You'll never guess who the top is Fox has found their replacement for Paula Abdul. Ellen Degeneres. Wait, what? From the
AP:
Fox announced Wednesday the talk show host and comedian, who admittedly has no formal music experience, just a passion for tunes, will join Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi for the ninth season. The announcement all but seals the departure of Paula Abdul, the original third judge who announced she was quitting amid a contract dispute in July.
Wednesday's announcement came as a shock to many of the singing competition's fans, who did not expect the Emmy-winning talk show host to fill Abdul's spot. DeGeneres told her talk show audience in an episode scheduled to air Thursday that she had been "dying to tell everyone" and would not abandon her chatfest. Instead, she will have "a day job and a night job."
"The times we're living in," she quipped, "we're all doing that."
Uh oh, I bet things get pretty awkward now on the
American Idol set. How are Kara and Randy supposed to work with Ellen staring at their tits? I give her half a season, tops.
Ellen DeGeneres out and about in Beverly Hills (4/12)
Ellen DeGeneres left a nice, steaming present in front of Courteney Cox and David Arquette's house in Malibu a few weeks ago. PWN3D! From the
National Enquirer:
Ellen Degeneres was walking her pup on Aug. 5 in front of the Malibu home of her good friends Courteney Cox and David Arquette when the pooch made a special deposit. Ellen -- who didn't have a doggy bag for clean up duty -- looked around for eyewitnesses, and when she didn't see any, scooted away. (Print Edition - 8/17)
Of course Ellen didn't pick up the dog poop. If she had, her love life would have been ruined by the E. coli on her fingers. Besides, when you live in Hollywood you don't need to take responsibility for your mistakes. Just ask K-Fed. If Ellen's ever going to be able to look Courteney and David in the eyes again, she better let them do something equally as disgusting to her:
like Upper Deck her master bedroom toilet perform a White Dragon set her up with a man.
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi leaving Madeo restaurant in West Hollywood (4/18)
Ellen DeGeneres needs a new stylist or something. Just look at what she wore to Madeo restaurant on Saturday with her best friend Portia de Rossi, who she's mysteriously always pictured with. You know how the rumor machine works in Hollywood with these big stars. I'd hate for people to start questioning her sexuality.
Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi to marry this weekend
Shortly after the California Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on gay marriage in mid-May, Ellen Degeneres announced on her show that she'd be marrying her long time partner Portia de Rossi. According to Us Weekly, the wedding's going down this weekend in California . . . heh heh heh, I bet that's not the only thing going down this weekend. Ellen recently said on her show:
"Planning a wedding is very stressful. It's crazy. My gardener is now invited." (Source)
Why is it so crazy that your gardener is invited Ellen? It's because he's Mexican, isn't it? You're afraid of having minorities at your wedding. That's it, I'm deleting all my TiVo recordings of The Ellen Degeneres Show.* You brought this upon yourself, you white devil.
*except that one episode with the Jonas Brothers *swoon*
[INFDaily.com]
Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi making out in Sardinia, Italy (7/4)
Confirming years of suspicion that the two were more than just "friends," Ellen Degeneres was spotted kissing Portia de Rossi in Italy on Friday. What? Everyone already knew they were lesbians? Fuck. I swear I'm always the last to find out.
[INFDaily.com]
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Ellen Degeneres is getting married
Following yesterday's landmark California Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage, Ellen Degeneres announced on her show (airing today) that she's marrying her partner Portia de Rossi. A spy in the audience told TMZ:
. . . after Ellen mentioned today's California Supreme Court ruling striking down the state's ban on gay marriage, she surprised everyone and announced that she was going to tie the knot with longtime girlfriend, actress Portia de Rossi. Portia was in the crowd and after she made the announcement, the studio audience went wild, giving the two a huge standing O. (Source)
Degeneres told The Advocate:
I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.P.S. I’m registered at Crate & Barrel. (Source)
Yep, just as I suspected. This whole thing's a scam perpetrated by Crate & Barrel and Pottery Barn shareholders. Gay marriage isn't about equal rights, it's about getting free shit. Besides Ellen Degeneres is ugly. Ugly people shouldn't get married. They should hide.
FlynetOnline
Don't tell anyone I told you this but I think these chicks may be lesbians...
Charlie Sheen is such a heavy smoker that he's been nicknamed "The Chimney" by friends. Friend and ex-smoker Ellen DeGeneres has urged Sheen to visit the same hypnotist that helped her kick the habit. Though Charlie was hesitant at first, according to Mike Walker of the National Enquirer, he's becoming more open to the idea.
"[Sheen] received complimentary certificates for several hypnotherapy sessions - along with a note from Ellen that read, 'You should do this for your kids.' Here's the surprise: Mr. Macho says he'll try the trance route. Stay tuned."
If hypnosis can help someone kick cigarettes, maybe it can help me...I have this bad habit of yelling racial slurs at my butler any time my custom Italian suits aren't perfectly pressed. What really sucks is he's a white guy. You know how hard it is to come up with a good racial slur for a white guy? "Cracker" is so played out. You don't want to know how much sleep I've lost thinking about this. Someone help me out here.
On Friday Ellen DeGeneres was named as the host of the upcoming 79th Academy Awards.
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has tapped car-crash survivor Ellen DeGeneres to host the 79th Annual Academy Awards telecast, airing Feb. 25. Per Variety, DeGeneres, who hosted the twice-postponed, post-9/11 Emmys, responded to the news by saying, "There are so many awards shows, but the Oscars are still the epitome. Every year I hope to do it. Thank god they asked me!" Might Ellen usher in a kinder, gentler kudoscast? Calling so much of today's humor "cynical and aggressive, and audiences are so jaded," she says, "I'm hoping to get rid of that." Phooey. Will Pirates of the Caribbean be on the other channel?
During the press conference Ellen said this was going to be the "lesbianist" Oscars ever. I'm not really sure what that means but if it involves orphans juggling daggers and bears dancing around wearing huge diapers, you better believe I'm watching that shit. The fact that Ellen's name is preceded by the phrase "car crash survivor" just seals the deal.
