Fatgate

Jessica Simpson, before and after her weight gain

You thought the most ridiculous part of Jessica Simpson's interview with Oprah on Wednesday was Oprah's claim that Jessica was a size 4 at the infamous chili cookoff apperance? Nope. Jessica wants us to believe everyone was making fun of her because she gained just 10 pounds. Hold your laughter please. From the New York Post:

"The fact I was famous last year for gaining 10 pounds is ridiculous and really sad," the curvy, healthy-looking singer told Oprah Winfrey in an interview telecast [Wednesday].

Simpson, 29, said nothing has hurt her more than the fat jokes she's had to endure since she performed at a chili cook-off in Florida on Jan. 25, 2009, wearing the now-infamous jeans and a chunky leopard-print belt.

"I didn't want to sit down and talk with anybody about it, because I felt guilty," she said. "I felt like, you know, if people look at me and maybe they're a size bigger, they look at themselves and they think they're fat. I don't want other people to feel fat if they're a size 6 or whatever size they are. It's a really hard thing for me to talk about. Because I celebrate women of all sizes, and I think we're all beautiful."

That picture on the left was taken in late 2006; the one on the right, shortly after the chili cookoff last year. Yeah, I can believe that Jessica gained only 10 pounds . . . wait, we're just talking about her neck, right?

Jessica Simpson and Daisy Dukes are friends again

Jessica Simpson took to the stage at the Strawberry Festival in Plant City, Florida, last night looking noticeably slimmer. From a Chili Cookoff a month ago to the Strawberry Festival last night, it's good to see that Jessica's country music career is finally taking off. You know, if she plays her cards right, she just may find herself headlining Stockton's famous Asparagus Festival. Rumor is there's gonna be more than 600 booths this year! Someone call the Fire Marshall!

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo leaving Da Silvano restaurant in New York (2/13)

In an effort to look only slightly overweight again, Jessica Simpson has hired some help. A diet coach. From Star:

Jessica Simpson is seeking the services of a "food cop" to help her regulate her dietary intake and police her expanding waistline. The 28-year-old singing star has become a hot topic of tabloid fodder after debuting a fuller figure at a concert in Florida last month, just re-hired former trainer Mike Alexander to make sure that she sticks to a strict new 1,250-calorie-a-day regimen.

"She just can't resist junk food," a Star Magazine insider explains. "She literally needs to be watched 24/7. Jessica has a problem with binge eating, which is usually triggered by stress. Jessica's most recent violation was indulging in the terrible trio of chicken wings, nachos, and booze at the Great Dane Pub in Madison Wisconsin." (Source)

Jessica doesn't need a "food cop" to help her keep thin -- she needs Samantha Ronson . . . to show her how to use her finger. Of course Jessica could always try what her sister did to improve her appearance: go under the knife change her hair color marry someone that wears more make-up. Bottom line, if Jessica is serious about her desire to start working out, there is one exercise regimen I'd like to suggest: jumping jacks . . . lots of 'em . . . while I watch . . . without my pants on . . . you get the point . . . I really like ellipses . . . and boobs.

Jessica Simpson at La Guardia Airport (2/11)

The one positive about Jessica Simpson's recent weight gain? She's definitely can't be labeled a "Hollywood skinny skank," as Tony Romo puts it. From the always-great Bill Zwecker at the Chicago Sun Times:

Though Jessica Simpson's folks continue to deny she's expecting Tony Romo's baby, the singer's somewhat fuller figure these days keeps fueling pregnancy tales. Yet, even if she's not preggers, a source close to the Dallas Cowboys quarterback reports Romo likes Simpson ''with a few more pounds on her.'' The QB supposedly clips out celebrity mag photos of what he calls ''Hollywood skinny skanks'' -- using super-thin shots of the likes of Mischa Barton, Nicole Richie, Mary-Kate Olsen, Kate Moss and Paris Hilton to remind Simpson not to over-diet. (Source)

If Tony wants to start cutting out pictures of famous people to inspire Jessica to improve herself, he might want to start with photos of people a little smarter than she is like Einstein, Hawking, or Corky from Life Goes On. Of course the real reason why Tony wants Jessica to add a little meat to her bones is so that she can remind him of the person he really likes mount and grope from behind: Andre Gurode.

