Salma Hayek leaving the Gucci after party in London (6/4)
Glazed-over eyes ... can't walk without the help of her husband ... yup. Salma Hayek is drunk. And you know who's hotter than Salma Hayek? Drunk Salma Hayek. And you know who's hotter than drunk Salma Hayek? Drunk Salma Hayek in full SS uniform. Don't give me that look -- it ain't my kink. I'm just glad two like-minded individuals were able to find each other.
*10 Salma Hayek pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan at a beach club in Ibiza (7/28)
Lindsay Lohan officially gives zero fucks. For a while, after her 15th(?) rehab stint, she's at least tried to hide the fact that she still drank with water bottles in place of martini glasses. But not anymore, as she was getting openly drunk at a beach club in Ibiza yesterday. But it's all good because she lives in England now. They have free healthcare, right? Does that cover new livers and broken noses from your face hitting your steering wheel because you just drove into a brick wall at 3 AM? Let's hope so because there is a 100% chance that happens within the next six months.
ALTERNATE HEADLINE: "Lindsay Lohan fell off the wagon and then got hit by the car behind it"
*30 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan might be drunk
Here's Lindsay Lohan taking a tumble while leaving a yacht party during the Ischia Film Festival in Italy last night -- which is not something you want to do if you're Lindsay Lohan. Jennifer Lawrence trips and falls, you think clumsy. Lindsay Lohan trips and falls, you think liquor cabinet. Who the fuck stopped guarding the liquor cabinet? Oh well, at least the cocaine cabinet has a lock.
*25 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Jessica Simpson leaving Warwick nightclub in West Hollywood (6/8)
Jessica Simpson had to be helped out of Warwick nightclub in West Hollywood last night. But really, it's not her fault. I mean, you're totally fine after 16 shots, and then that 17th one sorta just sneaks up on you and suddenly you don't know the difference between "there," "their," and "they're." So basically, every day is a 17-shot-day for Jessica.
*30 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:
Charlie Sheen is drunk
Courtesy of reddit, here's a shitfaced Charlie Sheen in Paris over the weekend. Amazingly, I don't see one whore, skank, or slut in his vicinity. IMPOSTER!
*11 Charlie Sheen drunk pictures total in the gallery:
Brandi Glanville is shitfaced, flashy
Brandi Glanville "stars" on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Monday night she stumbled out of the London West Hollywood after having a few drinks at the bar. Unfortunately those drinks were served in 2-gallon jugs. "Buzaw few ieoh ohiefg oihfe eewpj fepjewuno," Glanville told the cabbie after he opened the door for her like a true gentleman.
*30 Brandi Glanville drunk pictures total in the gallery:
Papa John Schnatter is drunk
Via our good friends at BroBible, here's the Papa John's guy (aka John Schnatter) ABSOLUTELY SHITFACED at the National Championship game at the Georgia Dome on Monday night. Rumor has it that he was so drunk that he actually ate his own pizza later that night. I just hope he blacked out so he doesn't remember. No one deserves that.
*5 Papa John's guy pictures total in the gallery:
Snooki leaving Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood (12/18)
After having too much to drink last night at Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood, Snooki -- who gave birth in late August -- had to be helped to her car by a friend. But don't worry about her baby back at home. Locked closets, they're not just for hanging coats anymore!
*5 Snooki pictures total in the gallery:
Jon Hamm leaving a bar in Hollywood (11/11)
Jon Hamm got absolutely shitfaced at a bar in Hollywood on Sunday night. I'm assuming he was there to celebrate Veteran's Day. "Hey baby, I just got back from a grueling, two-day Civil War reenactment where I played the aide-de-camp to Maj. Gen. Stonewall Jackson. How 'bout you buy a veteran a drink?" C'mon, I can't be the only one who uses that line . . .
*10 Jon Hamm drunk pictures total in the gallery:
Ryan Lochte is drunk
After finishing his last Olympic swimming event on Thursday night, American silver medal specialist Ryan Lochte got absolutely hammered last night at Chinawhite nightclub in London. And then proceeded to take home a homely-looking British chick who might be a 6 on a good night. He thought he was going to bang a supermodel, but fittingly, fell way short of expectations.
*15 Ryan Lochte pictures total in the gallery: