Drunk Celebs

Ryan Phillippe is just a wee bit drunk

Ryan Phillippe was spotted leaving London's Amika nightclub on Saturday morning, and boy, he sure does look tired. They must have a private gym in one of the back rooms.

*10 Ryan Phillippe pictures total in the gallery:

Miley Cyrus looks drunk

Friday was "18-and-under night" at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood (no it wasn't) and Miley Cyrus took full advantage. The little Lindsay-Lohan-in-training showed up at 1 AM and then had to be carried out by friends around 3 AM. Poor thing -- she probably had a huge sugar high from all the Shirley Temples she must have drank, said the guy who always tries to find the good in people.

*10 Miley Cyrus drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson is drunk

I don't know how this happens at a sushi restaurant, but Jessica Simpson was absolutely HAMMERED last night as she was leaving Katsuya in West Hollywood. She could barely walk. Or do basic math . . . which I don't think was the alcohol's fault. The saddest thing about these pics isn't how drunk Jessica is -- it's that she actually got to Katsuya on Sunday night. Nah, I'm just kidding, she wasn't there eating for an entire day. But admit it -- I had you going there for a second.

*15 Jessica Simpson drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is a mess

Thanks to Chad of 88 Miles West for these pics. In an email, he said:

I am a journalist from Texas. My photog & I went to the AEE & AVN a week or so back in Vegas. Shot the red carpet of the AVN Awards @ the Palms. Andy Dick was kicked off & we were there to take pics. Notice the stain in the crotch. We can only speculate what it is....Once kicked off, he ran around shooting everyone the finger including taxi cabs. Andy was a mess...took off running by himself down the street...complete mess.

Considering the fact that he was surrounded by so many porn stars, can you really blame Andy for getting excited and accidentally wetting his pants? With that much silicone, peroxide, and collagen in one place, no guy could last more than two or three minutes. Of course, in Andy's case, it probably wasn't the female stars that turned him on -- it was the free anal beads and big black dildos they were passing out.

*4 Andy Dick piss drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry is drunk

Katy Perry had a little bit too much to drink on Wednesday night at Dita Von Teese's "Strip Strip Hooray" show at The Roxy. Just look at her stumbling all over her gay friend. How do I know he's gay? Because if he was straight, he would take advantage of the situation and already be inside of her. Isn't that right, Jessica Alba Summer of '97 at my dad's lake house? *wink*

*5 Katy Perry drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson leaving Trousdale nightclub in West Hollywood (12/3)

Whoa, I had no idea you could get so drunk off rum cake. Get it? Get it? Because she's fat . . . and fat people love cake . . . but rum cake only has a tiny bit of rum in it . . . so the funny part is that Jessica would have to literally eat like five cakes to aw god dammit nevermind.

*20 Jessica Simpson drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell leaving Scott's Restaurant London (10/27)

+ Guess who Ryan Phillippe is banging... [The Superficial]

+ This is actually pretty funny [Celebuzz]
+ Hey there sexy [Drunken Stepfather]
+ It must have killed her to do this [PopEater]
+ Justin Timberlake make out with who? [Popoholic]

+ Christina Aguilera is as "horny as a college freshman" [Cele|bitchy]
+ Me! Me! Me! Me! [Just Jared]
+ This might be the hottest picture of Katy Perry EVER [IDLYITW]
+ Wait a minute, where did her nipples go? [Hollywood Tuna]

+ It's impossible not to look slutty in a Wonder Woman costume [moejackson]
+ Some nice college boobies (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Oh STFU Emma Watson [The Blemish]
+ They might no be divorcing after all [Dlisted]

*16 Simon Cowell pictures total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is drunk. Again.

Andy Dick got shitfaced again, this time while at Bar Marmont on Sunday night/Monday morning. With how much alcohol this dude has consumed in his life, how is he even still alive? He gets embarrassingly drunk, night after night after night. Sometimes he even pisses himself. If he's not careful, MTV's going to sign him to be on Season 3 of Jersey Shore.

*22 Andy Dick drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Lisa Marie Presley arriving back to her hotel in London (9/8)

In Lisa Marie's defense, those stairs look almost exactly like the sidewalk. Look, they're practically the same color. I bet people who just drank half a bottle of vodka trip over them all the time. What kind of sick bastard designed this hotel?

*16 Lisa Marie Presley drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Jude Law leaving The Wolseley in Mayfair, London (8/19)

Jude Law got absolutely HAMMERED off whiskey shots late last week in London. So how much exactly did he have to drink? Let me put it this way: at the start of the night, he didn't have chest hair.

*16 photos total in the gallery: