Doug Reinhardt

Jasmine Waltz and Doug Reinhardt outside his home in Hollywood (10/13)

Since David Arquette and Courteney Cox announced their divorce on Monday, professional star-fucker Jasmine Waltz's name has been all over the news. Reportedly, Jasmine is furious that David told Howard Stern he slept with her while still technically married to Courteney. Jasmine was so upset yesterday that she put on her tightest pair of jeans and highest pair of heels and visited ex-boyfriend Doug Reinhardt at his home in Hollywood. Poor thing -- I hope she's able to weather this storm of unwanted media attention. The next time she calls the paparazzi to tell them that she'll be at 1242 Sunset Plaza Dr at approximately 3:30 PM, I hope they're considerate enough to just leave her alone and give her some space.

*10 Jasmine Waltz and Doug Reinhardt pictures total in the gallery:

Doug Reinhardt's new girlfriend Lane Lindell

I'd say Doug Reinhardt rebounded pretty nicely from his split with Paris Hilton. He's now boning that pretty little thing above, Ms. World USA 2008 Lane Lindell. From TMZ:

Doug Reinhardt, aka Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend, aka heir to the frozen burrito fortune, has left Hiltie in the dust -- cause he's datin' Miss World USA.

We've learned Doug has been spending "every night" for the past few weeks with Lane Lindell -- a beauty queen who's even getting a college education at the University of Georgia.

Paris will probably say, "She's so 2008."  And that's true.  Miss World USA 2008.

Sorry Paris, there's just no way you'll ever be able to compete with a beauty queen. Beauty queens have something you'll never have: their early 20s.*

*please note, in place of "their early 20s," the judges will also accept "a gag reflex," "a clean medical record," and "a vagina that doesn't inspire metaphors about a World War II battlefield."

15 pics total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton at the US Weekly Hot Hollywood Style Party at Drai's nightclub in Hollywood (4/22)

Radar claims that Doug Reinhardt spent $2 million on that bow-legged freak Paris Hilton during their 18-month relationship. As in dollars. 2 million dollars. What an idiot.

“Doug never used Paris. He spent 2 million dollars on her over the course of a year and a half,” a source revealed to RadarOnline.com. “She never once paid for a single  thing.”

During the course of their relationship they had been to Fiji, Hawaii, Aspen and Anguilla among other places.

“Between flying private, private islands, etc... in reality he paid for everything!”

Doug was also known to lavish her with gifts including a baby teacup Pomeranian, Chanel watch, and custom-made diamond jewelry.

Doug realizes he was dating Paris Hilton not Princess Di, right? You don't exactly have to sweep her off her feet to get her to fuck you.* Dropping $2 million on that bitch is like going into a Subway and trying to trade a gold watch for a foot-long cold cut combo. Dude, it's Subway. $5 will do it.

*I pulled this quote straight from Paris' high school yearbook

*25 pics total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton at Day 1 of the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, CA (4/16)

Remember how Paris Hilton "obviously" was the one who ended her relationship with Doug Reinhardt? Nope. He dumped her ass. From Radar:

Sources close to the former couple tell RadarOnline.com that Reinhardt couldn't handle the hotel heiresses' meddling ways. According to our insider, "Paris was constantly checking Doug's cell phone, and monitoring who he was talking to. Doug never gave her any reason to make her question him, she is just extremely insecure."

For those of you wondering why someone who has as much money and fame as Paris would be insecure, perhaps a brief reminder is in order. It could be because of her wonky eye, herpes, or sex tape. Then again, it might be because of her prison record, racism, or drug addiction. Regardless, if Hollywood's taught us anything about insecure starlets, there's always one thing they can do to make themselves feel better: hang out with Khloe Kardashian.

Doug Reinhardt is dating again

Looks like Doug Reinhardt is over Paris Hilton. He was spotted leaving Industry nightclub last night with a mystery blonde. Luckily for Doug, she had that one quality every man looks for in a rebound hookup: she was fucking wasted and unable to make even basic decisions for herself. Good to see you back on your feet Doug . . . although if you're going home with that chick to do what I think you want to do, that's a felony bro.

*10 pics total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton leaving BOA Steakhouse in West Hollywood (4/7)

E! is claiming that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt broke up again. This definitely calls for a sad face :(

Despite rumors that the two were on their way to wedded bliss, a source tells E! the couple recently split up and that Paris is the one who broke it off. "Obviously she broke up with him," says our source.

Wow, it only took two sentences into this story for Paris to come off as a miserable cunt.

The reported split comes after weeks of Hilton and Reinhardt being photographed out separately. While Paris spent Easter with her family in Palm Springs, Reinhardt was in Aspen with his family.

Meanwhile, this weekend, Paris has been living it up looking single in Las Vegas where she partied at Wet Republic and Tao (where, coincidentally, Kim Kardashian's ex Reggie Bush was also seen, though a source tells E! that Hilton and Bush did not interact).

And there you go. Paris is such a huge slut that the media actually has to clarify that she did not in fact fuck someone even though she was in the same room with them at the same time. Her grandparents must be so proud.*

*her parents actually are proud

*12 pics total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt leaving the Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills (2/19)

If you've followed Celebslam anytime in the past few years, you know one of my favorite pastimes is making fun of Paris Hilton's huge feet. Well now we finally have an idea of their size. They're bigger than Doug Reinhardt's. Damn, she's like Shaq. I bet if you left one of her shoes in the wild and then came back a few weeks later, there'd be a family of possum living in it.

NOTE: Her feet are so big, they officially get their own category page: Paris Hilton's Feet

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt outside Tea Room in West Hollywood (2/17)

And I don't mean underwear. That's usually on purpose. I mean decency. She forgot basic human decency. From the New York Daily News:

Guess Paris Hilton thought someone else was going to tip the waitress after she and her entourage were comped five bottles at L.A.'s Tea Room [last Wednesday]...

It's strange that Paris wouldn't remember to leave a tip. Especially when she's constantly being told by guys to "just put the tip in." Get it? Get it? It's funny because she's promiscuous.

Are Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt getting married?

One can only hope that after Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt finally get married, they go on an extended 6-month honeymoon. My suggestion? Somalia. I hear there's great deals to be had on hotel rooms, ammunition, and IEDs. From the Chicago Sun Times:

A number of folks in Paris Hilton's inner circle are convinced the hotel heiress will walk down the aisle with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt this year. According to a couple of Hilton pals, the reality TV phenom has begun scoping out potential locations for what one of them said "will make Jennifer Aniston's marriage to Brad Pitt -- or Liza Minnelli's Plaza Hotel extravaganza that included Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson [for her ill-fated marriage to David Gest] -- look like nothing."

It's obvious why these two will end up marrying each other: love orders issued by the CDC. The government knows that with both of them hitched, they will no longer be able to contaminate the rest of the population. True Fact: Homeland Security conducted a study in early 2009 demonstrating that if Paris and Doug broke up and started dating other people again, the impact on society would be more devastating than both atomic bombs dropped during WWII and the movie Meet Dave combined.

*20 Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt pictures total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt leaving Boa restaurant in West Hollywood (11/2)

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt got into another huge fight this morning. Ah, young love. From TMZ:

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning ... so much so the LAPD responded to a call -- "Drunk people arguing" -- this, according to law enforcement sources.

It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, "Don't go, don't go!"

The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began "shoving each other." The last the eyewitness saw Paris and Doug go back up the driveway. According to law enforcement, cops spoke to Paris and left.

I bet I know why they were fighting. Paris told Doug she's only had sex with 150 guys in her life, but he found out the real number was closer to 175. If she just would have told him the truth, they wouldn't be in this mess.