clooney Keibler Berlin Germany 1
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George Clooney and Stacy Keibler at the 26th Anniversary Carousel Of Hope Ball at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills (10/20)

Hope Stacy Keibler hasn't been picking out wedding dresses because there is exactly a zero percent chance that George Clooney will ever marry her. And that's not coming from me, that's coming from Clooney's sister. From Life & Style:
They're words no women wants to hear from a potential sister-in-law. But in a new interview, George Clooney's older sis says the chances are slim of the world's most eligible bachelor finally settling down with his girlfriend of one year, Stacy Keibler.

"No, I'd say he probably won't get married," George's sister, Adelia Zeidler, reveals to Life & Style. "If I had to guess, I'd have to say no. I know everyone says 'Well, Warren Beatty said he'd never get married and then he met Annette Bening,' but that's the only example people can think of, so it doesn't bode to well." (Print Edition - 11/12)
Well, I could have told Stacy that. Hell, anyone with a set of working eyes can see that supernaturally hot Stacy Keiber just doesn't have what George needs to corral the old stallion and satisfy him sexually. It's so important to a "fella" like George that I'm actually quite surprised that this relationship has lasted so long. I'm also surprised that none of his "close friends" have outed him yet -- because, as we all know, those kinds of "people" have absolutely no sense of humor about anything. Oh, the thing that George needs that Stacy doesn't have? It's an AARP card (Stacy is too young to have one). Wait, where did you think I was going with this? Oh, you thought I was referring to a giant penis? Well, I wasn't. Shame on you for thinking that -- I'm not looking to get sued.

*25 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler pictures total in the gallery:

  • Clooney Keibler Marriage 1
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: