Chris Kattan arrested for DUI
Chris Kattan was arrested on suspicion of DUI this morning after he hit a Caltrans vehicle on the 101 Freeway in L.A. Yup. That's generally frowned upon. From KTLA
Officers responded after a woman called 911 to report a Mercedes-Benz was weaving and driving at a slow rate of speed, the CHP said. Kattan eventually approached the road closure, crossed a cone pattern and struck the Caltrans vehicle from behind, according to the CHP. No one was hurt, and officials said the star exited the vehicle on his own.
Normally this is the part of the story where I make a joke about these things that exist called taxis, but this is Chris Kattan we're talking about here. Taxis are expensive. Sometimes you just gotta chance it.
*5 Chris Kattan pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Bieber drunk driving last night in Miami
Oh yes. A million times yes. Justin Bieber was arrested for DUI, resisting arrest, drag racing, and driving on a suspended license last night in Miami. Wait, you can't drunkenly race a Lamborghini in a crowded area? What could possibly go wrong? From TMZ
According to the police report, cops approached Bieber's car and the instantly realized he reeked of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes. He had a "stupor" look on his face. The police report says Bieber was defiant from the get go, yelling at the cops, "Why the fuck are you doing this?" He also yelled, "What the fuck did I do? Why did you stop me?"
When the officer tried to perform a routine pat down, Bieber said, "I ain't got no fucking weapons, why do you have to search me? What the fuck is this about?"
Now the basis for the resisting arrest charge -- Before the pat down, as Bieber got out of the car, he "kept going into his pants pocket." The cop ordered him to put his hands on the vehicle, and Bieber initially complied but soon took his hands off the car, turned and then cussed out the cop.
Oh my god, as a cop, could you imagine Justin Bieber cussing you out on the side of the road? I wouldn't know whether to laugh or punch him in the throat. He might as well just hit you with a pillow. I wonder if his voice cracked when he was dropping these f bombs? "God dammit, puberty!"
The Miami Herald
The musician's entourage had apparently used their cars to block traffic on Pine Tree Drive at 26th Street, a residential area, at 4:30 a.m., creating a drag strip for the young star, who had been on a party spree in South Florida.
I think I see what's going on here. Justin Bieber's angling for the Paul Walker role in the new Fast and Furious
film. "I live my life a quarter mile at a time, eh."
*25 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:
Dina Lohan arrested for DUI
A Lohan is under arrest for DUI, and all is right with the world again. Surprisingly, it's not Lindsay this time. It's her mom Dina, who got busted in New York last night, the only state in America that outlaws taxis. Wait, that doesn't sound right . . . From TMZ
During the stop, cops say she appeared intoxicated -- and tested her blood alcohol level, which registered at .20 -- more than twice the legal limit of .08.
According to officials, "Lohan made an allegation that she was injured during the course of the arrest" ... but when medical personnel responded to the scene and determined she was fine, Dina "recanted her claim."
Lohan was hauled to a nearby station where she was booked on two counts of driving while intoxicated and one count of speeding.
.20? That ain't shit. You know what Dina calls a .20? A Thursday afternoon
. You should see her on a Saturday night. The Captain Morgan pirate tried to keep up with her a few Saturdays ago at a bar in New Jersey. Couldn't do it. Passed the fuck out and then Dina raped the shit out of him and stole all of his treasure. What goes around comes around.
Lamar Odom arrested for DUI
Lamar Odom was arrested for DUI at 3:54 this morning after weaving down the 101 freeway at 50 MPH (the fastest anyone has ever gone on the 101). According to TMZ
, Lamar failed "numerous" field sobriety tests and was probably under the influence of more than just alcohol:
Deputies at the scene smelled alcohol on Lamar and believe he was under the influence of both drugs and alcohol. The sources say Lamar's driving and conduct were consistent with drugs. We're told there were no drugs or alcohol found in Lamar's car ... only cigarettes, 2 bottles of cologne and other innocuous items.
No matter how you feel about the Kardashians, this downward spiral
is a pretty sad situation for Lamar and Khloe. I'm just glad other members of the family have somehow summoned the strength to remain positive during this trying time. "Lamar got a DUI? We have our season finale!!!!" - Kris Jenner upon hearing the news this morning.
Thomas Gibson at the CBS 2012 Fall Premiere Party at Greystone Manor in West Hollywood
Thomas Gibson, who stars on the CBS show Criminal Minds
, was arrested for DUI over the weekend in L.A. Did he take a pay cut or something? Weird that he can't afford a cab . . . From TMZ
Cops believe an intoxicated Gibson tried to drive his Audi SUV through a part of downtown L.A. that had been sectioned off for a nighttime half-marathon around 1 AM on Sunday morning. The footage begins with Gibson standing next to his car speaking with police ... when a bike cop arrives to the scene and screams for the actor to, "Get on the ground, NOW!"
