Recently in Doug Reinhardt Category

Paris Hilton Halloween Costume

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt at Heidi Klum and Seal's annual Halloween Party in West Hollywood (10/31)

Paris Hilton leaving The Grill in Beverly Hills (8/19)

Paris Hilton left quite the surprise for Doug Reinhardt before she left for an acting job in Vancouver last week. Oh, did I say surprise? I meant horrible, horrible nightmare. From E! Online:

Now that P's out of Doug's eyesight, she's found a way to absolutely guarantee he doesn't forget about her again—not for a friggin' millisecond, folks.

So in what totally outlandish way did Paris accomplish this?

Says a superclose amigo to Hilton: Before jet-setting to Vancouver, Paris had her team pay a visit to D.R.'s house, bringing over life-size photos of herself to hang throughout the mansion. And we don't exactly think she got Dougie's permission! Talk about an extreme home makeover.

Certainly not entirely self-minded, P.H. managed to frame a few pictures of the two of them as well, hamming it up for the camera in all sorts of ridiculous kissy-kissy poses. P's crew hung them all over chez Reinhardt for all houseguests to gawk at

Doug doesn't need life-size photos of Paris hung on his walls to remind him of what he's missing while she's out of town. He needs to light his genitals on fire and douse them with salt. If Doug knows what's best for him, while Paris is away, he'll try to find himself another lady that isn't quite as vain as she is. Luckily, doing so shouldn't be too difficult -- all he has to do is avoid Tyra Banks.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt outside Beso restaurant in West Hollywood (6/8)

There's a vicious rumor floating around that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are back together. You know how the old saying goes: Once you go burning sensation, you never go back. A source close to the couple told E!:

"The time apart has been good. He's kept a low profile, and he's been doing everything he can to impress her and get her back. They're still figuring it out."

Last Monday, Doug posted this to his Twitter (fyi, Paris is one of only three people he follows):

What an amazing weekend with my beautiful girlfriend. I love her so much

Oh my god, what a pussy. You don't have to use words like "amazing" and "beautiful" to try to impress Paris Hilton. You just need to not shit on her, kick her dogs, or murder her family. You avoid those things and she'll probably at least blow you.

Doug Reinhardt and Paris all over Cannes last month

TMZ claimed last week that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt were already back together, after just a day of being broken up (which was more than enough time for Paris to fuck Ronaldo). Paris and Doug haven't been spotted since the claim so who knows what to make of it. If the rumor's true, I think I know why Paris made up with him so quickly: distribution rights. She had to convince Doug to sign over the distribution rights to the sex tape that's going to be "stolen" from Paris' house in six months and "accidentally" leaked to the Internets. You don't think that's coming? Of course it is. Just look at Doug's fondness for his video camera. He takes it everywhere. Their sex tape is gonna be longer than Gone with the Wind. And Paris will be laughing all the way to the bank. You can call her a whore, a skank, a slut, or even a cum-guzzling cock fiend slutskankwhore, but there is no denying that she is a smart businesswoman.

Doug Reinhardt and Paris Hilton leaving My House nightclub in Hollywood (3/4)

So Doug Reinhard's "people" sent me a letter yesterday threatening to sue my ass unless I recanted the story I posted last week about him allegedly spending Paris Hilton's money. Mind you, I didn't actually write the story, the Chicago Sun Times did. But still, they were pissed. Of course I immediately deleted the offending portion of the story. I do not want to get on the bad side of Doug Reinhardt. Many people have crossed him through the years . . . NONE ARE STILL ALIVE!!! From Doug's rep:

"The statements are not only entirely made up but are also entirely false. Doug not only comes from an extremely affluent family but he is also wealthy in his own right, as he serves as the CEO of two tele-mobile corporations, he develops and sells real-estate as well as owns numerous restaurants."

The letter went on to say that in Doug's free time he enjoys curing cancer, helping old ladies across the street, ending global warming, and not peeing on the seat. He also drives a Dodge Stratus.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt out and about in New York (6/3)

The more I hear about Doug Reinhardt, the more I like him. It sounds like it wasn't a fight that broke up Paris Hilton and him, it was his spending habits. Of her money. From the Chicago Sun Times:

UPDATE (6/15): Doug's "people" are threatening to sue me for libel unless I delete this.

According to insiders (hint: me), Paris first become suspicious of Doug last week when she noticed a framed picture hanging in the art gallery of their Hollywood Hills home that wasn't of her.

