"I just beat off with this hand." Turns out Gene Simmons isn't quite the Lothario he would have you believe. In fact he has no game with the ladies whatsoever. If he wasn't famous and didn't have a tongue that he could scratch his knee with, he'd probably still be a virgin. From the
National Enquirer:
Gene Simmons attended the party for "L.A. Confidential" magazine at XIV in Hollywood on April 30. The KISS-rocker-turned-reality-star tried to impress a stunning blonde with grunting sounds and odd gestures. It didn't work. The lady told 59-year-old Gene to "Get lost!" (Print Edition - 5/18)
The blonde obviously misunderstood what was happening. At 59, those "grunting sounds" and "odd gestures" by Gene weren't meant to be sexually provocative. They were just his way of controlling his overactive prostate. Besides, Gene doesn't need juvenile antics and silly theatrics to disgust the ladies. He just needs a well-lit room.
"This much for a private gig."
Ahhhh this is such a cute story. Gene Simmons still thinks he's desirable. From the New York Post:
Gene Simmons is still a pick-up artist, but his moves aren't working as well as they did when KISS ruled the radio. A fellow first-class passenger aboard Wednesday's American Airlines flight 114 from LAX to Newark saw Simmons pass a note to a tall, blond stewardess before takeoff. "Later, I overheard the flight attendants talk about what he wrote in the note - 'Would you like to get together???' with three question marks." The move misfired. "I guess he failed to notice the wedding band on her left hand," said our witness. "Other than that he seemed like a pleasant passenger." Simmons lives in Beverly Hills with Playboy Playmate Shannon Tweed. (Source)
Can you still be called a "pick-up artist" if your moves don't work? Isn't he more of a "pick-up impressionist?" And of course Gene didn't see her wedding band . . . he doesn't believe in them! Hasn't he been dating Shannon Tweed since the Hoover Administration?* Which leads to my other point: Can you still be called a "Playboy Playmate" if the last issue you appeared in was printed on papyrus?
*coincidentally, the "Hoover Administration" is Shannon's signature move in bed
