Elisabetta Canalis

Elisabetta Canalis bikini pics!

In a desperate bid to stay relevant, Elisabetta Canalis -- who was dumped by George Clooney earlier this year and kicked off Dancing with the Stars a few weeks ago -- tweeted some bikini pics of herself earlier this week. Decent effort. Oh Oh -- you know what would be an even better way to stay relevant? She should star in a 'movie'-type thing that's seen by millions and millions of people, increasing her popularity across the country. I'm fucking brilliant!

*7 Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis leaving a dance studio in Hollywood after rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars (9/2)

I'm beginning to think George Clooney broke up with Elisabetta Canalis, not because he was fed up with her, but because he wanted to give a huge middle finger to all the horny guys in America. I mean, crap, look how skinny this bitch is. Clooney dumping her was basically his figurative way of whipping out his dick to show everyone how big it is. I'm afraid if I ever see him in public, I'll be forced to punch him in the face.

*25 Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis on Roberto Cavalli's yacht during the 2011 Cannes International Film Festival (5/18)

Elisabetta Canalis' dastardly plan is finally coming to fruition. Excellent . . . *does that finger thing like Mr. Burns* . . . from the Chicago Sun Times:

Even though Elisabetta Canalis and George Clooney have gone their separate ways, it sounds like the Italian beauty isn’t all that broken up about it.

“She got what she wanted,” said a snide Hollywood BZ spy — pointing to the fact Canalis reportedly already has used her Clooney connection to line up a bunch of pending endorsement deals and TV commercials to bolster the estimated $10 million she already pulls in from her various projects in Italy, where she has long been a major star.

Whew! It's such a relief to know that a gorgeous-looking gold digger somehow found a way to prosper in life. For a moment there, I was worried that things wouldn't work out for the poor little thing. In all seriousness though, if the Casey Anthony trial taught us anything, it's that she and O.J. are probably looking for the real killers on a golf course somewhere chicks with a nice rack always end up winners.

*23 Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis bikini pics! (Cancun - 6/1)

Here's some pics of George Clooney's now ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis in Cancun earlier this month. She looks a little depressed. I wonder if she knew George was about to dump her? I wonder if the only reason I posted these pictures is because I really like tits? I'm afraid these are two mysteries that may never be solved. Except the second one: yes.

*15 Elisabetta Canalis bikini pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis leaving Gatto Nero restaurantat in Como, Italy (6/14)

After being spotted together in Italy just a week ago (above), George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis announced in a joint statement today that they're splitting up. How very adult of them. Usually my girlfriend and I announce our break up to the world by her throwing all my shit on the lawn. From People:

"We are not together anymore. It's very difficult and very personal, and we hope everyone can respect our privacy," Clooney and Canalis said in a joint statement Wednesday.

Added Canalis's publicist: "It is a very personal and sad matter, and Elisabetta wants it to remain that way. She will be taking some time ... and then will face the press. She has not authorized me to say when the split happened."

In related news, I was on vacation in Cabo San Lucas last December and ate dinner here a table away from George and Elisabetta (on this night). When he got up to leave, my girlfriend asked him for a picture and he flat out said no. Mind you, she asked him after he got up from the table (she didn't interrupt him) and there were maybe 6 other people in the restaurant at the time (so it's not like there would have a frenzy of people trying to get pictures). Seriously, fuck you George Clooney. Dickhead.

*33 George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis bikini pics! (Cannes - 5/17)

Here's some pics of George Clooney's girlfriend of two years Elisabetta Canalis in Cannes yesterday on Roberto Cavalli's ridiculous yacht, the . . . wait for it . . . Roberto Cavalli. George was nowhere to be seen, because let's face it, do you know how much hot ass is walking around Cannes right now just begging to be tapped? And it's not like George invited her. She just showed up and then started acting like she knew him. In front of everybody. I think I speak for everyone here in saying that Elisabetta is being a total bitch about this.

*31 Elisabetta Canalis bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Elisabetta Canalis nip slip!

You know Elisabetta Canalis as the hot Italian girlfriend of the guy with the coolest life on earth, George Clooney. Earlier this week, she appeared on the Italian satirical news show Artu and you could kinda see her nipple. Sweet. It's unclear if George saw the episode because he was relaxing by his lavish pool sipping a cocktail and his state-of-the-art theater room is clear on the other side of his fabulous Italian lakefront villa. Seriously, fuck that guy.

NOTE: To see the uncensored Elisabetta Canalis nip slip pictures, click the picture above or any thumbnail with a yellow star on it and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

*8 Elisabetta Canalis nip slip pictures total in the gallery:

George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis

George Clooney might actually be getting serious with his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. Which is weird because he's George freaking Clooney. The longest he should ever date a woman is two to three hours. From the Chicago Sun Times:

The recent visit by George Clooney and girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis to her parents' home on the Italian island of Sardinia have further fueled all those tales about the couple being engaged -- and even rumors the actress and model is expecting the Oscar winner's child. Those stories have all been firmly denied by Clooney's camp.

It must have been hard for George to meet Elisabetta's parents. After nailing so many women over the years, how was he supposed to convince her parents that she was any different?

Clooney: "Look, I know I've banged a lot of skanks over the years, but I've decided that your skank is the one for me."
Elisabetta's Dad: "Sir, I find that offensive and an insult to my precious daughter's reputa-."
Clooney: "Did I mention that I'm filthy filthy rich? Like, disgustingly so."
Elisabetta's Dad: "Salud!"

*11 George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis pictures total in the gallery:

Iggy Pop performing at the Hammersmith Apollo in London (5/3)

George Clooney's ridiculously-hot Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis is doing a little back-peddling today after she "accidentally" tweeted that Jennifer Aniston looks like Iggy Pop. Wait, he's actually dead, right? From CNN:

An upset Canalis, however, said it was all a misunderstanding. "I JUST READ ON GOOGLE That I TWEETED something bad about J Aniston, let me be clear, it's a complete LIE, I would never do that!!" she tweeted on Tuesday.

The truth, Canalis said, is that on Monday she accidentally re-tweeted someone else's remark written in Italian about the resemblance.

Does a smoking-hot model that makes a living based on her looks really need to make fun of an aging celebrity's appearance? That's just not a fair fight. I mean, you don't see Stephen Hawking tweeting about how dumb Audrina Patridge is for sticking a butter knife into an outlet yet again. If Jen wants to get some revenge on Elisabetta, she needs to go on her own Twitter and post some super-embarrassing pics of her. Like this one, this one, or this one (all NSFW) Hah! You can totally see her unbelievably-perfect tits! What an idiot!

*18 pics total in the gallery:

George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis leaving the Crimson Club in New York (1/11)

George Clooney has been forced to sell his lush mansion on Italy's Lake Como, Villa Oleandra, because it's been overrun by the paparazzi. Gosh, this guy just can't catch a break. From The Times:

Potential buyers of the 18th-century Villa Oleandra at Laglio on Lake Como, which Clooney bought in 2002 for a reported $8 million, include the footballer David Beckham, who plays for AC Milan.

The villa complex, said to be on sale for 20 million euros (£18 million), includes a jetty, a botanical garden, tennis courts and an annexe. A short drive from Milan, Lake Como’s crystal-clear waters and mountain setting have long attracted the rich and famous.

Clooney’s girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, a former Italian showgirl and television hostess, was reported to be “furious and exasperated” last summer when the villa was staked out by paparazzi.

When your girlfriend somehow finds a way to complain about your $20 million villa, that's a pretty good sign that you need to dump her ass. Also a good sign? When she steals your credit card and takes the guy she's been cheating on you with to a fancy French restaurant I HATE YOU BITCH!