Artist's rendering of Jessica Simpson in two years

The fat has hit the fan. From Access Hollywood:

Jessica Simpson's Weight-Gate has claimed it's first victim - the singer's upcoming Self magazine cover, at least according to Us Weekly. Jessica was allegedly scheduled to shoot a cover for the fitness magazine, which she appeared on in 2007, but chose not to bare her body in the midst of the uproar over her new fuller-figure, Us Weekly reported.

Self magazine Editor-In-Chief Lucy Danziger, however, told Access that a Jessica cover was in the works, but has stalled over scheduling conflicts.

"Self would love for Jess to be on our cover," she told Access. "We've had discussions about it but we couldn't find a date… she's very busy." (Source)

Yeah, I bet "she's very busy" . . . eating. I'm no doctor (although I played one -- often -- in fourth grade) but Jessica must have really ballooned if she was forced to cancel her magazine shoot. Those covers are more airbrushed than moon landing photos. Besides, considering her weight, maybe Self isn't the best publication for Jessica to be seen on these days. She might be better suited for Us.

[Headline pic courtesy of Worth1000]

Kim Kardashian comes to Jessica Simpson's defense

It's the story that will not die!!! From Kim Kardashian's blog:

I was doing Super Bowl interviews for my Leather & Laces party I'm hosting down here in Tampa, Florida, and EVERYONE seems to be asking me about Jessica Simpson's alleged weight gain.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous!!! She is not fat at all and I am actually offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

First of all, her outfit was FABULOUS! I loved that Fendi leopard belt with those high waisted jeans!

She is so drop dead gorgeous and the fact that the media is sending this message out to young girls is mind blowing!

I am probably twice Jessica's size, so what do you guys think of me then???

You're fat.

Jessica Simpson's new Size 8 ass

OK, this confirms it. Pete Wentz has a vagina and a HUGE one at that. From US Weekly:

Pete Wentz is defending sister-in-law Jessica Simpson -- who shocked fans at a weekend chili cook-off with a fuller figure.

"I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general, and I think it's a bummer," the Fall Out Boy told Extra from the NFL Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash in Tampa, Florida Thursday, when asked about Simpson's new curves.

"It's bad for young women," Wentz added. "I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows, and that's a bummer. Real beauty is on the inside, man." (Source)

It's time to get serious here for a second. As much I don't like the guy, Pete has a great point and the sooner we all realize it, the better off we'll be as a society. Trust me, I know this from experience. Where I'm from, FairyTaleLand, real beauty isn't measured by such things as hot tits, hot asses, and hot skinny waists.

Jessica Simpson got fat

You just knew there had to be a Papa Joe Simpson angle somewhere in this Jessica Simpson getting fat story. Via MSNBC:

Before we pity the star for packing on unwanted pounds, let's remember how well weight gain-and-loss stories sell magazines.

"She's loving it," said a source close to Simpson, who suspects her weight gain is strategic. "It will probably get her back on covers right when she is a 'supporting' act on tour. I bet Joe (Simpson) has already sold the weight-loss story." (Source)

Dude, if this shit's true, Joe Simpson is an evil fucking genius. Everyone is talking about Jessica right now. My grandma even called me yesterday because she wanted to know when Jessica Simpson became a competitive eater. I wonder what Joe has in store to get Ashlee back in the news? I can see the headlines now: "Ashlee Simpson Disfigured In Horrible Car Accident Just Two Days Before Her Hot New Album Hits Stores Nationwide."

Jessica Simpson and her new "fuller" figure

Ashlee Simpson is pissed that even though Barack Obama is now President, people are still making fun of fat people. Wait, what? From her MySpace blog:

Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy...

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?

I seriously doubt it.

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

-Ash

Size 2? Really? The only way Jessica's a Size 2 is if sizes go up in increments of one fifth. Congratulations Megan Fox. According to Ashlee's new system, you're now a Size .4

"Seconds please."

Count Tony Romo among the fans of Jessica Simpson's new "fuller" figure. Simpson debuted the new look at the 24th Annual Chili Cookoff in Pembroke Pines, Florida, on Sunday, where she was the sole judge. From OK! magazine:

Indeed, the singer sent a statement to critics: She loves her curves! "I'm not fat," Jess recently confessed to a pal. "Going from a size 2 to a size 8, that's not fat. If I weren't Jessica Simpson, no one would care."

Jessica's confidence no doubt comes from her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo, 28. "He thinks Jess is hot no matter what," a friend of the singer tells OK!. "He wants to date a girl who can have a few beers, ribs, fries and dessert." (Source)

Me too. But not for an appetizer.