UPDATE: TMZ is claiming Paris and Doug are already back together:

But our spies say last night Paris begged Doug to take her back. She told him she loved him and had made a mistake by breaking up with him.

We're told she was texting him all night and then showed up at his house at 4 AM this morning, banging on his door. Apparently Doug succumbed to her charm ... which means he scored.

And the gravy trail pulls back into the station! I don't know how Doug is pulling this off (all he does is nail celebrities) but he needs to write a book so other guys can learn his secrets. Maybe Nick Cannon can write the foreword. Or Tori Spelling's husband if Nick's too busy spending Mariah Carey's money.

Paris Hilton leaving the premiere of Rex at the Cinespace theatre in Hollywood (6/8)

Camelot is no more. Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt broke up. Her rep said:

"In response to inquiries on whether Paris Hilton has split with Doug Reinhardt, we can confirm this is true. They are no longer together. They remain friends and we ask that you please respect their privacy. Paris will not discuss the relationship further."

The trouble started at The Darkroom in L.A. on Tuesday night. After a huge fight by the couple, Paris stormed out of the club. TMZ says:

Sources close to the couple say she sealed the deal-breaker by revoking Doug's right to enter her gated community, so early this morning Doug was left boohooing at the barricade when he realized he was locked out for good.

The same source tells us Paris couldn't be happier, because she now realizes "Doug is a douche just like everyone tried to tell her and that he was only dating her for publicity."

Well no shit he was only dating her for the publicity. Why else do you date Paris Hilton? Certainly not for her personality. And definitely not for the sex (the fact that Doug hosed himself off after every time they did it can attest to that). Regardless, I don't think we've heard the last of Doug Reinhardt. He dated Paris for, what, four months? You do the math on that and he should have at least 5-6 STDs by now. In other words, he's definitely qualified for a VH1 show. Reinhardt of Love anyone?

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt at the Fifi Awards in New York (5/28)

Paris Hilton ripped into the The Hills last night at the Fifi Awards in New York. Her current boyfriend Doug Reinhardt was a series regular (and was dumped by Lauren Conrad) before the two began dating. She told Us Weekly:

"The show is, like, so lame and fake. They portray [Doug] in a way he's not, and they make up relationships that are not there. He just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the show in my life, so I have no idea what it's about, but he just thought it was cheesy."

Paris realizes she used to star on The Simple Life, right? The Hills is like Seinfeld or Cheers compared to that piece of shit. I remember in one season -- The Simple Life 2: Road Trip I believe -- Paris hooked up with one of the locals. Well she didn't give him anal until their third date. I mean, how fake is that?

Paris Hilton at the Cannes Film Festival (5/20)

Turns out that conflict Paris Hilton is having with her neighbors (see here and here) isn't actually her fault. Her neighbors are just mean. From UK tabloid Daily Star:

The hideously-loaded twiglet told us neighbors in swanky Hollywood Hills are desperate to get rid of the couple. So much so they have called the police twice over the past week to complain about loud parties, screaming and vandalism. They have even offered to pay her landlord £3,200 a month more than Paris if he kicks them out.

Flopping out her lower lip, she whimpered: "They are being so mean. We’re the nicest neighbors in the whole world. It makes me sad."

Hey, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. And in this case, I'm wrong. I think we all owe Paris Hilton an apology. I had no idea her neighbors were so mean -- like that guy who had his Bugatti Veyron keyed by one of Paris' friends. I mean, who put a stick up his ass? I think we can all relate to Paris on this one. It seems like every neighborhood has that one guy who gets all "angry" and "mad" when his million dollar car is scratched.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt leaving a yacht party in Cannes (not the one they were thrown out of) (5/18)

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt were booted from a yacht party in Cannes last week because they were caught having sex in a bathroom. No word if Doug stuck it in Paris' poop deck. Nautical humor! Catch it! A source told the Mirror:

"David [Furnish] met Paris at the Hotel du Cap and invited her to a party on his friend's yacht. As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug's throat. Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn't care who was looking.

"They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behavior. Everyone congratulated the captain."

Sorry, but if you're inviting Paris Hilton to your party, this is the type of behavior you should expect. She's not gonna sip champagne for two hours on deck and talk Chaucer. Not when there's dicks to be sucked. It's almost instinctual with her. It's like if you invite me to a party, you should expect that I'm gonna have sex with your wife. Look, it's not my fault my body looks like it was sculpted from the hands of God himself. If you don't want your wife to fall in love, don't invite me.