FAIL


Aubrey O'Day at the NASCAR Champion's Party at Lavo nightclub in Las Vegas (12/4)

Ouch, how embarrassing. There's not a roof high enough to jump off of to get rid of the shame of being ignored by Sam Ronson From the New York Post:
Bisexual Aubrey O'Day was looking to give Lindsay Lohan a run for her money the other night. The Danity Kane singer planted herself on top of a banquette directly in front of Samantha Ronson's deejay booth and shook everything she's got at the NASCAR Champion's party at club Lavo in Las Vegas. A spy said, "She was doing everything to get Samantha's attention, including grinding her derriere on the glass partition that blocked off the booth." All to no avail -- "Samantha totally ignored her."
How could Sam possibly turn down Aubrey O'Day? Most red-blooded men would gnaw off their own arm to bang that chick. Either Sam still feels some sort of commitment to Lindsay, or she's no longer playing for the other team. Either way, hopefully Aubrey's learned from this whole experience that if she really wants to turn on a girl like Sam, she doesn't need to shake her ass . . . she needs to lick her own eyebrows.

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J.Lo fell

J.Lo ate shit on stage last night during her performance for the American Music Awards. The on-stage stunt called for J.Lo (she has two kids by the way) to climb up the backs of her dancers, jump off the last one onto the stage, and then dance the night away. FAIL (video of PAGE 2). I don't know who the director of J.Lo's performance was but I would like to be his friend. Because clearly he has an active sense of humor. What did he think would happen asking that fatty to jump three feet into the air? He might as well have told her to dunk over LeBron James.

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Hayden Panettiere's tattoo is spelled wrong

I think this goes without saying but if you're going to get a phrase permanently inked onto your body, make sure it's spelled correctly. From Celebridoodle:
Hayden Panettiere showed off her new side tattoo while enjoying the sun in Cannes, but there is a slight problem here. The tattoo is spelled wrong! It reads “vivere senza rimipianti,” which should translate as “to live without regrets” but it has an extra i in “rimpianti.”
According to my limited knowledge of Italian, Hayden's misspelled tattoo now means "to live without ever having your feet touch the ground when you sit in a chair" . . . which is weird because Hayden's feet never touch the ground when she sits in a chair. What a crazy coincidence.

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"I just beat off with this hand."

Turns out Gene Simmons isn't quite the Lothario he would have you believe. In fact he has no game with the ladies whatsoever. If he wasn't famous and didn't have a tongue that he could scratch his knee with, he'd probably still be a virgin. From the National Enquirer:
Gene Simmons attended the party for "L.A. Confidential" magazine at XIV in Hollywood on April 30. The KISS-rocker-turned-reality-star tried to impress a stunning blonde with grunting sounds and odd gestures. It didn't work. The lady told 59-year-old Gene to "Get lost!" (Print Edition - 5/18)
The blonde obviously misunderstood what was happening. At 59, those "grunting sounds" and "odd gestures" by Gene weren't meant to be sexually provocative. They were just his way of controlling his overactive prostate. Besides, Gene doesn't need juvenile antics and silly theatrics to disgust the ladies. He just needs a well-lit room.

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Madonna = FAIL

Madonna attended the Costume Institute Gala (no, it's not a costume party) at the Met in New York last night looking like a complete jackass. At what point in her life does she realize she's not actually 16, but 50 with 3 kids and an old beat up vagina? She's like the whore version of Peter Pan.

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Denise Richards butchers "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

Denise Richards was invited to sing the traditional seventh inning song "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" last Friday at the Chicago Cubs game. Hmmm, how best to describe her performance . . . Have you heard of Susan Boyle? She was the rather "unkempt" lady on Britain's Got Talent who shocked everybody a few weeks ago with her incredible performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables. Well Denise was absolutely nothing like her whatsoever. I'd rather listen to two cats fighting than her singing again.


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