Gabriel Aubry

Halle Berry at the Silver Rose Gala and Auction at the Beverly Hills Hotel (4/17)

Even though there's been talk that Halle Berry and her ex Gabriel Aubry have resolved their custody dispute, don't believe it. They still hate each other with a passion From the Chicago Sun Times:

The Halle Berry custody battle with ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry continues to get nastier. The actress is said to be irate that Aubry’s complaints — about Berry having to be in New York with their daughter Nahla for an extended run in her Broadway debut — forced her to drop out of the show [about the Martin Luther King Jr. assassination in 1968].

“Halle is devastated. [Starring on Broadway] was something she’s dreamed about doing for years,” said a source close to Berry.

Aubry reportedly does not seem concerned by threats Berry will do everything she can do to “get” the model — whom she believes is out to destroy her career.

Sorry Halle, Aubry isn't out to destroy your career -- you did that to yourself when you starred in Catwoman. Besides, who would want to go and see Halle on Broadway anyways? The only place I'd pay to see her perform live is one where the theatrical scenery on the stage consisted of just one item: a pole.

*34 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry at LAX last year

Seriously, this Halle Berry custody fight is more entertaining than any movie I've seen in the past five years. *kicks back feet and starts eating popcorn* From the Chicago Sun Times:

[Gabriel Aubry] is unhappy with what he claims is Berry’s total lack of respect for him — often calling him “just a model” — something Aubry believes eventually will have a negative impact on how he is perceived by the ex-couple’s daughter.

Separately, Aubry is said to despise Berry’s new beau, actor Olivier Martinez, “and is not happy with some things that have taken place — some very adult activities — in the presence of Nahla,” said another source who is friends with Aubry.

I wonder what kind of "adult activities" Gabriel's referring to that have been taking place in the presence of Nahla? Knowing Halle and Olivier, he's probably referring to the philosophical debates the two have been having recently on whether Egypt's government is a Constitutional Monarchy or a Totalitarian fascist regime. Or blowjobs. Definitely one of those two.

*20 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry is busty, nuts

Yesterday it was revealed that Halle Berry's ex Gabriel Aubry allegedly has recordings and emails of her acting like an all-around crazy bitch. Radar is claiming that they've seen some of the emails:

Halle Berry sent the father of her daughter a scorching email that said, "You were only good for one thing... Thanks for the donation."

"I honestly think Gabriel should release some of these messages he has from Halle, and tell his side of the story, but he won't," a source said. "He said he's going to save them for family court, which will be a private, press-free environment. I know it sounds like I'm painting a picture but Gabriel truly does not want to do anything at all that could potentially damage his daughter, and he knows attacking Halle in the press would ultimately do that.

Obviously Halle's got things backwards. SHE'S the one who's "only good for one thing." It's not like you go out with that piece of ass for the stimulating conversation about the pros and cons of the U.S. taking a more isolationist approach to foreign policy. You go out with her so you won't need Viagra. Halle should know by now that if it weren't solely for her awesome funbags, she'd never be able to put food on her table -- or used tissues in men's wastebaskets.

*25 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry in Malibu (12/12)

So apparently Halle Berry went apeshit last year after Gabriel Aubry was seen taking Kim Kardashian to a Lakers game -- and that may have been what set off this whole custody mess. And the Kardashians figure out a way to get their names in the news yet again. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If they were famous back in 2001, I'm sure they would have released some kind of statement on 9/11: "The entire Kardashian family -- who you can see in a new reality show Sunday night on E! -- is saddened . . ." From Radar:

"She left a crazy message on Gabe’s cell just after some pictures came out of him at a Lakers game with a girl last year. She is mega, mega pissed in the message, calling him, and the girl, all kinds of names - it’s certainly something Halle wouldn’t want heard. Gabriel played it to me at the time, and said: ‘see what I have to deal with?!’ I really felt for the guy - I mean, he hadn’t done anything wrong....just gone on a date!"

I hate to defend Kim Kardashian here, but it's not her fault she's easy and guys want to "date" her for a night. I blame Jesus for not finding a way into Kim's heart at a younger age and guiding her through life on a righteous and moral path. Thanks a lot Jesus!

*15 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry at the "Keep A Child Alive Ball" in 2009

Remember yesterday when I said Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry's custody fight was getting messy? Well it just got messier. Halle's publicist TMZ claims that Gabriel routinely used to demean and hurl N bombs at her. And yet she stayed with him and even had a kid. Oh yeah, this doesn't sound made up at all:

We're told ... in addition to calling her the "N" word, he would also call her a "f**king bitch" and other expletives.  And the vulgarities are not limited to face-to-face confrontations.  There are vulgar text messages as well. As one source told TMZ, "He constantly demeaned her. It was awful."

I'm not buying it. No way Gabriel said those things. Trust me, I was on the runway circuit with men like him for years. Not once did I meet someone whose heart wasn't full of love and understanding. Everyone thinks international modeling is nothing but blowjobs and threesomes, and while that's definitely true, there's also a lot of charity work involved. There's no room for racism. Frankly, these accusations are outrageous and I view them as a personal attack against all incredibly handsome men like Gabriel and me. I'm disgusted.

*20 Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry wants custody of her daughter Nahla

Halle Berry began dating my doppelganger, male model Gabriel Aubry, in 2005 and the two even had a kid together in 2008. When they split up last year, it was about as friendly as possible, with both making it clear that there would be no custody fight over their daughter Nahla. Um, yeah, about that . . .

