Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz in Ibiza, Spain (6/6)

After splitting from her husband Tony Parker in late 2010, Eva Longoria quickly rebounded with Penelope Cruz's younger brother Eduardo. About a month after the two broke up in March of this year, Eduardo was spotted making an early morning exit from Eva's house, and everyone naturally assumed they were back together. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah. I guess the point I'm trying to make is if you want to fuck Eva Longoria, tonight would be a good night because there's Eduardo at the beach in Ibiza yesterday hanging out with some hot topless chick. Bring her roses or something. And talk about how much men suck.

*19 Eduardo Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria at NBC's Upfront Presentation in New York (5/14)

Eva Longoria has a crush on a *gasp* reality star. Yikes. I'd rather tell my parents I was in love with a gay porn star like Mitch Cockthrust than a reality star. From the National Enquirer:

Even though [Eva] now appears to be back with singer Eduardo Cruz, she "fell hard" for Dallas stud Ben Patton after interviewing him for her upcoming NBC dating show, "Ready for Love," says an insider. Eva was spotted kissing him at the L.A. Zoo on April 16, just days before unveiling Ben as one of the three bachelors on the "Today" show.

"Eva first met Ben during the early stages of casting in L.A. back in January, but when they reunited in New York, it was as if they were a couple," said an insider. " They have a lot in common - they're both from Texas, they're close in age, they're hardworking and driven, and they're both gorgeous. Eva was so smitten she told Ben, 'I should just take you for myself, but then I wouldn't have a TV show!'" (Print Edition - 5/21)

Oh boy, the beginning of the end is here for Eva Longoria. The dirt on the Desperate Housewives grave is still fresh, but she's already going down this road? Eva's been a solid C-lister for the entire run of DH, so I don't see the need to jump into reality TV shenanigans (i.e. fucking the help -- let's be honest, that's exactly what she's doing). The only thing real about reality TV are the demons you eventually fight on Celebrity Rehab, THEN YOU DIE. OK, I might have skipped a step or two, but I'm just playing the odds. I don't want that for Eva. I've personally spilled too much seed in her honor and would hate it if her staff finds her at an L.A. hotel face down with her feet sticking out of the tub. I'd probably be upset for at least a day or two, but then I'd move on to plan B and shoot goo to the cast of Modern Family.

*10 Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz are back together

After splitting last month, Eduardo Cruz was spotted leaving Eva Longoria's house Monday morning. They were also spotted on a date at the Chateau Marmont the night before. Are they back together? Have they finally put aside their differences for the good of their relationship? Or does Eduardo just really love pussy? Find out tomorrow night on the season finale of EL PUSSY DE FANTASTICO!

*7 Eduardo Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz leaving Beso restaurant in West Hollywood (2/22)

In what a source is telling Us Weekly was a "mutual decision" (my ass), Eva Longoria and her boyfriend Eduardo Cruz (Penelope's younger brother) have split up. Eduardo was Eva's rebound dick after divorcing Tony Parker, so congrats to him for lasting a year, but it looks like he's gonna have to actually get a job now:

The pair split within the last couple days, with Cruz returning to his native Madrid, Spain.

"It was a mutual decision," the source explains to Us. "They are staying friends."

And Longoria has just the thing to keep her distracted, the source adds. "She's focusing on work and the end of Desperate Housewives." Still, it appears she will be spending her 37th birthday, March 19, single.

Does this look familiar? TV star marries a famous actor/athlete, all is well until husband gets better head somewhere else; actress takes on many dicks and career takes off in a big way. Eva is sort of a Univision Jennifer Aniston, minus the career taking off part. Her agent needs to study Jennifer's resume a little harder, because stepping out with a zilch like Eddie "My Sister's Famous" Cruz does absolutely nothing for careers. I do give her credit for not pulling a LeAnn Rimes and stealing AC Slater from his wife, though.

*15 Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz arriving in Miami (11/19)

There were some rumors earlier this month that Eva Longoria was banging NBA star role-player Matt Barnes. Which is weird because she's also currently dating Penelope Cruz's younger brother Eduardo . . . oh no ju di'int puta! From the Chicago Sun Times:

Friends of Eva Longoria say there just may be something going on with the actress and the Lakers' Matt Barnes — despite all the "we're just good friends" claims by spokesfolks for both the actress and the pro hoopster.

Penelope Cruz reportedly is a bit irked that Longoria may be two-timing her brother, Eduardo — whom Cruz fixed up with the "Desperate Housewives" star in the first place.

Jealousy, family in-fighting, and hot Latinas? This sounds like a good start to an exciting new telenovela. Now all these two need is some bigger tits cheesy music and bad 80's graphics and they'll be sure to get me to jerk off have a hit on their hands. I mean seriously, if this situation were anymore of a soap opera, we'd all be gaining a couple of hundred pounds just reading about it.

*20 Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria on the set of Desperate Housewives in L.A. (8/18)

Remember how well Eva Longoria's last marriage worked out? No? Well apparently neither does she. Because she wants to get married again. From the Daily Star:

Eva Longoria is ready to wed again, say pals. It is just seven months since she divorced cheating husband, basketball star Tony Parker. Eva, 36, has been dating US singer Eduardo Cruz, 11 years her junior, for five months. Close friend, actress Maria Bravo, declared: “She’s so happy with him she’s walking on air.”

Another friend revealed: “She’s found her soulmate and says she’s ready to walk down the aisle again with Eduardo despite being put off marriage by her terrible experience with Tony.”

Wow, what a shock -- Eva's dating someone and she's "so happy" and "walking on air." Isn't this the same type of crap she was spewing when she was with Tony Parker? Listen Eva, no one wants to hear how happy you are with your man when you say the same thing with every dude you date. Just keep your mouth shut and bottle up your emotions inside -- like any normal married couple.

*15 Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria leaving her house in Hollywood (2/13)

Well that didn't take long -- Eva Longoria's already talking about moving in with her new boyfriend Eduardo Cruz (Penelope's younger brother). From Life & Style:

During a make out session at the Chateau Marmont on March 7, we overheard Eva saying, "Baby, it will be so great to spend every day with you. I can't wait for you to move in!" Since Eva's divorce was finalized on Jan. 28, the actress and Penelope Cruz's little brother have been heating up everywhere from a yacht in Miami to a Hollywood cabaret club. "She can't stop gushing about her man," an insider tells Scene Queens. "Eva says she has found her true love."

Whatever. The thing I can't stand most about this chick is how fake she is. She's always soooo happy with whatever dude she's with. It's like watching a fat kid at a candy store go from one lollipop to the next. Hopefully Diva Longoria will realize sooner rather than later that the best way to keep a man isn't by telling him how much you like him, it's by showing him . . . with BJs. And then silence.

*21 Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery: