Guy Ritchie leaving the Dorchester Hotel in London (9/11)
Guy Ritchie celebrated his 41st birthday last week in London. And got beyond fucked up. An entire bottle of Jack tends to do that. I know what you're wondering: What did he get from everyone? Don't worry, I wouldn't post a birthday story without listing the presents:
- bruised elbow . . . from falling
- bruised knee . . . from falling
- scraped shin . . . from falling
- pair of socks from his Aunt
- bloody palm . . . from falling
- savings bond from his grandma
- bruised tailbone . . . from falling
Mickey Rourke leaving Jalouse nightclub in London (9/10)
I don't know what's more disturbing about these pics: that Mickey Rourke got really drunk in London last Saturday and blew a rose, or the fact that he looked
really good at it. Damn, he's getting me all hot.
Mel B leaving the Mayfair Hotel in London (9/6)
Trashed
last week. Trashed this week. Mel B is making a nice little run at Guy Ritchie for the title of "Celeb Who Most Smells Like Happy Hour" (Guy drunk
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
here, and
here). Do you think if Guy knocked Mel up that nine months later she'd give birth to a pony keg? That actually happened to my friend's cousin's brother's girlfriend. Craziest thing. An honest to goodness pony keg came out of her vagina. Totally shattered her pelvis.
Mel B at the Mayfair Bar in London (9/1)
Mel B got hammered Monday night/Tuesday morning at the Mayfair Bar in London. Must be nice being able to drink into the wee hours of a Tuesday morning. I normally stop around midnight on weekdays. But hey, I'm a new father. I got responsibilities. Did you know that after 15 or so beers, a newborn crying actually sounds like Mozart? Craziest thing.
Rumer Willis leaving Movida nightclub in London (8/27)
Rumer Willis had a bit too much to drink Thursday morning at Movida nightclub in London. How drunk was she? She was so drunk that she thought guys were actually hitting on her because of her looks. Seriously, what happened with this chick? She has hot parents. Shouldn't she at least look like a runway model with perfect tits and killer legs? Speaking of runway models with perfect tits and killer legs, was my date at 8 or 9 tonight?
Mickey Rourke leaving Stringfellows lap dancing club in London (8/27)
You know, I was all set to make fun of Mickey Rourke for acting like a drunken idiot Thursday morning after leaving Stringfellows lap dancing club in London. And then I saw his receipt for the night (
here).
*bows down in respect*
Mel Gibson leaving Nobu restaurant in Malibu (8/8)
Mel Gibson at around 8:30ish Saturday night at Nobu: "Can I get you a drink sir?" . . . "Sure, I'd like a gin & tonic. Thanks."
3 hours later: "Can I get you another drink sir?" . . . "GUHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Jessica Simpson leaving Katsuya restaurant in Hollywood (8/1)
At the "
Tony's An Asshole, I Never Liked Him Anyways Jessica, You Should Have Broken Up With Him Summit 2009" at Katsuya on Saturday night, Jessica Simpson partook in one too many sake bombs and basically had to be carried out by her sister Ashlee. At one point, her boob almost fell out (see
here and
here) so that was pretty cool. Elsewhere, some hot chick at a club in Dallas begged Tony Romo to let her blow him and he finally relented. Advantage: Tony.
Brad Pitt is drunk Brad Pitt
really enjoyed the after-party for the
Inglourious Basterds premiere in Berlin last night. I wonder if he drunk dials his exes like the rest of us do?
"Hello?"
"Jennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnifer."
"Dammit Brad, I told you to stop calling me like this."
"Jennifer. Jennnnnnn. Jennnnnnnny."
"What Brad?"
"Guess whose vagina I was in last night..."
*click*
Lady Gaga at the Sofitel Hotel in Hamburg, Germany (7/26)
I know what you're thinking: "Lady Gaga must have gotten so drunk that she stripped down to her underwear in the lobby of her hotel." No, she was dressed like that before she started drinking. Of course she was. We're talking about the same chick that wore a dress made of Kermit the Frog puppets last week. Tomorrow she could wear a jacket made out of the decaying corpses of former US Presidents that she dug out of the ground and I wouldn't be surprised. "Wow, Harry Truman looks great on you!"