Halle Berry says she's preparing to go to court with her ex Gabriel Aubry over custody of their 2 ½-year-old daughter Nahla. To clear her schedule for custody litigation, Berry, 44, pulled out of the film New Year's Eve, set to start filming this week in New York. She's being replaced by Katherine Heigl.

"Halle has serious concerns for her daughter's well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her," the actress's rep tells PEOPLE.

"She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter's father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention."

OK, now this sweatshirt that Halle wore a few weeks ago makes a little sense. She was clearly trying to intimidate Gabriel. No wonder he hasn't been seen in public since. You do not fuck with a woman harnessing the mythical spirit and energy of a white tiger. Many have tried . . . MANY HAVE DIED!

*11 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries dating

Well that didn't last long. Kim Kardashian and Halle Berry's ex Gabriel Aubrey already broke up. But don't feel bad for Kim because she's already "rebounded" with NBA player Kris Humpries. See? See what I did there? From Life & Style:

"Kim likes him much more than Gabriel," says the insider to Life & Style. "He's normal, so much fun and cute. He's perfect for what Kim wants right now, which is some fun dates and some fun times."

So just how serious are they? The new duo went out for a dinner date at Nobu in NYC recently, and Kim watched Kris play in Newark, N.J., on Nov. 29 followed by a post game hang out. But that wasn't the 30-year-old reality star's only trip to New Jersey, the pair was just spotted on Dec. 5 at Maxwell's Bar in Hoboken, N.J. dining out.

This is really quite something. By my estimation, Kim's now dated 38% of the NFL and NBA. The incredible thing is she's single-handedly changing the mindset of college athletes across the nation. Before Kim entered the scene, these football and basketball players wanted to get drafted so they could make millions of dollars and win a Super Bowl or NBA Championship. Now, they want to get drafted so they can fuck Kim Kardashian.

*10 Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubrey arriving at the Staples Center in L.A. last night

From Halle Berry to Kim Kardashian. Obviously Gabriel Aubrey is doing something right to pull this kind of ass. I bet it's because he's a good cook. From Life & Style:

Reality star Kim Kardashian has been living the single life in NYC, but now that she’s home in LA, she’s back in the dating game! Kim was spotted Sunday night at an LA Lakers game with Gabriel Aubry, Halle Berry’s ex and the father of Halle’s daughter, Nahla.

"Kim and Gabriel met a few times while they were both in New York, and there was definitely chemistry," an insider tells Life & Style about the pair. "But when Kim returned to Los Angeles last Thursday, they really took it to the next level. They went out to dinner, caught the Lakers game and spent time at Kim's house.”

What does the Kardashian clan think of Kim’s new squeeze? “He has already met Kris [Jenner, Kim’s mom], as well as Khloé and Kourtney,” reveals the insider. “They’re all wild about him."

I'm sorry but I just don't see what Kim sees in Gabriel. He doesn't even look like he has a good jump shot. And don't even get me started on his 40 time. Dude looks like he could barely run a sub 4.5 (LOL!). Wait a minute, what's that? He's a model, not an athlete? So . . . confused . . . right now. Did Kim lose a bet or something? Was this date a dare?

*10 Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubrey pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry in 2009

I knew Halle Berry's break-up seemed too good to be true. "Amicable break-up" my ass. You know what an amicable break-up is called? It's called "there's no break-up at all because the two people still like each other." From Us Weekly:

When Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry announced they’d split after four years of dating, they insisted the breakup was amicable. But sources close to the former couple tell the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands Wednesday, that their parting followed months of bitter bickering behind closed doors.

Even though True Religion model Aubry, 34, raked in an estimated $700,000 a year, Berry focused on his career disappointments, including his failed Cuban eatery, Cafe Fuego, in NYC, which opened in 2006 and closed less than two years later.

"Halle called him a loser," a source tells Us. "She'd rub it in his face that she's an Oscar-winning actress and he's just a model. He couldn't take it anymore."

How could Halle possibly call Gabriel a "loser"? He made $700,000 last year as a male model and got to bang her for the past half-decade -- she should have been calling him "Hero" or "Luckiest guy on Earth." This story just shows that one of Confucius' most famous adages still holds true today: No matter how hot woman is, there always someone that sick of her shit.

*20 pics total in the gallery:

Halle Berry at the "Linked Against Leukemia" gala at Cipriani in New York (4/29)

Halle Berry has entered the ranks of single motherhood. After four years and one daughter together (how can we forget those pregnancy boobs?), she and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry are splitting up. From Radar:

A source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com that Gabriel was the one who pulled the plug on their five year relationship  and that the age difference - he’s 34, she’s 43 - played a role.

"Gabriel just felt it wasn't working anymore," the source says. "When they were first together the 9-year age difference between them didn't phase him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever dated and he was totally in love. But as time went on he started feeling it more and more.

"Also, Gabriel started noticing other women, and being attracted to others, and he felt it just wasn't right to stay with Halle in those circumstances. "Gabriel is a really nice, decent guy and he would never cheat on her, but I suspect that he had become attracted to someone and that he felt he needed to break it off with Halle before anything developed any further."

Wait a minute, he broke it off with Halle before he started cheating? That's not how you're supposed to do it in Hollywood. For Christ's sake, he didn't even get a chance to play the "I have a sexual addiction to waitresses and strippers that only rehab can cure" card. If you ask me, this guy seems like a real queer!

*20 pics total in the gallery