At that point, all of the officers on scene rush toward Gibson and manhandle him to the ground as he yells, "Why?! Why!?" While Gibson is on the ground, he can be heard telling the cops, "I am NOT resisting ... I am NOT resisting!"
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I was driving home at 1 AM and got trapped in the middle of a marath-- the fuck?!? Why is there a god damn marathon in the middle of L.A. at 1 AM? That's drinkin' time. Make no mistake, if you were running a marathon at 1 AM and got hit by Thomas Gibson in an Audi, I would not shed a tear. In fact, I'd picket your funeral like those knuckle draggers at the Westboro Baptist Church. Turns out GOD HATES FAGS and PEOPLE WHO RUN MARATHONS AT 1 AM.*10 Thomas Gibson pictures total in the gallery:
Joe Simpson is under arrest
Jessica Simpson's creepy old dad Joe was arrested for DUI last week in Sherman Oaks. There must have been a strike by cabbies or something. From TMZ
We're told LAPD cops pulled Joe's car over around 10 PM ... and during the stop, officers got the feeling he was intoxicated and ultimately cuffed the famous pop and took him to the pokey. Joe was booked and spent the rest of the night behind bars. He was released without having to post bail at 9:41 the following day.
The case has not been sent over to prosecutors in the L.A. City Attorney's Office yet, but if criminal charges are filed, it's likely Joe will not get any jail time since it's his first offense. He'll probably end up with a big fat fine -- something his daughter will have no problem paying.
Everyone who thought that the first time Joe Simpson would be arrested, it would be for DUI and not
for a peephole he drilled in Jessica's bathroom, raise your hand . . . *looks around, sees no hands raised**10 Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:
Randy Travis' mug shot
Country singer Randy Travis was arrested last night for DUI in Texas after crashing into several barricades in a construction zone and then somehow ending up naked lying on the side of the road. It's not quite clear how he progressed from Point A to B on that one. From TMZ
The Grayson County Sheriff's Office tells us officers received a call at 11:18 PM from a person who stated there was a man lying in the roadway. When cops arrived to the scene, they noticed Travis' 1998 Pontiac Trans Am had driven off the road and slammed into several barricades in a construction zone.
Travis was initially arrested for DWI -- but once he was inside the cop car, officials say the singer threatened to "shoot and kill the Troopers working the case." As we previously reported, Travis was NAKED and rode bareback while he was being transported to the station.
DUI? Yeah, sure. Sounds like a very convenient excuse to arrest a guy that you're too afraid to race. Pussies
. Randy and his '98 Trans Am will smoke your bitch asses.
Matthew Fox leaving his hotel in New York
I didn't touch on this yesterday, but former Lost
star Matthew Fox was arrested for DUI in Bend, Oregon on Friday. He was pulled over and arrested after an officer noticed him weaving in and out of a lane and failing to signal properly. He actually was going to take a cab home, but ultimately decided not to because he's a fucking idiot. Yup, that'll burn you every time.*15 Matthew Fox pictures total in the gallery:
Miss USA busted for DUI
Former Miss USA Rima Fakih was busted for DUI over the weekend outside Detroit. Congratulations Rima: you made the mere act of being near Detroit somehow worse than it already is. Rima's attorney Doraid Elder told the Detroit Free Press
[Elder] said he had been retained that night and had few details about the arrest but said Fakih’s record “has not a single blemish” and she was “very saddened and very apologetic for the situation that she is in right now.”
Highland Park police would not confirm the arrest, saying inquiries would be answered Monday by the chief or deputy chief.
Elder repeatedly referred to the charge as “allegations,” but also said “this shouldn’t be something that defines who she is,” adding it was “poor judgment” on her part.
About 5 p.m. Saturday, Fakih tweeted from her @OfficialRima Twitter account: “Let’s clear things up now.... I’m NOT in Michigan and I’m NOT in jail! Wrong Fakih.”
The tweet also appeared on Fakih’s Facebook page. The message was deleted from both accounts late Saturday.
So she's a drunk and a liar? Two fantastic qualities in a woman. If she liked to steal, too, she'd remind me exactly of my ex-girlfriend. I wonder if Rima also answers to the pet name "YOU STUPID WHORE"?*46 Rima Fakih pictures total in the gallery:
Jaime Pressly arrested for DUI Jaime Pressly
was arrested for DUI last night in Santa Monica after being pulled over for a minor traffic violation. She was taken to the Santa Monica jail and held on $15,000 bail (which means her BAC was higher than .15). Dammit, I would have loved to be the cop that pulled her over. "Say Aflac
. C'mon Jaime, just say it once. Aflac
. If you say it, I promise I'll let you go. Aflac
. Just one time!"
*5 Jaime Pressly pictures total in the gallery: